He blocked me, while I'm pregnant. Was I too hard?

[Nonickname-300]

Hello,

I really need advice. Since 2 weeks my life has turned upside down. It feels like I am in a bad movie.

I (F31) am in a/had a relationship for 1,5 years with (M34). 2 weeks ago I found out he was abroad, without telling me. He also was active on Tinder. When I confronted him on WhatsApp, he blocked me everywhere.

A few days later I found out I'm pregnant. I had to go to his house, since I was blocked literally everywhere. I came there and had to found out he had moved!!! I was going crazy in my head at that moment.

A few days later he unblocked me and a couple days ago he came to my house to talk. He only wanted to talk about the pregnancy, not all the other stuff. I decided to still confront him, but he kept lying shameless in my face. Saying that he never went abroad and so on. I was crying, he gave me a tissue.. not even a hug. And he kept telling me I would have a hard time with a baby and if I thought about the consequences. There was no “us” in his mouth, only “me”.

Yesterday he asked on WhatsApp how my appointment was and I said I didn't feel supported by him. He asked me how he could support me if I didn't tell him anything. And he said he knew I never trusted him.

And then I got mad.. I said I don't trust him since the last 2 weeks. And I asked how he can expect that I do tell him everything, while he keeps lying in my face. I said: figure out your problems, before that I don't want to hear anything anymore. I wish u the best.

He texted “thx, I know how you are now” and he blocked me again.

Was I too hard? Because basically I told him to *** off? A few hours later I emailed him and apologized. Saying that I said those things in the heat of the moment but that I need an honest conversation, without lies. I said, let me know when you want to talk to me, I will not get mad 

I don't know what to do now, still being blocked and pregnant with him. It drives me crazy. Was I so rude? I don't know what to do now. When we had arguments before he would sometimes give me the silent treatment and that could last for 2 weeks. I always am the one who apologize. I really don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to email him again, I will look crazy. But I just want to have an honest conversation.

[Wiseman2]

18 minutes ago, Nonickname-300 said:

 a couple days ago he came to my house to talk. He only wanted to talk about the pregnancy, not all the other stuff.. There was no “us” in his mouth, only “me”.
Because basically I told him to *** off? 
I don't know what to do now, still being blocked and pregnant with him.

Sorry this is happening. You didn't know he moved or went on a trip? Talk to trusted friends and family. Most of all talk to your doctor/clinic about your options. Do you think having a child with him will bring you back together? 

[Nonickname-300]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. You didn't know he moved or went on a trip? Talk to trusted friends and family. Most of all talk to your doctor/clinic about your options. Do you think having a child with him will bring you back together? 

He went om a trip abroad, but acted like he was home. A few days later I wanted to talk, went to his house..he had moved, without me knewing it.

No, the baby will not bring us together I think.

[Kwothe28]

Are you gona keep the baby? Did he expressed desire to be involved as a father?

This relationship is over. Dont chase him just so he can lie and gaslight you. But as far as the baby goes, he has the rights as the father if he wants to take them.

[Nonickname-300]

5 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Are you gona keep the baby? Did he expressed desire to be involved as a father?

This relationship is over. Dont chase him just so he can lie and gaslight you. But as far as the baby goes, he has the rights as the father if he wants to take them.

I think I keep the baby. That's also something where I want to talk about with him, but every communication is getting cut off. In our last conversation he wasn't very supportive.

[Wiseman2]

57 minutes ago, Nonickname-300 said:

 I just want to have an honest conversation.

You did. He does not want the child. It's up to you but please don't bring a life into the world with someone who wants no part of you to attempt to get him back.

[Seraphim]

What he is telling you is he wants no part of this baby. I would prepare to be a single parent and the minute this child is born apply for child support. This is what your child DESERVES and has a right to. 
 

I am sorry this guy is a scum sucking you know what. I wouldn’t contact him again except through the courts. 

[Nonickname-300]

15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You did. He does not want the child. It's up to you but please don't bring a life into the world with someone who wants no part of you to attempt to get him back.

I know, that's not why I'm keeping the baby. It's all too much right now, I am so emotional and crying every day. These past 2 weeks have been an hell. So what do I do then? Not contact him anymore? Also not about my appointments?

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Nonickname-300 said:

Was I too hard?

Your own boyfriend moved without telling you, went abroad without telling you, and was looking for other women on Tinder. 

And you're wondering if you're too hard on him? Girl. GIRL. Something tells me your relationship has been a toxic one because all of that is completely messed up, right along with you apologizing to him. 

This guy very clearly does not want to be in your life and doesn't give one fig about you. If you have this baby, get a good lawyer. Have conversations through your lawyer, not directly with him. File for child support. And forget about having any sort of personal relationship with him. 

[Nonickname-300]

11 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Your own boyfriend moved without telling you, went abroad without telling you, and was looking for other women on Tinder. 

And you're wondering if you're too hard on him? Girl. GIRL. Something tells me your relationship has been a toxic one because all of that is completely messed up, right along with you apologizing to him. 

This guy very clearly does not want to be in your life and doesn't give one fig about you. If you have this baby, get a good lawyer. Have conversations through your lawyer, not directly with him. File for child support. And forget about having any sort of personal relationship with him. 

Deep down in my heart I know I didn't do anything wrong. Stupid, right? And then on the other side of me is like I don't know why I'm not good enough for him and I basically feel so neglected. Like why let me waste 1,5 years of my life? I have very unhealthy feelings ATM, because why do I keep running after him?

[DarkCh0c0]

21 minutes ago, Nonickname-300 said:

why do I keep running after him?

Because you are attached to an idealised version of him. Because you're letting your heart take over the steering wheel. Because you don't know if you can do better (low self-esteem) and don't have enough self-respect. Because you don't love yourself enough to stay away from such a horrible POS. I can go on and on...

But you need to let your head take over here and think straight. STOP contacting him or apologizing. HE should be the one apologizing as he abandoned his pregnant gf AND his child!! 

Please go to friends and family to vent and cry. And then think of whether you are in the right state and conditions to have a child.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Only reach him via a lawyer. If he messages you, don't reply back anymore. Let karma handle him.

Take care of you now.

[Nonickname-300]

3 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Because you are attached to an idealised version of him. Because you're letting your heart take over the steering wheel. Because you don't know if you can do better (low self-esteem) and don't have enough self-respect. Because you don't love yourself enough to stay away from such a horrible POS. I can go on and on...

But you need to let your head take over here and think straight. STOP contacting him or apologizing. HE should be the one apologizing as he abandoned his pregnant gf AND his child!! 

Please go to friends and family to vent and cry. And then think of whether you are in the right state and conditions to have a child.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Only reach him via a lawyer. If he messages you, don't reply back anymore. Let karma handle him.

Take care of you now.

Thank you. I didnt tell anyone yet (friends or family) because I'm so ashamed of myself and this situation. It's hard to believe this story. 

But you're right. I really need to stop contact him. It's hard but I will try. 

Thanks again, I appreciate it.

[DarkCh0c0]

@Nonickname-300 you're welcome. It can happen to the best of us. Your friends and family will definitely support you and stand by your side.

It's hard cutting contact indeed, but it's much worse being treated like disposable trash by someone who was supposed to be your partner in life.

[gamon]

2 hours ago, Nonickname-300 said:

Deep down in my heart I know I didn't do anything wrong.

If you don't call getting pregnant by a guy who couldn't care less about you, "wrong".

[Rose Mosse]

2 hours ago, Nonickname-300 said:

Thank you. I didnt tell anyone yet (friends or family) because I'm so ashamed of myself and this situation. It's hard to believe this story. 

But you're right. I really need to stop contact him. It's hard but I will try. 

Thanks again, I appreciate it.

Now is the time when you will need that support from friends and family. Given the way he treated you, move forward with the pregnancy if that’s what you want to do. Do not depend on him for anything. File for child support for your child. 

And please don’t beat yourself up for the mistakes you made dating this man. Do not let anyone shame you into feeling sorry for yourself. You have yourself to care for now and your baby so remove any negative influences including your ex/this man. You don’t have the luxury to listen to further crap from anyone. 

Wishing you a smooth pregnancy and good health to you and your baby.

[1a1a]

Sad to say but definitely assume you will never get a reasonable conversation from this jerk. And that if you keep the baby he’s not going to be one iota of help or support. 
 

I’m really sorry this guy turned out to be a frog. Sometimes it takes a while for the mask to come off.

[MissCanuck]

12 hours ago, Nonickname-300 said:

These past 2 weeks have been an hell. So what do I do then? Not contact him anymore? Also not about my appointments?

This guy didn't bother to you tell you he had moved. 

He doesn't care about you. It's very sad, but he isn't going to care about your appointments or this baby either. 

 

[Nonickname-300]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

This guy didn't bother to you tell you he had moved. 

He doesn't care about you. It's very sad, but he isn't going to care about your appointments or this baby either. 

 

I know. All of this hit me hard in my face. I guess I will be blocked forever. It's strange how certain people treat others. It's hard to accept, because I'm not like that.

[Wiseman2]

14 hours ago, Nonickname-300 said:

I think I keep the baby. 

He doesn't want the child and blocked you. If you wish to be a single mother that's fine.

It's unclear why after 1.5 years you know nothing about his whereabouts, nothing about the breakup and in 1.5 years now you're suddenly pregnant after he disappears? Your story has a lot of details missing.

 

[SherrySher]

16 hours ago, Nonickname-300 said:

Hello,

I really need advice. Since 2 weeks my life has turned upside down. It feels like I am in a bad movie.

I (F31) am in a/had a relationship for 1,5 years with (M34). 2 weeks ago I found out he was abroad, without telling me. He also was active on Tinder. When I confronted him on WhatsApp, he blocked me everywhere.

A few days later I found out I'm pregnant. I had to go to his house, since I was blocked literally everywhere. I came there and had to found out he had moved!!! I was going crazy in my head at that moment.

A few days later he unblocked me and a couple days ago he came to my house to talk. He only wanted to talk about the pregnancy, not all the other stuff. I decided to still confront him, but he kept lying shameless in my face. Saying that he never went abroad and so on. I was crying, he gave me a tissue.. not even a hug. And he kept telling me I would have a hard time with a baby and if I thought about the consequences. There was no “us” in his mouth, only “me”.

Yesterday he asked on WhatsApp how my appointment was and I said I didn't feel supported by him. He asked me how he could support me if I didn't tell him anything. And he said he knew I never trusted him.

And then I got mad.. I said I don't trust him since the last 2 weeks. And I asked how he can expect that I do tell him everything, while he keeps lying in my face. I said: figure out your problems, before that I don't want to hear anything anymore. I wish u the best.

He texted “thx, I know how you are now” and he blocked me again.

Was I too hard? Because basically I told him to *** off? A few hours later I emailed him and apologized. Saying that I said those things in the heat of the moment but that I need an honest conversation, without lies. I said, let me know when you want to talk to me, I will not get mad 

I don't know what to do now, still being blocked and pregnant with him. It drives me crazy. Was I so rude? I don't know what to do now. When we had arguments before he would sometimes give me the silent treatment and that could last for 2 weeks. I always am the one who apologize. I really don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to email him again, I will look crazy. But I just want to have an honest conversation.

You did right in telling him to get lost.

He's a liar, a cheater, and has zero feelings if he can treat a woman as badly as he has treated you.

Please stop begging him, and please stop apologizing to this low life.

No respectful woman would want a man like him.

Get some backbone and walk away from him. YOU DON'T NEED HIM.

If you do decide to have the baby, get a paternity test.

Make sure he pays for the child, but do NOT expect him to be a part of raising this child, or that he will get back together with you.

He is not a good partner and very unlikely will be a good father.

You need to be strong now, for your child and for yourself.

Get away from him. He will only hurt you worse and worse.

 

[MissCanuck]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Your story has a lot of details missing.

This is my impression as well. 

OP, what is the backstory on this relationship?

[Nonickname-300]

28 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

This is my impression as well. 

OP, what is the backstory on this relationship?

We met 1,5 years ago. We didn't live together. We saw eachother 3-4 days each week and he came to my house and i went to his house. The last 6 weeks he only came to my house (I guess that's when he did moved). Then 2 weeks ago..he said his phone wasn't working well. That's when I got suspicious and I found out he was abroad and had Tinder...

[MissCanuck]

32 minutes ago, Nonickname-300 said:

We met 1,5 years ago. We didn't live together. We saw eachother 3-4 days each week and he came to my house and i went to his house.

When I meant the backstory, what I was really asking is whether you two have a history of conflict? Does he frequently do shady things?

Because it is completely bizarre to go from things being alright, to picking up and moving and not telling your own girlfriend and travelling abroad without telling her and signing up for Tinder. 

What are the missing pieces here? 

 

 

[Nonickname-300]

22 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

When I meant the backstory, what I was really asking is whether you two have a history of conflict? Does he frequently do shady things?

Because it is completely bizarre to go from things being alright, to picking up and moving and not telling your own girlfriend and travelling abroad without telling her and signing up for Tinder. 

What are the missing pieces here? 

 

 

Yes, that are things that go through my mind as well. I think I don't know a lot of stuff. We did have arguments before about other stuff, then he would give me the silent treatment for 2 weeks (which is not normal in my opinion). 

But all the missing pieces are very weird to me as well. I don't get any answers and that's driving me nuts. I know this story sounds bizarre, that's why I didn't tell any family and friends yet. They won't believe this, I'm so ashamed.

[DarkCh0c0]

6 minutes ago, Nonickname-300 said:

then he would give me the silent treatment for 2 weeks

That's a punishment. That's abuse.

7 minutes ago, Nonickname-300 said:

They won't believe this, I'm so ashamed.

They will. Sh_t happens. You should have walked away, but we are all human and do mistakes.

Please DO confide in your friends and family. You need their support and they will have your back. Don't go through this alone.