My Girlfriend [F 20] of almost 2 Years says she doesnt want me [M 24] to be part of her life regarding friends.

[xSkyr3s]

So my Girlfriend and I both still live at home with our parents. A few weeks ago her parents went on vacation for two weeks in Italy. We basically hat the whole house for us apart from the weekends because a friend of us came over.

We had some discussions in that time but nothing too serious.

After her parents returned, she got into a fight with her dad regarding her getting into training now that she dropped out of college. Her Family was always against our relationship. We could only meet up once a week at her place, with me having to return home in the evening - so no sleepovers n stuff.Her father then limited her internet access and told her i couldnt come over anymore because she decides to take some internships to really make sure that she wants to work in a specific workspace.

So first week after having our two week "Vacation" she was really bussy and we didnt meet up. And since we cant see each other at either her or my place it would be us roaming around outside. Wasnt a big deal. She did meet with someone [M 21] we went to school together tho. They spent some nights outside, talking and stuff. (Hes gay so no worries)In the Second week we were to meet up on Wednesday and she asked me when. I said sometime around late morning. When it came to the exact time we would meet up she tried to push the time to noon so she could meet up with that said friend for the 4th time in 2 weeks. So she wouldnt have such a stressfull morning.I got upset and told her to jest get home more early and go to sleep early and we kinda got into a fight. After that fight she ignored me for almost two days while meeting up with said friend again.What is important to know about him is back when we got together it was Him, Her and Me as a group and he tried to pull as apart with lies and stuff back when we got together. After finishing school wie didnt hear from him for a couple of months. So i was like "Hey does he have higher Priority as i do?" And she said that she needs friends and enjoys talking to him about girl stuff. Thats ok for me as long as she doesnt neglect me.

After almost 2 Days of ignoring we almost broke up but didnt.

NOW THE IMPORTANT PART

She also met up with a friend [F 20] from her school with whom she doesnt have any contact with for years. Everytime she went to see her WhatsApp Story thing my GF went "I dont understand how you can go party every weekend or Drink" Anyway she got back in touch with that Friend which was alright. She doesnt have much friends apart from the ones I introduced to her.

So we kind of cooled down after all that fight stuff and got back together (still havent seen her since the Vacation)Yesterday she played Videogames with her Female friend from school that she got in touch with again. With them were some guys, and some girls. So new people they played for half the day and decided they want to meet up on saturday for Cinema.I asked her why she didnt ask me if I wanna come too and that i would like to meet her friends and know who shes hanging around with.She said that i wouldnt like those people because theyre the typical party and drinking guys.I said that i would like to decide that for myself and why she doesnt want me to meet them.She just said "Id just like to have a group of friends that you dont know and that doesnt know you"And i was like "What why?" I didnt understand why she would a group of friends not know her boyfriend?She then said "I doesnt want you to be part of that part of my life."And that hit different.She couldnt really give me a reason for it. I just argued that im her boyfriend and that i would like to know who shes hanging around with and get to know them better.That statement kinda raised my suspicion and I talked to a friend about it. She said a relationship should be as inclusive as possible - because you are a couple - .

 

TLDR:

Girlfriend [F20] of almost 2 Years doenst want me [M23] to meet her new friend group containing Guys and Girls alike.States she doesnt want me to be part of that part of her life and that she wants a group of friends that doesnt know me. Cant really tell why.

I really dont know what to do now. Should i just leave it there? Do you think she should introduce me to them? Do you think shes right here?

Thanks for your help in advance!

Edit:

I did introduce her to most of my friends and we are doing stuff on a regular basis where she is always welcome and included.

If you have any questions id gladly answer then in the comments.

[Kwothe28]

She does need friends outside of relationship and so do you. However her not including you with her friends group after 2 years together is ridiculous. Which suggests that she is not that invested into you even after that time

44 minutes ago, xSkyr3s said:

When it came to the exact time we would meet up she tried to push the time to noon so she could meet up with that said friend for the 4th time in 2 weeks.

If she had time to meet him 4 times she had time to meet you once. Dont fall for "I am busy" excuses if you know she is not that busy that she can see somebody else

[Andrina]

So she was 18 when you started dating. Most people during these young years don't want to do forever, getting so serious without having more dating experiences. This relationship has probably run its course. The amount of time you want to spend with her is not matching the amount of time she wants to spend with you. She's putting up barriers  because she probably sees your demands as pressure, and doesn't care how you feel because she's emotionally checked out from you. Probably hopes you will break up with her so she doesn't have to deal with your drama if she does the deed.

You've tried communicating with her and it hasn't worked. Your needs aren't being met. Perhaps her family was never comfortable with the age difference between you two, which is a pretty big gap at these stages of your lives. Yet another frustration, with a situation you wouldn't have to deal with dating someone your own age, not being able to have a more adult-like dating situation.

When you say wandering around outside, do you mean you don't have a car?

Sounds like you're a lot more into her, and she's trying to fade away. In your shoes, I'd break up.

 

[xSkyr3s]

8 minutes ago, Andrina said:

When you say wandering around outside, do you mean you don't have a car?

I dont have a car no. She can use her Fathers car tho.
By wandering around i meant in spending time. Im basically the one coming up with ideas of what to do and with her place beeing a nope im kinda burned out in ideas except for going on a walk every time.

[Andrina]

3 minutes ago, xSkyr3s said:

Im basically the one coming up with ideas of what to do and with her place beeing a nope im kinda burned out in ideas except for going on a walk every time.

This sounds more like what 14 year olds do. Do you have a career? Are you in college? Why are her parents against the relationship?

[xSkyr3s]

Just now, Andrina said:

This sounds more like what 14 year olds do. Do you have a career? Are you in college? Why are her parents against the relationship?

Im in college right now.

They were against the relationship from the beginning on. Because im still in college, dont have a car, no own apartment.
They said id drag her down. But really I am the one motivating her to do stuff. Like appointments and look for Internships.
Her father tries to push her to start job training in a job she might not like.
And im trying to make up for her bad relationship with her father by comforting her even more. Which leads to frustration if she doesnt take advice but keeps complaining.
After all the reason why i cant visit her at her place is because she is neither an internship nor a training.

[Tinydance]

Well I'm not sure what country or culture you're from but to be honest it sounds to me like you both need to be more mature and not be ruled by your parents. Maybe you especially because you're in your mid 20's now. You said you don't have a car but do you have a job?

I just don't understand why both your and her parents treat you like kids and control your life and your relationship. Your girlfriend's parents seem very controlling if they only let you see her once a week, you're not allowed to sleep over and her father is controlling her internet use. Both you and her are actually adults but you are being treated like you're under age school kids. I think maybe it would help your lifestyle and your relationship if you moved out into your own place with housemates or something like that.

I also think your girlfriend is being immature because she ignored you for two days and she doesn't want to see you. She's allowed to have friends but if she only prefers to spend time with them and not you then it sounds like maybe she's actually losing interest in your relationship.

[xSkyr3s]

Just now, Tinydance said:

Well I'm not sure what country or culture you're from but to be honest it sounds to me like you both need to be more mature and not be ruled by your parents. Maybe you especially because you're in your mid 20's now. You said you don't have a car but do you have a job?

Im from germany and still in college. So not able to afford a flat

[Tinydance]

4 minutes ago, xSkyr3s said:

Im in college right now.

They were against the relationship from the beginning on. Because im still in college, dont have a car, no own apartment.
They said id drag her down. But really I am the one motivating her to do stuff. Like appointments and look for Internships.
Her father tries to push her to start job training in a job she might not like.
And im trying to make up for her bad relationship with her father by comforting her even more. Which leads to frustration if she doesnt take advice but keeps complaining.
After all the reason why i cant visit her at her place is because she is neither an internship nor a training.

When do you finish college? I think when you finish, you should try to get a job and get your own place or share with room mates. Your girlfriend's parents are really interfering in your relationship and her life. It's good she's trying to find internships and trying to do something with her career. I guess her parents want her to do something with her life so they're pushing her. But they shouldn't be so controlling and judgemental who she dates because she's an adult.

[xSkyr3s]

1 minute ago, Tinydance said:

When do you finish college?

Im planning to move out next summer.
What really bothers me is her beeing that defensive with her new friendgroup.
Saying stuff like "I want a friend group that doesnt know you". I mean why?
Just because she introduces me to them doesnt mean ill be with them every time they meet up.

[Tinydance]

Just now, xSkyr3s said:

Im planning to move out next summer.
What really bothers me is her beeing that defensive with her new friendgroup.
Saying stuff like "I want a friend group that doesnt know you". I mean why?
Just because she introduces me to them doesnt mean ill be with them every time they meet up.

Well this sounds quite dodgy to be honest. It's rude because a couple should be part of each other's life and introduce each other to their friends. It doesn't mean you would want to hang out with them all the time but why is it a problem just to introduce you to them? Do you really want a girlfriend that hides you from her friends? Also why doesn't she want you to meet them? Is she hiding something from you or them? Is there another guy in that friendship group that she likes? I would be upset about that too.

[Jibralta]

4 minutes ago, xSkyr3s said:

What really bothers me is her beeing that defensive with her new friendgroup.
Saying stuff like "I want a friend group that doesnt know you". I mean why?
Just because she introduces me to them doesnt mean ill be with them every time they meet up.

I would be bothered by that, too. It's not a good sign. I think the writing is on the wall here.

[MissCanuck]

8 minutes ago, xSkyr3s said:

Saying stuff like "I want a friend group that doesnt know you". I mean why?

Because she's on her way out of the relationship, and is interested in one of the guys in this group. She doesn't want him to know she has a boyfriend while she tests the waters with him. 

 

[xSkyr3s]

5 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Well this sounds quite dodgy to be honest. It's rude because a couple should be part of each other's life and introduce each other to their friends. It doesn't mean you would want to hang out with them all the time but why is it a problem just to introduce you to them? Do you really want a girlfriend that hides you from her friends? Also why doesn't she want you to meet them? Is she hiding something from you or them? Is there another guy in that friendship group that she likes? I would be upset about that too.

She said she needs that. A friendgroup that doesnt know me. I dont know anything about that group. Not even how many people there are exactly only that theres that one Female friend from school and her Boyfriend in that group

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, xSkyr3s said:

After her parents returned, she got into a fight with her dad regarding her getting into training now that she dropped out of college. Her Family was always against our relationship. Her father then limited her internet access and told her i couldnt come over anymore.

Unfortunately, it seems her parents are tired of her loafing around with no goals. 

They dislike you because you distract her from her studies and they see her dating you as interfering with their concerns about her future.

 As such she need to hide the fact that you are dating because her parents see you as a bad influence.

 You need to leave her alone. She can not afford to be in trouble with her parents because of you. 

[xSkyr3s]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately, it seems her parents are tired of her loafing around with no goals. 

They dislike you because you distract her from her studies and they see her dating you as interfering with their concerns about her future.

 As such she need to hide the fact that you are dating because her parents see you as a bad influence.

 You need to leave her alone. She can not afford to be in trouble with her parents because of you. 

As statet above. Im not the one distracting her. Im motivating her to actually do appointments and look for internships.
Also she doesnt hide anything. We are in a relation for more than 2 Years.

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, xSkyr3s said:

As statet above. Im not the one distracting her. 

That's not what her parents think. Leave her alone. 

[xSkyr3s]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's not what her parents think. Leave her alone. 

In what matter?

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, xSkyr3s said:

She said she needs that. A friendgroup that doesnt know me.

You can see what's happening here, can't you?

[Andrina]

When you're older, you'll see that she's done you a favor by easing her way out of your life. A person who drops out of college and has to be cajoled and motivated to seek out a career won't be pulling their weight financially in a relationship. From what I've witnessed throughout my life and the people I know, a person's work ethics and whether or not they are go-getters usually don't change just because they get older. At her age, I paid for my own community college where I held a full load of credits and worked full time.

She probably sees your "motivational talks" as just more of another sort of parental cajoling. And nobody wants to date a parental figure.

I advise freeing yourself to eventually meet someone more mature, perhaps someone who is closer to your age, and someone who is as crazy about you as you are of her. I think it's a good idea to give yourself a good year solo to concentrate on your studies and to mourn the loss of your first love (if she was that), and get to the healing stage before thinking about dating again. Take care.