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I had over a year long distance relationship with a woman and she currently has me blocked. Not sure if I should let her go.


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We have not met yet, but I feel like I do love her. We have had several fights and Ive been blocked and unblocked several times. This time I blocked her, then she tried to call me 4 times on my phone, then sent me a text wishing me a happy life. I didnt respond and the next day I saw that she had blocked me on everything. I think this time it was my fault as the cause of the fight was her telling me I need to get a job (despite the fact I have several ways to make money aside from working). I told her I wasnt opposed to it, and she gave me an ultimatum that she will give me a month to find a job. Thats when I flipped out and cussed her out and gave her the middle finger, which I totally regret now. It started a massive fight and a subsequent shouting match and I am now blocked. She has some good qualities but she also has a lot of personality problems which I will list below. I am genuinely needing of some advice here as far as whether or not I should try to fix this situation. For the record she plays a lot of mind games and if history is any indication she will likely unblock or contact me at some point. When she is not PMS'ing she is a normal caring, reasonable intelligent girl. I have wondered if she is bipolar as when that time of the month comes around she becomes a demonic person straight from hell. Its honestly crazy and disturbing. This last time she tried hard, even minimized our interaction but towards the end she exploded again. 

 

has blocked and unblocked me on numerous occasions

always uses the fact that she is a girl as as justification for everything and anything

once stated we have to move to a place that she likes and I dislike

is manipulative and plays mind games

calls my sister mentally il and ugly all the time despite never having met her

called me ugly

called my mom a narcissist and crazy

didnt buy me a gift on my birthday then complained I only bought her flowers and coffee on hers and also told me she doesnt like me on my birthday, claimed she didnt buy the gift because she was going to break up with me, but didnt

lies all the time, cant trust her

incredibly entitled

mean at times

unstable

insults my family regularly despite not ever having met them and claims she knows them

said she found someone to date when we had a fight and that she could find 1000 guys better than me

doesnt seem to care about me or my feelings at times

asked for an expensive ring

wanted me to take down my rice jersey off the wall (said my house looks like a stadium)

has been diagnosed as a masochist

may be bipolar

referred to herself as "arrogant to the point of being mentally ill"

makes racist remarks and called asians subhuman

is supported by her mother, cant find a job and wants someone to take care of her

cant hold a job

blocked me once for correcting her grammar

sent me a letter once saying she will never forgive me with a stupid picture of herself then blew up my phone hours later

doesnt have a car

changes her mind all the time, talks about moving to another country, and studying medical blah blah

when she gets her period she gets crazy

mimics me at times like a little kid 

she loves to eat and is a bit overweight

due to a birth defect is unable to have kids

comes across as controlling at times

she reactivated her dating profile months ago when we were still "dating"

we were talking for over a year and never met, she keeps pushing it back and making strange excuses

said that one day we should have sex with other people at a point in the future when we have been "connected on a soul level"

has stated she doesnt like me and hates me several times when angry

asked me if when we meet I would want to have sex ( I wasnt sure how to interpret this question)

calls me stingy all the time despite the fact Ive bought her gifts and flowers half a dozen times and weve never met

 holds grudges easily

projects all the time and has little self awareness

says she screamed at her doctors when she had her breast reduction surgery

insists that my mom call her or else she will never forgive me this time

 

 Thank you in advance

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Since for all practical purposes she is a stranger to you for any romantic/dating purposes I'd stop being in any contact with her because she is not a person you get along with as a chat buddy.  You two don't play nicely in the sandbox so there's no point.  You can refer to a feeling of love but loving feelings -especially romantic feelings for someone you have never met - are not enough when the interactions are unhealthy and potentially dangerous given their instability.

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5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Since for all practical purposes she is a stranger to you for any romantic/dating purposes I'd stop being in any contact with her because she is not a person you get along with as a chat buddy.  You two don't play nicely in the sandbox so there's no point.  You can refer to a feeling of love but loving feelings -especially romantic feelings for someone you have never met - are not enough when the interactions are unhealthy and potentially dangerous given their instability.

Whats crazy is I would say about 80-90% of the time we get along fine. Sometimes she is a completely different person. The other her is unreasonable, demanding, and very mean.

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2 minutes ago, Jimmy ape said:

Whats crazy is I would say about 80-90% of the time we get along fine. Sometimes she is a completely different person. The other her is unreasonable, demanding, and very mean.

Yes but it's not  a percentage game like that.  She is not a good chat buddy for you because together the two of you have vicious arguments and treat each other horribly and immaturely.  Sure if there was one bad argument with a really good reason you two could stay in contact as chat buddies.  But you know that is not true and if you haven't met in a year then neither of you wants a real relationship with the other and you are both content to have this fantasy of how it would be when the reality is you two have not met and cannot manage not to act horribly to each other multiple times.  

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That woman has enough red flag to be communist China flag. Why do you want somebody like that is beyond me. Which does says a lot about you as you accepted somebody who did all that stuff, without even breaking up. And some of that stuff is pretty extreme. Calling you names? Insulting your family? You should be happy that person is not in your life. 

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Why don't you want to date women in person?

I know actually holding hands, hugging, sharing food, kissing and making love are all infinitely better than communicating over some electronic device.

Plus, I don't understand why you think you have feelings of love for someone who has all the awful qualities you listed and who you've had so many disputes with. I mean, it's like other than that list of 30 odd bad things, she's a great person and you two get along so well! I don't get it.

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5 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

That woman has enough red flag to be communist China flag. Why do you want somebody like that is beyond me. Which does says a lot about you as you accepted somebody who did all that stuff, without even breaking up. And some of that stuff is pretty extreme. Calling you names? Insulting your family? You should be happy that person is not in your life. 

I totally understand what you are saying and how all this may sound. Its really truly inexplicable. Most of the time she is a normal kind sweet reasonable caring, feminine, attractive person. I think she may be bipolar and my normal reaction is to try to fix something rather than abandon it. I do like her, its difficult to explain. Sometimes the heart just wants what it does. When we started out it was awesome, and I kinda fell in love with her. I have a huge heart and am very loyal and its hard for me to give up on people.

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6 minutes ago, Jimmy ape said:

I totally understand what you are saying and how all this may sound. Its really truly inexplicable. Most of the time she is a normal kind sweet reasonable caring, feminine, attractive person. I think she may be bipolar and my normal reaction is to try to fix something rather than abandon it. I do like her, its difficult to explain. Sometimes the heart just wants what it does. When we started out it was awesome, and I kinda fell in love with her. I have a huge heart and am very loyal and its hard for me to give up on people.

It doesnt matter. Your immediate reaction to somebody exhibiting those stuff she did should be to run as far away from her. Not to fix her because she can sometimes be sweet. Snakes can sometimes be sweet and very beautiful. But they can also murder you. If you want a functioning relationship, you would have to weed out people like that. Because they will not bring you hapiness and will entagle you in their web. You literally suffered an abuse from her. Your reaction shouldnt be "But I love her". Its on you to fix that and in the future seek somebody who will not exhibit that kind of behavior. And yes, preferrably in person, not online.

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Kwothe28 I dont even know you but I want to say God Bless you, this is a very difficult time and I feel like hell and you make so much sense and are making me feel significantly better already. Its people like you that give me hope for the human race. Thank you, from the bottom of my broken heart.

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54 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

 She is not a good chat buddy for you because together the two of you have vicious arguments and treat each other horribly and immaturely.  Sure if there was one bad argument with a really good reason you two could stay in contact as chat buddies.  But you know that is not true and if you haven't met in a year then neither of you wants a real relationship with the other and you are both content to have this fantasy of how it would be when the reality is you two have not met and cannot manage not to act horribly to each other multiple times.  

^ This.

OP, the sooner you are rid of this person, the better.  You dodged a bullet.  Block/delete her of all your social media, email, etc etc.  Go full NC and move on.  This is a disaster.  Take some time out to reflect and ask yourself the question WHY on earth you put up with such shocking, disgusting behaviour?  Is your self-esteem really that low?

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42 minutes ago, Jimmy ape said:

Whats crazy is I would say about 80-90% of the time we get along fine. ...

What's crazy is that you don't know about 80-90% of this person.

You've sunk a year of your focus into a fantasy about a total stranger you can't even meet.

I'd put a stop to that and meet some local people.

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No I dont have low self esteem. I just have a massive heart and she has shown me a lot of good on a lot of occasions and I liked the way she looked. I did not put up with her behavior, I responded in kind, and fights ensued. Believe me I know where you all are coming from, I understand exactly where you are coming from. I wish I could explain my feelings for her its truly inexplicable. I think she may have a mental illness. I thought I could maybe fix her. For a long time in the beginning she was great.

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5 minutes ago, Jimmy ape said:

 I wish I could explain my feelings for her its truly inexplicable. I think she may have a mental illness. I thought I could maybe fix her.

^ There's your answer.  It sounds like you're looking for a project to work on - to fix.  Just know, people are not projects, and you can't fix someone who possibly is mentally ill.  Leave that to the professionals. 

Again, you're dodging a bullet here.  Big heart or not, you need to stay NC and take this as a lesson learned.

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8 minutes ago, Jimmy ape said:

Lets be realistic though, a lot of people are in problematic and even abusive relationships and they stay for one of several reasons. 

A lot has to do with low self worth and low self esteem.  They clutch onto anyone who gives them a little attention, even if it's abusive.  Definitely work for a therapist.

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2 hours ago, Jimmy ape said:

Lets be realistic though, a lot of people are in problematic and even abusive relationships and they stay for one of several reasons. 

Those people have actually met their partners and have actual real life relationships.  They don't have "relationships" with their phones or laptops or gaming systems.

Why don't you want to date women in real life?

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This isn't a real relationship, OP. 

I don't mean to minimize your feelings, and I am sorry for your pain. However, you have lost all perspective with how much time you have wasted on a dead end. This is incredibly toxic and dysfunctional already and you have never even laid eyes on her in real life. 

Keep this person blocked for good, unplug, and spend time reflecting on why you got involved in a situation like this and let it drag on for so long. You've got some inner work to do here, so you will one day be able to form a real relationship with a local woman and not depend on devices as a substitute for real life. 

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I have listed all the bad. But Im not sure how horrible of a person she really is, it is extremely complex. I was not exactly a total saint in the duration of the relationship either, however it was usually her starting the fights with her mood swings.

She has admitted to being selfish, moody, difficult, arrogant, and once she even referred to herself as "tricky".

Ive never met such a person that was good most of the time and completely evil at others.

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17 hours ago, Jimmy ape said:

Has blocked and unblocked me on numerous occasions

Are you currently blocked? Use this opportunity to free yourself from this drama with someone you never met and have problems with. 

Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. 

Perhaps reflect how you went down this dark lonely chaotic road with a cyber stranger. That would be the best place to start, after freeing yourself from this depressing and aggravating situation. 

The power is in your hands to let go and get involved with real life and real life people.

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