I am quite certain that my soulmate and I have crossed paths, but she has kids and man.

[MissCanuck]

8 hours ago, Jaunty said:

a super bored person trolling the relationship sites as a recreational activity

Bingo. 

It's quite obvious at this point. 

[Citizen89]

Just now, MissCanuck said:

Bingo. 

It's quite obvious at this point. 

A soulmate encounter is by definition out of the ordinary. of course you think I'm trolling.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Citizen89 said:

A soulmate encounter is by definition out of the ordinary. of course you think I'm trolling.

Well it's not out of control yet. It reminds me of when John Hinckley shot at the president to impress Jodi Foster and solidify their "relationship".  But in your case you're not going after someone famous or acting out in any way. So as long as you go to work and act professionally, you'll probably be ok.

[Citizen89]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Well it's not out of control yet. It reminds me of when John Hinckley shot at the president to impress Jodi Foster and solidify their "relationship".  But in your case you're not going after someone famous or acting out in any way. So as long as you go to work and act professionally, you'll probably be ok.

My excitement dropped when I realized she has a husband and two kids. When she told me over the phone it was like the hole world was spun upside down.. I was so certain I found her....

Until I actually arrived at the place and she took off the ring and began flirting. Then I reconsidered my original instinct....

[Citizen89]

10 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Sorry but you sound very deluded in all aspects of this. What do you mean: "Can the kids be kept separate?" You mean not live with her or she not see them? They're her children and they're small. Do you expect her to just adopt them to someone else? You sound crazy.

Separate from ME *face palm.

[Citizen89]

10 hours ago, adviceplease2 said:

You're in for a lot of emotional pain as this continues.  Good luck to you.

Guess what, I'm that confident in myself.

[Citizen89]

10 hours ago, Jaunty said:

Especially in this context.  The OP just started working there, supposedly.  If she wants to have sex (or, apparently, explode her life to start anew with this fellow) she is not going to get the ball rolling by removing her ring.   What difference would that even make to the outcome? 

It would make me pursue when she throws out the bait. She is signalling that men are allowed to hit on her, that she isn't happy with him. 

Is it my problem that her man can't satisfy her?

[Batya33]

50 minutes ago, Citizen89 said:

Guess what, I'm that confident in myself.

If you were a reasonably confident person you would choose to back off from pursuing a married parent.

[SherrySher]

13 hours ago, Citizen89 said:

Not true. Different people  show up to teach life lessons. The nature of the relationship has nothing to do with it. Divine soulmates aren't always meant to be together in every incarnation or even meet each other. In this case, she seems receptive to the idea...

 

 

Opinions vary, but I truly don't buy that. 

If you're creating a relationship where it starts off ugly (cheating), that's never a good thing.

[SherrySher]

1 hour ago, Citizen89 said:

It would make me pursue when she throws out the bait. She is signalling that men are allowed to hit on her, that she isn't happy with him. 

Is it my problem that her man can't satisfy her?

Give it some time. You will become that guy that can't satisfy her and another guy cheating with her.

[adviceplease2]

37 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

Give it some time. You will become that guy that can't satisfy her and another guy cheating with her.

Either that, or he'll realize that his "soulmate" was really the next woman.

[Wiseman2]

47 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

If you're creating a relationship where it starts off ugly (cheating), that's never a good thing.

But if the so-called "relationship" is imaginary, is it cheating?  So far she's only guilty of working there . 

[Citizen89]

2 hours ago, SherrySher said:

Give it some time. You will become that guy that can't satisfy her and another guy cheating with her.

That's like saying breathing is meaningless since you die eventually anyway. Gotta live life. 

I don't believe she will grow tired of me. I'm pretty quirky.

[Citizen89]

2 hours ago, SherrySher said:

Opinions vary, but I truly don't buy that. 

If you're creating a relationship where it starts off ugly (cheating), that's never a good thing.

You are assuming that she will go all the way and cheat. I don't think she will. She will tell the husband it's over and then do it.

[Citizen89]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

If you were a reasonably confident person you would choose to back off from pursuing a married parent.

It arose spontaneously. It wasn't: oh here's a married woman I can snatch. I didn't even know she had a partner.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Citizen89 said:

That's like saying breathing is meaningless since you die eventually anyway. Gotta live life. 

I don't believe she will grow tired of me. I'm pretty quirky.

No -that's too broad and you know it -you say "you gotta live life" and yet you're full of questions about her kids in the future - so you don't just want to live life and go with the flow -you too balance the pros and cons so you can "live life" in a reasonable way not in a you gotta live life so I'm up for risking my job and contributing to being a homewrecker.

[Batya33]

Just now, Citizen89 said:

It arose spontaneously. It wasn't: oh here's a married woman I can snatch. I didn't even know she had a partner.

It's fine -stuff happens spontaneously all the time.  Then as an adult we get to choose how to react.  I met a man at a party.  We then met for lunch.  At lunch I learned something about him that meant he was not appropriate for me to date.  I already had a crush on him.  I decided to tell him about the dealbreaker.  He understood.  We stayed in touch as friends.  

When I was in my 20s I started a summer internship with people mostly in their 20s, mostly single.  One of my co-interns was really cute.  I was single.  I would have dated him.  Within an hour or so I learned he was married.  I then chose not to act out my interest in him.  We are still in touch via FB.  

My friend fell in love with her classmate in grad school. She was in her 20s. He was a bit older and married.  After 4 years of being quiet about her feelings -they were really good friends- she confessed.  He told her he was attracted to.  They had sex.  Her first time.  For the next two years she had an affair with him while he stayed with his wife and they had another child.  

She broke it off in her late 20s.  Then she met her future husband through an online site.  He was single and wonderful.  Except right before she got married she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  Their marriage ended 2.5 years in because she passed away.  

My point is -she wasted many years on her married classmate.  And didn't know of course those years were most of the rest of her life.  You gotta live life -do you really think she was living her life by being a mistress all those years? (I do NOT think she deserved to get sick because she was involved in the affair- just wanted to make that clear).

[Citizen89]

34 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

No -that's too broad and you know it -you say "you gotta live life" and yet you're full of questions about her kids in the future - so you don't just want to live life and go with the flow -you too balance the pros and cons so you can "live life"

I am more curious about the kids situation than hesitant. I will do it. That's how much I like her... I don't know the nature of her marriage,. it could be beyond salvation anyway. 

[Coily]

Dude, just wow.

So if your "soulmate" did leave her husband, what would happen when she decided that Chad McThunderC0k who she just hired is better than you? Then Shaggs him in the office?

Are you sure the husband won't go full goon when he finds out? You are courting disaster more than you are courting your fantasy.

 

[Citizen89]

Just now, Coily said:

Dude, just wow.

So if your "soulmate" did leave her husband, what would happen when she decided that Chad McThunderC0k who she just hired is better than you? Then Shaggs him in the office?

Are you sure the husband won't go full goon when he finds out? You are courting disaster more than you are courting your fantasy.

 

My perception, if this does happen, is that this is something deeper than a random dude that she finds attractive. But who knows... I could be wrong.

[Coily]

1 minute ago, Citizen89 said:

My perception, if this does happen, is that this is something deeper than a random dude that she finds attractive. But who knows... I could be wrong.

Still doesn't acknowledge the husband going goon. Some guys don't take well to wife stealing.

 

[Citizen89]

Just now, Coily said:

Still doesn't acknowledge the husband going goon. Some guys don't take well to wife stealing.

 

You never know with ex:es regardless of circumstances. I don't fear this man in particular, and may the best man win. That goes for me too. There's no reason to be mad at me. I can't help it getting introduced to her life. Just luck of the draw.

Btw, do you think the trade will happen? How rare is it?

[Coily]

Just now, Citizen89 said:

You never know with ex:es regardless of circumstances. I don't fear this man in particular, and may the best man win. That goes for me too. There's no reason to be mad at me. I can't help it getting introduced into her life.

Btw, do you think it will happen? How rare is it?

When you are getting a feeding tube let us know if he's not mad at you then. Seen too many news reports of this sort of ending or worse for a lot less. It's like putting poking a bear, sometimes it's a black bear that gets spooked, sometimes you end up in the belly of a Grizzly.

[Citizen89]

Just now, Coily said:

When you are getting a feeding tube let us know if he's not mad at you then. Seen too many news reports of this sort of ending or worse for a lot less. It's like putting poking a bear, sometimes it's a black bear that gets spooked, sometimes you end up in the belly of a Grizzly.

But how common is it for a woman with two young kids to leave the husband for another man? 

[boltnrun]

Everyone, it's not possible to convince someone like this their fantasy isn't real.  They'll just double, triple down, citing totally unrelated and random things to "prove" their delusion is actually real.  It's like trying to convince a paranoid the government hasn't implanted a chip in their brains.  If they get a headache they'll say that's "proof".  If their neighbor buys a security light they're "working with the government".

I just hope this situation doesn't escalate to harassment of this poor woman who has no idea she's been fixated on and obsessed over just because she removed her ring and wore perfume one day at work.