Asking for a ride to the airport from my boyfriend

[Cherylyn]

I'd better not expect my husband to drive me to the hospital at 4AM when I'm due to give birth.  I'll text him if it's a boy or girl after he's had a full night's rest.  Nor will I have him drive me to the hospital at 4AM if I'm sick or during an emergency.  I'll call Uber and he can meet me at the hospital post surgery and after he's had a full night's rest.  If my husband has yet another migraine headache,  sorry,  I can't drive him to the hospital because I need my sleep first.  😴   If my mother's on her deathbed at 4AM,  I won't have my husband drive me to the hospital nor hospice care.  I'll have to text him after she passes away and after he gets his sleep first because his sleep takes top priority.  😏   Heaven forbid should we ever inconvenience each other!  🥺

[Batya33]

7 hours ago, j.man said:

I've been with my wife 8 years, 4 married.  If she decided to book a 4am flight, she'd be taking an Uber. I personally couldn't fathom booking something like that and expecting her to drive me, certainly not for a flight I had weeks to schedule at a reasonable day and time.  Why wouldn't I want her to get a full rest?  Because I'm not?  Sounds petty.  Luckily, it's a non issue as neither of us would do something so goofy.  Being in a relationship isn't a license to arbitrarily inconvenience your partner to your own benefit.  It's every bit as much what you ask of someone as it is what they'd do for you.  

I posed this issue to my husband with my being the 4am booker. I mean first he said well does that mean our son would  also have to get up and come and I said assume no child.  He said he couldn’t fathom me asking him that for a leisure or business trip. He just knows I’d book lyft or Uber.

He said if it was an emergency because someone in my family was ill heaven forbid and I seemed too upset to go alone he’d go with me - whether drive or go in the Uber with me for emotional support.  But the telling part was he said he’d be surprised if I asked him to drive me in the middle of the night especially on a work day.

 In fact if he possibly could he wouldn’t book a business flight then either because he’d end up waking us while he got ready to leave.
 He tries to schedule his flights so as not to inconvenience our routines and sleep and schedules which is considerate of course. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Cherylyn said:

I'd better not expect my husband to drive me to the hospital at 4AM when I'm due to give birth.  I'll text him if it's a boy or girl after he's had a full night's rest.  Nor will I have him drive me to the hospital at 4AM if I'm sick or during an emergency.  I'll call Uber and he can meet me at the hospital post surgery and after he's had a full night's rest.  If my husband has yet another migraine headache,  sorry,  I can't drive him to the hospital because I need my sleep first.  😴   If my mother's on her deathbed at 4AM,  I won't have my husband drive me to the hospital nor hospice care.  I'll have to text him after she passes away and after he gets his sleep first because his sleep takes top priority.  😏   Heaven forbid should we ever inconvenience each other!  🥺

Emergencies or near emergencies are entirely different IMO 

[Seraphim]

13 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Emergencies or near emergencies are entirely different IMO 

Correct. Emergency completely different. It is just baiting at this point . 

[boltnrun]

The OP didn't say she was in labor, had a medical emergency or was flying to the bedside of a critically ill relative.

[Seraphim]

There is also not only one way to have a health respectful relationship. 

[Batya33]

22 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

The OP didn't say she was in labor, had a medical emergency or was flying to the bedside of a critically ill relative.

Yes and also why I would have wanted more info including whether he’d promised then backed out last minute 

[Cherylyn]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Emergencies or near emergencies are entirely different IMO 

Not if some people prefer their full rest, sleep instead,  if they're too busy with work or other legitimate reasons.  There should always be an alternate plan 'B'  in case a person cannot completely rely on their partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband at 4AM or any inconvenient hour.  Plan 'B' can be an alternate person such as a friend or relative and there's always Uber as well. 

 

[DarkCh0c0]

Idk you guys. We're missing context here.

In my home country for example, we don't have uber, Lyft, airport shuttles, nor a public bus system. People drive each other to the airport ALL THE TIME. It's never considered such an inconvenience. The only other option we have for a ride is an expensive taxi, and you would take it hoping not to be robbed on your way.

Context is key. Also, how far OP is from the airport is another thing to consider. And if OP has expectations of man who steps up in these cases, that's her choice and she can have it.

5 hours ago, Seraphim said:

There is also not only one way to have a health respectful relationship. 

Agreed.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

In my home country for example, we don't have uber, Lyft, airport shuttles, nor a public bus system. People drive each other to the airport .

Then she could ask any number of people to do this, if that's the norm in her area.

[MissCanuck]

9 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

I'd better not expect my husband to drive me to the hospital at 4AM when I'm due to give birth. 

Only this is not the OP's situation, so an analogy like this is useless and not representative of the situation in this thread. 

 

[jul-els]

If there’s a significant reason why his help is important to you in this instance, you should kindly verbally communicate it to him.
 

It would help if you also did the same with this thread so we could have the complete picture in order to give more informed advice. 

[Cherylyn]

8 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Only this is not the OP's situation, so an analogy like this is useless and not representative of the situation in this thread. 

 

Requiring sleep,  child care,  work,  dragging a drowsy toddler out of bed,  not feeling like driving a person to the airport,  not dealing with hassles,  etc. are all inconvenient reasons not to drive a person to the airport.  Hence,  make arrangements for Uber,  Lyft,  taxi,  ask a friend or local relative to help you.  Even if it's an emergency,  many times you can't rely on a partner,  husband,  wife or friend because they're unavailable.  Then what?  This is a dilemma and it can't always be avoided if there's no one to come to your aid.  Sacrifices need to be made whether it's taking a shot of strong coffee to stay awake,  going to bed earlier that evening in order to bounce back to a normal routine,  making arrangements come hell or high water and doing what we don't always like to do but do it anyway because it's called doing the right thing. 

How often does this occur?  Not everyday. 

Life is a hassle.  Life has disruptions.  Life is unpredictable.  As my late father-in-law (FIL) lay dying,  my sister-in-law (SIL) drove her husband (my BIL - brother-in-law - my husband's brother) to the airport to catch a red-eye flight (middle of the night flight).  Was it inconvenient?  Yes.  Do they live near an airport?  No.  Did she have to work?  Yes.  Would she be tired for work?  Yes.  Did she haul her drowsy, fussy baby and toddler in the car to drive her husband to the airport?  Yes.  Did she give excuses?  No.  Did she refuse,  decline,  whine and complain?  Never.  She put herself aside and just did it. 

Sometimes convenient flight times are sold out.  Women in particular don't always feel safe taking Uber,  Lyft or taxis whether day or especially night or whenever it's dark.  Or, as Choco said,  perhaps money is an issue and it's prohibitively expensive if a person resides in a remote area.    Or, alternate modes of transportation are nonexistent in some areas.  Nonetheless,  crime is very real whether it's rape,  robbery at gunpoint or knife point, abductions,  walking alone,  structures,  train stations, waiting at bus stops and bus stop connections in rough, unfamiliar neighborhoods.  Generally people and women in particular prefer not placing themselves in vulnerable situations otherwise they're easy targets for criminals.   Asking a number of people to help you is not always a convenient option because it's inconvenient for these "numbers of people."  

Therefore,  you ask your partner in a rare instance.  When your partner gives you excuses galore and refuses to help you during your time of need,  this is not about you.  It's about your poor choice in a partner because in the future,  he won't deliver which is to be expected.  No surprise there.  No shock factor.  This is not the first nor last time he'll let you down.  You need to question whether this partner is worth retaining in your life long term or temporarily?  You can't depend on him and if you can't depend nor rely on him, you can't trust him.  You can't lean on him because he doesn't mind if you fall.  That's all on you.  What a guy!  🥺  😏

You can't trust him enough to truly love and care for you whenever life is indeed very much an inconvenient hassle.  I think you know the answer.  You can't count on him.  It's not so much that you'll feel hurt.  It's that you'll feel disappointed because you thought he was better than that.  You originally thought you could admire and respect him whenever his life is inconveniently disrupted.  You were dead wrong.

There's only so much your partner is willing to do for you and when put to a relationship's challenges or test,  he won't quite do that much for you.  This is his weakness.  Now you know.  He'll only love and care for you conditionally as his actions and non-actions speak louder than words.  This is your sobering reality check.  He won't change for you.  He is who he is.  Either accept him how he is or choose the type of man reminiscent of my husband.  My husband (and when he was my boyfriend) would've walked to the ends of the Earth for me.  Wild horses couldn't keep him away.  💗

[boltnrun]

4 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Either accept him how he is or choose a real man who knows how to behave like a real man. 

I find this somewhat amusing.  The OP chose to potentially inconvenience her partner by booking an extremely early flight and asking for a ride at the crack of dawn when he has to work that day and that means he's not a "real man"?

[Cherylyn]

2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I find this somewhat amusing.  The OP chose to potentially inconvenience her partner by booking an extremely early flight and asking for a ride at the crack of dawn when he has to work that day and that means he's not a "real man"?

He's a wimp.

[Cherylyn]

I'm relieved to know that my husband (or then boyfriend) would've put himself aside for inconvenient hassles in our relationship,  marriage and lives overall,  no questions asked.  I would do the same for him.  Does this occur daily?  No.  Once in a while or rare occasions?  Yes.  Did we survive to tell about it?  Here we are!  

I've never known a man who gave so much of himself to his wife (and then girlfriend).  I feel extremely blessed and lucky to have him as my devoted and loyal life's partner.  I thank my lucky stars everyday.  I hit the jackpot with him!  💥✨💫⚡⭐   🙏  😊 

OP, Puppylover22,  you'd better shop around.  🤔

[Kwothe28]

28 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

when he has to work that day

I mean not to go into "not real man" teritory, but he works from home. He isnt a brain surgeon or an air traffic controller and any other job where lives depend on his sleep schedule. At best, him driving her to the airport is slight inconvenience for him. Its one time thing and not what he does all the time. If OP is willing to do the same for him, question of what he is willing to do for her if he cant be slight inconvenienced to drive her to the airport, can be raised as an issue in their relationship. 

[boltnrun]

Just now, Kwothe28 said:

I mean not to go into "not real man" teritory, but he works from home. He isnt a brain surgeon or an air traffic controller and any other job where lives depend on his sleep schedule. At best, him driving her to the airport is slight inconvenience for him. Its one time thing and not what he does all the time. If OP is willing to do the same for him, question of what he is willing to do for her if he cant be slight inconvenienced to drive her to the airport, can be raised as an issue in their relationship. 

I work from home and not to get into too many details but if I make a mistake it could literally result in lives being lost.

But we have no way of knowing what the OP's BF does for work or whether being sleep deprived would be detrimental. OP has not returned to address any of our questions so at this point we're just arguing amongst ourselves. 

[Wiseman2]

37 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

He's a wimp.

Do you think she should just dump him or would murdering him in his sleep be a more appropriate retribution for this?🤷‍♂️ 🔪🛏

[Cherylyn]

20 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you think she should just dump him or would murdering him in his sleep be a more appropriate retribution for this?🤷‍♂️ 🔪🛏

No, don't disturb him during his sleep.  Wait until he's awake. 

There are many fish in the sea.  The problem is most of them stink.  🤭 OP, Puppylove22, you'd better shop around.  You certainly can do better and deserve better.  Heck, I would even go so far as to say you deserve the best.  Never settle.  My poor mother settled and boy was she sorry. 😪  I vowed never to make her mistake and history did not repeat itself. 🙏  Haste makes waste.  🤔

[boltnrun]

On 10/8/2022 at 9:29 AM, j.man said:

I've been with my wife 8 years, 4 married.  If she decided to book a 4am flight, she'd be taking an Uber. I personally couldn't fathom booking something like that and expecting her to drive me, certainly not for a flight I had weeks to schedule at a reasonable day and time.  Why wouldn't I want her to get a full rest?  Because I'm not?  Sounds petty.  Luckily, it's a non issue as neither of us would do something so goofy.  Being in a relationship isn't a license to arbitrarily inconvenience your partner to your own benefit.  It's every bit as much what you ask of someone as it is what they'd do for you.  

Apparently you're not a real man, you're a "wimp" and your wife should dump you "post haste".

This thread has traveled into ridiculousness.

[Seraphim]

I wouldn’t say most men stink. 

[boltnrun]

Just now, Seraphim said:

I wouldn’t say most men stink. 

Most people are good people.  

[Cherylyn]

I'd hate to think of a partner (or spouse) who would have no qualms leaving me in the lurch. 

OP, Puppylove22,  it's not his fault though.  It's yours for not choosing the type of partner who is a better fit for you. 

[Cherylyn]

1 minute ago, Seraphim said:

I wouldn’t say most men stink. 

Gems are like finding a needle in a haystack or winning the lotto.  Dime-a-dozen is so typical.  Prizes are incredibly rare.