Ruin her world?

[boltnrun]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It would be wonderful to believe your BF was bewitched by some wanton hussy. However he chose to pursue her of his own free will.

Yep, he could have easily said "no, thanks", presuming this "jezebel" approached him. 

[Conf79]

I'm not solely blaming her either, he went down that path. They both made a choice.  He started working there in Oct of 2019 after the Christmas Party she made it very clear she was pursuing him and she knew he was in a long term relationship. She was in a relationship as well.  I think it was all a game to her, she told him she never intended on anything long term with him but he thought that it was. It was like he couldn't think for himself during all of that, it was always Jess says this or that. He would talk to family and they said everything was centered on her opinion and knowing him to be an opinionated person it was strange.

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, Conf79 said:

I think it was all a game to her, she told him she never intended on anything long term with him but he thought that it was. It was like he couldn't think for himself during all of that

Watch "Presumed Innocent".  Won't tell you the ending, but it's about an affair where the wife feels her husband was bewitched by another woman.

[DancingFool]

2 hours ago, Conf79 said:

I'm not solely blaming her either, he went down that path. They both made a choice.  He started working there in Oct of 2019 after the Christmas Party she made it very clear she was pursuing him and she knew he was in a long term relationship. She was in a relationship as well.  I think it was all a game to her, she told him she never intended on anything long term with him but he thought that it was. It was like he couldn't think for himself during all of that, it was always Jess says this or that. He would talk to family and they said everything was centered on her opinion and knowing him to be an opinionated person it was strange.

That's because he was literally besotted with her and didn't give a flying rat's rear end about you, your relationship, or any consequences at all. In short, he didn't think he'd ever get caught.

If you stay with him, you are literally accepting a cheating partner because I can guarantee you that there will be another "jezebel" and another and so on. Some you might find out about, others probably not. After getting caught, cheaters get more clever and more careful. Of course, he will always be the helpless victim because....you know.....she decided she wants him...the jezebel with magic superpowers he, a mere mortal man, couldn't resist. 

OP, it's hard and shocking to deal with betrayal from a partner but please don't start betraying yourself and lying to yourself about who it is you are shacking up with. He is a liar and a loser and this won't be your first tango with him cheating on you and probably already isn't the first. It's just one he got caught in. Cheaters don't suddenly wake up and grow a different set of values and character, although they are very very good at playing the victim and lying and convincing you to be the fool who keeps giving more chances. He isn't chasing you because he cares, only because it's hard to find another woman who will buy his bs like you are doing.

[catfeeder]

I'm glad to hear that you're willing to stay out of the flow of this woman's own karma. 

No need to entangle yourself in that toxicity. If you are happy where you are, it makes no sense to bring trouble to yourself.

The power of our private beliefs can hold a double edge. Keep sewing what YOU wish to reap, and head high.

[lostandhurt]

Frankly if I was her partner married or not I would want to know asap and it wouldn't matter why someone told me.  If it were revenge or they just wanted to do the right thing and tell me I was being cheated on it wouldn't matter as long as it were true.

  This comes up on this forum from time to time and most people say "stay out of it"  The thing is you were "in it" as soon as your bf started banging his coworker.  This isn't some stranger you saw and know nothing of the situation. 

 Your motive is what is suspect to me. It appears you want to ruin her life to make yourself feel better which it may for a short time but you are still in a relationship with a lying cheater and no amount of retaliation will change that.

 I agree his explanation sounds like total BS.  If you wanted her gone from his workplace and she quit you would think he would rush home and let you know so you would have some relief from them working together but he didn't think of you once again did he?

  Spilling the beans is the least of your worries in my eyes.

  Think long and hard about who you are blaming for the affair. He made a choice with no thought of you so deflecting it onto her is not going to work.

 Lost

 

[Capricorn3]

3 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

 Think long and hard about who you are blaming for the affair. He made a choice with no thought of you so deflecting it onto her is not going to work.

^ I totally agree with the above.  If that was my partner I would have packed his bags for him and kicked him to the curb so fast he wouldn't know what hit him.  He can have her, imo. At least I'll have my self-respect and dignity in tact. All he has is loser and jerk written all over him. No thanks.

[MissCanuck]

Instead of runining her world, improve your own by losing this terrible man. 

This relationship is dead in the water, OP. Taking others down on this sinking ship won't improve it, and you will still wind up on a sinking ship. 

[Cherylyn]

The problem is no longer focused on your boyfriend nor his ex-fling.  The dilemma is YOU. 

Don't feed anymore wasted energy and time into the other woman because she's history. 

Real closure is NOT having a distrustful person in your life anymore because you deserved to be treated honorably ever since 13 years ago to today.  

Your boyfriend's infidelity will never go away and bad memories will continue to haunt you.  Damage to the relationship is complete.

You need to ask yourself if you're comfortable with trying to ignore your boyfriend's cheating, deceit and betrayal or if you desire peace of mind and relief without him in your life.  Something already died in your relationship. 

Continuing to engage with perpetrators in your life screams low self esteem and disrespect for yourself.  You need to be kind to yourself by giving yourself self-respect and dignity.  Any other way is intolerable and unacceptable.