Overlapping a relationship with an alcoholic

[Jenn2190]

I was in a relationship for over 5 years. My ex was an alcoholic. He went to rebab 4 times. This year he was giving moral support to a coworker who lost her husband. She herself was already fooling around before her husband passed away. She introduced my husband to her friend. June Father’s Day he spent the night at her house but it was with her friend who filed for divorce in February. I caught them in the car doing it September 4th. That day he got severely intoxicated and had the 2 woman pick him up. September 13 he begs me to take him back. I was an idiot and I did. October 16th he got severely intoxicated again and started to provoke me and I told him I knew why he was doing that. Sure enough he calls the 2 woman up and they pick him up. My ex and the one who is filing for divorce are living at the woman’s house who lost her husband and is also now seeing a married man. The other 2 don’t have a house to go. I have blocked his number as I know he will contact me. 
I know it won’t last as much as I put up with him. 

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, Jenn2190 said:

. My ex was an alcoholic. He went to rebab 4 times.. I caught them in the car doing it 

So many red flags 🚩. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Get a restraining order if the contact attempts persist.

Get to a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health and ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Are you a heavy drinker? It's unclear why you are involved in this.

Get some facts and support from Al-Anon. It's for people involved with alcoholics.:

https://al-anon.org/newcomers/self-quiz/adult-quiz/

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Jenn2190 said:

My ex and the one who is filing for divorce

Why are you not filing for divorce?

Or have you? Because if you haven't, you should. 

[Jenn2190]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

So many red flags 🚩. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Get a restraining order if the contact attempts persist.

Get to a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health and ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Are you a heavy drinker? It's unclear why you are involved in this.

Get some facts and support from Al-Anon. It's for people involved with alcoholics.:

https://al-anon.org/newcomers/self-quiz/adult-quiz/

No I am not an alcoholic. I really tried to help him. When he wasn’t drinking he was actually a very loving and caring man. 

[smackie9]

The only way an alcoholic will get help is when they hit rock bottom, and that means losing everything. If you give them comfort/support, they will get right back on the bottle. That's my experience anyways.

Stop drinking is only the first step. They need to discover the reasons why they drink, learn coping skills, and possibly deal with their mental illness. And this will be a lifetime of going to meeting, therapy/counseling. It's a heavy task.

[Lambert]

1 hour ago, Jenn2190 said:

No I am not an alcoholic. I really tried to help him. When he wasn’t drinking he was actually a very loving and caring man. 

You can't let yourself think this way. You can't help an alcoholic. Unfortunately he chose alcohol over staying true to sobriety and he's done it multiple times.

Ok. so you tried. It didn't work.  stop trying. Divorce this guy, change your number.  Get away from him. he is wasting his life and yours. 

I dated a guy in recovery. I met him after he was recovery for 4 years. He did not relapse while we together.  But I did learn a lot about alcoholics in that time. He went to meetings a couple times a week and volunteered helping other addicts. 

He would say, hypothetically,  if he were to relapse, it would be a deal breaker.

I think you should check out alcoholic anonymous meetings in your area, the ones for their family.  I forget what it's called.  Someone here does.

Understand he can't be trusted. He is a mess and you have to save yourself. 

You deserve so much more out of life 💓

 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Jenn2190 said:

When he wasn’t drinking he was actually a very loving and caring man. 

Except when  "I caught them in the car doing it"? Divorce asap before he spends all your money on booze and floozies.

[lostandhurt]

I am not sure what your question is here or if you asked for help or just venting.

If you need moral support to help you finally divorce him and get on with your life and make it happy and healthy then we will do all we can but if you just want to vent and then lie to yourself that he will change and take him back then there is zero we can do for you.

My parents were alcoholics and I lived it for years growing up.  Your husband is not even close to getting clean and sober and worst of all you are using his addiction to alcohol as an excuse for him cheating on you. I am sure you are telling yourself "If he just stopped drinking then he wouldn't be like this"  This is absolutely wrong. He is who he is which is a selfish liar that is cheating on you.  Drinking is his addiction and didn't make him a cheater, this is who he is.

Lost 

[Jenn2190]

7 hours ago, Jenn2190 said:

I was in a relationship for over 5 years. My ex was an alcoholic. He went to rebab 4 times. This year he was giving moral support to a coworker who lost her husband. She herself was already fooling around before her husband passed away. She introduced my husband to her friend. June Father’s Day he spent the night at her house but it was with her friend who filed for divorce in February. I caught them in the car doing it September 4th. That day he got severely intoxicated and had the 2 woman pick him up. September 13 he begs me to take him back. I was an idiot and I did. October 16th he got severely intoxicated again and started to provoke me and I told him I knew why he was doing that. Sure enough he calls the 2 woman up and they pick him up. My ex and the one who is filing for divorce are living at the woman’s house who lost her husband and is also now seeing a married man. The other 2 don’t have a house to go. I have blocked his number as I know he will contact me. 
I know it won’t last as much as I put up with him. 
my question is why is it that the first time he left white intoxicated I gave him a chance as he was remorseful within 2 weeks.

it’s been 1 week and he hasn’t tried to contact me at home even though his number is blocked and it was last time as well. He came over at 430am the last time crying and remorseful. During the time he would not even respond to my daughters text messages and when she told him that him and I should talk he said he didn’t want any drama but he is the cause of it all. 

 

[Spawn]

move away from all this drama, check your legal options and stick with it so you can work towards a peaceful life ahead. Don't get involved in a relationship with anybody else, focus should be rebuilding a healthy and safe life.

 

[boltnrun]

How old are your kids?

Please divorce this cheating addict. Then get intensive counseling for yourself and your children. They have been damaged and need help.

[Jibralta]

4 hours ago, Jenn2190 said:

my question is why is it that the first time he left white intoxicated I gave him a chance as he was remorseful within 2 weeks.

He was never remorseful. He just wanted something from you.

4 hours ago, Jenn2190 said:

he said he didn’t want any drama but he is the cause of it all. 

That's a lie and you know it. He loves drama.

And I think you must like it a little, too, to put up with him the way that you do.

[Jenn2190]

20 hours ago, Jibralta said:

He was never remorseful. He just wanted something from you.

That's a lie and you know it. He loves drama.

And I think you must like it a little, too, to put up with him the way that you do.

No I don’t like drama. I just cared and loved him even after putting up with him for so long. 
I believe that for some reason he was remorseful as he only used this to win his way back (he didn’t have money nor a place to stay). I believe that’s the only reason he cried and asked for forgiveness at 430am that morning. 
right now I am focusing on myself and daughters. Trying to get through this. 
Im just upset and pissed off by the way he gets severely intoxicated and she picked him up at the house like no care from either of them in the world. She herself doesn’t have a house nor vehicle so they are living at their mutual friends house who intentionally introduced them. 

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, Jenn2190 said:

No I don’t like drama. I just cared and loved him even after putting up with him for so long. 
I believe that for some reason he was remorseful as he only used this to win his way back (he didn’t have money nor a place to stay). I believe that’s the only reason he cried and asked for forgiveness at 430am that morning. 
right now I am focusing on myself and daughters. Trying to get through this. 
Im just upset and pissed off by the way he gets severely intoxicated and she picked him up at the house like no care from either of them in the world. She herself doesn’t have a house nor vehicle so they are living at their mutual friends house who intentionally introduced them. 

Never mind about her or where she lives.

Your only focus should be the health and safety of your children and you. Please arrange for counseling for each of you. And do not, under any circumstances, let that man back into your home unless and until he completes a treatment program. Not says he's going to go or attends one meeting, but completes the entire program and is completely sober for a year.