What’s next?

[boltnrun]

30 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

It's exhibited by people with various personality disorders and also by various individuals who have problems with relationships.  

No way am I getting into diagnosing anyone or joining into the ridiculous overuse of the pop psychology labels du jour, which evidently, today, focus on calling people "avoidants."    I do not agree that "avoidant" is even a noun. 

I feel the same way about "attachment styles". People do what they do because that's what they do. Until they're diagnosed by a medical professional who attributes their behaviors to an actual medical condition I am loathe to find pop psychology scapegoats or labels for how adults choose to interact.

[Jaunty]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

I feel the same way about "attachment styles". People do what they do because that's what they do. Until they're diagnosed by a medical professional who attributes their behaviors to an actual medical condition I am loathe to find pop psychology scapegoats or labels for how adults choose to interact.

I think that's why there are dozens of posts here where people are describing themselves and a boatload of other people as "avoidants." And then posting videos about said "avoidants" and all the different methods there are of achieving the label of "avoidant."

It's been "love languages,"  the "16 MBTI types," "men are from mars women from venus," "alpha theory" "PUA,"  and I can't even remember the rest, since I've been participating in this board and others similar.  It's really funny and sometimes very annoying.  

 

[boltnrun]

13 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

It's really funny and sometimes very annoying.  

"I act the way I act and do the things I do and say the things I say because I'm AVOIDANT! I have zero control over my behavior or the words I say. It's not my fault, it's all because of my attachment style."

I just don't buy it. Someone wrote a book or recorded a video or a podcast and people jumped on the "it's not my fault!" bandwagon. 

I believe if I say something or do something it's because I chose to say it or do it. Period. (Unless I have a DIAGNOSED medical condition, diagnosed by an actual medical professional.)

Annnddd...I will step off my soapbox and go back to Lurksville.

[rainbowsandroses]

In truth, and although I've talked about it too, I think "attachment styles" are a hoax to get people into therapy, in some cases on meds, all to make the doctors and therapists rich! 😆

If they're a real thing, then I must be one of the most screwed up people on the planet 🙄 as I've been accused of being at various times depending on the man and relationship - avoidant, commitmentphobe, insecure, too secure, too attached, too detached, the list goes on.

And jmo but when it comes attachment styles, I think everyone can flip from one style to another depending on who they're dating/in a relationship with.  Or what's happening in their lives at that time.

That's not to take away from a genuine spectrum or personality disorder or mental illness and yes one would need to be diagnosed by a medical professional to determine that.

I'm just not buying this "attachment style" stuff anymore and think it's a load of huey. 

JMO 😂

[rainbowsandroses]

15 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

In truth, and although I've talked about it too, I think "attachment styles" are a hoax to get people into therapy, in some cases on meds, all to make the doctors and therapists rich! 😆

If they're a real thing, then I must be one of the most screwed up people on the planet 🙄 as I've been accused of being at various times depending on the man and relationship - avoidant, commitmentphobe, insecure, too secure, too attached, too detached, the list goes on.

And jmo but when it comes attachment styles, I think everyone can flip from one style to another depending on who they're dating/in a relationship with.  Or what's happening in their lives at that time.

That's not to take away from a genuine spectrum or personality disorder or mental illness and yes one would need to be diagnosed by a medical professional to determine that.

I'm just not buying this "attachment style" stuff anymore and think it's a load of huey. 

JMO 😂

To add, even the books I've read AND recommended say it - that people can flip from one "style" to another depending, so what does THAT tell ya?

That it's a load of huey and therapists know it!! 

I'm calling myself out on that for recommending such books, I'm ashamed for doing so and falling for the BS.

All done to pad their pockets and they're probably laughing all the way to the bank too. 

Rant over guys.

Nite.

[kehratha]

Just came back from holiday and wow...same old same old. 

I read all 25 pages, have no opinion about the situation, not anymore (already gave my 50s cents many times in Whirl's sagas  ) , but I'm thinking , maybe Whirl "punishes"us by not showing us the next "episode", because we are also a disappointing mirror?

Whirl?

[MrMan1983]

37 minutes ago, kehratha said:

Just came back from holiday and wow...same old same old. 

I read all 25 pages, have no opinion about the situation, not anymore (already gave my 50s cents many times in Whirl's sagas  ) , but I'm thinking , maybe Whirl "punishes"us by not showing us the next "episode", because we are also a disappointing mirror?

Whirl?

😂 I think a few of us have become addicted to this thread, even though it infuriates us at times we're all waiting for the next episode.

[TacticalLinguine]

40 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

😂 I think a few of us have become addicted to this thread, even though it infuriates us at times we're all waiting for the next episode.

This thread is the reason I open the site multiple times a day! 
 

Come on Whirl, where’s the update? :c

[NighttimeNightmare]

There’s no way someone with his intensity isn’t off ruminating about what happened. He’s just not doing it on this particular board at the moment 

[waffle]

The number of people waiting for an update from him on this situation should raise his self-esteem all on its own.

[KittenLittle]

We do miss you, Whirling D. I have read every post and sincerely wish you well and hope you get the love you seek in your relationship with the doctor lady. 

[Kampuniform3]

20 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

To add, even the books I've read AND recommended say it - that people can flip from one "style" to another depending, so what does THAT tell ya?

That it's a load of huey and therapists know it!! 

I'm calling myself out on that for recommending such books, I'm ashamed for doing so and falling for the BS.

All done to pad their pockets and they're probably laughing all the way to the bank too. 

Rant over guys.

Nite.

(Sighs)

Attachment Theory

“Following considerable empirical and research validation, it has become a pivotal consideration in the field of child protection and in care and protection proceedings in courts. Under the theory, the earliest bonds formed by children with their primary caregiver/s (particularly before 4 years of age) have a tremendous impact (affecting neurological, physical, cognitive, emotional and social development), which continues throughout life. The theory’s most important tenet is that an infant needs to establish a positive relationship with at least one primary caregiver for social and emotional development to occur normally, and that further relationships build on the patterns developed in these early experiences.”

[boltnrun]

I'm not saying "attachment styles" don't exist. I just don't agree with the concept that someone's "attachment style" eliminates the ability to CHOOSE one's actions. We can always "help it" unless a diagnosed (or sometimes UNdiagnosed but legitimate) medical condition renders us incapable of choosing our own actions, such as schizophrenia.

[rainbowsandroses]

19 minutes ago, Kampuniform3 said:

(Sighs)

Attachment Theory

“Following considerable empirical and research validation, it has become a pivotal consideration in the field of child protection and in care and protection proceedings in courts. Under the theory, the earliest bonds formed by children with their primary caregiver/s (particularly before 4 years of age) have a tremendous impact (affecting neurological, physical, cognitive, emotional and social development), which continues throughout life. The theory’s most important tenet is that an infant needs to establish a positive relationship with at least one primary caregiver for social and emotional development to occur normally, and that further relationships build on the patterns developed in these early experiences.”

Yes and thankfully a positive loving relationship with my dad was established from a very early age but yet as said previously...

20 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I've been accused of being at various times depending on the man and relationship - avoidant, commitmentphobe, insecure, too secure, too attached, too detached, the list goes on.

And those accusations would be correct!

How do you explain? 

Even our dear OP admitted in another thread that he was "avoidant" with a woman back in February but yet with Dr Lady, he's NOT avoidant, SHE is!

We are all one big huge mix of everything and depending on the relationship we can exhibit different 'styles' at different times. 

My opinion of course, but a strong one. 

 

[LootieTootie]

WD's silence reminds me of NorthDallas' silence. When it looks like they might have found the one, they disappear...

Well WD, I hope you come back and provide an update. I am pulling for you and drlady.

[MrMan1983]

7 hours ago, LootieTootie said:

WD's silence reminds me of NorthDallas' silence. When it looks like they might have found the one, they disappear...

Well WD, I hope you come back and provide an update. I am pulling for you and drlady.

I reckon he’s probably at the beach house with her, hopefully they’re having easy going fun enjoying each others company and not a ton of needlessly intense or drama filled convos 🤞 

[MrMan1983]

Where you at @Whirling D ? Did the beach house weekender go well? I'm hoping by the silence that it did and you both had a great time. We're rooting for you. Plus I think I can speak for a few but we selfishly want another chapter of 'The Chronicles of Whirling' (my new name for this thread).

[KittenLittle]

We do miss you, Whirling D. I have read every post and sincerely wish you well and hope you get the love you seek in your relationship with the doctor lady. Please update us when you have a moment.

[Wiseman2]

On 7/19/2023 at 4:27 PM, Whirling D said:

. I don’t have a lot of tools in my environment to be good at that, I don’t think.

How was the weekend at the beach house? There must be something to report?

[MrMan1983]

@Whirling D how's it all going?

[Whirling D]

8 hours ago, naomijameson said:

Maybe its a kind of sort of depression?!

Nope… Just have nothing to say.

[Sindy_0311]

17 hours ago, Whirling D said:

Nope… Just have nothing to say.

Really?...

[Whirling D]

1 minute ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Really?...

Yep. Really. Surprised?

[Batya33]

Just now, Whirling D said:

Yep. Really. Surprised?

Well I am - and respect if you do not want to provide or share any update.

[Sindy_0311]

2 minutes ago, Whirling D said:

Yep. Really. Surprised?

Just wanted to know if everything is ok...