Fiancé isn’t having sex with me

[carlanicole]

My fiancé always wants sex at least 3-5 times a week, although I always say no and do it 3 times most of the time. All of the sudden for the past 2 weeks I been horny and I have been asking him for sex and  he just says he’s tired or falls asleep. 
so tonight I give him some head because I wanna have sex and he laying there watching tv. Then I stop and say I want to be touched also and he says I don’t wanna eat you out you just got off your period meanwhile it’s been more than a week since my period.  Then I move away from him ans then he falls asleep. 
There no doubt I don’t think that he is tired because he works 10-12 hour days but now all the sudden when I ask for sex he says no. I’m not sure what to think or do. 

[Jaunty]

Well, you said you "always say no."  Maybe he finally believes you.

[kctiger]

Just wait until you're actually married. 3 times a week will seem exhausting, so enjoy it while you can. 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, carlanicole said:

 I give him some head because I wanna have sex and he laying there watching tv. 

How long have you been dating? How old is he? Sometimes people aren't in the mood, it happens. If either you or he isn't in the mood that's ok.  Try not to force things. Just relax because there's always tomorrow.

[smackie9]

I believe he's just rubbing it in your face to prove a point. Time to have a serious discussion. 

[Betterwithout]

Sounds like a typical power struggle and rejection retaliation.   It never feels good to be rejected for you ...or for him.
I think it could just a minor slump in your appetites. 

Don't stress too much about it, hopefully the stars align for you next week.

 

[Daisychains660]

14 hours ago, carlanicole said:

My fiancé always wants sex at least 3-5 times a week, although I always say no and do it 3 times most of the time. All of the sudden for the past 2 weeks I been horny and I have been asking him for sex and  he just says he’s tired or falls asleep. 
so tonight I give him some head because I wanna have sex and he laying there watching tv. Then I stop and say I want to be touched also and he says I don’t wanna eat you out you just got off your period meanwhile it’s been more than a week since my period.  Then I move away from him ans then he falls asleep. 
There no doubt I don’t think that he is tired because he works 10-12 hour days but now all the sudden when I ask for sex he says no. I’m not sure what to think or do. 

  It’s only been 2 weeks. I speak based on experience because my bf has had periods where his sex drive dipped (from wanting into every day to only 2 times a week or so. Sex in LTR can ebb and flow. I was worried too but we’re back to everyday now almost and i kinda wish it’d go back to less haha 

[carlanicole]

50 minutes ago, Daisychains660 said:

  It’s only been 2 weeks. I speak based on experience because my bf has had periods where his sex drive dipped (from wanting into every day to only 2 times a week or so. Sex in LTR can ebb and flow. I was worried too but we’re back to everyday now almost and i kinda wish it’d go back to less haha 

It’s weird because he asked for all the time, was lovely with me but now he says he’s tired and that I get home late from work so then it’s too late. I even put lingerie on and he declined 2 days in a row. 

[carlanicole]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been dating? How old is he? Sometimes people aren't in the mood, it happens. If either you or he isn't in the mood that's ok.  Try not to force things. Just relax because there's always tomorrow.

We been together for 7 years and engaged 1. He is 27 and I’m 25 He says he’s too tired to have sex. But his work schedule is the same and he would to do it then. 

[smackie9]

Something to consider is that he could be having an affair...maybe not a physical one but maybe an emotional one. 

[carlanicole]

6 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Something to consider is that he could be having an affair...maybe not a physical one but maybe an emotional one. 

On Saturday I found out he was on a sex chat website, and he was spending money on that site to maybe talk to women and them to do stuff idk. He said the women didn’t even speak English tho. This was happening for a month. It really confused me because our relationship was great and we were not arguing. But I know he does a porn addiction I told him I don’t like it and for to stop. But since he wasn’t having sex with me I invesgated and looked in his email. So he would be watching this stuff before I came home from work. It just one thing to watch porn but to be on a sex chat site and spending money buying coins for them, it hurts so idk. I trusted him once again and now he’s like a stranger 

[Coily]

Unfortunately I think this is him reacting to the regular rejection. This is all a breakdown of communications about your intimacy. Yes it's petty, but if he's constantly rejected I'm not shocked that he's paying you back.

There was another post with a lady in a similar situation, the advice then as now, is to let him take initiative successfully from time to time.

Though with than new revelation (after my initial post), I think he's just given up on sex in the relationship. Maybe born of frustration, or just his poor morals. You two need to come to a parity of your sexual needs.

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, carlanicole said:

 I found out he was on a sex chat website, and he was spending money  I know he does a porn addiction I told him I don’t like it and for to stop. 

Don't take the blame for his bad habits and wasting money. You're not responsible for his proclivities because of your work hours. Discuss your findings with him and perhaps figure out better times for sex when you're both not tired.

[Daisychains660]

1 hour ago, carlanicole said:

It’s weird because he asked for all the time, was lovely with me but now he says he’s tired and that I get home late from work so then it’s too late. I even put lingerie on and he declined 2 days in a row. 

To me I think if you’re ready to marry this guy you should feel close enough to have open and honest talks with him about what’s going on. With my guy, I explained how I felt concerned  and rejected with the drop off and my bf assured me it was typical for him for his libido to drop off and not me. I even asked him if it could be porn because I know that can cause lack of interest in many men, but he didn’t think it was the problem as he didn’t watch it much ( I have no problem with him watching if it doesn’t interfere with our sex life) I will say I’d have a problem with my guy  paying for porn with cam girls, that’s a step too far for me and I think is a deeper problem, but that’s just me. Anyway , talk to him about it . 

 

[smackie9]

You have pointed this stuff out to him but he always has an excuse so communication has been established, he knows you don't like it and he needs to stop doing it. Telling Him to stop does nothing. He needs to see the repercussions for his lack of initiative to do anything about it. Pack your stuff up and leave.