Love of my life or the worst decision in my life | What would you do if you were me

[Lambert]

I think everyone is making some great points for you to consider. The main one being, you really need to work on your own relationship with yourself and addressing your mental health. Taking on more responsibilities, most concerning, involving a child is (frankly) not a smart move for anyone involved. 

I also ask you to think about what love is, love of one's life, & soulmate mean... 

It seems you have a romanticized version of love and maybe it's part of being bi polar but take the title of this post. How you captioned your situation.  "love of my life or worst decision".

Being this mixed up on something like this is reason enough to stop.

Slow down. End things with this woman. Give yourself time, space and self love (the work needed to heal and support your mental health)

Nothing good can come from rushing in on a situation you already question so deeply. 

[Tinydance]

1 hour ago, Paddy345 said:

Without saying to much and revealing who i am, there is a lot of sentiment in this forum around my criminal record, not making me a catch. But i'd just like to add that my lived experience within the criminal justice system, being educated whilst incarcerated, has kick started my career, i am lucky that i've managed to make the best out of a worst situation. I don't have issues getting jobs ect.. 

Yes and that's great! I mean that sincerely. The only point I was trying to make is what you were saying about this woman who you supposedly call "the love of your life". But at the same time you said that you are "settling", you can "do better" and don't think she's that good because she hasn't studied at university and she has a child. I don't actually understand how you call someone the love of your life and soul mate but yet think you would just settle for them and you can do better. That's a very contradictive statement, no?

I was also trying to point out that yes you studied at university and she hasn't. But you studied IN JAIL and then also you were studying but you were failing university. My whole point of my post was why are you judging this woman when you have a bigger list than her to be judged for?

I think if you genuinely think this woman isn't right for you or you can't be with someone with a child, that's not a problem. But you're listing reasons which frankly are kind of bs and judgemental. Like, "she hasn't studied at university", "she's of another race" single mother, my parents won't like her. Who cares about your parents. If they don't like her just because she's black or whatever, isn't the problem with them?

I actually almost get the impression you're scared of being in a relationship because you're insecure (you said yourself). So you're trying to come up with reasons why this woman isn't good enough for you.

Having said that, you don't need to be with her if there's something telling you that you shouldn't be. If you don't feel she's the right woman for you that's OK. 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I was also trying to point out that yes you studied at university and she hasn't. But you studied IN JAIL and then also you were studying but you were failing university. My whole point of my post was why are you judging this woman when you have a bigger list than her to be judged for?

I don't think it's about judging in that sense.  It's about whether he would choose to be in a serious relationship with a woman who hadn't been to university and/or was a single mom.  It would be about judging if he thought in general he was superior to her and therefore looked down on her as a person as opposed to a suitable match.  I had many friends and still do who didn't finish college (and some newer friends I really have no idea if/where they studied) - and chose only to look for future husbands who had for values-based reasons plus for increased chances of financial stability.

Yes I offered exactly the same -financial independence plus university educated, etc - so that was a factor meaning "I'm only asking for what I am offering" but it wasn't about judging someone who wasn't educated at a university, or was chronically unemployed - simply evaluating for potential spouse.  

[Tinydance]

21 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I don't think it's about judging in that sense.  It's about whether he would choose to be in a serious relationship with a woman who hadn't been to university and/or was a single mom.  It would be about judging if he thought in general he was superior to her and therefore looked down on her as a person as opposed to a suitable match.  I had many friends and still do who didn't finish college (and some newer friends I really have no idea if/where they studied) - and chose only to look for future husbands who had for values-based reasons plus for increased chances of financial stability.

Yes I offered exactly the same -financial independence plus university educated, etc - so that was a factor meaning "I'm only asking for what I am offering" but it wasn't about judging someone who wasn't educated at a university, or was chronically unemployed - simply evaluating for potential spouse.  

 But basically he said he does connect with her really well and he loves her but at the same time seems to somehow consider himself better than her? Like, there doesn't seem to be any issues other than her having a child. That's just from my perspective as I don't actually know these people of course. She sounds like a nice person but the issues more so just the university thing and not accepted by his family because they're racist. 

I'm just trying to say that in life it's good to be realistic. You've written you wouldn't date someone with a criminal past and I think many people might feel the same. He has told his girlfriend everything, about his mental health, jail, cheating, suicide attempts, escorts. She accepts him as he is. But he doesn't actually accept her as SHE is. Even though she's done nothing wrong.

[Batya33]

11 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I'm just trying to say that in life it's good to be realistic. You've written you wouldn't date someone with a criminal past and I think many people might feel the same. He has told his girlfriend everything, about his mental health, jail, cheating, suicide attempts. She accepts him as he is. But he doesn't actually accept her as SHE is. Even though she's done nothing wrong.

Yes so as I wrote above if he is judging her in general and not just as whether she's suitable as a match for him those are two different things.  Being realistic is important.  Not settling is also important.  I never thought it was realistic of my friends who were petite like me to insist they'd only date a guy who was at least 5"11.  But they claimed they weren't physically attracted to shorter men.  I never thought it was realistic of my male friends in their late 40s and beyond to insist on only dating women who were able to conceive and carry a pregnancy full term because that would typically mean the woman was a good 10 years plus younger.  But partly the issue was they weren't attracted to women who looked "older".  

I don't know at all that she accepts him as he is.  Maybe she is settling too -we do not know.  We only know what he believes from what she's told him.  

To me finding a match is not about finding someone who's "done nothing wrong".  My breasts weren't large and I'd done nothing wrong and yet some men wouldn't date me because of it.  For years I declined to date men who were overweight even if their weight was from some issue out of their control.  They'd done nothing wrong and I chose not to date those men.  

The issue of her having a child to me is a dealbreaker -he even said even if he conquered allll his doubts about her including that one he'd arrive at "acceptance".  A child deserves more than "acceptance" from a potential stepfather IMO.

[Tinydance]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

Yes so as I wrote above if he is judging her in general and not just as whether she's suitable as a match for him those are two different things.  Being realistic is important.  Not settling is also important.  I never thought it was realistic of my friends who were petite like me to insist they'd only date a guy who was at least 5"11.  But they claimed they weren't physically attracted to shorter men.  I never thought it was realistic of my male friends in their late 40s and beyond to insist on only dating women who were able to conceive and carry a pregnancy full term because that would typically mean the woman was a good 10 years plus younger.  But partly the issue was they weren't attracted to women who looked "older".  

I don't know at all that she accepts him as he is.  Maybe she is settling too -we do not know.  We only know what he believes from what she's told him.  

To me finding a match is not about finding someone who's "done nothing wrong".  My breasts weren't large and I'd done nothing wrong and yet some men wouldn't date me because of it.  For years I declined to date men who were overweight even if their weight was from some issue out of their control.  They'd done nothing wrong and I chose not to date those men.  

The issue of her having a child to me is a dealbreaker -he even said even if he conquered allll his doubts about her including that one he'd arrive at "acceptance".  A child deserves more than "acceptance" from a potential stepfather IMO.

No I agree with you that if we feel a certain way about something that we can't necessarily change it. E.g. One guy I kissed then later said he's not attracted to blondes. I'm a blonde so needless to say it didn't go anywhere lol 

It's actually very difficult to find someone to date though and especially as you get older. It's not hard to find "someone" in the sense that if you just want anybody, you can get anybody. But it's really hard to find someone you love, who loves you back and you have a connection and the same values and goals. 

In my opinion being realistic is very important because if your standards are too high then you won't actually find anyone. Again, if OP doesn't feel this woman is right for him or he doesn't want a step child, that's totally fine. If for example he wrote in his post he can't be with a woman with a child, that's a very valid reason. I'm just talking about the other reasons he wrote.

Like, saying: "I don't think I could be with someone who didn't go to university". But keeping in mind though he "went" there he was failing because he was so mentally unwell. It's like me being overweight and saying: "I only want to date slim and muscly people". It's asking for something I myself don't offer/ I'm not.

 

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

It's actually very difficult to find someone to date though and especially as you get older. It's not hard to find "someone" in the sense that if you just want anybody, you can get anybody. But it's really hard to find someone you love, who loves you back and you have a connection and the same values and goals. 

In my opinion being realistic is very important because if your standards are too high then you won't actually find anyone. Again, if OP doesn't feel this woman is right for him or he doesn't want a step child, that's totally fine. If for example he wrote in his post he can't be with a woman with a child, that's a very valid reason. I'm just talking about the other reasons he wrote.

Like, saying: "I don't think I could be with someone who didn't go to university". But keeping in mind though he "went" there he was failing because he was so mentally unwell. It's like me being overweight and saying: "I only want to date slim and muscly people". It's asking for something I myself don't offer/ I'm not.

So as I've written here I didn't start dating my future husband until my 39th birthday give or take a few days.  I think it's really hard to do the following:  reevaluate your standards and musts in a future spouse AND be really careful not to settle.  It requires a lot of self honesty and tweaking.  I almost settled a number of times.  Thank the lord I didn't. I'd have been divorced and/or miserable. The pressure to settle as my clock ticked loudly -I mean wow.  Internal and external pressure.  I get it believe me.  

I asked for things I didn't offer - I wanted a man who would be ok with me being a SAHM longer than maternity leave - but who didn't want that for himself.  (But I offered my nest egg savings as a way to contribute to family expenses if needed).  I wanted a man who wanted to hold doors for me and for other women even though I believed that a man should initiate this in general (yes I hold doors for men too!).  I think to some extent many want what they can't offer exactly -it's called compromise, it's called not keeping score.  Many men want a woman who is slim and fit despite being overweight - you know the whole visual thing.  I don't love that but I understand it - in heterosexual relationships I think there's often that sort of thing.

  Is it right? I mean I don't know that the sort of workplace equality /fairness translates totally to romantic hetero relationships.  

I did reevaluate my musts and it's really important to do that especially when you get older.  But given the pressure to "settle" especially for women who want kids - it's so easy to rationalize giving up a must as "well I can't do better I guess."  

[smackie9]

OP put your feeling aside and then take a good look. You are nowhere near ready or prepared to give yourself to a relationship. You damn well know this or you wouldn't be here. You also can't have a healthy stable relationship without yours and hers, family love/support. This is and will always be problematic and eventually become toxic. "navigating" is a band-aid/sweep under the rug solution. You are codependent, and codependent behaviour/relationships are unhealthy/damaging. You both are in it because of the fear of being lonely...this benefits no one.

[Tinydance]

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

So as I've written here I didn't start dating my future husband until my 39th birthday give or take a few days.  I think it's really hard to do the following:  reevaluate your standards and musts in a future spouse AND be really careful not to settle.  It requires a lot of self honesty and tweaking.  I almost settled a number of times.  Thank the lord I didn't. I'd have been divorced and/or miserable. The pressure to settle as my clock ticked loudly -I mean wow.  Internal and external pressure.  I get it believe me.  

I asked for things I didn't offer - I wanted a man who would be ok with me being a SAHM longer than maternity leave - but who didn't want that for himself.  (But I offered my nest egg savings as a way to contribute to family expenses if needed).  I wanted a man who wanted to hold doors for me and for other women even though I believed that a man should initiate this in general (yes I hold doors for men too!).  I think to some extent many want what they can't offer exactly -it's called compromise, it's called not keeping score.  Many men want a woman who is slim and fit despite being overweight - you know the whole visual thing.  I don't love that but I understand it - in heterosexual relationships I think there's often that sort of thing.

  Is it right? I mean I don't know that the sort of workplace equality /fairness translates totally to romantic hetero relationships.  

I did reevaluate my musts and it's really important to do that especially when you get older.  But given the pressure to "settle" especially for women who want kids - it's so easy to rationalize giving up a must as "well I can't do better I guess."  

Well I think bottom line is everyone has flaws. I guess being in a relationship is deciding that you want that person enough to overlook their flaws. And also because they have more good about them than bad. My opinion is it's important to have introspection and keep in mind our own flaws or past.

Yes compromise is important and that's why I think it's fair to think "you accept XYZ about me and I accept XYZ about you". It goes both ways.

 

[Batya33]

Just now, Tinydance said:

Well I think bottom line is everyone has flaws. I guess being in a relationship is deciding that you want that person enough to overlook their flaws. And also because they have more good about them than bad. My opinion is it's important to have introspection and keep in mind our own flaws or past.

Yes compromise is important and that's why I think it's fair to think "you accept XYZ about me and I accept XYZ about you". It goes both ways.

 

So to me that had nothing to do with my search for a husband.  It was obvious to me I had flaws as did all humans.  For me I had my relatively short list of musts for a husband and future father of a child of ours.  I also had my must of "never settle."  I think the flaws part is more important once married - the day to day stuff is humbling.  It's about being confident in yourself yet having the humility to accept your own flaws and if you do -from a perspective of self worth and confidence -then you'll be more accepting of your spouse's flaws.  I think it's ridiculous to marry someone who has a flaw that is on your personal list of dealbreakers. 

I think it's great to be friends with or friendly with or associate with someone who has a flaw that puts that person out of the running as a potential spouse but not when it comes to friendship, working together, acquaintanceship.  

I think introspection is important as long as it stops short of a way to rationalize settling for a flaw on the dealbreaker list.

[Tinydance]

4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

So to me that had nothing to do with my search for a husband.  It was obvious to me I had flaws as did all humans.  For me I had my relatively short list of musts for a husband and future father of a child of ours.  I also had my must of "never settle."  I think the flaws part is more important once married - the day to day stuff is humbling.  It's about being confident in yourself yet having the humility to accept your own flaws and if you do -from a perspective of self worth and confidence -then you'll be more accepting of your spouse's flaws.  I think it's ridiculous to marry someone who has a flaw that is on your personal list of dealbreakers. 

I think it's great to be friends with or friendly with or associate with someone who has a flaw that puts that person out of the running as a potential spouse but not when it comes to friendship, working together, acquaintanceship.  

I think introspection is important as long as it stops short of a way to rationalize settling for a flaw on the dealbreaker list.

No I agree if we have a personal dealbreaker then we don't have to overlook it. I've just seen some people have "deal breakers" that are actually just shallow and unrealistic.

A very long time I was seeing this guy who wasn't attractive and was overweight. He said: "I would never date a woman bigger than size 14". That's size 14 Australian/Size 12 US. It's like, he was going to rule out every woman who was bigger than that size when he was unattractive and overweight himself.

To me that's like a situation in that movie Shallow Hal with Jack Black and Gwyneth Paltrow. Where the overweight unattractive guy always only wanted hot girls and that's why he never got anyone.

If the dealbreakers are actually more realistic like: "I wouldn't date a smoker" or "I wouldn't date someone with kids" then I think that's fine.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Tinydance said:

No I agree if we have a personal dealbreaker then we don't have to overlook it. I've just seen some people have "deal breakers" that are actually just shallow and unrealistic.

A very long time I was seeing this guy who wasn't attractive and was overweight. He said: "I would never date a woman bigger than size 14". That's size 14 Australian/Size 12 US. It's like, he was going to rule out every woman who was bigger than that size when he was unattractive and overweight himself.

To me that's like a situation in that movie Shallow Hal with Jack Black and Gwyneth Paltrow. Where the overweight unattractive guy always only wanted hot girls and that's why he never got anyone.

If the dealbreakers are actually more realistic like: "I wouldn't date a smoker" or "I wouldn't date someone with kids" then I think that's fine.

Yes but you don't get to choose someone else's spouse so it's a fine line.  I heard so many comments over the years about my standards and -- part of dating is shallow.  (I mean for me - I think that was at a minimum for me -for me I wasn't particularly attracted to very tall skinny men, was turned off completely by an effeminate sounding voice, was turned off by long hair and tattoos which can be changed but realistically -not so much).  

I do have someone I know who I think is still single in her 50s.  She was attractive looking when we met (early 30s), slim, highly educated and successful. I set her up a few times then stopped because her dealbreakers included teeth that weren't perfect, red hair, bad family medical history like with diabetes for example, a man who would expect her to work outside the home, a man who was balding or overweight. 

So yes I get you completely when you say "shallow dealbreakers' -she was an extreme.  Last I knew her personally we were in our mid 40s and she was single and had had one serious relationship -almost engaged - about 15 years earlier.  From all I can tell she is single in her 50s.  She was extremely unhappy single.  

[indea08]

It’s very clear in your post that you’re currently in a phase of mental and emotional growth. Look how you’re assessing and considering everything, from your current relationship to what sort of future you envision, and how this woman might fit in or change it. I think that’s great, and you should acknowledge that and continue to learn about yourself. Your mindset will shift a bit when you’re a little more sure of what you want. You will be able to recognize the qualities that matter to you and seek women with those qualities, instead of evaluating each quality in front of you and deciding whether or not you can deal with it. You are on a really great path to finding the life you want, just keep being curious and open minded and focusing on you. There is no deadline and this isn’t a race, so no need to decide anything quickly.

[moodindigo91]

If you have to try to "figure out" whether you genuinely love and want to be with this woman, then you definitely do not love and want to be with her. If you genuinely loved her, there would be no question of whether you can find someone better, etc. When you find the actual love of your life, you will not be thinking about replacing her with someone better. It would not be fair to this woman or her child for you to continue this relationship with her because you would be going into it with one foot out the door already. This is not it for you. And honestly, I would be very hesitant to commit to someone who was regularly trying to take their own life; committing to someone who might kill themselves one day and leave me traumatized and to pick up the pieces. You need to really get into therapy and figure that out before you get into any long term relationships in my opinion. 

[Batya33]

OP - following up on Moonindigo - I was a grass could be greener person when I was in serious relationships where I truly loved and cared for my partner BUT I had core-shaking doubts about our future together.  I did NOT cheat -but as Meg Ryan said in You've Got Mail as she left her Mr. Right on Paper guy - "there is the dream of someone else."  

I remember the significant difference when I started dating my future husband. I'm a logical person so  technically I knew there could be someone better -I mean I had only dated half the men on our planet so far LOL.  But I did not care and I did not care if anyone were to tell me about some guy they met who was everything my future husband was and [add something even "better"] - I did not care.  I had no desire to keep my options open.  I had no desire to look.

Did I notice when a man was good looking? Sometimes.  I'm human. 

Did I have opportunities to date others? Yes. Did I ever have jitters or fleeting doubts? Sure.  I mean we uprooted our lives- especially me!  -to be together.  Major life changes and most compressed in one year! But core shaking doubts or intense curioisty over whether there was someone better? Nope.  And I had in the past with other guys who I loved but ultimately were not right for me.

Just sharing if it helps.  Good luck.

[Jaunty]

On 10/15/2022 at 9:11 AM, Paddy345 said:

I don't want to lose her, but want to see if i can get better,

No relationship I have ever heard of where one of the people was wanting to see if they could "get better" than the one they were with worked out, at all.  It's a terrible premise for a  relationship, even with completely healthy people who have their lives all put together well, at least on paper.

Zero.  

 

[waffle]

On 10/15/2022 at 12:11 PM, Paddy345 said:

I have been honest with her about my life, escort addiction, patterns of cheating and self sabotage in relationships, my mental health (Bipolar), suicidal tendencies. She's accepted me with open arms.

I would also question where her head is at.

[boltnrun]

3 hours ago, Jaunty said:

No relationship I have ever heard of where one of the people was wanting to see if they could "get better" than the one they were with worked out, at all.  It's a terrible premise for a  relationship, even with completely healthy people who have their lives all put together well, at least on paper.

Zero.  

 

I agree with this.  To me this has nothing to do with who has a child, who attended college, who has a criminal record or who has mental health issues.  Thinking you can "get better" shows the person doesn't really hold their partner in high regard.  Their current partner is just a placeholder until they can replace them with someone else who they perceive as "better".

I had an ex like that.  He had me but was always looking around for "hot girls" to "hook up" with.  I don't know if he thought I was "not hot", but just the fact that he was still browsing was enough to show me he wasn't serious about me.

As for who we are attracted to and the premise that we shouldn't expect something in a partner that we don't bring to the relationship, I am attracted to tall men (6' or taller) with light eyes, fair skin and blond or sandy hair. I am a short, cocoa skinned Latina with black hair and brown eyes.  So that means I should only date short Latin men with dark hair and eyes?  I also didn't graduate college so I should only date men who don't have degrees because I don't have one?  That doesn't make sense to me.  However, I wouldn't date a man who didn't have a degree only until I could find one who does.  If I am not that into a man I shouldn't be wasting his time.

[Tinydance]

29 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I agree with this.  To me this has nothing to do with who has a child, who attended college, who has a criminal record or who has mental health issues.  Thinking you can "get better" shows the person doesn't really hold their partner in high regard.  Their current partner is just a placeholder until they can replace them with someone else who they perceive as "better".

I had an ex like that.  He had me but was always looking around for "hot girls" to "hook up" with.  I don't know if he thought I was "not hot", but just the fact that he was still browsing was enough to show me he wasn't serious about me.

As for who we are attracted to and the premise that we shouldn't expect something in a partner that we don't bring to the relationship, I am attracted to tall men (6' or taller) with light eyes, fair skin and blond or sandy hair. I am a short, cocoa skinned Latina with black hair and brown eyes.  So that means I should only date short Latin men with dark hair and eyes?  I also didn't graduate college so I should only date men who don't have degrees because I don't have one?  That doesn't make sense to me.  However, I wouldn't date a man who didn't have a degree only until I could find one who does.  If I am not that into a man I shouldn't be wasting his time.

I actually wasn't referring to looks when I made these comments, I was more referring to lifestyle and personal attributes. For example, if someone didn't go to university but they only want to date people who went to university. 

This is what OP wrote:

"Settling for whatever comes with dating a single mother, when there are 1000's of women out there, settling for a woman without a degree and who may not match my financial income in the future, A woman who wants to raise our children (if we get there) another religion opposing from mine. Not to mention the crucifixion i will receive from my racist conservative right wing family for being with a girl from another race, religion and with a child.

We're on a break, and i've got a month to tell her what we want to do. I have been open with her, and she recommended a break, where we don't see other people, for me to figure things out and for her to feel like she has some degree of control in this situation, and too mentally prepare if we do break up.

I don't want to lose her, but want to see if i can get better, I also do not want this to depress me and put me in the state i was from 2020-2022

 

Cons

Financial limits that come with having a partner with a child and who may not have the career aspirations or capability that i'd expect in a partner."

When I talk about being realistic, I'm talking about being aware about ourselves, our own life, our flaws or skeletons in the closet. And trying to be realistic about what kind of partner we can actually get based on all of this.

I think there's nothing wrong with OP saying he doesn't want a woman with a child or someone from a different religion than himself. There are certain things that can be just a personal value or what we're looking for in a relationship. For example, I'm not religious at all. For that reason I don't want to date someone religious. Probably the same as for example people who are vegan usually prefer to date other vegans.

The other comments OP made is what I find hypocritical. Like, saying: "Why should I date a single mother or someone who hasn't been to university". At the same time, she could also say: "Why should I date him when most guys didn't have an escorts addiction, weren't in jail, cheated or tried to kill themselves". I mean, she has options as well. I just find hypocrisy very off putting and that's what I was referring to.

There are plenty of good guys who already have kids themselves or don't actually mind dating a single mother.

I think if you're just not into someone that's fine but don't judge others when you're not in a place to do that yourself.

And if you have a bad past you can't necessarily get "1000's of women". For example myself and Batya said that we probably wouldn't want to date someone who has been in jail. I think many other women would feel the same.

I'm simply talking about reality of life that's all. E.g. I'm overweight and if I wanted to date muscly fit people, not saying my chance is zero, but it's not very high. Because those people would probably want to date other fit people and they have plenty of opportunities to meet them at the gym or whatever other fitness pursuits they have.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Tinydance said:

I actually wasn't referring to looks when I made these comments, I was more referring to lifestyle and personal attributes. For example, if someone didn't go to university but they only want to date people who went to university. 

I like the point made here that no matter what if he’s looking to see if he can do better whatever that means to him he’s got one foot out the door and it’s a non starter. I think with your example would depend why. For example if the woman wants to be a SAHM and housewife which requires tons of smarts but not a college degree she might feel that a man with a college degree has a greater chance at financial stability so she can be at home.  
Or perhaps she aspires to get a college degree later in life just doesn’t have one yet. 

 

[Tinydance]

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I like the point made here that no matter what if he’s looking to see if he can do better whatever that means to him he’s got one foot out the door and it’s a non starter. I think with your example would depend why. For example if the woman wants to be a SAHM and housewife which requires tons of smarts but not a college degree she might feel that a man with a college degree has a greater chance at financial stability so she can be at home.  
Or perhaps she aspires to get a college degree later in life just doesn’t have one yet. 

 

I actually just edited my previous comment and expanded on what I was trying to say. I think it ties in with this whole topic.

[Batya33]

13 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I actually just edited my previous comment and expanded on what I was trying to say. I think it ties in with this whole topic.

Sure - I was just mentioning the related point of -if in general you think you can do better then realize that you should go out and try to do better instead of wasting someone's time.  

[Tinydance]

12 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Sure - I was just mentioning the related point of -if in general you think you can do better then realize that you should go out and try to do better instead of wasting someone's time.  

Yes absolutely 

[WalterSobcha]

OP, I think from reading your original post that you still have important issues to sort out, and are not ready to be in a relationship. It sounds like you are working on your issues, and that's great. I would make that a priority, and take time off from relationships until you're mentally healthier.

Also, you started your post with "I think i have found the love of my life" but later on wrote:

"Me feeling like i am so insecure i'll never find another great woman, coupled with my getting in a relationship as it'll make me feel better, look better, and who doesn't loved being loved. - But all this reasons are toxic reasons to want to be in a relationship.

5. Feeling like i am settling due to points 1 & 2 above."

So, is this really the love of your life, if you feel that way? I would say no...

Best of luck.