What kind of problems do you think he had?

[midnightdeirdre]

I'm not sure if this is the right topic for this forum. But here it goes.

I got bullied by this boy I'll call Sam in 11th grade. One day I wore a pair of large black glasses, because I had ran out of contacts. Sam made a silly face at me, with his hands over his eyes, mimicking my eyeglasses. The next day: he cut out a pair of brown paper glasses, put them on, and said he was me. (Yes. An 11th grade boy did that.)

"He's got problems!" is everyone's reaction when I told them this story. What kind of problems would a 17-year old boy have that would prompt him to do that? I (obviously) never understood that.

I know I keep saying this, but I'm autistic and I have this huge memory. Things have happened in my life that I reflect on and I don't understand a lot it. So I post them on here so I can (at least try) to understand them.

Thanks for reading/replying/understanding.  

[Seraphim]

Your average 17 year old bully. No one can tell any problems or issues from a situation like that. He was a bully at 17 and may be an awesome person today. One doesn’t know . 

[melancholy123]

I think he was being your typical immature 17 yr old boy.  Nothing more than that.  It doesn't mean he's got problems, just he's busy being a teenager.

[Rose Mosse]

I wouldn’t guess at someone’s problems.

He wasn’t kind to you and he made fun of you when he had the chance instead of being friendly or asking you how your day was. 

Did you have a crush on him? 

[Capricorn3]

I don't think he had any problems as such - he was just being a typical teenage high school student.  This happened when you were in high school - like 15-18 years ago?? It really doesn't matter anymore.

[midnightdeirdre]

18 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:Did you have a crush on him? 

No I didn’t have a crush on him. I did hear that he indeed had problems. I mean what kind of problems would prompt a 17 year old boy to do that?

[Capricorn3]

5 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

No I didn’t have a crush on him. I did hear that he indeed had problems. I mean what kind of problems would prompt a 17 year old boy to do that?

Immaturity.

[greendots]

Have you considered some therapy, like psychoanalysis? It would help you understand how these events you're reflecting back on are currently impacting you. Very fascinating! I wish I had studied psychology.

Shamless plug: David Eagleman. Neuroscientist who talks on the brain in a way that laymen like myself can understand. Mind-blowing stuff!

 

[Rose Mosse]

9 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

No I didn’t have a crush on him. I did hear that he indeed had problems. I mean what kind of problems would prompt a 17 year old boy to do that?

From whom did you hear he had “problems”? Be careful of gossip and don’t believe everything you hear. 

He wasn’t nice to you and it’s not likely you’ll ever know why. It’s more in your best interests to let it go.

[midnightdeirdre]

13 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

From whom did you hear he had “problems”? Be careful of gossip and don’t believe everything you hear.

One of our teachers told me. (Sam also stole $500 cash from one of his other teachers. He gave it back; but that says a lot right there.)

[Seraphim]

19 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

One of our teachers told me. (Sam also stole $500 cash from one of his other teachers. He gave it back; but that says a lot right there.)

So, this teacher is actually not be trusted as they went around not preserving the privacy of a minor. Says a lot about that teacher. 

[MissCanuck]

This kid was a typical teenage bully: rude, immature, disrespectful and apparently impulsive. 

That's it. 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

One of our teachers told me. 

How long ago was this? Didn't you say you were getting help with "living in the past" and other ASD issues you are having?

 

[catfeeder]

If you are curious about what might cause a bully at that age to behave as he did, you've got the whole Internet at your fingertip to read up on the subject.

What kind of reading have you done?

[midnightdeirdre]

On 6/2/2022 at 7:42 PM, Seraphim said:

So, this teacher is actually not be trusted as they went around not preserving the privacy of a minor. Says a lot about that teacher. 

I should make this clear: the teacher (I'll call him Mr.Smith) who told me, "He had problems," had left the school. Sam and I had him for math our sophomore year; after that, Mr. Smith left our high school. Junior year was when Sam made the paper glasses; Sam transferred to another high school after junior year. Senior year, Mr. Smith came back and when he asked about Sam, I said with disgust, "He's in rehab!" to which Mr. Smith said, "He had problems."

[Capricorn3]

11 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

I should make this clear: the teacher (I'll call him Mr.Smith) who told me, "He had problems," had left the school. Sam and I had him for math our sophomore year; after that, Mr. Smith left our high school. Junior year was when Sam made the paper glasses; Sam transferred to another high school after junior year. Senior year, Mr. Smith came back and when he asked about Sam, I said with disgust, "He's in rehab!" to which Mr. Smith said, "He had problems."

None of this should concern you. Whatever "problems" you think he has, or what a teacher told you he had, is long long ago, in the past. It's over and done with.  It's high school - every teen in school is more likely than not, immature, including you at the time.  It's also possible your peers wondered "what your problems" were, right?  I imagine most teens come across as "having problems", when all it is is immaturity and part of normal growing up.  Let it go already.

[Seraphim]

2 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

I should make this clear: the teacher (I'll call him Mr.Smith) who told me, "He had problems," had left the school. Sam and I had him for math our sophomore year; after that, Mr. Smith left our high school. Junior year was when Sam made the paper glasses; Sam transferred to another high school after junior year. Senior year, Mr. Smith came back and when he asked about Sam, I said with disgust, "He's in rehab!" to which Mr. Smith said, "He had problems."

Doesn’t matter he was in a position of power over minors and it is abuse of power and privacy. 

[catfeeder]

3 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

I should make this clear: the teacher (I'll call him Mr.Smith) who told me, "He had problems," had left the school. Sam and I had him for math our sophomore year; after that, Mr. Smith left our high school. Junior year was when Sam made the paper glasses; Sam transferred to another high school after junior year. Senior year, Mr. Smith came back and when he asked about Sam, I said with disgust, "He's in rehab!" to which Mr. Smith said, "He had problems."

Okay, what do YOU believe that his problems were?

Have you done any reading about bullies his age?

Nobody here knows the guy or the context. You are the only one here with that information, so make an informed guess based on reading about bullies, and you'll be able to answer your own question to the best of your ability.

And that will have to do.

[melancholy123]

I dont think he had any problems.  I think he was an immature teenage kid.  Why does it have to be any more complicated than that?

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, melancholy123 said:

I dont think he had any problems.  I think he was an immature teenage kid.  Why does it have to be any more complicated than that?

I agree. And no teacher should even allude to a minor's personal issues to one of his classmates or former classmates.  

[melancholy123]

4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I agree. And no teacher should even allude to a minor's personal issues to one of his classmates or former classmates.  

After all this time there's no proof that what the OP says now is what the teacher said then.

[Batya33]

57 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

After all this time there's no proof that what the OP says now is what the teacher said then.

I guess.  Just the fact that a teacher would share this with a student.

[melancholy123]

33 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I guess.  Just the fact that a teacher would share this with a student.

But you dont know that it happened as she says it did!  Things change over time, memories fade etc.

[Batya33]

12 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

But you dont know that it happened as she says it did!  Things change over time, memories fade etc.

Yes of course.  I tend to remember clearly what my bullies did to me -although the bully did not -one of them posted a couple of years ago how her high school daughter was being bullied and how she just cannot relate as she never would have bullied anyone ..... (yes we are facebook friends and yes I see she is no longer a bully and of course I didn't forget even though this was around 35-40 years ago).

[midnightdeirdre]

On 6/4/2022 at 9:01 PM, melancholy123 said:

I dont think he had any problems.

But I was told he did have problems. I suspect maybe his parents were forcing him to sleep in the basement and/or he was dealing drugs.