Nervous for a date

[Batya33]

8 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

Do you guys think it looks bad of me, to tease him about having a guys night, and now I'm going on a girls thing this Saturday and not seeing him the first weekend of our relationship? 

I'm seeing him Thursday, Friday, and Sunday. I think that's a good amount. 

I’d avoid teasing like that. You’re a brand new couple. Especially on text.  Also I am not a driver but why can’t he come over later or take Uber etc 

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

. He has a flat tire. He was on the way to my house.  He took a half day from work just to get some errands done and hang out with me. 

Sorry this happened. This is cancellation #3? 

There are no service stations in his area? Why would someone take off work to just hang out later?  

Please slow down. No don't send teasing texts.  Are you sure this guy is stable? His stories are becoming a bit odd.

[boltnrun]

Well, this is cancellation #3? 

I have had flats (more than my fair share!) and it does take some time to get the car towed or put on the spare tire and then have the flat either patched or replaced. 

I get you're disappointed, but I would take him up on his offer of dinner Thursday. If you two will be starting a relationship you'll have plenty of time together.

And I don't see the issue with your girls night and his guys night and what teasing has to do with it. 

[Alex39]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. This is cancellation #3? 

There are no service stations in his area? Why would someone take off work to just hang out later?  

Please slow down. No don't send teasing texts.  Are you sure this guy is stable? His stories are becoming a bit odd.

He claims he was heading my way,then stopped for gas and his tire light came on. He looked at all the tires and saw something was wrong with one of them. He sent me a picture of it. So he proceeded to drive back home to be safe. He's having a friend help him put his dummy tire on. But he has to take the highway to get to me and we weren't sure if that'd be safe. 

He then asked if he could make it up to me amd take me out Thursday for lunch or dinner. He immediately rescheduled. 

[Alex39]

I like that he called me on the phone and he immediately rescheduled. I said yes to the reschedule. He even suggested a place we could go to eat. 

I'm just bummed. Not at him, just I got all ready and looked so nice for our date. I couldn't wait to see him. 

[rainbowsandroses]

He cancelled yet another date? 

I'm with Bat, change the tire and come over.  It takes 15 minutes. 

Sending you the pic to "prove" his story is overkill.  He could have taken that pic months ago, is there a date on the pic? 

I don't know anymore Alex..  I mean if he had a history of being reliable and consistent, I might not question it.

But now he's cancelled three dates out of four in a month of dating.  Don't care how "apologetic" he is.  Any smooth talking Joe Schmo can be apologetic.  

Sorry to be negative, but something sounds terribly off about this.

But I'll just leave it to you, and wish you luck.

[Alex39]

1 minute ago, rainbowsandroses said:

He cancelled yet another date? 

I'm with Bat, change the tire and come over.  It takes 15 minutes. 

Sending you the pic to "prove" his story is overkill.  

I don't know anymore.  I mean if he had a history of being reliable and consistent, I might not question it.

But now he's cancellled three dates out of four in a month of dating.

I'll just leave it to you Alex and wish you luck.

I'm not going to lie, a tiny part of me did wonder if he got a better offer from a friend. But he was even texting me an hour before our date like he was so excited to see me and how he planned his day around seeing me. And what he was wearing. We have a joke about a clothing item. So I truly think it was just bad luck. 

I think with his money issues, I wonder if he can't care for his car like he should, regular tune ups, etc. 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

 we weren't sure if that'd be safe. 

And this is why you need to have dates at his place too.  "We"? Only he can decide if driving home on a flat tire is doable.

You're focused on dating rules again. He rescheduled=good. However this is the third cancellation

And who drives home on a flat tire when you're already at a service station?

[boltnrun]

If it was just low on air you simply fill it and be on your way. Was he saying it had a puncture? 

[Alex39]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

If it was just low on air you simply fill it and be on your way. Was he saying it had a puncture? 

Yes, it had a big bubble protruding from it, which usually means a hole somewhere going to go flat. 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 minute ago, Alex39 said:

Yes, it had a big bubble protruding from it, which usually means a hole somewhere going to go flat. 

But he drove home anyway?  To be safe?  Does this make sense to you?

If he wanted to be safe, he would have left his car with the punctured tire at the station and taken an Uber home OR to yours.  And taken an Uber home later.

But he immediately rescheduled so all is good.  Okie doke.

[Alex39]

1 minute ago, rainbowsandroses said:

But he drove home anyway?  To be safe?  Does this make sense to you?

If he wanted to be safe, he would have left his car with the punctured tire at the station and taken an Uber home OR to yours.  And taken an Uber home later.

But he immediately rescheduled so all is good.  Okie doke.

I've done that. You baby the car home hoping for it to get there without a huge blowout or you have to call a tow which is super expensive. And you try to fix it at home or take it down the street to a car place. I think this is very common. 

[Wiseman2]

41 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

 he proceeded to drive back home to be safe. He's having a friend help him put his dummy tire on. 

So he has a spare tire  is already at a service station but drives home on a flat and that's safe?

The photo documentation seems like overkill. Last time he cancelled he sent you pics of his new shoes supposedly for the date?

Please slow down and reflect if someone consistently unreliable is a good investment. Whether it's because he's a day late dollar short type of guy or what. 

Maybe he's broke but car maintenance and roadside assistance is about safety everyone should budget for.

No you don't baby a car home and damage the rims, alignment, etc. and risk an accident from poor handling due to tire issues.

[boltnrun]

I know people who constantly have one crisis after another. It's because they're supremely disorganized.

However I did have a run of bad luck where I had one tire puncture after another so I know it does happen. I just had the misfortune of finding every nail on the road and running over it.

If he follows through with taking you out to dinner Thursday (NO "sit on your couch" date!!) then I would just make a mental note and see if this continues to be a pattern. 

[Starlight925]

He’s not responsible enough to keep a spare in the car?

Who drives without a spare?
 

He didn’t ask you to come over instead?  Hey Alex, I still want to see you.  Can you pick me up & we can go grab a bite?  No???

 

[NighttimeNightmare]

11 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

 

He’s not responsible enough to keep a spare in the car?

Who drives without a spare?

 

Depends on what sort of car he’s got. I drive a 2-seater, no way a spare is fitting anywhere on that car 

[itsallgrand]

Things happen, but not 3 dates out of 4. 

He's either super disorganized or full of it. Either way, what's your line ? 

[rainbowsandroses]

8 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

He. didn’t ask you to come over instead?

Yeah that would have been a great opportunity to see his place.  Oh well. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Alex39 said:

 after we are going to go out and grab some food after.  He liked the idea to go out after. 

Unfortunately this may be why he cancelled last minute again. First time he "forgot" he had a party, right before coming over to cook for you. Next time he gets sick the morning you planned to go for breakfast. Now it's sudden car issues of course right before the date. Please take note of this pattern.

As far as rescheduling?  Unfortunately be prepared for him to forget his wallet or some other emergency that comes up.  Sorry to be cynical but once or twice is bad luck but he's cancelling almost more than keeping the dates.

Please take time to consider how often you can withstand disappointment regardless of being broke, chaotic, disorganized, whatever.

[Batya33]

What stood out to me was he rescheduled right away for a specific day.  But I get what others are saying, too.

[spinstermanquee]

1 hour ago, Starlight925 said:

Hey Alex, I still want to see you.  Can you pick me up & we can go grab a bite?  No???

It sounds like... he is cancelling the things where he might have to pay or chip in $?  And would rather stay inside at your place?  Not that there's anything inherently wrong with that, but it's an awfully low effort toward you, Alex.  It takes a lot more thought and effort to find fun and free or low cost events to enjoy together in this early time when folks are enthusiastic about each other and funds are low 🙂  Is it possible he told you his tale of woe to elicit sympathy and to gauge how much or little you were willing to accept from a potential partner?

Another option, which someone mentioned earlier, is he's being flaky b/c he might be keeping his options open or have his eye on another lass while trying to lock it down with you (on YOUR side).  The old have cake and eat too.

That flat tire was kind of the last (3rd?) excuse that made the others look as lame.  I hope I'm wrong in not having too much hope for this guy... will save my hope for you my dear!

[rainbowsandroses]

27 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

What stood out to me was he rescheduled right away for a specific day.  

He didn't have much of a choice. He had just blown her off.... again.

He can decide Thursday how he wants to handle it but as Wise said, I wouldn't hold my breath that it's gonna happen.

And what stood out to me is that he KNOWS how to ask a woman out properly on a nice date.

But until this Thursday invite after he blew her off (to appease her imo), has chosen not to.  And to top it off he cancelled, 3 out of 4.

It's embarrassing at this point, I'm sorry Alex I wish I could be more positive.

Please know that this is not how good healthy caring relationships function, not by a long shot especially right after becoming exclusive.

My take on this is his friend called with a better offer and together they came up with the punctured tire excuse which is so full of holes (pun intended) it's hard to take seriously.

[Sindy_0311]

12 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

What stood out to me was he rescheduled right away for a specific day.  But I get what others are saying, too.

He rescheduled, he also asked for exclusivity, I guess it’s enough to forget he is being a flake… 

I’m not really surprised he canceled a date for the 4th time… i suggest you stay away from this time waster and start pursue someone who will value your time and the great woman you are… just tell him you won’t make it for Thursday and that you wish him well. You will feel relieved and stronger… believe me… 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

He rescheduled, he also asked for exclusivity, I guess it’s enough to forget he is being a flake… 

I’m not really surprised he canceled a date for the 4th time… i suggest you stay away from this time waster and start pursue someone who will value your time and the great woman you are… just tell him you won’t make it for Thursday and that you wish him well. You will feel relieved and stronger… believe me… 

I wrote above that I'm not a driver but what I especially agreed with is if he really wanted to see her he'd have found a way -there are realistic ways - like Starlight(?) pointed out -taking an uber, meeting her somewhere, her driving to him.

[Sindy_0311]

Just now, Batya33 said:

I wrote above that I'm not a driver but what I especially agreed with is if he really wanted to see her he'd have found a way -there are realistic ways - like Starlight(?) pointed out -taking an uber, meeting her somewhere, her driving to him.

Agree, or as mentioned he would have invited her to come over…