Are Online Dating Apps a Detriment to Meeting People in Real Life?

[HeartGoesOn]

Mod Note:  Please stay on topic.

[waffle]

11 hours ago, mylolita said:

I say scrap it all! Just get out into the real world and if you are open and social, you'll meet loads of people, and some of them are gonna be single!

I would love to see someone these days just doing away with everything extra and getting back to old school.

This is mostly how I feel.

I think online was originally a good idea as it made sense to tap into that and use it to our advantage.  Unfortunately it has, as they say, "jumped the shark."  Men use it as Dial-a-P**sy.  And the more they've paid for the app, the more entitled they feel.  Women (as I understand it, they're not in my target demographic) use filters for pictures, in other words they end up being not hot enough in person, is the biggest issue.  I've never once heard a man complain about a woman misrepresenting her personality/job/accomplishments/interests, etc. in her profile, only her looks via the picture(s).  Every single word in their profile could be false but the only thing that matters is they weren't pretty enough when compared to the picture they posted.

I'm part of a singles group and the biggest issue is it's 2/3rds women.  There is another group 30 miles away with the same experience.  Not necessarily a big deal, it is what it is, but most online dating apps are 2/3rds men* so to me it makes more sense for men to put the phone down and start participating in life.

 

*except the "over 50" apps.  Those are almost overwhelmingly women.  Because men over 50 aren't looking for women over 50.

 

[boltnrun]

35 minutes ago, waffle said:

except the "over 50" apps.  Those are almost overwhelmingly women.  Because men over 50 aren't looking for women over 50.

Totally true.

When I was briefly using a dating website I noticed men my age (mid to late 40s) were looking for women between age 22 and age 35. I can't remember a single one who wanted to meet women their own age. And these weren't single, never married men but mostly divorced men so it wasn't necessarily them wanting a woman in the traditional child bearing age group because they'd already had their kids. They just wanted a young hot thing.

My friend's ex husband lied about his age on his dating profile and also lied about wanting kids. He said it was because if he didn't lie, no "young" women would want to date him. 🙄 And he wanted a woman in her late 20s even though he was over 40. He ended up finding a 32 year old and now she's bugging him about wanting a baby. Bit him in the butt lol.

[DarkCh0c0]

14 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I can't remember a single one who wanted to meet women their own age.

I never understood why it's like this. It's ridiculous.

[mylolita]

I think ladies, I have a gut feeling it’s called, evolution 🤣

 

Men want youth and fertility, women want resources and power. I think this explains why men get hotter as they age, and women are generally at their most “call the shots” able sexually from about 16-25!

 

I’m not dissing you ladies, I’m over the hill too at 32! 🥲🥹🥹🥹

 

I know I couldn’t compete with a smokin’ young thing! I imagine being thrust out into the singles world, 3 tiny kids and never worked for 6 years in my early 30s! I think that would go down like…. a lead balloon! 
 

Ha! 
 

I am, of course, disclaimed - generalising.

 

But @waffle I totally agree! Ditch the phones! Throw them! 
 

Is there a market like Coily said for the organised or local meet up aka dance? With a modern twist? Would people get  behind that now? Something to replace people using online dating for the  majority. Not many people are reporting happy times when they use it!

 

x

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, mylolita said:

Men want youth and fertility

These men are saying they don't want any more children, though. But I guess it's biology.

My friend's ex husband, for example, is adamant he does NOT want more children. He just wanted the young hot thing and that's why he lied. But now his young hot thing is expecting him to follow through. He's in a trap of his own making. I guess he could have had a vasectomy and not told her, but that would be next level. It'll be interesting to see how that all shakes out.

[mylolita]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

These men are saying they don't want any more children, though. But I guess it's biology.

My friend's ex husband, for example, is adamant he does NOT want more children. He just wanted the young hot thing and that's why he lied. But now his young hot thing is expecting him to follow through. He's in a trap of his own making. I guess he could have had a vasectomy and not told her, but that would be next level. It'll be interesting to see how that all shakes out.

Get your popcorn ready!
 

x

[Batya33]

One benefit I had when I used dating sites- I never dated online  - was quite often I only had one or two degrees of separation from the person -we at least knew of some of the same people so I could ask around if I felt like it about the person.  Also there was a particular cafe which was really popular for first meets.  One time I was at a first meet and it wasn't going that well - there was a man at another table either on a first meet or an early date -I could tell -who kept looking over at me. Later he emailed me -he said I had contacted him on the site at some point in the recent past- he recognized me from the photos.  We actually met and went out a few times!

[Coily]

As one of those “evil” men over 35 who want a younger woman to start a family with; I can say with no qualms it’s not just the fertility.

it all plays back into the topic at hand of confidence in personal interactions. I have found that women my age are more naturally jaded. Which while I can understand, I am not inclined to date nor start a family with a woman who will attack my confidence. 

One can see this attitude with online dating profiles. “I don’t have time for games” what we men hear is there won’t be a honeymoon period for the budding relationship. 
“You better have life sorted out “ translates into you better be worn down like me in life. (A bit of hyperbole for effect)

Most men who want a family will look for a woman who ooohs and ahhhs a bit. This boosts confidence and in the long term a man of who is more doting.

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Coily said:

As one of those “evil” men over 35 who want a younger woman to start a family with; I can say with no qualms it’s not just the fertility.

it all plays back into the topic at hand of confidence in personal interactions. I have found that women my age are more naturally jaded. Which while I can understand, I am not inclined to date nor start a family with a woman who will attack my confidence. 

One can see this attitude with online dating profiles. “I don’t have time for games” what we men hear is there won’t be a honeymoon period for the budding relationship. 
“You better have life sorted out “ translates into you better be worn down like me in life. (A bit of hyperbole for effect)

Most men who want a family will look for a woman who ooohs and ahhhs a bit. This boosts confidence and in the long term a man of who is more doting.

My profile was direct- but all positive - I hated the comments on men's profiles "no games".  Ugh. I only had two negatives - "no excessive drinking" and "no illegal drugs".  I did write "if you do not want children in the not too distant future that's fine and kindly move on to the next profile" -or something lie that.  

I was not jaded or cynical and it is a top reason why I was the right person to find the right person in my late 30s.  I had to work hard to avoid situations where that jaded/cynical feeling might be triggered -like for me avoiding casual sex and being bluntly honest with myself on what I wanted in a relationship and not settling.

[Jibralta]

39 minutes ago, Coily said:

I have found that women my age are more naturally jaded. Which while I can understand, I am not inclined to date nor start a family with a woman who will attack my confidence. 

One can see this attitude with online dating profiles. “I don’t have time for games” what we men hear is there won’t be a honeymoon period for the budding relationship. 
“You better have life sorted out “ translates into you better be worn down like me in life. (A bit of hyperbole for effect)

I think it's fair to say there's an equal amount of jadedness between the sexes. There's also an equal amount of experience, humor, wisdom, and other positive attributes that accumulate with age. Why run from it? 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I think it's fair to say there's an equal amount of jadedness between the sexes. There's also an equal amount of experience, humor, wisdom, and other positive attributes that accumulate with age. Why run from it? 

For me personally I was a better new mom at 42 than I would have been in my 20s. For the reasons you said. 

[Coily]

7 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I think it's fair to say there's an equal amount of jadedness between the sexes. There's also an equal amount of experience, humor, wisdom, and other positive attributes that accumulate with age. Why run from it? 

My personal jaded experiences. As I said hyperbole in my examples.Plus my desire to have a family, of more than one child.

Yes there are positives, there are also negatives. Why run to something I have tried multiple times and didn’t enjoy?

[Kwothe28]

17 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I think it's fair to say there's an equal amount of jadedness between the sexes. There's also an equal amount of experience, humor, wisdom, and other positive attributes that accumulate with age. Why run from it? 

At the risk of being misunderstood, I think it plays into another thing. We as men are more visual beings. And while women value "security" more(in a sense of them feeling secured, hence why lots of them preffer, for example, tall men over short, or men who have the life figured out already), men preffer visual. No other men would say to Bolts friends ex how his new girlfriend is having a great job, or is full of wisdom. But all would be "high fiving" him because he gets to be with a "hot young thing". Its just something that is more valued in general when it comes to men.

Anyway, I do agree its kinda silly. Always saw big difference in age as an obstacle to connect. I am a "90s kid". What to talk to somebody who doesnt even remembers 90s? Its too late for me to get into that K- Pop thing or whatever somebody younger would listen. If I would mention "MTV" they would probably thinks "Oh its that reality TV channel" or dont even know what that is. Even 7 years are so much different in terms of experience of somebody. Let alone more. Just saying that I do understand why on some "society level" having a younger woman is a thing. 

[waffle]

2 hours ago, Coily said:

it all plays back into the topic at hand of confidence in personal interactions. I have found that women my age are more naturally jaded. Which while I can understand, I am not inclined to date nor start a family with a woman who will attack my confidence. 

 

Translation: "Younger women are more easily controlled, and I need someone I can mold in to what I want and need with little to no pushback.  Older women are smarter and will see through me, and will be far less likely to put up with my bs."

[Coily]

1 minute ago, waffle said:

Translation: "Younger women are more easily controlled, and I need someone I can mold in to what I want and need with little to no pushback.  Older women will see through me and will be far less likely to put up with my BS."

Gee you have me soooo well pegged. Ironically you’re demonstrating the reason why men look to younger women. They aren’t reading ulterior motives when there are none.

 This honestly is really amusing me.

[boltnrun]

6 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

But all would be "high fiving" him because he gets to be with a "hot young thing".

I'm always curious what these men think will happen in a dozen years or so. The "hot young thing" will soon enough be a middle aged "thing". Then what? Ditch her and go trolling for another woman in her 20s? Until when, he's in his 80s? Sure, Charlie Chaplin did it but he was, well, Charlie Chaplin. Not your regular dude with a regular job.

Side note, I also wonder what my friend's ex will do once his young wife finds out he also took ten years off his age. At some point she's going to find out he lied about two pretty major things.

[waffle]

1 minute ago, Coily said:

Ironically you’re demonstrating the reason why men look to younger women. They aren’t reading ulterior motives when there are none.

The good news for you is the younger, easily-controlled women that you hope will prop up your delicate and fragile ego/confidence, can be purchased.  With cash (and investments, real estate, etc.).  Unfortunately the older you are, the higher that price is.  Might be time to look for an additional job.

 

[Coily]

12 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

At the risk of being misunderstood, I think it plays into another thing. We as men are more visual beings. And while women value "security" more(in a sense of them feeling secured, hence why lots of them preffer, for example, tall men over short, or men who have the life figured out already), men preffer visual. No other men would say to Bolts friends ex how his new girlfriend is having a great job, or is full of wisdom. But all would be "high fiving" him because he gets to be with a "hot young thing". Its just something that is more valued in general when it comes to men.

Anyway, I do agree its kinda silly. Always saw big difference in age as an obstacle to connect. I am a "90s kid". What to talk to somebody who doesnt even remembers 90s? Its too late for me to get into that K- Pop thing or whatever somebody younger would listen. If I would mention "MTV" they would probably thinks "Oh its that reality TV channel" or dont even know what that is. Even 7 years are so much different in terms of experience of somebody. Let alone more. Just saying that I do understand why on some "society level" having a younger woman is a thing. 

Well here’s something I will disagree with you on, sometimes the differences and be complimentary; as long as there are some deeper commonalities.

 A woman I dated about 8 years younger, was an absolute wizard when it came to gaming; something that wasn’t in my wheelhouse. But her passion opened me to new experiences, because I wanted to see where her passions took her. She was also a brilliant worker with the mentally disabled. I would also add not the hottest woman I was lucky to date; but she didn’t have have a baggage train she demanded I work around; like the woman 5 years older than me I had previously dated, who shared a lot of my interests and life experiences.

But I’ll keep on being evil. lol 

Back to the OPs question confidence between the online world and the real world wasn’t any different for me.

[Coily]

4 minutes ago, waffle said:

The good news for you is the younger, easily-controlled women that you hope will prop up your delicate and fragile ego/confidence, can be purchased.  With cash (and investments, real estate, etc.).  Unfortunately the older you are, the higher that price is.  Might be time to look for an additional job.

 

Oh honey child, you really are making me laugh. Shall I get a mail order bride to fulfill your image of me?

[DarkCh0c0]

6 hours ago, Coily said:

, I am not inclined to date nor start a family with a woman who will attack my confidence

Why would women in your age range attack your confidence? How do they do so? I'm intrigued.

[DarkCh0c0]

6 hours ago, Coily said:

One can see this attitude with online dating profiles. “I don’t have time for games” what we men hear is there won’t be a honeymoon period for the budding relationship. 
“You better have life sorted out “ translates into you better be worn down like me in life. (A bit of hyperbole for effect)

Or, it could be they're looking for a serious adult rather than a manchild.

Then again, if they put this on their profile, I might raise an eye brow cause it does give away a certain attitude.

[mylolita]

“When you get to 40 babe, I’m trading you in for two 20 year olds” 🥲

 

”And when you get to 40 babe, I’m divorcing you, and taking half.”

 

Seems to be the general gist! LOL! I’m not actually cynical I swear!!!! 
 

x

[mylolita]

I know where @Coily is coming from.

 

As an older man wanting to start a family, you can’t realistically begin with a lady 35 and up. Because you realistically will need a few years dating, moving in together, before you probably feel secure to start a family. So then this pushes the ladies age up into the late 30s. And to be just starting to begin your family life then - you are gambling a little with the biology of fertility.
 

It is a very rare thing, for an older woman, to have a straight forward pregnancy without any complications. 
 

But if a 40 year old man goes for a 30 year old woman or younger, there is realistically still time there, without too much pressure. 
 

She gets the likelihood of stability for her children, something women do crave and there is nothing wrong with that, and he gets her youth and baby making years (if they want a family). I know women have children much much older, and I do acknowledge that, but especially if you want more than one baby, and want to maybe space them out a little, you are not realistically going to do that if you start to date a woman who is 38. You can but, it’s going to have the pressure of rushing. And you don’t want to rush into who you start a family with.

 

There is a 9 year age gap between me and my husband. I was 18 when I met him, he was 27. I’m 32 now, he’s 41. I never actively set out to find an older guy but, I have always been attracted to older men and always will be. Men in my own age bracket don’t do too much for me, especially when those guys were all 18 just like me. It’s worked out well! I was 27 when I first got pregnant; and my husband was a father for the first time at 36. 
 

So, I’m a woman who prefers older men 🤣 Am I wrong? Should I be going after younger men? 
 

Your preferences are your preferences, people have a whole many reasons.

 

I joke to my husband now I’m in my 30s he’s too young now because the age gap isn’t as obvious, so I’ll be shacking up with a 50 year old soon - LOL! After the cosmetic surgery hahaha!  

 

JOKE! 
 

x
 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

Although some feel online dating is the scorge of society, it's nothing new. What's new is technology.

First it was lonely hearts print ads, then came "computer dating", based on questionnaires, then came the internet and dating sites, which were basically pictures and questions.

But then, came smartphones with geolocation and swiping. This led to the deliberately manufactured eBay-like shopping experience and  who's local for hookups ease of use. 

So there's an evolution of this alongside technology, but human nature hasn't changed all that much in the quest for a match.

"personal ads are nothing new.They began appearing in newspapers about 300 years ago. It’s thought the first personal ad was a matrimonial advertisement appearing in a British publication July 19, 1695. In the 18th century, most personal ads were placed by men in their mid-twenties"