How to get over a relationship quickly

[Vavavroom]

Hey all,

I have just broken up with my boyfriend of 1 year about a month ago. The break up reason was due to covid 19, I had experienced an episode of covid 19 psychosis and was hospitalised. The situation came abruptly, I was having hallucinations and kind of delusional (behavior akin to schizophrenia disorder) and he was unable to accept the sudden change in me. He told my family the 1st day that he wanted to break things off with me while i was hospitalised. My sister was pretty upset about that and they somehow agreed to wait till i got better. We had a chat over phone after i was discharged as i could sense he is drifting away and we broke off amicably.

So fast forward to present day, I happened to come across his profile in the dating app yesterday. It felt like a bittersweet feeling to me, one glad that he is trying to move on and the latter blaming him for moving on that quickly. I do find myself checking on his social media activity at times which i realized he hasn't been sleeping well everyday. I understand that we will not reconcile since he was the one whom couldn't accept my condition back then and i ve lost the trust i have had on him.

Therefore I am seeking some advice how to get over this break up quickly and entirely. 

Your advice is greatly appreciated.

Cheers,

[DarkCh0c0]

How long did you stay hospitalised? And, how long you have been broken up?

[MissCanuck]

21 minutes ago, Vavavroom said:

Therefore I am seeking some advice how to get over this break up quickly and entirely.

Block him on all social media, for starters. 

You're picking the scab every time you check on him. When he's no longer part of your life in any way and you have no idea what he's up to, it will be easier to move on. 

[Wiseman2]

34 minutes ago, Vavavroom said:

 I happened to come across his profile in the dating app yesterday.

Focus on taking care of yourself and your physical and mental health. Follow up with the care you need.

Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps as well as dating apps.

Since you're already on dating apps and your broken up, it's time to let go.

Get off that dating app. Even though you don't seem ready to date, when you are ready to date, get a new fresh profile on quality dating apps. Don't just restart an old stale profile on the app you met in.

[Vavavroom]

Y

48 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Focus on taking care of yourself and your physical and mental health. Follow up with the care you need.

Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps as well as dating apps.

Since you're already on dating apps and your broken up, it's time to let go.

Get off that dating app. Even though you don't seem ready to date, when you are ready to date, get a new fresh profile on quality dating apps. Don't just restart an old stale profile on the app you met in.

Yep no worries im sure I can get there just need sometime more and less checking up on him. It's a new dating app and coincidentally I chanced upon his profile.

[Batya33]

57 minutes ago, Vavavroom said:

Y

Yep no worries im sure I can get there just need sometime more and less checking up on him. It's a new dating app and coincidentally I chanced upon his profile.

Yes less checking up and less surmising about his personal issues -you have no idea if he was actually up and checking social media or if someone else was in his account or whatever - that is why it's harmful for you to check up. I'm sorry you were ill!!

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Vavavroom said:

 and less checking up on him. It's a new dating app and coincidentally I chanced upon his profile.

That's simple. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps and stop stalking checking and ummatch him.

It's your responsibility to assure your peace of mind and discontinue obsessing over him.

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Block him on all social media, for starters. 

 

This.

And his number, as well as blocking him on dating app. As far as the other things goes, it will come in time. Break up grief is a process that sometimes needs time. Its still fresh and he is probably your first "big" relationship. So, gie it time. There is no shortcut to that. Nore even time stamp. In time you will accept that its over and move on. Also, get off dating apps, you are not nearly ready to date again. 

[Rose Mosse]

5 hours ago, Vavavroom said:

Hey all,

I have just broken up with my boyfriend of 1 year about a month ago. The break up reason was due to covid 19, I had experienced an episode of covid 19 psychosis and was hospitalised. The situation came abruptly, I was having hallucinations and kind of delusional (behavior akin to schizophrenia disorder) and he was unable to accept the sudden change in me. He told my family the 1st day that he wanted to break things off with me while i was hospitalised. My sister was pretty upset about that and they somehow agreed to wait till i got better. We had a chat over phone after i was discharged as i could sense he is drifting away and we broke off amicably.

So fast forward to present day, I happened to come across his profile in the dating app yesterday. It felt like a bittersweet feeling to me, one glad that he is trying to move on and the latter blaming him for moving on that quickly. I do find myself checking on his social media activity at times which i realized he hasn't been sleeping well everyday. I understand that we will not reconcile since he was the one whom couldn't accept my condition back then and i ve lost the trust i have had on him.

Therefore I am seeking some advice how to get over this break up quickly and entirely. 

Your advice is greatly appreciated.

Cheers,

This happens. You know what? Carry on and let the mixed emotions fade. There’s nothing you can do about the past as it’s in the past. Continue taking care of yourself and do not let the presence of someone else dictate the way you wish to use an app or not use an app. It’s only a small part of your life. 

I would not let this scare you or avoid dating. If you feel ready then you’re ready. Of course there will be mixed emotions seeing your ex anywhere for the first time after a break up. Ride the wave and carry on. This is not as big a deal as it needs to be.

[jul-els]

Unfortunately, there is no shortcut. You have to feel it to heal it, but in that time you will also learn and grow. We all go through it. Stop looking at his online presence. It’s an unhealthy behavior that will hold you back and keep you stuck in the past. Keep the focus on you, your health and what you want going forward.
 

Although time doesn’t move as quickly as we would like, it always heals, 100% of the time. Iron clad guarantee. All you have to do is to be willing to learn from it. The potential to find your greatness always lies at the other side of heartbreak. Be strong and keep moving forward. 

[Vavavroom]

Thanks all for the encouragement! As majority has mentioned there is no shortcut to heal from breakup. I will let nature takes its course. But I believe I can do this without having to cut him off from social media. He is not worth my time and i do feel i am already half way through. Just frustrated at times where i will look for his online activity - this too shall pass, im stronger than this💪

 

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, Vavavroom said:

But I believe I can do this without having to cut him off from social media.

So says nearly everyone, until they see a pic of their ex with a new love interest. 

You'll kick yourself then. Be cautious here. 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Vavavroom said:

 I believe I can do this without having to cut him off from social media. 

And that's not working, is it? Maybe you'll have to wait until there are pics of him with new girls until you stop stalking his social media. Of course you realize he can see you're viewing it, right?

You'll have to stop hoping he'll come back. 

[Rose Mosse]

13 hours ago, Vavavroom said:

Thanks all for the encouragement! As majority has mentioned there is no shortcut to heal from breakup. I will let nature takes its course. But I believe I can do this without having to cut him off from social media. He is not worth my time and i do feel i am already half way through. Just frustrated at times where i will look for his online activity - this too shall pass, im stronger than this💪

 

Do whatever you need to do for yourself to move on. Mute, block, don’t block. Although I’m not sure why you’d care to keep him on social media in the first place. Isn’t that for people you call friends? He’s not a friend. 

Regardless of what you do also you have your own life to live. Don’t waste it spending moments looking at his or whoever’s hours upon hours as some do online. Make sure you live outside of the web and do all the things you want to do.

[catfeeder]

If you're not ready to block, you can try hiding his feeds. But I'd consider that he might still show up with a new person on his arm in a mutual friend's feed.

I'd avoid doing that to myself.

[Cherylyn]

I agree with others.  Out of sight, out of mind.  Don't check his social media anymore.  Block and delete him.

Allow yourself time to heal.  My thoughts and feelings experience different stages.  Despite our differing stories,  at first I'm frustrated, offended, insulted, disrespected and hurt.  Next steps are anger, bitterness and resentment.  Lastly, ended relationships felt like relief.  'Good riddance' is how I feel nowadays.

Like you, lost trust is exactly how I feel, too.  When my spirit dies toward someone I had previously loved, cared and admired, lost trust helps because it's good to feel rather cynical and sarcastic about the perpetrator.  It cements and reaffirms that certain people are truly mentally unhealthy for you.  They were not meant to be and eliminated from your life for a reason.  Heed logic.  Then healing becomes easier and faster. 

I hope you will feel better soon.

[Cherylyn]

Everyone is a 'Good Time Charlie.'  True test of character is if some people are there for you when times are bad.  If they're there for you during challenging, difficult times, then you know they are keepers.  If they scatter to the four winds once situations are no longer enjoyable, then you will realize who is worth existing in your life and whom you should reject and permanently eliminate.   This refers to established relationships or friendships. 

I would never impose unreasonably on anyone whether they're close or not because I wouldn't want anyone using me either. 

As for you, your ex boyfriend didn't give you moral support when you needed him.  You cope and move on by reminding yourself that he is unworthy.  Feel relieved instead of hurt.  Whenever I felt relief, it was comforting.  Change the way you think because it will make you tough and strong. 

[catfeeder]

3 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Everyone is a 'Good Time Charlie.'  True test of character is if some people are there for you when times are bad.  If they're there for you during challenging, difficult times, then you know they are keepers.  If they scatter to the four winds once situations are no longer enjoyable, then you will realize who is worth existing in your life and whom you should reject and permanently eliminate.   

Yep. I've never considered it to my own advantage to cultivate cynicism or nurse a grudge. I best heard that described as drinking poison while hoping someone else will die.

But that doesn't make me a pushover. I can certainly recognize when someone's limitations render them unhealthy for me. I still love some of the people I've had to cut off. I just think of it as "...some people are best loved from far away."

Best to not rubberneck to see them sink or swim. I just credit them the ability to reflect one day and regret their mistreatment--not to reconcile, but rather as a credit to myself for having been a pivotal lesson for them.

Sound delusional? Sure it is--it's the fantasy that best works for me to heal my own pain without casting myself as a victim. It allows me to embrace confidence in my own resilience and go-forward discretion. 

To me, that's the opposite of the mentality that fears 'bad' people and believing that if I could be a victim once, I'll always be at the mercy of being harmed again.

We can love yet grow more resilient and aware and confident regardless of our pain.

[Cherylyn]

1 hour ago, catfeeder said:

Yep. I've never considered it to my own advantage to cultivate cynicism or nurse a grudge. I best heard that described as drinking poison while hoping someone else will die.

But that doesn't make me a pushover. I can certainly recognize when someone's limitations render them unhealthy for me. I still love some of the people I've had to cut off. I just think of it as "...some people are best loved from far away."

Best to not rubberneck to see them sink or swim. I just credit them the ability to reflect one day and regret their mistreatment--not to reconcile, but rather as a credit to myself for having been a pivotal lesson for them.

Sound delusional? Sure it is--it's the fantasy that best works for me to heal my own pain without casting myself as a victim. It allows me to embrace confidence in my own resilience and go-forward discretion. 

To me, that's the opposite of the mentality that fears 'bad' people and believing that if I could be a victim once, I'll always be at the mercy of being harmed again.

We can love yet grow more resilient and aware and confident regardless of our pain.

With all due respect, catfeeder, I'm different  than you and that's ok. 

The reason why I developed a cynical streak or held grudges is because whenever I was "soft" meaning still cared, loved, had regrets or wanted to do "better" in my own way, I felt pained and hurt for many years.  I even went so far as to foolishly grovel in order to make peace with some people in order to feel accepted by them.  I don't do that anymore.  Either relationships are harmonious and very considerate or it's a real deal breaker. 

In order to stop feelings of "what ifs" or regrets, I've learned to accept that relationships (including friendships) failed for a reason.  It takes two parties to create thriving relationships and when it is unequal and lopsided especially regarding moral character and egregious wrongdoings, cynicism and grudges actually "helps" me see the light.  I transform weakness into unwavering, steadfast toughness and strength.  I'm very adamant about my position and this gives me the upper hand should our paths cross again (for example some relatives and in-laws in my case). I can be quite intimidating which again is to my advantage.  The other party is humiliated and I don't have to do anything.  Being passive aggressive has its advantages and it requires the least amount of effort on my part. 

Observing them sink from afar is comforting to me because they deserve it.  They had it coming.  Karma is a _______.  What goes around comes around.  For example, if they accused me of lying not once but twice in a row and I have evidence to prove their accusation, they're suddenly very embarrassed by their blunder because they were caught red handed.  This puts them in a quandary and dilemma especially if we share mutual friends and family within our social circle.  I'm happy to see them squirm.  They suddenly feel very awkward or better yet, they're a cowardly no-show or in nonattendance.  They lost face.  I didn't do anything.  I'm not guilty.  They are.  If they drown, it's their own doing.  They're the ones who dug a deeper hole for themselves.  They're the ones who pounded the final nail into their own coffin.  They're the ones who are guilty and they know it.  I don't have to do anything at all. 

To be clear, I no longer love people whom I no longer respect and admire.  I only love people whether near or afar if they deserve my love, time, care, efforts, labor and resources.  If I can't respect them, love is no more.  Love in all forms is emphatically dead.

I'm more resilient nowadays because I don't take risks after being burned badly and tested sorely.  Fool me once,  shame on you.  Fool me twice,  shame on me. 

[catfeeder]

14 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

With all due respect, catfeeder, I'm different  than you and that's ok. 

The reason why I developed a cynical streak or held grudges is because whenever I was "soft" meaning still cared, loved, had regrets or wanted to do "better" in my own way, I felt pained and hurt for many years.  I even went so far as to foolishly grovel in order to make peace with some people in order to feel accepted by them.  I don't do that anymore.  Either relationships are harmonious and very considerate or it's a real deal breaker. 

In order to stop feelings of "what ifs" or regrets, I've learned to accept that relationships (including friendships) failed for a reason.  It takes two parties to create thriving relationships and when it is unequal and lopsided especially regarding moral character and egregious wrongdoings, cynicism and grudges actually "helps" me see the light.  I transform weakness into unwavering, steadfast toughness and strength.  I'm very adamant about my position and this gives me the upper hand should our paths cross again (for example some relatives and in-laws in my case). I can be quite intimidating which again is to my advantage.  The other party is humiliated and I don't have to do anything.  Being passive aggressive has its advantages and it requires the least amount of effort on my part. 

Observing them sink from afar is comforting to me because they deserve it.  They had it coming.  Karma is a _______.  What goes around comes around.  For example, if they accused me of lying not once but twice in a row and I have evidence to prove their accusation, they're suddenly very embarrassed by their blunder because they were caught red handed.  This puts them in a quandary and dilemma especially if we share mutual friends and family within our social circle.  I'm happy to see them squirm.  They suddenly feel very awkward or better yet, they're a cowardly no-show or in nonattendance.  They lost face.  I didn't do anything.  I'm not guilty.  They are.  If they drown, it's their own doing.  They're the ones who dug a deeper hole for themselves.  They're the ones who pounded the final nail into their own coffin.  They're the ones who are guilty and they know it.  I don't have to do anything at all. 

To be clear, I no longer love people whom I no longer respect and admire.  I only love people whether near or afar if they deserve my love, time, care, efforts, labor and resources.  If I can't respect them, love is no more.  Love in all forms is emphatically dead.

I'm more resilient nowadays because I don't take risks after being burned badly and tested sorely.  Fool me once,  shame on you.  Fool me twice,  shame on me. 

Good. Just framing a different point of view for the reader. 

[greendots]

How about taking a break from social media? Disconnect from that world to focus on your healing. Hang out with your friends, volunteer or join a club. Change the direction of your thoughts by having something else to focus on.

All the best! 🙂