FWB relationship ended

[RicBoy1]

I was seeing a girl for 3 months, she is 35 and never had a single serious relationship just fwb type of relationships and short ones. She pointed out all guys that fell for her eventually she ghosted them.

I got involved with her, no sleep overs, no hanging outside, just Netflix, dinner and sex. She started to warm up and eventually she said we were more than fwb, more like dating.

Few weeks ago, she said she was having doubts what she wanted from this, that she doesn't have feelings, just liked the sex and my company and if she ever come to the conclusion im not the guy for her future, that she couldn't be fwb forever with me. A week later, she said she feels I want more from this than her and this is starting to be a problem because she is very busy and seeing me twice a week is taking too much of her time. A week ago, Sunday, she called to end things. I broke no contact a week later saying Id be willing to take it slow and she replied it's not gonna work out slow or not slow and that things went too fast too serious and the doesn't want that and no more fwb with me, it wont work out.

What now? No contact until she reaches out?

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, RicBoy1 said:

 , she said she feels I want more from this than her and this is starting to be a problem because she is very busy and seeing me twice a week is taking too much of her time. she replied it's not gonna work out slow or not slow and that things went too fast too serious and the doesn't want that.

Unfortunately you seem to want different things. Please don't contact her again. She apparently wants her space and distance.

Unfortunately one of the biggest drawbacks of FWB and other no-strings situationships is that theoretically (and ironically) they're devised to avoid emotional involvement but often end unevenly and painfully anyway.

[bluecastle]

26 minutes ago, RicBoy1 said:

What now?

And now, sadly, you move on.

Sounds like she has been straightforward every step of the way, letting you know that she only does casual relationships and that these tend to end with her bowing out. Nice that she honored the fun you guys had by opting out of this in a mature way—by telling you it's over, rather than ghosting. Given that she has already said this twice, no reason to extract a third time from her, much as I understand you'd love to be back in the saddle. 

My two cents: thank her in the privacy of your mind for the good times, and perhaps for showing you that what you're interested in, big picture, is someone who has more to give than her. Spend a minute licking those wounds and then go out and find that. 

[SooSad33]

36 minutes ago, RicBoy1 said:

What now? No contact until she reaches out?

I doubt she will.  So, don't expect it.

 

36 minutes ago, RicBoy1 said:

she said she feels I want more from this than her and this is starting to be a problem because she is very busy and seeing me twice a week is taking too much of her time. A week ago, Sunday, she called to end things.

This is telling you plenty.  She has ended this with you. 

She doesn't want it, then you respectfully leave her be now and expect nothing.

It's done.  

[MissCanuck]

44 minutes ago, RicBoy1 said:

No contact until she reaches out?

I wouldn't count on her reaching out. 

There's nothing to do here but accept her decision, and put her behind you.  At least she had the maturity to tell you that this is done rather than leave you guessing where she went. 

 

[RicBoy1]

3 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I wouldn't count on her reaching out. 

There's nothing to do here but accept her decision, and put her behind you.  At least she had the maturity to tell you that this is done rather than leave you guessing where she went. 

 

Why everyone thinks she wont reach out?

[MissCanuck]

Because she was very clear about saying no to everything: no to slowing down, no to FWB.

That's why. 

[Kwothe28]

9 minutes ago, RicBoy1 said:

Why everyone thinks she wont reach out?

Why would you think that somebody who, by her own admission, just had sex schemes, would be interested in something else? People like her are not relationship materials. She had some fun with you, when she saw that you maybe wanted more she backed off and broke up arrangement. 

She wont reach out unless she misses sex. But since she apparently has no problem finding somebody for it, I doubt she would call you. Probably already has somebody else. Again, not a relationship material and you would only have headaches with somebody like that. Go no contact and move on. 

[RicBoy1]

3 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Why would you think that somebody who, by her own admission, just had sex schemes, would be interested in something else? People like her are not relationship materials. She had some fun with you, when she saw that you maybe wanted more she backed off and broke up arrangement. 

She wont reach out unless she misses sex. But since she apparently has no problem finding somebody for it, I doubt she would call you. Probably already has somebody else. Again, not a relationship material and you would only have headaches with somebody like that. Go no contact and move on. 

No matter how many guys she will have, going to be the same story all over again and again. I never really told her I wanted a relationship but maybe she sensed by my behavor. I started texting too much daily and call here and there and I think it became too much for her. We met twice a week for 3 months, with her cooking dinner, cuddling Netflix for hours and sex. I guess it all became too much for her. She would text me selfies saying things like "im your happy woman" and often she said we were dating ..hard situation

[MissCanuck]

11 minutes ago, RicBoy1 said:

No matter how many guys she will have, going to be the same story all over again and again

She seems to be fine with that, though. 

She has fun for a little while and then moves on. She's choosing this. 

 

[RicBoy1]

3 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

She seems to be fine with that, though. 

She has fun for a little while and then moves on. She's choosing this. 

 

Her past is her future.

[Wiseman2]

Just now, RicBoy1 said:

Her past is her future.

Just worry about your future. In this case she ended it so that's in the past. 

However you are free to do whatever you want with your future.

For example you can get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women.

You can decide if you want another no-strings situation (don't recommend this as you don't seem to handle it well) or something that has more substance and can grow and last a while. 

[RicBoy1]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Just worry about your future. In this case she ended it so that's in the past. 

However you are free to do whatever you want with your future.

For example you can get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women.

You can decide if you want another no-strings situation (don't recommend this as you don't seem to handle it well) or something that has more substance and can grow and last a while. 

I dont think she left me because I had feelings.

She told her mother father sisters about me. I think were dating at least more than fwb. But she started saying she had told her mother she doesn't know yet what she wanted from this from me.

Then she told me she didn't have feelings for me but liked my company and sex and if she ever arrived to the conclusion im not the guy for her future, then she couldn't do this FWB with me forever and that she was starting to feel bad watching me coming over to her place twice a week knowing that I was hoping one day things would be come more serious. Really hard to understand what was going on here.

[bluecastle]

29 minutes ago, RicBoy1 said:

Really hard to understand what was going on here.

Are you sure you don't mean hard to stomach? 

From the get-go she told you how she operates: casually, not seriously. She came to get the vibe that you were itching for more, that soured the sweetness of the arrangement, and she opted to cut bait.

That you are picking it apart here, and turning over rocks to make it into something more than a casual fling, supports the idea that she what she was sensing in you was not just being produced by her imagination.  

And no amount of analysis is going to change the very hard fact that she has told you—twice—that she is done. 

[James1881]

Has she has any serious relationships? How did you guys hook up? This could give you alot of insights into how she operates as a partner.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, bluecastle said:

Are you sure you don't mean hard to stomach? 

From the get-go she told you how she operates: casually, not seriously. She came to get the vibe that you were itching for more, that soured the sweetness of the arrangement, and she opted to cut bait.

That you are picking it apart here, and turning over rocks to make it into something more than a casual fling, supports the idea that she what she was sensing in you was not just being produced by her imagination.  

And no amount of analysis is going to change the very hard fact that she has told you—twice—that she is done. 

Exactly -you're over thinking this and trying to read into stuff and assuming when it's really quite simple. And always has been.

[catfeeder]

I'm really sorry. It sounds as though she has her own internal set-point, and once she reaches that limit, she ends things. It doesn't sound as though you've done anything wrong.

She told you up front how things would end. Maybe she just keeps testing casual relationships to learn whether she might fall in love. Once she recognizes that she will not, she feels like continuing would be leading someone on.

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, RicBoy1 said:

Her past is her future.

Yes. So? You're missing the point that she likes it this way. If that's her future, she is content with it. It's what she wants for herself.

7 hours ago, RicBoy1 said:

Really hard to understand what was going on here.

It shoudn't be - she was very clear in her last message to you. It might be hard to accept but I don't see where the confusion is. 

[RicBoy1]

8 hours ago, catfeeder said:

I'm really sorry. It sounds as though she has her own internal set-point, and once she reaches that limit, she ends things. It doesn't sound as though you've done anything wrong.

She told you up front how things would end. Maybe she just keeps testing casual relationships to learn whether she might fall in love. Once she recognizes that she will not, she feels like continuing would be leading someone on.

I think this is probably spot on

I still feel I over pursued her with texts and plan meetings and never gave her the chance to chase me, miss me and initiate 50% of texts and plans too. I felt I was always up her a-ss and smothered her. Had I taken things slower I could at least keep it as fwb or even more

[lostandhurt]

This is one of the cases where you can do everything right and still not get the results you want.  What if you played the 50% rule game?  What if you were more aloof?  Is that who you are?  Is that the type of relationship you want where you have to be someone you are not?

 I imagine you met thinking it could possibly be a serious relationship but then she told you she isn't capable of that but a FWB is okay. This is where you chose to ignore what she said and went down that path.  It's all fun and good until who you are resurfaced, the guy that wants more than FWB, the guy that wants a real relationship.  You didn't do anything wrong, you are following your path but unfortunately it isn't her path too.

  You had some good times and met an interesting woman and frankly it ended very well.  Will she miss you?  who knows but it sounds like she has gotten good at this and she will undoubtedly get over any feelings she has for you by meeting someone else and he will find himself in the same situation before the summer is over.

 It sucks and doesn't seem fair but holding onto hope she will be the person you want her to be will just keep you from moving on.  Some people are just not cut out for FWB.

Lost

[smackie9]

Some move on for various reasons, like they do catch feelings or they met someone else, or feel the other is getting too close and don't want to lead them on. It's always best to set honest boundaries and expectations before getting into something like this so you both are on the same page. If you have a soft heart, don't get involved in these types of arrangements. 

[RicBoy1]

3 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

This is one of the cases where you can do everything right and still not get the results you want.  What if you played the 50% rule game?  What if you were more aloof?  Is that who you are?  Is that the type of relationship you want where you have to be someone you are not?

 I imagine you met thinking it could possibly be a serious relationship but then she told you she isn't capable of that but a FWB is okay. This is where you chose to ignore what she said and went down that path.  It's all fun and good until who you are resurfaced, the guy that wants more than FWB, the guy that wants a real relationship.  You didn't do anything wrong, you are following your path but unfortunately it isn't her path too.

  You had some good times and met an interesting woman and frankly it ended very well.  Will she miss you?  who knows but it sounds like she has gotten good at this and she will undoubtedly get over any feelings she has for you by meeting someone else and he will find himself in the same situation before the summer is over.

 It sucks and doesn't seem fair but holding onto hope she will be the person you want her to be will just keep you from moving on.  Some people are just not cut out for FWB.

Lost

Thank you for your reply. I could have done just FWB no problem but she led me on. Maybe she even thought she wanted more. She would send me selfies and say thing im your happy woman. she would say I want to take it slow and one day you can sleep over and we will hang out outside, just give me time. One time we went for dinner at her best friend house. We texted daily for 3 months, mostly initiated by me but she also did. She told me all her friends knew about me including her sisters and parents. so I started to act like her boyfriend in a way. She said we were exclusive. Then I noticed last 2 weeks, she didn't initiate any texts but we still kept meeting once or twice a week. Really weirs situation. 

[RicBoy1]

2 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Some move on for various reasons, like they do catch feelings or they met someone else, or feel the other is getting too close and don't want to lead them on. It's always best to set honest boundaries and expectations before getting into something like this so you both are on the same page. If you have a soft heart, don't get involved in these types of arrangements. 

I think she is a dismissive avoidant and she felt smothered. she told me many times she needs her own time and space and now makes sense she never had a single relationship in her adult life. She probably saw me very invested towards the end texting calling inviting wanting to see her and she probably felt it was way to much drama for something that was suppose to be casual

[RicBoy1]

3 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

This is one of the cases where you can do everything right and still not get the results you want.  What if you played the 50% rule game?  What if you were more aloof?  Is that who you are?  Is that the type of relationship you want where you have to be someone you are not?

 I imagine you met thinking it could possibly be a serious relationship but then she told you she isn't capable of that but a FWB is okay. This is where you chose to ignore what she said and went down that path.  It's all fun and good until who you are resurfaced, the guy that wants more than FWB, the guy that wants a real relationship.  You didn't do anything wrong, you are following your path but unfortunately it isn't her path too.

  You had some good times and met an interesting woman and frankly it ended very well.  Will she miss you?  who knows but it sounds like she has gotten good at this and she will undoubtedly get over any feelings she has for you by meeting someone else and he will find himself in the same situation before the summer is over.

 It sucks and doesn't seem fair but holding onto hope she will be the person you want her to be will just keep you from moving on.  Some people are just not cut out for FWB.

Lost

Tomorrow is her birthday, I think I wont say anything. Im in no contact now for 9 days, and 2 weeks broken up. I tried to text her 1 week after she ended things, but she said she had made her decision and it wont work out slow or fast and things went too fast too serious and she dont want that. When I asked what she wants, she said nothing from you. I dont get it why this nasty response. then I asked if we could have sex casually here and there and she said no, its not gonna work out with me anymore and she said she regrets to have replied to my msgs. Probably was getting annoyed I was trying to revert her decision. We haven't spoken since

[Batya33]

6 minutes ago, RicBoy1 said:

Tomorrow is her birthday, I think I wont say anything. Im in no contact now for 9 days, and 2 weeks broken up. I tried to text her 1 week after she ended things, but she said she had made her decision and it wont work out slow or fast and things went too fast too serious and she dont want that. When I asked what she wants, she said nothing from you. I dont get it why this nasty response. then I asked if we could have sex casually here and there and she said no, its not gonna work out with me anymore and she said she regrets to have replied to my msgs. Probably was getting annoyed I was trying to revert her decision. We haven't spoken since

I would do nothing. It will come across the wrong way and reflect potential ulterior motives.