Need help :(

[avocato]

Hi! So I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about five months now. We had our ups and downs in our relationships but we both agree on putting effort into it and try to solve problems together with communication. However there’s been one thing bothering me recently. He wants to record us having sex because we are doing long distance on and off during the year so he wants to keep it while we are far from each other. He assures me that he will have it only to himself but I have trust issues in general and i’m more concerned of it spreading than actually having a video. If I could guarantee he would have the one and only copy, I am down for a video lol it’s just my trust issues are making me overwhelmed, i need advice on how we can fix this. Is this common for long distance couples?? 
ps. We do basically phone sex but he also wants to watch our video later on, that is his reason

[Coily]

If you have any hesitation on something that intimate, I would advise against making such a video.

In general terms it's not a great idea to make such a video, but since you are mostly okay with the idea; but you haven't built trust up; I think you are better off waiting.  If he's a decent guy he will respect that and work at other ways you two can enjoy when you are apart.

[Batya33]

Absolutely not. Never not ever. Especially since you already have “communication “ issues. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, avocato said:

. If I could guarantee he would have the one and only copy, I am down for a video lol it’s just my trust issues are making me overwhelmed 

Don't do it. As you know, images can be sold (such as Pornhub), go viral in a nanosecond, shared or sent to anyone, seen by anyone who goes through his phone and unfortunately used as "revenue porn".  It is Never private.  You're responsible for protecting yourself, not him.

If he cares about you, he'll find other ways to bridge the distance gap. 

 

[1a1a]

Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope 

[boltnrun]

I bet he's recorded your phone sex sessions.

And I concur...that is a big nope, no way, negative, nein, never ever. The next time you have one of your "downs" who knows what he might do?

He can use his imagination if he wants to wack off to images of you two having sex. 

I hope you haven't sent him nudes, BTW. 

[LootieTootie]

Once that stuff is recorded and saved, and it doesn't matter if it's been deleted-  it can be restored and uploaded anywhere on the web.

There are really sick people out there who hack people's phones and try to see if there's anything they can make $ off. This happened with the celebrity nude photos that were attained by hackers after they hacked celebrities phones.

Please be careful.

[lostandhurt]

Let's say he is a stand up guy and would rather  lose a limb than show the video to anyone else.

 The video is on his phone and maybe laptop.  Has a phone or laptop ever been stolen?

 Long distance couples don't rely on sex videos to keep their relationship strong. They do it with trust, respect and openness.

 If you chose to do it you are smart enough to know it cannot be undone.  It will be like a horrible tattoo but one the whole world might see...

Lost

PS   5 Months is nothing and you should still be on the honeymoon phase not having Ups and Downs as you put it.  You really don't know him well enough to trust him with this video.

[Kwothe28]

Seems more of a fetish thing that anything else. And drawbacks of something like that far outweight a benefits. He could show it to his friends, in the events of breaking up he could maybe even publish it online etc. Its very risky, especially when it comes to a woman.

[MissCanuck]

Nope. I would never agree to this. It's too risky and you can't undo it if something goes amiss. 

9 hours ago, avocato said:

So I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about five months now. We had our ups and downs in our relationships but we both agree on putting effort into it and try to solve problems together with communication

Especially given that the relationship sounds rocky, I would not put myself on the line by agreeing to his request. Why do you have ups and downs when you've only been together 5 months? You shouldn't really be need to be working on relationship problems already. 

How often do you meet in person? 

[avocato]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Nope. I would never agree to this. It's too risky and you can't undo it if something goes amiss. 

Especially given that the relationship sounds rocky, I would not put myself on the line by agreeing to his request. Why do you have ups and downs when you've only been together 5 months? You shouldn't really be need to be working on relationship problems already. 

How often do you meet in person? 

We study at the same school so we have been living together for the past three months and we are doing long distance for like the past half month

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, avocato said:

We study at the same school so we have been living together for the past three months and we are doing long distance for like the past half month

Why are you already living together?

It sounds like too much too soon. His request on top of that makes me question the viability of the entire relationship. Can I ask how old both of you are? 

[avocato]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Why are you already living together?

It sounds like too much too soon. His request on top of that makes me question the viability of the entire relationship. Can I ask how old both of you are? 

We are both early twenties and we are both foreign students studying abroad. We did not move in together but we do stay at each other’s place every night 

[Batya33]

Just now, avocato said:

We are both early twenties and we are both foreign students studying abroad. We did not move in together but we do stay at each other’s place every night 

OK.  Do not keep having phone sex as he's likely recording it and do not give him any photos you don't want plastered all over the internet for future employers, future dates, your parents, family, etc to see.