Continue to pursue a girl?

[PepperMinto]

I have to write this somewhere or tell someone, but I still don't want to tell my friends, so I'll be telling it here, and you tell me what you think...

So, there is a girl that I have liked for a long time, during the year we spent a lot of time together at college in a group setting, sometimes we exchanged messages about studies, movies, series, etc.

Whenever I see her, she smiles, waves, sometimes hugs me, and whenever we talk, she either looks me directly in the eyes and almost never breaks eye contact, or it's as if she's so nervous that she can't look at me at all. She always stands quite close to me when we talk, literally just inches away before she starts leaning on me.

When we finish the conversation and she or I walk away, we maintain eye contact for a few more seconds and she always has a slight smile, as if her eyes are smiling. When I enter a room, she often looks me in the eyes for a few seconds and sometimes gives me "that look" from head to toe. I often catch her looking at me while I'm not looking and often when we laugh in a group setting, she looks at me.

Lately, I've started to give her compliments when she posts something on IG or playfully make fun of her for some other things she posts, to which she always responds positively and we often continue the conversation about some other things, related or not to college (our texting sometimes last 15-20 minutes and sometimes over an hour). She almost always answers messages in the first 30 minutes, except for two times when I waited for over 5 hours, but that's less important honestly as long as she answers 😂.

We wished happy birthday each other, as my birthday was before hers, she was the first one (even tho I didn't expect that to happen tbh) and it was literally as soon as she woke up, and I wrote to her for her birthday, among other things, that I wanted her to stay beautiful, to which she sent "thaaank youuu 🥰🥰" (it was the first time I've seen her using those emojis in our texting, she usually uses 😂 or 😊 and yes I know its stupid to analyze emojis, but desperate times...).

What bugs me is that she rarely starts a conversation via text messages or if she does, it's all random things that she could find out either on the internet or from some of her friends with whom she is quite close. I sometimes send her some reels on IG, but she has never done that, although I know she often sends them to her girl friends. I start the conversation through text quite often, ask her how was her exam, etc., to which she always answers quite extensively, literally sending a wall of text and sometimes a voice message and usually asks me how was mine. She often does a lot of "hahahaha" in our texting whenever I send her something funny or tell her something stupid.

I still don't have enough courage to ask her out for a drink, but I plan to let her know less subtly in the coming days how much I like her (although I honestly think that she should already get the impression that I like her by how many "signals" I sent her). So if I see that she still responds positively, I'm gonna go all or nothing 😂.

What do you think, am I little bit delulu or should I try? What is your opinion about the fact that she rarely asks me anything about me personally (although, to be honest, I haven't really made a name for myself in that segment either, but at least I'm trying more). I accept all advice and criticism (just don't be harsh haha). Thanks in advance everyone! P.S. Sorry for a long post, I just had to...

[Batya33]

I wouldn't try to send signals.  If you are interested in dating her ask her out on a date or a datette you plan in advance -meaning a more casual date - invite her for a walk and some ice cream etc. 

[MissCanuck]

She's probably wondering why you haven't asked her out yet. 

Go for it before the ship sails. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Ask her out and be glad you did

[Kwothe28]

Well, you have nothing to lose so at least try. There is no point in analyzing messages and stuff like that. Just ask her out on coffee and see how it goes. Dont wait more otherwise you might end up in a dredful friendzone. Where she cant see you as more then a friend. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, PepperMinto said:

I still don't have enough courage to ask her out for a drink, but I plan to let her know less subtly in the coming days how much I like her 

She seems to like you. Please just ask her out. It's awkward and confusing to simply blurt out "I like you".

She may even wonder why you would do that. It could come across as lazy or creepy. 

Ask her to go for coffee, a drink, a meal whatever. But rather than be confusing, just ask. 

[catfeeder]

7 hours ago, PepperMinto said:

What bugs me is that she rarely starts a conversation via text messages...

No matter how modern a young woman may view herself today, she's still been raised by generations of women who have taught her that sperm chases egg, not the other way around....

Quote

... if she does, it's all random things that she could find out either on the internet or from some of her friends with whom she is quite close.

Oh, so she should NOT invent excuses to reach out to you for your attention?

Make up your mind. 

[lostandhurt]

Paralysis by analysis strikes again.  Make the move but since so much time has transpired you need to be clear with her or she might think you are inviting her as a friend.

  Just say I really like you and enjoy our time together and wanted to know if you would like to go out on a date with me? 

 I know it would be great if women gave us undeniable proof that they are interested or will say yes but that isn't real life is it?  You have to take the chance and ask.  No matter what happens or what she says it will not be fatal so suck it up and be brave.

Let us know how it goes and good luck

Lost

[Anthony81J]

23 hours ago, PepperMinto said:

I have to write this somewhere or tell someone, but I still don't want to tell my friends, so I'll be telling it here, and you tell me what you think...

So, there is a girl that I have liked for a long time, during the year we spent a lot of time together at college in a group setting, sometimes we exchanged messages about studies, movies, series, etc.

Whenever I see her, she smiles, waves, sometimes hugs me, and whenever we talk, she either looks me directly in the eyes and almost never breaks eye contact, or it's as if she's so nervous that she can't look at me at all. She always stands quite close to me when we talk, literally just inches away before she starts leaning on me.

When we finish the conversation and she or I walk away, we maintain eye contact for a few more seconds and she always has a slight smile, as if her eyes are smiling. When I enter a room, she often looks me in the eyes for a few seconds and sometimes gives me "that look" from head to toe. I often catch her looking at me while I'm not looking and often when we laugh in a group setting, she looks at me.

Lately, I've started to give her compliments when she posts something on IG or playfully make fun of her for some other things she posts, to which she always responds positively and we often continue the conversation about some other things, related or not to college (our texting sometimes last 15-20 minutes and sometimes over an hour). She almost always answers messages in the first 30 minutes, except for two times when I waited for over 5 hours, but that's less important honestly as long as she answers 😂.

We wished happy birthday each other, as my birthday was before hers, she was the first one (even tho I didn't expect that to happen tbh) and it was literally as soon as she woke up, and I wrote to her for her birthday, among other things, that I wanted her to stay beautiful, to which she sent "thaaank youuu 🥰🥰" (it was the first time I've seen her using those emojis in our texting, she usually uses 😂 or 😊 and yes I know its stupid to analyze emojis, but desperate times...).

What bugs me is that she rarely starts a conversation via text messages or if she does, it's all random things that she could find out either on the internet or from some of her friends with whom she is quite close. I sometimes send her some reels on IG, but she has never done that, although I know she often sends them to her girl friends. I start the conversation through text quite often, ask her how was her exam, etc., to which she always answers quite extensively, literally sending a wall of text and sometimes a voice message and usually asks me how was mine. She often does a lot of "hahahaha" in our texting whenever I send her something funny or tell her something stupid.

I still don't have enough courage to ask her out for a drink, but I plan to let her know less subtly in the coming days how much I like her (although I honestly think that she should already get the impression that I like her by how many "signals" I sent her). So if I see that she still responds positively, I'm gonna go all or nothing 😂.

What do you think, am I little bit delulu or should I try? What is your opinion about the fact that she rarely asks me anything about me personally (although, to be honest, I haven't really made a name for myself in that segment either, but at least I'm trying more). I accept all advice and criticism (just don't be harsh haha). Thanks in advance everyone! P.S. Sorry for a long post, I just had to...

Corey Wayne, %3 man 

check his stuff out he’s really good 

[Andrina]

If you're always waiting for 100 percent guarantee someone will say yes to an invite, you will be missing out on a lot of opportunities. It's always better to take a risk. If the answer is no, you've boosted her ego and you can emotionally move on to another prospect. Upsetting? Yes, but nobody said life was easy. If the answer is yes, you will get your wish of dating a woman who is beautiful both inside and out. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[smackie9]

Good lord just ask her out on a date (IN PERSON). You don't need signals or give signals, or like her stuff on SM etc. You like a girl, you chat her up and ask her out. That's how it's done. Confidence wins the girl, not frittering around for months.

 

[PepperMinto]

So, a quick update. As I am unable to see her in person for maybe a month, I started some light conversation through text and at some point I told her that we should go grab a drink after our exams and celebrate successful year at college. I honestly expected a indirect rejection but what I got gave me some hope. Her response was "Absolutelyyyyy". So, now all I have to do is wait for exams to finish and see what's gonna happen. 

P.S. Thank you all for your kind words, it gave me courage to finally do this. Cheers!

[Cherylyn]

You can always ask her.  The worst she can do is decline so be prepared either way.

[PepperMinto]

Well, I asked her again couple days ago, texted her "We should go out for a drink next week, maybe thursday or when you are free!". She replied with "Yes! But first I have to get my studying under control hahah"(I asked her again not knowing she still had to study, thought she finished her exam). So, I wouldn't think about it if I didn't see her story on IG where she was with her friends, celebrating birthday of her girl friend. And I'm starting to overthink, if she really liked me, she would've found some time to go grab a drink.

So could this be the "soft" rejection or I'm just overthinking a lot (which I tend to do most of the times lol)? I probably won't do anything else, I did invite her, showed that I want to spend time with her so the ball is in her court now, have to wait and see... 

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, PepperMinto said:

Well, I asked her again couple days ago, texted her "We should go out for a drink next week, maybe thursday or when you are free!". She replied with "Yes! But first I have to get my studying under control hahah"(I asked her again not knowing she still had to study, thought she finished her exam). So, I wouldn't think about it if I didn't see her story on IG where she was with her friends, celebrating birthday of her girl friend. And I'm starting to overthink, if she really liked me, she would've found some time to go grab a drink.

So could this be the "soft" rejection or I'm just overthinking a lot (which I tend to do most of the times lol)? I probably won't do anything else, I did invite her, showed that I want to spend time with her so the ball is in her court now, have to wait and see... 

I'd be done.  I've been in similar situations with this tentative/lame response and I just move on -when it comes to meeting new people platonically that is.  If I were interested in a plan I would say and have said "Thursday sounds great, work permitting - I will let you know if a work emergency comes up then hopefully we can reschedule.  Really looking forward!"

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, PepperMinto said:

So could this be the "soft" rejection or I'm just overthinking a lot 

No harm staying in light touch but just step back a bit. You put it out there, now the ball is in her court. Try not to compare yourself with long-standing friends or how busy she may or may not be.

[PepperMinto]

So, what happened in these couple of days... I decided to wait and see what will happen and didn't initiate contact with her over text and I didn't expect from her neither. But she texted me week later after we talked about going for a drink and she told me some information about her exam (things she never just tells me without me asking her eg. which professor she got for her exam etc.) and how she started studying couple days ago and is studying really hard, like not getting out of her room. That gives me some idea that she might actually have some positive feelings for me as I'm positive she didn't tell those informations to other "guy friends" and only to her closest girl friends. Thinking about it, why would she tell me those things if she didn't like me. 

Still no talking about going out with me tho and yet again she went out with her friends last night but that's something she is doing like every weekend so I'm not going to overthink about it again haha. Hopefully after her exams she will mention that drink or else it'll be a time for me to move on...

[Batya33]

Maybe.  Unlikely -sounds like she enjoys chatting with you and perhaps knowing you're into her.  She has positive feelings and no indication she wants to go on a date with you.  I'd move on.  Especially if this makes  you think or hope she is interested.

[NighttimeNightmare]

3 hours ago, PepperMinto said:

Still no talking about going out with me tho and yet again she went out with her friends last night but that's something she is doing like every weekend so I'm not going to overthink about it again haha. Hopefully after her exams she will mention that drink or else it'll be a time for me to move on...

It’s possible what she does with her friends is routine and something that she can manage with her current schedule, but she doesn’t have the quota to add another person and additional hangouts into the mix until the exams are over 

 

so ya, I’d see if she brings up your get together after the exams and if not then you have your answer 

[lostandhurt]

She knows you what you want so do not ask again.  If she is interested let her bring it up.

In the meantime if you want to keep her as an option then get your mindset that way. There is a possibility she is into you but super busy and that is all.  She will make time for you if she  wants to.

 What you need to do is stay out there living your life, going out with friends, having fun and staying busy yourself.  Pay little or no attention to her IG and focus on other parts of your life and school.  If she thinks you are losing interest she will reach out more often.  Sometimes it is hard to tell when you are getting jerked around and when the timing is just horrible.

Are there any other women you are interested in?

Lost 

[PepperMinto]

Since my last update, nothing much has changed except she started initiating contact more, telling me on how afraid she is for that exam, she even called me couple of times asking for help. I did help her and thanks to that help she passed her exam, so now I'm just probably going to wait and see if she is going to mention that date. What also happened before that is that she asked me if I want to be in a same group with her for our lectures (we can choose with whom to be in a group) so that probably can go both sides, either friendzone or she wants to spend more time with me, because if we are not in same group we would probably see each other for 5-10 minutes every day...

Waiting is very hard and I'm not sure if I can wait for much longer. I'm probably going to give it couple more weeks and see if things start moving. If not, oh well, some other will show up, hopefully haha.

[Andrina]

40 minutes ago, PepperMinto said:

I'm probably going to give it couple more weeks and see if things start moving. If not, oh well, some other will show up, hopefully haha.

I think that's a good plan. If it doesn't work out romantically, don't let her corral who she thinks is her fan into sucking a lot of time and energy from you. Some people who just aren't that into you try to keep you tethered just because they enjoy being adored. You don't want to end up giving other women the impression you're so smitten by this woman that they don't have a chance.

I had several of these iffy situations, myself, when I attended community college. Quite common. In any case, good luck in your continuing education. I loved my college years and had fun times in their snow-ski club I was a member of.

[lostandhurt]

Hard to tell if she is using you for help with her studies, just wants to be friends or something romantic.

As you can see when you backed off she came forward.  Continue down that path and let her come to you while you get on with your life and other women.

 If she was really into you I think she would have made that clear by now.  Keep your expectations low and don't be her savior with her studies.  If she wants to study together that is okay but if you end up being her private tutor that is no good.

To bad it hasn't moved in the direction you wanted but she knows full well what you want.

 Lost