Am I an idiot?

[Walrus007]

My girlfriend stays at her ex husbands house. No matter how I have tried to convey to her that I don't like it for several reasons. The main reason is She cant even take it if my ex were to call me for a brief talk about our kids. Or even if a childhood friend wanted me to go camping she flips out. She tried to gaslight me im sure. Saying Im a weak man and insecure of her ex. She claims she has no other place to stay. Her oldest son lives with her ex husband and she has a grandbaby there too. So I feel guilty not agreeing with it. The fact is she has about a dozen friends that live 5 minute to 45 minutes from her exs house. her parents are insane rich and have a giant home 20 minutes from her exs house. Also her parents offer to pay for her to have a Hotel with all the fixings, and  that is less than 5 minutes from her ex. She admits that she would not be ok if I was doing this. But gets all crazy mad and says very hurtful stuff. I end up feeling bad for bringing it up. I think if you are in a relationship you don't stay at your exs house overnight under the guise its for the kids and that its the only place to go when you have plenty of options to stay other spots. Am I being a lame insecure ass hat or am I valid feeling  that this is a huge disrespect. When I get verbally attacked for not liking it that's what makes me think bad thought. Just today I said I was going to see my friends and family for thanksgiving. She said she didnt like my friend Larry and if I went to visit to not come back home. I have been so understanding I feel lke I have lost who I am.

Thank you all in advance. Please advise advise advise.

Lost In thought

 

[Seraphim]

This is a relationship that is not working . What is good for her is not good for anyone else. Break up. 

[lostandhurt]

1 hour ago, Walrus007 said:

Just today I said I was going to see my friends and family for thanksgiving. She said she didnt like my friend Larry and if I went to visit to not come back home.

This is all you need to know right here.

Her way or the highway.  She is a selfish controlling shrew and yes you have lost yourself or at least the parts hanging between your legs.  Being treated like a doormat is not the same as being understanding.

You are a doormat to her and she wipes her feet on you all the time and you just lay there and take it because she comes back at you every time you try and stand up for yourself.  

Time to take a stand and reclaim your dignity.

Lost

[melancholy123]

You are a fool to put up with this.  There is no good, valid reason to continue on with her when she does what she wants yet tries to control what you do and ho you see.  It's her way or the highway, so let her sit in the express lane.

Smarten up!  Move on from this woman.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Walrus007 said:

 . When I get verbally attacked for not liking it that's what makes me think bad thought. 

How long have you been dating? Cut your losses. Don't even bother arguing about her bizarre arrangements.

She's not dating material no less GF material. Does she have mental health or substance abuse problems?

Run 👟👟.

[Rose Mosse]

Your disagreements seem very heated and almost uncontrollable. There's not enough respect or trust. It's hard to say who's in the wrong when there are questions unanswered. How did you both meet? Why does she have a problem with your ex? Did you have issues in the past with boundaries with your ex? Why does she have a problem with this friend Larry? Does Larry have any substance or alcohol abuse issues? Has Larry ever been a negative influence in your life? 

If you can't accept each other and the way you both make decisions, this is already over. Relationships take a great deal of trust. That also means trusting each others' judgment and ability to make decisions, not having to question each other to death or nitpick so savagely. 

Pause for awhile and think about the relationship and what it is now. Is this what you want for yourself or what you had hoped for when you imagined yourself with someone you'd be spending your life with? 

[MissCanuck]

Why are you still with this woman?

 

[Coily]

This woman is horrific for your life/esteem/dignity, the quicker you cut her grasping controlling ways out of your life the better you will be for it. Especially since you have a child with an ex, and she gets affronted by you getting information about your child!

[Lambert]

The short answer to the question: Are you an ass hat?  

Yes.

Things should be equal. If she can stay with her ex, you can do what you want, too.

Why are you allowing this double standard?

Also speaking to in a disrespectful way, putting you down, name calling, basically bullying you into having her way is abuse.

Why are you even with this person?

You are a willing participant in your abuse. Yes she is wrong but you are, too. For sticking around.

[catfeeder]

On 10/21/2021 at 9:03 PM, Walrus007 said:

Just today I said I was going to see my friends and family for thanksgiving. She said she didnt like my friend Larry and if I went to visit to not come back

This would be simple for me with zero arguments. I'd go visit my family, and I'd never see her again.

She's a hypocrite, and she makes you feel small. What's to love about that?