He blocked me, while I'm pregnant. Was I too hard?

[Nonickname-300]

11 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

That's a punishment. That's abuse.

They will. Sh_t happens. You should have walked away, but we are all human and do mistakes.

Please DO confide in your friends and family. You need their support and they will have your back. Don't go through this alone.

I will try to talk to them. At this point I can literally burst into tears each moment of the day. So I really need to talk soneone.

[tattoobunnie]

7 hours ago, Nonickname-300 said:

I know. All of this hit me hard in my face. I guess I will be blocked forever. It's strange how certain people treat others. It's hard to accept, because I'm not like that.

Doesn't matter if he blocks you.  He will still need to pay for child support.  Children in a broken relationship do not bring the couple back together, but you are tied to them forever.  

I was your age when my ex got me prego.  Didn't keep it.  He dumped me right afterwards.  But 3 years later, started dated the best guy for me and we are now married 10 years with our own kids. 

Whatever you decide, good luck!  But this chump is a chump; stop chasing him.

[Rose Mosse]

4 hours ago, Nonickname-300 said:

Yes, that are things that go through my mind as well. I think I don't know a lot of stuff. We did have arguments before about other stuff, then he would give me the silent treatment for 2 weeks (which is not normal in my opinion). 

But all the missing pieces are very weird to me as well. I don't get any answers and that's driving me nuts. I know this story sounds bizarre, that's why I didn't tell any family and friends yet. They won't believe this, I'm so ashamed.

Just focus on the pregnancy from now on if you choose to keep the baby. It's no one's walk but yours so as long as you are determined to go through with it, fill your life with the support and love that you need to get through it. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Nonickname-300 said:

At this point I can literally burst into tears each moment of the day. So I really need to talk soneone.

 You have seen a doctor? You need counselling one ay or the other. Whether you decide to be a single mother or decide you would rather be in a solid relationship and terminate this unplanned (and unwanted by the father) preganacy..

There are many considerations such as can you afford to raise a child at this time? (you can file for child support but he's pretty goo at skipping town without even knowing where he is or where he lives.

 

[Nonickname-300]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

 You have seen a doctor? You need counselling one ay or the other. Whether you decide to be a single mother or decide you would rather be in a solid relationship and terminate this unplanned (and unwanted by the father) preganacy..

There are many considerations such as can you afford to raise a child at this time? (you can file for child support but he's pretty goo at skipping town without even knowing where he is or where he lives.

 

Yes, thanks. I have an appointment with a psychologist this week. I hope that helps. As far as raising the baby alone, that wouldn't be a problem. This whole situation is more the problem. Not knowing if he is gone forever or he will pop up.

[catfeeder]

On 6/8/2022 at 3:09 PM, Nonickname-300 said:

why do I keep running after him?

You're in love with hope. Unfortunately, that can blind you to reality. The guy is worthless to you, and he has no intention of 'supporting' you in any way shape or form.

He's obvious and shameless about that.

I'd get clear about that before making any other decisions.

(((My heart goes out to you.)))

[Rose Mosse]

8 hours ago, Nonickname-300 said:

This whole situation is more the problem. Not knowing if he is gone forever or he will pop up.

Unfortunately he is still the father so yes, that would be a worry. The baby is entitled to a relationship with its father and access to child support. It’s a difficult/emotional time right now because he was a lousy boyfriend.

Lean on your loved ones (the real people who are there for you) and let time do the healing.

[Nonickname-300]

10 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

Unfortunately he is still the father so yes, that would be a worry. The baby is entitled to a relationship with its father and access to child support. It’s a difficult/emotional time right now because he was a lousy boyfriend.

Lean on your loved ones (the real people who are there for you) and let time do the healing.

Thanks. I hope I will feel better as the months pass by. For now, I have been crying every day. I still can't process what really happened.

[MissCanuck]

What sort of things did you two argue about in the past, OP?

[Nonickname-300]

56 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

What sort of things did you two argue about in the past, OP?

Stupid things. Sometimes when I mentioned what was bothering me, he just ignored me, and make it sound like I was very rude. Or one time when I didn't want to reschedule my own plans, because he wanted to come over. It was never a real argument, because he ignored me straight away. It started with 1 day ignoring, the second time it was a whole week, then one time a whole month. I remember asking him if that was normal for him. He said "yes". And I asked him why he did it, and for him it was some sort of punishment he said, he really thought I deserved it at the time. And he always said "i dont know what to say". I guess that's also the deal now, however he really blocked me now. And that's what's really frustrating. Normally things would be okay, when I was apoligizing also when it wasn't my fault in my opinion. But even that doesn't work now.

I don't understand why people can be like that. I have so much patience, but I can't always stay kind. 

I'm so confused and hurt. I hardly can get out of bed, have to force myself to go work. When come home, I eat, take a shower and go to bed straight away. I literally can't anymore. I'm not dramatic normally, but it's all too much right now. Yesterday I opened the curtains for the first time in almost 3 weeks.

And I haven't tell anyone about this yet. I'm really ashamed of this all. My parents won't believe this, especially that he has moved all of a sudden. 

[DarkCh0c0]

7 minutes ago, Nonickname-300 said:

started with 1 day ignoring, the second time it was a whole week, then one time a whole month. I remember asking him if that was normal for him. He said "yes". And I asked him why he did it, and for him it was some sort of punishment he said, he really thought I deserved it at the time.

So you stayed willingly with an abusive man.

There's a voice in YOU that thought you deserved this. Maybe your inner child/critical parent voice.

I really really urge you to confide in friends and family AND shop around for a good therapist that will help you with your self esteem.

Please please get help. Stop hiding this and stop acting helpless. He's a dirt bag. You need support. You deserve love and support from your friends and family.

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, Nonickname-300 said:

I hardly can get out of bed, have to force myself to go work. When come home, I eat, take a shower and go to bed straight away. I literally can't anymore. I'm not dramatic normally, but it's all too much right now. Yesterday I opened the curtains for the first time in almost 3 weeks.

Go back y to the doctor/clinic you are at high risk. make sure you are physically and mentally cleared to go the single parent route. Get some counseling about this.

As far as the relationship is was on/off toxic with multiple disappearing acts as if You were "in a relationship" but he clearly was not. This preganacy will not turn him into who you want or soften his contempt and abuse. In fact think about what you are doing very very carefully.

[MissCanuck]

44 minutes ago, Nonickname-300 said:

Normally things would be okay

Well, no. Not really. This relationship was not "okay." You were in a bad relationship. 

45 minutes ago, Nonickname-300 said:

I have so much patience, but I can't always stay kind.

And nor should you. You should also not have granted him so much patience in the past. That is part of what got you here - your lack of boundaries and lack of self-respect. This man should have been out of your life a long time ago. 

46 minutes ago, Nonickname-300 said:

My parents won't believe this, especially that he has moved all of a sudden. 

Maybe the first step in moving forward is being honest with yourself about how bad this all was, by refusing to live the lie anymore. Be honest with the people closest to you that this was a toxic relationship and this man has now up and left with no warning. And you are pregnant. You have been hiding this for too long, and there's no need. 

[Rose Mosse]

1 hour ago, Nonickname-300 said:

Stupid things. Sometimes when I mentioned what was bothering me, he just ignored me, and make it sound like I was very rude. Or one time when I didn't want to reschedule my own plans, because he wanted to come over. It was never a real argument, because he ignored me straight away. It started with 1 day ignoring, the second time it was a whole week, then one time a whole month. I remember asking him if that was normal for him. He said "yes". And I asked him why he did it, and for him it was some sort of punishment he said, he really thought I deserved it at the time. And he always said "i dont know what to say". I guess that's also the deal now, however he really blocked me now. And that's what's really frustrating. Normally things would be okay, when I was apoligizing also when it wasn't my fault in my opinion. But even that doesn't work now.

I don't understand why people can be like that. I have so much patience, but I can't always stay kind. 

I'm so confused and hurt. I hardly can get out of bed, have to force myself to go work. When come home, I eat, take a shower and go to bed straight away. I literally can't anymore. I'm not dramatic normally, but it's all too much right now. Yesterday I opened the curtains for the first time in almost 3 weeks.

And I haven't tell anyone about this yet. I'm really ashamed of this all. My parents won't believe this, especially that he has moved all of a sudden. 

So he's not a good partner at all, one who ignores you, doesn't work with you through scheduling issues, not as considerate, and is punitive. You kept wanting a man who treated you this way and the more you kept chasing after him or being kind to someone like this the worse things got until he disappeared completely and you didn't know his whereabouts. Let go of that shame and do turn to your loved ones. Are you afraid that they will blame you for what happened? 

You have a child to look out for now as well so take care of your health and put yourself first from now on. Lean on your friends and family. Good job getting up and opening the curtains. See your doctor immediately for a full check up. Sending you lots of love and support. 

 

[itsallgrand]

If you are planning on continuing the pregnancy, you don't have time to indulge in this. You've got to make a decision soon. You could cause harm to the fetus if you are under extreme stress etc. 

You were in an abusive relationship and you got pregnant with your abuser. He wants nothing to do with you nor this pregnancy. 

Have you spoken to a therapist or other professional yet? That and doctors appts are your priority. Not him, not this. 

 

[Nonickname-300]

36 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Well, no. Not really. This relationship was not "okay." You were in a bad relationship. 

And nor should you. You should also not have granted him so much patience in the past. That is part of what got you here - your lack of boundaries and lack of self-respect. This man should have been out of your life a long time ago. 

Maybe the first step in moving forward is being honest with yourself about how bad this all was, by refusing to live the lie anymore. Be honest with the people closest to you that this was a toxic relationship and this man has now up and left with no warning. And you are pregnant. You have been hiding this for too long, and there's no need. 

Thanks for all this. I appreciate it

[Nonickname-300]

23 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

If you are planning on continuing the pregnancy, you don't have time to indulge in this. You've got to make a decision soon. You could cause harm to the fetus if you are under extreme stress etc. 

You were in an abusive relationship and you got pregnant with your abuser. He wants nothing to do with you nor this pregnancy. 

Have you spoken to a therapist or other professional yet? That and doctors appts are your priority. Not him, not this. 

 

Thanks for this

[catfeeder]

7 hours ago, Nonickname-300 said:

It was never a real argument, because he ignored me straight away. It started with 1 day ignoring, the second time it was a whole week, then one time a whole month.

This kind of punitive control wasn't just a red flag, hon. It was a giant neon sign of no-love.

When the price of being with someone is walking on eggshells to avoid the punishment of being shut down, that's not a relationship.

I'd contact legal aid to learn my options in my location and the best steps for each option.

Then you can make decisions based on real information instead of based on emotions alone.

Head high, you can operate in your own best interests.

Make it your private goal to surprise yourself.