How do you respond to someone cancelling a date due to insomnia/exhaustion?

[MrMan1983]

Morning,

Got a first date later but I’m someone that suffers with insomnia and I’ve just had only one/two hours of sleep after already being absolutely exhausted yesterday so feeling like a zombie. 
 

I’m thinking of rescheduling due to how shattered I feel and look however I know she’s really excited about the date and don’t want to put her off meeting again, would you guys be turned off if a date cancelled for a reason such as tiredness or be understanding? 
 

Not sure what’s worse, showing up and looking/feeling like crap or seeming like a flake.

Insomnia really really sucks 😒

[Kwothe28]

Can you catch up a few hours of sleep before the date?

Its better then if you have to reschedule because  canceling on the day of the date doesnt look good. I had one date rescheduled because of bad weather. But that was justified as both me and her agreed its best to move it. But dont think your insomnia would be looked as favorable as that. She would indeed think you are flaking.

[Wiseman2]

What is the date and how much later is it? Is it a breif coffee date or a long day waking around the city? Is there time for a nap?

Try to avoid cancelling last minute. It could be off-putting.

[MrMan1983]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What is the date and how much later is it? Is it a breif coffee date or a long day waking around the city? Is there time for a nap?

Try to avoid cancelling last minute. It could be off-putting.

We’re meeting at a nice coastal town this evening (6pm) for a walk around then a drink along the beach. Annoyingly I can never sleep/nap during the day either when it’s happened it’s infuriating. 

Perhaps I’ll mention the lack of sleep in advance to pre warn her and still try and brave it.
 

For some reason chronic sleep deprivation isn’t often perceived as serious compared to other illnesses so likely not worth the risk of cancelling.

[MrMan1983]

22 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Can you catch up a few hours of sleep before the date?

Its better then if you have to reschedule because  canceling on the day of the date doesnt look good. I had one date rescheduled because of bad weather. But that was justified as both me and her agreed its best to move it. But dont think your insomnia would be looked as favorable as that. She would indeed think you are flaking.

Yep that’s what I fear even though I feel rough as hell after a chronic build up. Very frustrating issue. Guess I’ll do a @Whirling D  and get on the caffeine! 

[SherrySher]

45 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

Morning,

Got a first date later but I’m someone that suffers with insomnia and I’ve just had only one/two hours of sleep after already being absolutely exhausted yesterday so feeling like a zombie. 
 

I’m thinking of rescheduling due to how shattered I feel and look however I know she’s really excited about the date and don’t want to put her off meeting again, would you guys be turned off if a date cancelled for a reason such as tiredness or be understanding? 
 

Not sure what’s worse, showing up and looking/feeling like crap or seeming like a flake.

Insomnia really really sucks 😒

Any decent person who likes you, will understand.

This will be a good test to find that out.

[SherrySher]

24 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

For some reason chronic sleep deprivation isn’t often perceived as serious compared to other illnesses so likely not worth the risk of cancelling.

Wait...this is chronic. That means that anyone you're dating, will have to realize that it's going to be an ongoing thing.

It really doesn't matter if it's off putting, you shouldn't be risking your health just to force yourself on a date.

Being as it's chronic, the person who decides to date you should know about this, should be able to accept it, and should be willing to reschedule if you had a bad night.

Find the person that is all the above. 

If she is going to be that sticky that there is no understanding and zero room for rescheduling, then that's a bad thing.

[Batya33]

I would try to rally and go -if it goes ok and you'd like to see her again tell her about your chronic issue -do it simply, directly as if you were saying "I am allergic to cilantro."  

Over the years I've had sleeping issues and insomnia issues -even made a thread about it here many years ago - I get it -it is totally real and so frustrating!! (Napping for me is a mixed bag to),

Honestly I was tempted to advise you to say you're feeling under the weather but the problem is then given the age of pandemic/post-pandemic she won't want to reschedule soon if she thinks you have something contagious.  

If you can go -keep it short and it's fine to call it a night earlier -tell her you are simply tired and would love to see her again.  Also maybe you'll get that "second wind!"

Good luck and I hope it works out ok.

[SherrySher]

Also, I hope you're not driving if you do decide to go, because that is super dangerous.

2 hours sleep, I don't know. I still think it's a bad idea. People do pass out from stuff like that.

But I guess you know what you're capable of and not capable of.

[Kwothe28]

27 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

Very frustrating issue. Guess I’ll do a @Whirling D  and get on the caffeine! 

I cant sleep very well lately because of the heat. But I manage to get some nap time during the day to get to enough sleep. It can be very frustrating if you cant do it at all. Maybe its good to consult a doctor to see what they will tell you about the issue. Please dont get addicted to caffeine lol

[MrMan1983]

9 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I would try to rally and go -if it goes ok and you'd like to see her again tell her about your chronic issue -do it simply, directly as if you were saying "I am allergic to cilantro."  

Over the years I've had sleeping issues and insomnia issues -even made a thread about it here many years ago - I get it -it is totally real and so frustrating!! (Napping for me is a mixed bag to),

Honestly I was tempted to advise you to say you're feeling under the weather but the problem is then given the age of pandemic/post-pandemic she won't want to reschedule soon if she thinks you have something contagious.  

If you can go -keep it short and it's fine to call it a night earlier -tell her you are simply tired and would love to see her again.  Also maybe you'll get that "second wind!"

Good luck and I hope it works out ok.

Ah you can understand that red sore eyes with huge bags zombie feeling well then 😂🤦‍♂️ Know what you mean about people’s reactions to it too. Currently thinking I’ll brave it though, pretty daunting that it’s another 6 hrs away then staying awake another 5 but distraction of a date may help forget the tiredness a bit. 

[MrMan1983]

6 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I cant sleep very well lately because of the heat. But I manage to get some nap time during the day to get to enough sleep. It can be very frustrating if you cant do it at all. Maybe its good to consult a doctor to see what they will tell you about the issue. Please dont get addicted to caffeine lol

Haha don’t worry I stick to two a day and rarely later than 12 in afternoon unless it’s an emergency like today! I’ve had insomnia since my college days and I’m 40 now, it comes and goes in waves and very very hard to fix at this point after years of conditioning so I attempt to get on with things regardless if it’s a bad phase but occasionally it’ll get difficult to function. 

[MrMan1983]

11 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

Also, I hope you're not driving if you do decide to go, because that is super dangerous.

2 hours sleep, I don't know. I still think it's a bad idea. People do pass out from stuff like that.

But I guess you know what you're capable of and not capable of.

I’ll be getting a train over so all good on that front, and yep you do learn to get used to what you’re capable of…I’ve even had nights years ago where I’m awake from the morning before when alarm goes off which was grim but 1-2 hrs sleep I tend to be able to just get through the day but it’s a grind and have to try not to snap at people etc! 

[Batya33]

Just now, MrMan1983 said:

Haha don’t worry I stick to two a day and rarely later than 12 in afternoon unless it’s an emergency like today! I’ve had insomnia since my college days and I’m 40 now, it comes and goes in waves and very very hard to fix at this point after years of conditioning so I attempt to get on with things regardless if it’s a bad phase but occasionally it’ll get difficult to function. 

I had to come up with many rituals/practices/lifestyle changes to decrease those episodes and it's been largely successful thank goodness but I had it bad in college, due to work stress in my early 30s, and as a new mom in my early 40s.  At times in my life I did those OTC sleep aids but I really couldn't as a mom so I had to find other ways (no not melatonin -not for me and not for many as I've learned).  Also people who don't have those issues as you noted often don't get it.  I don't drive so I never drove while exhausted.  (I mean -can you do a rideshare kind of thing?).

[MrMan1983]

17 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I had to come up with many rituals/practices/lifestyle changes to decrease those episodes and it's been largely successful thank goodness but I had it bad in college, due to work stress in my early 30s, and as a new mom in my early 40s.  At times in my life I did those OTC sleep aids but I really couldn't as a mom so I had to find other ways (no not melatonin -not for me and not for many as I've learned).  Also people who don't have those issues as you noted often don't get it.  I don't drive so I never drove while exhausted.  (I mean -can you do a rideshare kind of thing?).

Yep know what you mean about sleep aids they’re a slippery slope and negatives always outweigh the positives eventually. I tend to try and ride it out but it really does feel like it’s holding me hostage in life and dating/meeting someone sometimes. Eg. Making plans or dating plans I’ll often give myself an out or be slightly more vague as my brain is going ‘if I agree to that commitment and I don’t sleep it’ll be hell’ even if it’s not always accurate. 
 

The best fix I had lately was forcing myself up at 6am no matter what and counter intuitively making uncomfortable plans for first thing in morn like an intense run, hard gym sesh etc and doing it no matter what. After a few horrid weeks I started to reset but I need to get back to that and commit to it again.

[Sindy_0311]

Hi, I wouldn't go. I would call her and explain the situation, apologize and setup another day to meet. 

I used to date a guy once who had migraines. And somedays he was completely off. Once he got one when we were together and I just told him to go home and rest, no big deal for me...

I also know that I would never go on a date if I don't feel 100% good because I couldn't enjoy it. You come first, your date can wait and should be able to understand. If a guy tells me he has been sleeping two hours, I would automatically propose to reschedule, its common sense IMO. 

[Starlight925]

Since this is a first date and you want to make the best impression, I'd advise that you cancel and simply say you're not feeling well.

No need to explain things further, as this is a first date.

The most important part here is to reschedule while you're cancelling.

And to call to cancel, not text.  Call her and say you're under the weather today, and can we please reschedule?  How's next Tuesday?  etc.

Any reasonable person will not only understand, but will appreciate it.

Are you seeing a doctor for your insomnia?  

[boltnrun]

Why are you going on a date with someone you have to travel SIX HOURS to go out with?

3 hours ago, MrMan1983 said:

pretty daunting that it’s another 6 hrs away

 

[rainbowsandroses]

@MrMan1983if me I would cancel and reschedule right there and then.   Do it over the phone, not text. Just say you're not feeling well.

Reason being, you want to be at your best for a first date.  And given how you feel, you won't be.

I understand chronic insomnia all too well and it can be debilitating.  For me, it was due to general anxiety and received treatment. 

Now I manage on my own -  yoga, running, meditating, healthy eating.  It's made a big difference.

Have you seen a doctor?  Don't ignore and hope it will cure itself. People have actually died or become gravely ill due to lack of sleep.

Good luck!  With your girl too.  🙂

[Seraphim]

I would respond with sympathy and reschedule. As someone with insomnia I get it . 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, MrMan1983 said:

Perhaps I’ll mention the lack of sleep in advance to pre warn her and still try and brave it.

Since this is a first meet, this is a first impression. Unfortunately the date is already planned later in the day and a bit too lengthy.

She really doesn't know you and although your reasons are sincere and legitimate, blowing off a first meet because "you had a rough night", will probably make a bad impression. Try to get through it just wrap it up earlier.

In the future consider briefer firsts meeting maybe coffee midmorning. 

[boltnrun]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Since this is a first meet, this is a first impression. Unfortunately the date is already planned later in the day and a bit too lengthy.

She really doesn't know you and although your reasons are sincere and legitimate, blowing off a first meet because "you had a rough night", will probably make a bad impression. Try to get through it just wrap it up earlier.

In the future consider briefer firsts meeting maybe coffee midmorning. 

But he said he's traveling six hours for this date.  That would be a long way to travel for midmorning coffee!

I'd still like to know, OP, why you chose a woman who lives six hours away to date.

[rainbowsandroses]

Just now, boltnrun said:

I'd still like to know, OP, why you chose a woman who lives six hours away to date.

I have a theory about this, but will wait for OP to respond.

[MrMan1983]

19 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

But he said he's traveling six hours for this date.  That would be a long way to travel for midmorning coffee!

I'd still like to know, OP, why you chose a woman who lives six hours away to date.

I must of worded it wrong, my bad. I meant the date being 6hrs away in time of day (not in travel), and then awake another 5hrs or so depending how long it is. 

[MrMan1983]

Just an update guys I only just saw your messages (thanks, all very good points) but it’s too late I’m already on the train over. Wish me luck 😂 There’s even screaming kids on the train…ouch to the brain. I’ll keep you all posted how it goes and I’ll reply properly to some of you once I can.