Dating My Investment Advisor

[rainbowsandroses]

Ref the title, would this be appropriate?  Story is I had a banking issue I needed help with, went into the bank and he was the first person I encountered.  Not a bank teller, some sort of client relations rep.

It was strictly professional, meaning no romantic spark although he is quite handsome.  About a month later, had another issue and called him, met with him again and I swear this tine, something was happening!   In fact, when I left it felt awkward like ending a first date! 

Another week went by and needed his help again and reached out and he asked if I wanted to stop by again.  Stupidly I declined and asked if he could email the info to me.  He said email was against policy but did so anyway.

I enthusiastically replied thanking him and said I would be in touch when things settled and I needed investment advice. 

For some strange reason, I cannot stop thinking about this guy!  I would love to at least have a date with him, but not sure if this is appropriate given that I am essentially a client?  And If it didn't work out, he'd lose me as a client among other things.

What do y'all think?  Should I pursue this or keep it strictly professional?

[dias]

Pursue. Ask him if he wants to meet for a coffee sometime.

[Jibralta]

19 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Should I pursue this or keep it strictly professional?

If you want to date him, I strongly suggest you get a different financial advisor.

[Starlight925]

41 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Another week went by and needed his help again and reached out and he asked if I wanted to stop by again.  Stupidly I declined and asked if he could email the info to me.  He said email was against policy but did so anyway.

Um, I'd be careful here.

Someone who not only goes against company policy, but does it electronically, is setting up not only himself, but possibly you, for trouble.

I'm sure he's cute.  I'm sure he's charming and seems like a great guy.  Have you tried the dating apps?  Maybe there are guys there who don't have access to your money AND are willing to do something against policy regarding it.

[Cherylyn]

Keep it strictly professional.  Play it safe.

[rainbowsandroses]

Thank you Starlight, I think you're right.  I'd feel uncomfortable knowing he had access to my money and how I spend it, etc.  

I've done dating apps but they're not for me, I prefer meeting men IRL and do!  With this man, again, it was just 'something' - a click, I dunno can't really explain it.  I meet TONS of men and it's very rare when I feel that. 

However, I'm going to take your and Jibralta's (and Cherylyn's) advice and keep it strictjy professional if I ever need his help again and/or meet with him.

Thanks again. 🙂

 

[Kwothe28]

"Dont poop where you eat".

Also dating your "investment advisor" is a surify way to lose money.

[smackie9]

I'm sure the other female clients have felt the same way about him too. He just might be that kind of guy that has good pheromones. 

Put yourself in his shoes...would you like it if someone hit on you in a professional setting? 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

I'm sure the other female clients have felt the same way about him too. He just might be that kind of guy that has good pheromones. 

Put yourself in his shoes...would you like it if someone hit on you in a professional setting? 

Oh IDK, my guess is he'd be flattered as I am when hit on, regardless of where it happened.  I mean, he's a big boy, if he's uncomfortable with being asked for coffee or a drink to say thanks for your help, he can always say no.

That said, hitting on men is not exactly my style, so wouldn't play it that way.  I'd just be a bit more flirty and playful with him, making it easier for him to ask me for coffee IF interested.  I held back during our last meet. 

However, as said in my last post, I'm not going to pursue it, for all reasons stated, thank you again everyone.

[Cherylyn]

3 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

However, as said in my last post, I'm not going to pursue it, for all reasons stated, thank you again everyone.

Smart lady.  Best to err on the side of caution by remaining professional.  Better safe than sorry.

[Tinydance]

Well my philosophy is if you want to ask someone out (unless they're taken), do it! BUT I would just be careful in thinking that you really had some kind of spark or connection.

I mean, it's not impossible but very often people in any financial roles are attractive people who are in a sense "fake". Like, they act very charming, giving you a lot of attention, etc. This is because financially you're their client and they can make money off you.

You see this a lot with people who are bankers, real estate agents and things like that. And you need to remember that if this guy is handsome then obviously you're going to like him. But that doesn't mean you actually have a connection with him because at the end of the day you don't actually know him.

[rainbowsandroses]

36 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

  I mean, it's not impossible but very often people in any financial roles are attractive people who are in a sense "fake". Like, they act very charming, giving you a lot of attention, etc. This is because financially you're their client and they can make money off you.

Thank you for that.  I'm a pretty savvy girl though and can see through any sort of BS (most of the time), please believe me about that, I've seen it all and then some!  Lol

But our interaction wasn't like that at all.  Plus he's not a private investor, he works for a large international banking corporation and doubtful he would risk his job playing or taking advantage of women like that.  I don't have a lot of money anyway and he knows that.

I wouldn't say he was charming or that he gave me attention that was out of the ordinary.  In fact he appeared quite reserved as did I. 

We were basically two people who met for professional reasons, and ended up chatting about various things unrelated to why I was there. There was a certain comfort level that I hadn't even noticed until I left and had a chance to think about the interaction.  

IOW, it hit me later how much I felt a certain "click" with him, but again he wasn't "charming" or even all that personable.  Definitely did not give off a "player" or that fake vibe you referred to if that's what some of yall are thinking. 

Oh well, just gonna let it go.  Typically, I'm a huge risk taker and not afraid of rejection or failure, I'm resilient and bounce back quickly. 

But here, although I did feel that comfort level and easy interaction and click, I don't want to make things awkward or uncomfortable.  For him mostly due to the nature of his job and high position at the bank. 

As for me, I recently ended a LTR and feel pretty lonely so that could be part of it too.  I really just thought it would be nice to have a date with him, that's all.  But yall are right, letting it go.  

I may join a meet up group to make friends or do some volunteering.  I prefer meeting men the natural way, spontaneously, through interacting over time or like with this this man, unexpectedly.  

Thanks again!

[dias]

2 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

But yall are right, letting it go. 

Not all.

2 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I prefer meeting men the natural way, spontaneously, through interacting over time or like with this this man, unexpectedly. 

Good for you.

[rainbowsandroses]

Thanks @dias but tbh, today is another day and I'm starting to get over the whole thing.  I'm a firm believer in striking while the iron is hot, otherwise things can go cold which is pretty much how I feel now.  So not going to do anything and just see what happens, what's meant to be will be as hokey as that sounds. 

 

[Big Stan]

23 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Thank you for that.  I'm a pretty savvy girl though and can see through any sort of BS (most of the time), please believe me about that, I've seen it all and then some!  Lol

But our interaction wasn't like that at all.  Plus he's not a private investor, he works for a large international banking corporation and doubtful he would risk his job playing or taking advantage of women like that.  I don't have a lot of money anyway and he knows that.

I wouldn't say he was charming or that he gave me attention that was out of the ordinary.  In fact he appeared quite reserved as did I. 

We were basically two people who met for professional reasons, and ended up chatting about various things unrelated to why I was there. There was a certain comfort level that I hadn't even noticed until I left and had a chance to think about the interaction.  

IOW, it hit me later how much I felt a certain "click" with him, but again he wasn't "charming" or even all that personable.  Definitely did not give off a "player" or that fake vibe you referred to if that's what some of yall are thinking. 

Oh well, just gonna let it go.  Typically, I'm a huge risk taker and not afraid of rejection or failure, I'm resilient and bounce back quickly. 

But here, although I did feel that comfort level and easy interaction and click, I don't want to make things awkward or uncomfortable.  For him mostly due to the nature of his job and high position at the bank. 

As for me, I recently ended a LTR and feel pretty lonely so that could be part of it too.  I really just thought it would be nice to have a date with him, that's all.  But yall are right, letting it go.  

I may join a meet up group to make friends or do some volunteering.  I prefer meeting men the natural way, spontaneously, through interacting over time or like with this this man, unexpectedly.  

Thanks again!

I think you misunderstand what the person you quoted was saying.  They were saying that being personable and easy to talk to and friendly in a professional type setting IS part of their job.  They are basically a salesman, and being a good salesman is about people liking you more than anything else.  No one was saying this guy was trying to hit on you or trying to work some scam on you, just that making you happy as a customer was his job.  

So there was no real "vibe" for you to pick up on because he wasn't working some sort of game or angle.  The most successful business people are easy to talk to and get along with.  I retain my staff because I'm friendly and personable and I make them feel good about working for me.  I know this because many of them have told me so.  That's my job, most of them aren't people I would hang out with in a social setting and the one employee who I would I already do hang out with.  I treat all the other employees more or less the same way as I treat her though AT WORK simply because my job is to make my staff feel good and comfortable.  

That's what this guy is good at most likely.  There's nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with you liking that.  It makes him good at his job, but it also makes it impossible to tell if he is actually interested or just doing his job.  Same as hearing me laugh and joke with my staff.  You wouldn't be able to tell which one of them I'm actually friends with most of the time because I treat them all as a friend during work.  

[lostandhurt]

People meet in all kinds of ways so if everyone followed the same path as suggested there would be a lot less relationships starting out like you prefer which is to meet naturally in person.

Coworkers are off limits, your doctor, hair stylist, banker, mechanic, bartender, hostess, coach of your softball team and on and on.

 Life is short and there are plenty of investment people out there but having the sparks fly like you mentioned is a lot harder to find than a different banker.

Think of all the friends you have that are in relationships.  Did they all meet online?

Good luck on your financial issues and on meeting someone IRL.

 Lost

[Batya33]

16 hours ago, Big Stan said:

That's what this guy is good at most likely.  There's nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with you liking that.  It makes him good at his job, but it also makes it impossible to tell if he is actually interested or just doing his job.  Same as hearing me laugh and joke with my staff.  You wouldn't be able to tell which one of them I'm actually friends with most of the time because I treat them all as a friend during work.  

Yesterday my financial advisor's assistant had to call me about a wire transfer at a specified time for authentication purposes.  Oh was it an awful time.  We'd just almost evacuated after a false fire alarm and disagreed about whether we had to, we were still in PJs basically, we had to deal with chaos in the hallway, ugh.  When she called I remembered that I had to talk to her and I was so drained.  I answered in a tired way.  She must have heard the noise in the background (son's video game) and she was great - texted me my code and I did my utmost to be pleasant to this pleasant person. 

The truth is - at that vulnerable moment I knew actually had I told her what was going on she'd have responded in a very sympathetic way and said allll the right things (and yes actually it would have felt good to vent!).  And we've never met in person!  But I also knew she'd only be doing it as part of her job plus there was no way I was going to take up any more of her time than needed for our financial matter. I'm just saying -even this person I don't know engenders that type of approachability so I can imagine that your adviser has the same -or better -skills.  

[rainbowsandroses]

Thanks guys but as posted earlier, he wasn't particularly charming or engaging, he was quite reserved as was I.  He even seemed shy in a way. 

We just had an easy rapport that's all, it felt different from the first time we met, not sure why.

When I called the second time, he asked me to stop by and meet with him, I declined and asked him to email the info. Which he did. 

Who knows what would have happened had I actually gone in and met with him again but in any case, I have pretty much moved on from the whole thing now, he's no longer on my radar. 

But appreciate the feedback! 🙂