Dating a really great guy... how do I break his heart?

[Germolene]

I've been single for YEARS by choice, randomly bumped a guy i went to school with at the beginning of this year and got along really well, and started dating.

 

Its been going really well. He's the most wonderful man and has met my son, and they get on very well.

 

However, I recently had a revalation - I'm a lesbian.

I've always thought I was bisexual but a number of things have been light bulb moments for me (I won't lie, tiktok has helped me realise this too!)

 

But how on earth am I going to break this man's heart? He says he's very much in love with me and sees a future with me - I know it's only been 8 months and we don't live together or anything, so in terms of logistics it'll be easy but the last thing I want to do is hurt this lovely man.

 

Any advice on how I'm going to do this and what I can say to lessen the blow? Pretty sure he won't see this coming, but I have been avoiding him a little over the last week or so just because I don't want to be fake but also have no clue what to do/say 😔

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, Germolene said:

 I'm a lesbian.I've always thought I was bisexual- I know it's only been 8 months and we don't live together or anything,  

Sorry this is happening. Have you been intimate? Unfortunately you'll have to level with him what you stated here. That you need to explore your sexuality in your own way and need to set him free to do this.

[Cherylyn]

Tell him the truth.  No excuses.  Keep it simple.  Get it over and done with.

[SooSad33]

Not sure you have to delve down too deeply in this... But it's been 8 mos, not forever.. not 8 years, so you can do this.

Is up to you what to say & how you want to word this.  

If he's not for you then, so be it.  I've always been nice to guys who've pulled away & cheated on me., etc. so, it happens, for one reason or another.

Write down, what you want to say first, I suggest. makes it easier to explain.

 

 

[Andrina]

Just be honest. No way around not hurting someone when breaking up. Nobody said life was easy.

[lostandhurt]

Kind and caring honesty is the best approach.

  You were single for a long time and now after dating him you have realized you are a lesbian. How do you think he will take it?  I am a guy and I would jump right to "I somehow screwed up so badly she is switching teams"  Of course this isn't true but he will search for a reason or something he did so he can fix it so be clear with him up front BEFORE you break the news to him.

 "____________, these last 8 months have shown me just how wonderful of a man you are but it has also made me realize that I am not meant to be in relationships with men, I think I am a lesbian."  "You are everything I could have hoped for and what I thought was missing in my life but now that I have met the perfect guy I know it isn't what has been eating at me for years"  "I am so sorry we cannot be together and I wish I had figured this out before we met and started dating as it kills me to hurt you."

  Be clear there is no one else you are interested in, be clear he did absolutely nothing wrong and phrase it like I did so you say you are not meant to be with men instead of making it personal like "I cannot be with you"  Make the general statement means it isn't him it is all men.

 This is going to be hard no matter how you phrase it so make it a private conversation with plenty of time for tears and questions as he struggles through the shock and disbelief.

Lost

[Capricorn3]

6 hours ago, Germolene said:

However, I recently had a revalation - I'm a lesbian.

How recent, is recent? 🤔