I had over a year long distance relationship with a woman and she currently has me blocked. Not sure if I should let her go.

[Jimmy ape]

Yes I am currently blocked on pretty much everything. I feel lost without her right now though.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Jimmy ape said:

Yes I am currently blocked on pretty much everything. I feel lost without her right now though.

That's on you to figure out why you are so attached to someone you've never met -in a romantic way you think -and also why you are interacting with someone who behaves in such a nasty way.  And, why you are not being proactive in making an in person life for yourself with people whether interacting on a social, personal, and/or dating leve.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Jimmy ape said:

Yes I am currently blocked on pretty much everything. I feel lost without her right now though.

Use this time to improve your life in general. Start looking for jobs. Take some classes and courses. Get in shape. Improve your health.  Join some groups and clubs. Make friends. Plan for your future.

One of the reasons you went down this dark hole is the inertia in your life.  Redirect your energy into yourself and improving your life and career and finances. It's better than chronically arguing and making lists of things you don't like about someone you've never met.

 

[Jimmy ape]

She called me an hour ago, screaming at me that I reactivated my dating profile and this is after she blocked me and told me she was going on a date with someone. She said she was lying about going on the date with someone, and "that is just something that girls do".

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Jimmy ape said:

She called me an hour ago, screaming at me that I reactivated my dating profile .

Unfortunately this seems like game playing. It's up to you how long you want this to go on. 

[Jimmy ape]

Not sure what you mean by game playing, she was definitely angry upset and crying. She is very unstable, I dont even know what to say.

One good thing was she said she was willing to talk to a therapist, her and I both. A relationship counselor of sorts.

[catfeeder]

5 minutes ago, Jimmy ape said:

Not sure what you mean by game playing, she was definitely angry upset and crying. She is very unstable, I dont even know what to say.

One good thing was she said she was willing to talk to a therapist, her and I both. A relationship counselor of sorts.

Great! Pay lots of money for a virtual 'relationship counselor' to validate your virtual fantasy instead of reconciling why you won't just try to date women who are local enough to actually meet.

Good luck with that.

[Batya33]

I would end all contact with her otherwise at this point you are risking escalating the harassment from her end.  Who needs that.  Any licensed counselor who has any semblance of ethics would decline the opportunity to meet with both of you under the circumstances particularly since she cannot be sure that either of you are who you claim to be.  If a person did -male or female -that person would be behaving in an unprofessional way.

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, Jimmy ape said:

 she said she was willing to talk to a therapist, her and I both. A relationship counselor of sorts.

If neither of you work, are your parents paying for this? Why not get individual in-person one-on-one therapy so you can examine why you're involved in something like this for so long.

[Jimmy ape]

I dont know what you guys mean by fantasy, we have been video chatting on a daily basis for over a year. I have her address, name, everything. I know she is who she is as does she. Shes a real person, she just has some mental problems.

[Capricorn3]

OP, may I ask how old are you two?

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Jimmy ape said:

I dont know what you guys mean by fantasy, we have been video chatting on a daily basis for over a year. I have her address, name, everything. I know she is who she is as does she. Shes a real person, she just has some mental problems.

It's a fantasy as far as you don't have a romantic relationship with her because you have never met in person -and have no plans to.  She is a real chat buddy of yours as I wrote above. Name and address isn't that helpful if she is this unstable -that can be fabricated or may have changed etc.  Also she may be associated with people who are unstable so the more you stay in contact the more risk to your safety.  

[Jimmy ape]

I have her fb profile, Ive seen proof of her masters degree, shes even shown me her ID to show me her height. I know who she is. We are more than just "chat buddies".  We have planned to meet in person several times but it hasnt happened yet. If we were to continue chatting Im sure we will meet soon.

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Jimmy ape said:

I have her fb profile, Ive seen proof of her masters degree, shes even shown me her ID to show me her height. I know who she is. We are more than just "chat buddies".  We have planned to meet in person several times but it hasnt happened yet. If we were to continue chatting Im sure we will meet soon.

You don't have a romantic relationship with her and it's telling that you've never met after all this time but have interacted in really nasty ways.  People who desire to meet to see if they should have a romantic relationship meet ASAP. They meet.  They don't make excuses or empty promises.

She is an online friend or "chat buddy" - and you haven't met because you don't want to badly enough and you have continued to chat and interact with her all this time without meeting because it's safer to have this interaction and call it a romantic relationship then meet people in person and date in person and put in the effort to get to know dates in person -you hide behind a screen, praise yourself for sticking by a person who "needs" you but you don't have to take on the effort and responsibility of getting to know someone in person nor do you have to be open and vulnerable in a real relationship - which if you want a serious romantic relationship that is essential.

This is safe and also challenging/exciting/drama filled but you know you can end it with a click at any moment and be done with it -no in person talks required, no seeing her around, etc.  

[boltnrun]

I've asked twice but I'm going to try again.

Why don't you want to date women in person? Why don't you date women you can actually physically interact with? Why do you prefer electronic communication?

[Jimmy ape]

3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I've asked twice but I'm going to try again.

Why don't you want to date women in person? Why don't you date women you can actually physically interact with? Why do you prefer electronic communication?

I dont prefer it. Id prefer to meet a girl in person. Im not a spring chicken anymore and not sure how to try to meet women. In high school and college it was easy. It seems like everyone goes the online route these days.

[boltnrun]

11 minutes ago, Jimmy ape said:

I dont prefer it. Id prefer to meet a girl in person. Im not a spring chicken anymore and not sure how to try to meet women. In high school and college it was easy. It seems like everyone goes the online route these days.

Yes, but they don't purport to be in love with or in a relationship with someone who exists only over electronic devices. And they don't put up with an online stranger acting the way this person does. 

You can use online sites and apps to view profiles and send initial messages. Then you can suggest meeting in person at a neutral location. If you two hit it off you can ask for a date. 

Typing words and reading words on a screen for a year or more does not make something a relationship. 

[Batya33]

I dated people I met through online sites - I met over 100 men in person.  I never dated anyone online or tried to because I wanted a real romantic/dating relationship.  Don't you?

[SooSad33]

On 1/27/2023 at 7:17 PM, Jimmy ape said:

the cause of the fight was her telling me I need to get a job (despite the fact I have several ways to make money aside from working). I told her I wasnt opposed to it, and she gave me an ultimatum that she will give me a month to find a job. Thats when I flipped out and cussed her out and gave her the middle finger, which I totally regret now. It started a massive fight and a subsequent shouting match and I am now blocked. She has some good qualities but she also has a lot of personality problems which I will list below. I am genuinely needing of some advice here as far as whether or not I should try to fix this situation.

You can't fix this & you can't fix her.

She is giving you altimatums, she is blocking you then unblocking... like wth? Is pretty much controlling and on it goessss. She cannot control you & tell you what to do with your life - I think you know this.

As mentioned above, you are blocked? Good, leave it at that.

Be done with all of this now.  Nothing shows you two have anything positive in this..whatever it is 😕 .

 

[MissCanuck]

A relationship counsellor is going to tell you two to end this charade of a relationship, OP. 

So maybe that would be a good thing, because you're currently living in a fantasy bubble with this toxic woman rather than facing and living in reality. What you have here is not love. It's two codependent people who are enmeshed in a dysfunctional situation and avoiding real life. 

How old are you, and how old is she? 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Jimmy ape said:

. Im not a spring chicken anymore and not sure how to try to meet women. 

What is the possibility of ever meeting at this point? How old is she? 

[Jaunty]

Well ... she sounds awful.  I'm sorry, but you haven't behaved in a princely fashion yourself.  And you haven't ever even met.  Let this one go.   Forever.  

[LootieTootie]

I just one question.... How old are you both?

[catfeeder]

On 1/28/2023 at 4:56 PM, Jimmy ape said:

I dont know what you guys mean by fantasy, we have been video chatting on a daily basis for over a year. I have her address, name, everything. I know she is who she is as does she. Shes a real person, she just has some mental problems.

The fantasy you've built 'around' her without ever meeting her. Typing and phone calls are not meeting, they just feed the fantasies you've created about a total stranger.

[Jimmy ape]

Update.

 

Today she unblocked me and I messaged her and she told me to stop texting her and to please forget about her as she cant trust me. Then she blocked me again when I refused to fight or argue. Im sick of the childish games. I blocked her on her whatsapp and telephone. She is mentally ill.