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What kind of problems do you think he had?


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4 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Many bullies are mean due to problems at home, and of course being insecure about themselves. Bullies (people in general) aren't mean for no reason at all.

What's with this obsession of trying to analyze what "problems" this kid had 20 years ago? Seriously, get this in your head:  You are NEVER going to KNOW what "problems" he had. NEVER. EVER.  All you are doing is driving yourself crazy with questions none of us has the answer to.  It's like beating a dead horse.

Just let it go already.  We don't know the answer to this. Never will.

 

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5 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

What's with this obsession of trying to analyze what "problems" this kid had 20 years ago? Seriously, get this in your head:  You are NEVER going to KNOW what "problems" he had. NEVER. EVER.  All you are doing is driving yourself crazy with questions none of us has the answer to.  It's like beating a dead horse.

Just let it go already.  We don't know the answer to this. Never will.

 

Calm down. As I said, it was on my mind and I got curious. Goodbye.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 6/4/2022 at 9:01 PM, melancholy123 said:

I dont think he had any problems.  I think he was an immature teenage kid.  Why does it have to be any more complicated than that?

Because back then when I told people what he did they'd scoff and say, "He's got problems!" Now you're all practically telling me his behavior was normal and natural. 

I also mentioned that he stole $500 from a teacher. I'm surprised no one has said, "Oh, boys do that kind of thing, no biggie. At least he gave it back. Laugh about it and move on."

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2 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Because back then when I told people what he did they'd scoff and say, "He's got problems!" Now you're all practically telling me his behavior was normal and natural. 

I also mentioned that he stole $500 from a teacher. I'm surprised no one has said, "Oh, boys do that kind of thing, no biggie. At least he gave it back. Laugh about it and move on."

Because many people say that offhand comment and this was many years ago.  As far as the accusation that he stole $500 that has nothing to do with your complaint about what he said.  I don't see the connection -even if he did steal $ -(and you do not know that for sure of course) - between someone stealing and someone teasing someone else or making a rude comment.  I know of many people who make rude comments or tease and would never steal anything.  

There's a huge range of "typical" or "normal" and so dependent on the individual situation, context timing. 

Of course certain things are easy to label - people who eat food when they are hungry are reacting in a normal way to hunger. Teenage boys who react to liking a girl by teasing her are most often reacting in a typical, teenage boy way.  People who scream at the top of their lungs for no reason at all in a movie theater are not behaving in a typical way. 

When I had a stroke I had speech aphasia -I meant to say X word and instead I said the completely unrelated Y word.  That is not a normal way to express oneself and that is why my husband forced me to go to the ER despite our son being less than 2 weeks old.  

But other than those kind of no brainers so much of what is "normal" is subjective and beating a dead horse as you are doing actually start to look like a very atypical way to respond, IMHO.

I'm surprised you're so obsessed with this situation as many others on this thread have commented.  Why not let it go and live your life -is it worth the stomach acid/brain space??

Edited by Batya33
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2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Because many people say that offhand comment and this was many years ago.  As far as the accusation that he stole $500 that has nothing to do with your complaint about what he said.  I don't see the connection -even if he did steal $ -(and you do not know that for sure of course) - between someone stealing and someone teasing someone else or making a rude comment.  I know of many people who make rude comments or tease and would never steal anything.  

I'm surprised you're so obsessed with this situation as many others on this thread have commented.  Why not let it go and live your life -is it worth the stomach acid/brain space??

A 17-year old guy stole $500, made a pair of paper glasses and said he was me. I kept being told, "He's got problems!" Now I'm being told he didn't, just "boys will be boys" apparently.

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4 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

A 17-year old guy stole $500, made a pair of paper glasses and said he was me. I kept being told, "He's got problems!" Now I'm being told he didn't, just "boys will be boys" apparently.

None of this is fact other than your recollection from many years ago that one of your classmates teased you as you described.  The rest is your interpretation of what people wrote in this thread -and I completely disagree with your interpretation.  You also do not know for a fact what "people" meant by "problems" nor do you know if it is true he stole anything.  

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4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

-even if he did steal $ -(and you do not know that for sure of course)

He did steal the money. He admitted it. When he bullied me for something else a few days before the glasses I would retort, "Hey Sam, can I borrow $500?" He'd eventually say, "Can't you think of anything else?"

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3 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Because back then when I told people what he did they'd scoff and say, "He's got problems!" Now you're all practically telling me his behavior was normal and natural. 

I also mentioned that he stole $500 from a teacher. I'm surprised no one has said, "Oh, boys do that kind of thing, no biggie. At least he gave it back. Laugh about it and move on."

Obviously stealing money is wrong.  However teenage boys do stupid things all the time, he is not unique in that regard.  Why are you still dwelling on this after so long?

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7 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

 Now I'm being told he didn't, just "boys will be boys" apparently.

Who's telling you that? Your therapist? This was decades ago? Why are you worried about it?

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8 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

He did steal the money. He admitted it. When he bullied me for something else a few days before the glasses I would retort, "Hey Sam, can I borrow $500?" He'd eventually say, "Can't you think of anything else?"

Right -so you of course gave it as good as you got, referencing what you thought he did in the past. I don't see a connection between teasing someone and stealing $ other than you made the connection as a comeback.  I'm sorry you were bullied.  Unfortunately it happens far too often in school, especially middle and high school. One person who was mean to me later experienced her teenage daughter being bullied and wrote on FB that she was so upset and couldn't understand why anyone would behave that way as she never had. 

She very likely forgot and/or didn't see it as I did.  We are FB friends now -we're middle aged, we stay in touch, I don't completely forgive her and I recognize that we are adults now with families and it was a really really long time ago.  

How would you like it if someone harped on/obsessed about a mistake you made or something not that smart you did this many years later and tried to analyze whether it meant you had deep seated problems? I know you're not confronting him but people can sense when they are being overly judged - and wild assumptions made about whether teasing necessarily is related to deep seated issues.  Be careful out there.

Edited by Batya33
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On 6/26/2022 at 4:53 AM, Batya33 said:

Right -so you of course gave it as good as you got, referencing what you thought he did in the past. I don't see a connection between teasing someone and stealing $ other than you made the connection as a comeback.  I'm sorry you were bullied.  Unfortunately it happens far too often in school, especially middle and high school. One person who was mean to me later experienced her teenage daughter being bullied and wrote on FB that she was so upset and couldn't understand why anyone would behave that way as she never had. 

She very likely forgot and/or didn't see it as I did.  We are FB friends now -we're middle aged, we stay in touch, I don't completely forgive her and I recognize that we are adults now with families and it was a really really long time ago.  

How would you like it if someone harped on/obsessed about a mistake you made or something not that smart you did this many years later and tried to analyze whether it meant you had deep seated problems? I know you're not confronting him but people can sense when they are being overly judged - and wild assumptions made about whether teasing necessarily is related to deep seated issues.  Be careful out there.

I'm autistic. That should tell all of you everything. Ok, thread officially closed.

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Every autistic person is different so it actually doesn’t tell anyone anything . For instance my son doesn’t care what kids did years ago to him or what problems they had. He holds no fancy or whims about the past. He concerned with what is happening right now today . So not every autistic person is interested in slights of the past . My son doesn’t care one bit. 

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