the new girl

[seanster93]

She's been previously treated badly, but that's her side of the story. We met less than a month ago at a small friends gathering. We've met a few times since then, alone. She's been sick for a while with some illness (not corona) I have been asking for ages to see her, but i understood she's ill so i didnt complain about it it was more to show that i missed her company. 

Last night, I asked if she wants to come here today, she said it depends how she feels and if her mother needs her for something.. so then today comes and I message her at around 5pm "so how do you feel?" she tells me she's going to see her friend and a dog.. i was a little annoyed that i have been asking all this time but then when she goes out, it's to see her friend and a dog. Not to sound selfish and intrude on her own life, but the thing is I had asked before she made any other plans.

honestly idk where i stand with this girl.. she says she wants to know more about me, says she does like me.. but meanwhile chooses to visit her friend and a dog instead of me when i have been asking for ages. From my experience, if she's in to me, she'll be excited to see me and not choose a dog... am i right?

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, seanster93 said:

From my experience, if she's in to me, she'll be excited to see me and not choose a dog... am i right?

Sorry this happened. Your instincts are correct.

Unfortunately it sounds like she has a long list of lame excuses not to date. Stop contacting her. 

[Batya33]

I'm just personally no good with flakiness. She's acting flaky and honestly you can spend hours overthinking -but she's probably just not that into you and/or she's one of those flaky types or some combo.  She was tentative about the plan from the start then not tentative when her friend invited her over.  How is it she's a girl? Is she a teenager? Are you an adult or a boy? 

Watch the feet -what she does- not the lips -what she says  - she "likes" you and "wants to know more" but in reality she's not willing to put in the effort to get to know you.

[seanster93]

She's 30. So i'm not sure where to go from here, do I say something? do I cut her off? last time i cut her off, she cried and complained to her friend about it.. but it was for the same reason basically, she was making no effort toward me, i was caring, i contacted her and all i got was read messages and no replies.. meanwhile she's on whatsapp sending pics and chatting to my other friends

[Wiseman2]

Just now, seanster93 said:

 do I cut her off? last time i cut her off

Neither. Just don't initiate. She's to old to play these silly games.

[MissCanuck]

She's not interested, but she enjoys your attention when it suits her. 

Don't bother with this one, OP. 

[Andrina]

24 minutes ago, seanster93 said:

honestly idk where i stand with this girl.. she says she wants to know more about me, says she does like me.. but meanwhile chooses to visit her friend and a dog instead of me when i have been asking for ages.

Assuming you're 30ish as well, then this mustn't be your first rodeo. Why can't you see she likes attention but just isn't that into you?

It doesn't matter who you're interacting with--friend, potential gf, relative--if a person doesn't make an equal effort to be in your life, and in a way that's satisfactory, you stop making effort.

When she said she was too ill to go out with you, you should have left the ball in her court and said, "Okay,I hope you feel better soon."

No need to say "Call me when you feel better and we can set up plans." Believe me, if I couldn't accept a guy's invitation because of illness, I would definitely be asking him out as soon as I felt better if I was into him. No need to prod me and I wouldn't be sitting around assuming he would double-ask. I wouldn't let the opportunity of having a great guy slip through my fingers. When this hasn't happened in your case, it's obvious she's only using you for an ego boost.

Her good looks have apparently caused you to have brain fog. As you should see now, cutting off contact the first time was the right decision. The saying fits here: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

[Batya33]

Agree with all the others. Don’t date girls. You’re a man an adult. Date people you consider women - adults - not girls who are 30 and cry and complain to friends if there’s an issue. Please. 

[SooSad33]

1 hour ago, Andrina said:

When she said she was too ill to go out with you, you should have left the ball in her court and said, "Okay,I hope you feel better soon."

No need to say "Call me when you feel better and we can set up plans." Believe me, if I couldn't accept a guy's invitation because of illness, I would definitely be asking him out as soon as I felt better if I was into him. No need to prod me and I wouldn't be sitting around assuming he would double-ask. I wouldn't let the opportunity of having a great guy slip through my fingers.

Exactly.. I second this.  Learn to pick up the hints and self respect 😉 

 

1 hour ago, seanster93 said:

She's 30. So i'm not sure where to go from here, do I say something? do I cut her off? last time i cut her off, she cried and complained to her friend about it.. but it was for the same reason basically, she was making no effort toward me, i was caring, i contacted her and all i got was read messages and no replies.. meanwhile she's on whatsapp sending pics and chatting to my other friends

Okay - she is 30!  Not 15.

Let her go complain fps, who cares.

As for YOU?  You have been dealing with this girl less than a month - and have already 'cut her off'?  Okay, you both need to grow up.  Either deal with each other in an 'adult sense' or leave it all alone.

No respect from either side is how I see this.

Move on. Be done now.  No games.

[Tanzi]

2 hours ago, seanster93 said:

From my experience, if she's in to me, she'll be excited to see me and not choose a dog... am i right?

Yes.

[Tanzi]

2 hours ago, seanster93 said:

She's 30. So i'm not sure where to go from here, do I say something? do I cut her off? last time i cut her off, she cried and complained to her friend about it.. but it was for the same reason basically, she was making no effort toward me, i was caring, i contacted her and all i got was read messages and no replies.. meanwhile she's on whatsapp sending pics and chatting to my other friends

So she's done this before?  Honestly, from everything you have said, she seems like a waste of time and energy.  I am assuming you are around 30 years too.  Is this drama what you really want at this point in your life?  I mean, you're not kids any more.  Walk away.  Give yourself the opportunity to find a woman who is really into you.

[smackie9]

If she prefers to do something else rather than go out with you, she is not interested. She is hoping you will get the hint to stop asking her. 

[greendots]

4 hours ago, seanster93 said:

do I cut her off? last time i cut her off, she cried and complained to her friend about it.. but it was for the same reason basically, she was making no effort toward me, i was caring, i contacted her and all i got was read messages and no replies..

An interested woman would jump at the chance to see you or provide you with an alternative. Anyhow, since you have mutual friends, why not be upfront with her as to why you're cutting her off. Obviously the honest yet polite version. Leave no room for misunderstandings should she complain to her friend again.

[catfeeder]

On 2/18/2022 at 3:43 PM, seanster93 said:

... do I say something? do I cut her off? last time i cut her off, she cried and complained to her friend about it.. 

No need to say anything, just stop contacting her. Let her whine to whoever she wants--that speaks of her, not you.

[Rose Mosse]

Pass. She’s has issues. 

There’s some major trust issue there and she has low integrity. You already know she complains about relationship issues to a common or shared friend. Avoid. Individuals like this are looking for their next punching bag and are not ready to date. She needs therapy not a new boyfriend.