I need help on how to interact with this girl

[Erenik Gillgrenov]

hello

im almost 17, studying the hardest course / pipeline (in my country of course) or whatever ya call it. First grade of 'gymnasium'.
unlike the other 2 classes we're not only nerds here, but i still fell for one, sort of (a hard worker at least)

a group of 4 smart and motivated girls, honestly i could see me date any of them

anyway i fell for this specific one.
- tall, like 175 to 180 cm (im myself 189)
-long lighter brown hair often seen in a (pony?) tail, she sometimes lets it out to the sides or backwards which i freakin' adore
-such a sweet smile, laugh and voice. I smile myself when i hear her laugh and joke around with her friend group, am i down bad?
-blue eyes, medium sized lips, smooth eyebrows, seen her wear glasses once or twice
-not aggressive or anything, even told me that she wasnt a 'rational vegetarian' (not american :troll:) when i asked if we could go for a longer walk after classes last year
-anything else..? overall just perfect

so anyway, she doesnt look at social media like at all, notifications off n' all. I can understand why of course, but just an answer on snapchat would make my day (im not constantly spamming messages)
heres the main problem i guess: i dont know how to talk to her, face to face. Her friend are always around her just like the two guys im always with during breaks and lunch

how am i supposed to talk to her? I know that she has a 40 min bus ride to and from school everyday and ive learnt that its no good manners to just catch up to someone when theyre making their way home (almost like following them). I havent really interacted with her since september or so..

[smackie9]

Sit next to her in class and say "Hi" 

[Erenik Gillgrenov]

3 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Sit next to her in class and say "Hi" 

I don't see this as an option. I always sit with my group and she with hers, would probably make her uncomfortable if anything. I see it as a no go

[smackie9]

Then say hi to her in the hallway between classes. 

[Erenik Gillgrenov]

3 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Then say hi to her in the hallway between classes. 

that's a good one, would probably be somewhat better. But I kinda need her to be alone, like no close friends around, and at the same time my two boys cant really be present either. Otherwise it'll just be awkward and weird, my two guys will even question me about it 

[smackie9]

Nothing wrong with showing them what it's like to be a man. 

[Coily]

I agree with Smackie, say hello to her every chance you could cross paths. Go out of your way at lunch to give her a nice hello. Give her a genuine small compliment from time to time, If say she looks nice in that parka tell her so. Now don't go over the top, but let her know that you've noticed her.

If all goes well chat between classes, now don't crowd her; but if you two see each other in the halls go out of your way.

All easy on paper, give it a try.

 

[Erenik Gillgrenov]

38 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Nothing wrong with showing them what it's like to be a man. 

I guess, but too much trying to be a gentleman isnt ideal either 

[Erenik Gillgrenov]

29 minutes ago, Coily said:

I agree with Smackie, say hello to her every chance you could cross paths. Go out of your way at lunch to give her a nice hello. Give her a genuine small compliment from time to time, If say she looks nice in that parka tell her so. Now don't go over the top, but let her know that you've noticed her.

If all goes well chat between classes, now don't crowd her; but if you two see each other in the halls go out of your way.

All easy on paper, give it a try.

 

sigh I guess so, but I don't know how I'm supposed to when there are people around constantly (my pals, her friends)

like no interruptions

[Coily]

14 minutes ago, Erenik Gillgrenov said:

sigh I guess so, but I don't know how I'm supposed to when there are people around constantly (my pals, her friends)

like no interruptions

That's what you're working up to, that way you can get her alone to ask her out. Also give you time to see how she reacts.

[Cherylyn]

I agree with others.  Start with "hello" and gradually converse longer than the previous times.  You have to be patient though.  Never demonstrate over zealous behavior otherwise you'll be perceived as desperate, overly eager, weird, strange and creepy.  Take your time getting acquainted.  Don't rush and don't be in a hurry otherwise you'll scare her off. 

[Erenik Gillgrenov]

11 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

I agree with others.  Start with "hello" and gradually converse longer than the previous times.  You have to be patient though.  Never demonstrate over zealous behavior otherwise you'll be perceived as desperate, overly eager, weird, strange and creepy.  Take your time getting acquainted.  Don't rush and don't be in a hurry otherwise you'll scare her off. 

I'm nervous and afraid. She's smart and surrounded by smart people, i wouldn't say that im dumb or anything i definitely have my ups but i don't want to stick out in the crowd at the same time. I wanna be able to control what I'm doing body language wise (like actually respond with a clear hello and not just do some stupid noise...) and to use intellectual words. 

ive been having a crush on her since lets say october, i can be patient a little more i hope

[Andrina]

How about if you're at the front of the school when she gets off the bus? Don't people hang out there, chatting? I'm sure you know her name. You could say hello to her. Then if she seems to be happy to see you, try and talk, asking her what she's thinks about the class you two share. Let this be a building block, building a foundation that will hopefully open to more discussions, and eventually lead to you asking her out (if you're getting positive signals she'd say yes).

You can't care what your buddies think. If you don't want to answer their questions, tell them it's none of their business. Another suggestion: you ask your buddies, "Why don't we go sit by that group of girls today in class?" Might be less awkward if you merge your groups. 

You're full of excuses because of your fear.

I remember when I ate lunch in high school with my friend and her buddy. I'd been dating my bf from another school for a year. When my friend's buddy pointed out a boy, saying that they'd been eyeing each other for eons, and they'd say "hi" but nothing else, I thought it was so ridiculous. They were missing a golden opportunity, or she was reading too much into it and imagining things.

When wise, older people have been questioned about smart things they've done throughout their lives,  it was always about taking a risk, even if it didn't pan out. That was better than not trying at all, and always wondering what could have been.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[Coily]

5 minutes ago, Erenik Gillgrenov said:

I'm nervous and afraid. She's smart and surrounded by smart people, i wouldn't say that im dumb or anything i definitely have my ups but i don't want to stick out in the crowd at the same time. I wanna be able to control what I'm doing body language wise (like actually respond with a clear hello and not just do some stupid noise...) and to use intellectual words. 

ive been having a crush on her since lets say october, i can be patient a little more i hope

Nervous is normal.

So a couple of things, and I say this as a man who was picked on for asking out "the popular girl." The only thing I regretted was not moving on and asking out other girls at my school. If I had just been a little bolder, and also realized the world of required education is a small one; I would have been far happier. I let that hesitation hold me back, it wasn't until university that I found out one of the girls I had a crush on was crazy about me but expected me to make the first move.

In short, the only thing you will regret is not taking the chance. No matter how this turns out, you will avoid living with regret.

[Cherylyn]

11 minutes ago, Erenik Gillgrenov said:

I'm nervous and afraid. She's smart and surrounded by smart people, i wouldn't say that im dumb or anything i definitely have my ups but i don't want to stick out in the crowd at the same time. I wanna be able to control what I'm doing body language wise (like actually respond with a clear hello and not just do some stupid noise...) and to use intellectual words. 

ive been having a crush on her since lets say october, i can be patient a little more i hope

I know you're nervous and afraid.  Just jump out of your skin and do it.  Break the ice and say "hello" and introduce yourself.  Over time, increase your conversations with her gradually.  Exude self confidence. 

Don't try so hard to be intellectual because then you'll be perceived as unnatural and forced.  Just be yourself.  Be easy going if you want her to feel relaxed. 

 

[smackie9]

The more you put her on a pedestal the more you will feel inferior, the less confidence you will have. She's not all that...it's all in your head. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

The more you put her on a pedestal the more you will feel inferior, the less confidence you will have. She's not all that...it's all in your head. 

And it's presumptuous of you to assume she will remain single and available.  Timing means a lot.  I originally met my husband by crossing a crowded room to say hi and welcome on his first day of work at an orientation event.  I'm almost certain we wouldn't be married if I hadn't.  

[Erenik Gillgrenov]

ill be back with hopefully success in my quest later

[Kwothe28]

Oh boy. Do you want bad news or good news first?

Well, bad news is you are probably a toast. You dont know how to approach, you already put her on a pedestal as "perfect" and you would probably "freeze" if you have a chance of interacting with her.

Good news is, nobody is born with the ability to interact with people. We sort of pick it up along the way. So, even if it fails, you just look at it as a learning point and move on. You will maybe look at it as "tragedy" but you should be fine. Again, nobody is born with the ability to talk and we learn it and adjust it. 

Your first mistake is putting her on a pedestal. Nobody is perfect and you shouldnt look at her like that. Heck, if you look at her as not so perfect, you will realize things are going to get easier as you will not have so much pressure. And you will actually not look at her as "Muh Queen" but as a normal human being with flaws. If it helps imagine any flaw that she might have. Even something silly, for example that her vagina smells. It will help you greatly if you think of a women as a normal human being and not as an imaginary princesses. 

Second mistake is that you ask how are you suppose to talk to her. You just talk. Do you maybe want to know something about her? Maybe she has an interesting hobby? Maybe she likes movies or TV shows? You mentioned she is a vegetarian so maybe you want to ask why. People(especially vegans) love to tell you about their eating habits. Heard that joke about vegans? How do you know someone is a vegan? Dont worry, they will tell you themselves. Actually dont tell her that, she would probably get mad lol. Point is, you got plenty to talk to. But again, you will need experience for that.

As for an opening, dont you see her outside school? Does she goes out? Do you? When I was a highschooler we had a party and go out in town almost every weekend. Even if you just want to talk to her after school, its not weird if you are respectful. Just say that you dont talk too much at school but that you would like to correct that mistake. Or something like that.

And again, its not the end of the world even if nothing happens. It took me years to be better when it comes to opening up and talking to women. Didnt get my first real girlfriend until I was 18 years old. And even then I was drunk, talked to her bit, took her number(she didnt had a cellular and I didnt bring mine so I had to remember her landline number while I was drunk lol) and took me like 3 dates later to even get somewhere. What I am trying to say is, its a process. Dont get discouraged if you dont succeed in your first try. There are plenty of women there that are just as good as her and maybe better. 

[Erenik Gillgrenov]

17 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Oh boy. Do you want bad news or good news first?

Well, bad news is you are probably a toast. You dont know how to approach, you already put her on a pedestal as "perfect" and you would probably "freeze" if you have a chance of interacting with her.

Good news is, nobody is born with the ability to interact with people. We sort of pick it up along the way. So, even if it fails, you just look at it as a learning point and move on. You will maybe look at it as "tragedy" but you should be fine. Again, nobody is born with the ability to talk and we learn it and adjust it. 

Your first mistake is putting her on a pedestal. Nobody is perfect and you shouldnt look at her like that. Heck, if you look at her as not so perfect, you will realize things are going to get easier as you will not have so much pressure. And you will actually not look at her as "Muh Queen" but as a normal human being with flaws. If it helps imagine any flaw that she might have. Even something silly, for example that her vagina smells. It will help you greatly if you think of a women as a normal human being and not as an imaginary princesses. 

Second mistake is that you ask how are you suppose to talk to her. You just talk. Do you maybe want to know something about her? Maybe she has an interesting hobby? Maybe she likes movies or TV shows? You mentioned she is a vegetarian so maybe you want to ask why. People(especially vegans) love to tell you about their eating habits. Heard that joke about vegans? How do you know someone is a vegan? Dont worry, they will tell you themselves. Actually dont tell her that, she would probably get mad lol. Point is, you got plenty to talk to. But again, you will need experience for that.

As for an opening, dont you see her outside school? Does she goes out? Do you? When I was a highschooler we had a party and go out in town almost every weekend. Even if you just want to talk to her after school, its not weird if you are respectful. Just say that you dont talk too much at school but that you would like to correct that mistake. Or something like that.

And again, its not the end of the world even if nothing happens. It took me years to be better when it comes to opening up and talking to women. Didnt get my first real girlfriend until I was 18 years old. And even then I was drunk, talked to her bit, took her number(she didnt had a cellular and I didnt bring mine so I had to remember her landline number while I was drunk lol) and took me like 3 dates later to even get somewhere. What I am trying to say is, its a process. Dont get discouraged if you dont succeed in your first try. There are plenty of women there that are just as good as her and maybe better. 

wouldn't worry about the freezing thing, I'm no incel. Nor do I really see her as a princess. Don't worry I'm more normal than that.
 

Finding an opportunity to talk to her is difficult. She takes a 40 min bus ride to and from school everyday, so after classes its directly to the bus. In school, she's always with her friend group of 4, like, always. At the same time I am always seen with my two boys. I've thought about doing some unmoral stuff and get her number and call one day, still unsure.

[smackie9]

You mean immoral......but what is immoral about going up to her and say that you think she very pretty, and ask if she would like to hangout sometime? 

[Erenik Gillgrenov]

alright guys news incoming

today, some minutes after classes, i confronted her when she was on her way outside n' towards her bus

I first said thanks for something i had asked her about earlier (school related event i missed, she actually responded). Then i tried getting to the point quickly as she was in a hurry, which i was told. So i asked her for her number, that i could maybe call sometime (didn't specify hanging out or anything sadly). After going down some stairs and passing some other students she said with a loathing voice - "preferely not..!"

after that I said that its not problem, no pressure, everything like that and we departed shortly after (cya on monday!!) 

i dont think it's game over yet, i mean this is a very focused, mature and clever  *woman* so things would be easier if we had nothing that'd disturb in school (like exams and whatnot). We share similarities and are of course different but i think we match pretty well, if i could just constantly show the good side (not that im like an ass otherwise or something, but there's a difference between me hanging out with the boys and confronting (intelligent) girls) 

so yeah, im a bit let down right now naturally, just constantly thinking about her and wanting to hug her

[Kwothe28]

4 minutes ago, Erenik Gillgrenov said:

After going down some stairs and passing some other students she said with a loathing voice - "preferely not..!"

Dude, read the room. There is a time to try something and time to back off. You are on second now. Sorry, but no matter how you think there is something there, she seem to dont. That should be enough for you to give up and move on. 

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, Erenik Gillgrenov said:

 i asked her for her number, that i could maybe call sometime  she said with a loathing voice - "preferely not..!"

Date other girls. Don't be her fan. Just pick yourself up and start talking to a lot of other girls at school. Be busy talking with girls when she walks by. 

[Jibralta]

25 minutes ago, Erenik Gillgrenov said:

i asked her for her number, that i could maybe call sometime (didn't specify hanging out or anything sadly). After going down some stairs and passing some other students she said with a loathing voice - "preferely not..!"

i dont think it's game over yet

I'd say that's definitely game over.

Sorry.