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Ex said door is closed, doesn't see a future. Help!


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So my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. Rightfully so, I had a tough year and I took it out on my relationship. I had horrible communication skills, would turn cold when I was angry and towards the end got very controlling. 

The love is real but after doing no contact for a month she said that she does not see a future where we are happy together and that that door is closed. She is reluctant to meet even for a coffee. 

In the past two months I have been doing nothing but reflecting, therapy and reading about relationships and communication and healing past wounds. 

I want to show her I have changed but she thinks we are incompatible irrespective of change and growth. I know for a fact this is not the case and that she is just hurt. How can she say that after two years?

I am so lost and I need to get her back. Please help.

Edited by SoftProfessional7
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44 minutes ago, SoftProfessional7 said:

she thinks we are incompatible irrespective of change and growth. I know for a fact this is not the case and that she is just hurt.

No, you need to listen to her and respect what she is telling you. 

It's over, OP. You don't get to push your reconciliation agenda on her just because you don't agree with her. You said you could be controlling, and it appears this is an extension of that. You are not in her mind and cannot claim to knw better than she does, in terms of what she wants. Please, hear her and believe her: she is not interested any longer. 

Focus instead on healing and letting go. She already has. 

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2 hours ago, SoftProfessional7 said:

 she does not see a future where we are happy together and that that door is closed. She is reluctant to meet even for a coffee. I want to show her I have changed but she thinks we are incompatible irrespective of change and growth.

She is correct. Leave her alone.

You were incompatible and there's no need to go backwards. You need to delete and block her.

 If you've worked on yourself and "changed", use those skills in your next relationship. 

Is this the same woman?:

 

Edited by Wiseman2
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Accept that there was too much damage done to ever go back. Respect her decision to walk away from you. Leave her alone and stop contacting her or asking to meet.

It's great that you have done some work on yourself. However, thinking that you know better than she does about what she really feels or wants, while completely disregarding what she is telling you shows that you are nowhere near being better. This is all still controlling thinking - I know better and I will force you into bending to my wishes and wants. You've got a long ways to go in therapy before you can be a good partner to anyone. On that note, stay away from her and dating in general and keep working on yourself.

Take that new self to a new relationship and a fresh start. Btw, refusing to let go is just another control freak trait. Knock it off.

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You don’t get to decide that she’s wrong about the way she feels. I would take this as a learning opportunity of what to do and not to do for your next relationship. 
 

It sucks! I get it! The heart wants what the heart wants, but in this case, it’s not you. 

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5 hours ago, SoftProfessional7 said:

So my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. Rightfully so, I had a tough year and I took it out on my relationship. I had horrible communication skills, would turn cold when I was angry and towards the end got very controlling. 

The love is real but after doing no contact for a month she said that she does not see a future where we are happy together and that that door is closed. She is reluctant to meet even for a coffee. 

In the past two months I have been doing nothing but reflecting, therapy and reading about relationships and communication and healing past wounds. 

I want to show her I have changed but she thinks we are incompatible irrespective of change and growth. I know for a fact this is not the case and that she is just hurt. How can she say that after two years?

I am so lost and I need to get her back.

 

Okay... seriously... read all you've written here!

As mentioned, you do have some issue's and that will not 'change' in a month or two.

As other's have said... yes, the damage is done, sorry.

Look at the whole picture. With the way you were with her, would YOU want to be involved with you? 😕 

I feel you need to seriously buckle down and work on your own self before you think on getting involved again - with anyone.

Slow it all down now.. focus on your own self for a while. Not on 'winning and ex back', nothing.

 

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