Should I not have said that? But does this mean he wants to work things out?

[MissCanuck]

6 minutes ago, Not-so-sure said:

I don’t know why a man would go such lengths and would put himself through all this

What lengths is he going to? Put himself through all...what? 

6 minutes ago, Not-so-sure said:

This mysterious woman comes from a major city across the country to a small town in the west.

I doubt this is the narrative they have, if I'm being blunt. It's not that exoitc of a story. I don't say that to be unkind, but you're not doing yourself any favours by spinning this to be something that is not that extraordinary. 

It's far more likely that they're wondering what sort of game he has that's got a woman flying to his doorstep. Not the other way around. 

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, Not-so-sure said:

I want to settle down and have a family, and another baby. I

It would help you tremendously if you had realistic goals.

At 40 that might include dating single dads and considering a blended family.

You can't backpedal to your 20s and try to undo and redo your life.

There's also a lot you are not doing. For example going to a physician for an evaluation of your mental and physical health. Getting a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Running after jerks for casual sex is not helping you.

It would also help to let go of the victim mentality. You got out of the abusive marriage now it's time to move forward and define yourself.

If you have alcohol or drug problems address that along with impulsive actions and poor decisions.

Focus on better co-parenting, not starting a family in middle age.

[Not-so-sure]

6 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

11 minutes ago, Not-so-sure said:

 

What lengths is he going to? Put himself through all...what? 

This game he is playing. Why even bother? As I said previously, he can have many women if all he wants is sex. He can get that anywhere. 

[Not-so-sure]

8 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

What lengths is he going to? Put himself through all...what? 

I doubt this is the narrative they have, if I'm being blunt. It's not that exoitc of a story. I don't say that to be unkind, but you're not doing yourself any favours by spinning this to be something that is not that extraordinary. 

It's far more likely that they're wondering what sort of game he has that's got a woman flying to his doorstep. Not the other way around. 

No, I was being sarcastic. But the men here outnumber women 2 to one. Everyone knows each other. Everyone has dated each other. He has told me a few times before that he can’t find a woman who likes the same things he does. I do. We’re both unusual with what we like. When I first met him and we started talking, we both discovered that we have the same type of personality. 
 

 

[MissCanuck]

11 minutes ago, Not-so-sure said:

This game he is playing. Why even bother? As I said previously, he can have many women if all he wants is sex. He can get that anywhere. 

Yes, and he likely does. You're fooling yourself if you think he doesn't. And now that you two are not together anymore, that's probably exactly what he will do. 

Look he isn't making any big effort here. You are. He's not going to any big lengths. He called it off twice. And you still offer up easy sex and affection. That isn't a game. It's him being honest that you are not in a relationship but he'll have sex if you're up for it. I

What is hard to understand about that? 

 

[Not-so-sure]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

There's also a lot you are not doing. For example going to a physician for an evaluation of your mental and physical health. Getting a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Running after jerks for casual sex is not helping you.

I would like to think that wanting a family is realistic. I’m not that old. I wouldn’t have any issue with dating single dads. 
 

Casual sex isn’t that important and so many other things are. But once I hit my 40’s, my sex drive went off the charts. I have never been more sexual in my life, and to put it bluntly, I’m always horny. Why not have casual sex while I can? I won’t always have this sex drive. Not much longer. 

[Jibralta]

6 hours ago, Not-so-sure said:

He doesn’t have any self respect, either. 

That's the interesting thing about sociopaths. They don't have self respect. They have loads of self esteem and they think very highly of themselves. But they are totally willing to debase themselves and sink to the lowest levels because they have no self respect. Self esteem is not the same as self respect.

[Jibralta]

6 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

What lengths is he going to? Put himself through all...what? 

Yeah, he's not doing anything. You're the one going through contortions, picking yourself apart over him, and questioning your value as a human being. He's got you dangling by a thread. He picked an unfair fight with you and gave you the cold shoulder for a week and got sex from you in return. You're doing all the work here, not him. He's a puppet master.

[Jibralta]

5 hours ago, Not-so-sure said:

Why not have casual sex while I can?

You're not having casual sex. Your pining after one guy. Sleeping with his acquaintance was probably casual sex, but you now regret that so deeply that you're groveling. Casual sex doesn't seem to be working for you at the moment. 

[LaHermes]

6 hours ago, Not-so-sure said:

He has told me a few times before that he can’t find a woman who likes the same things he does.

 

6 hours ago, Not-so-sure said:

When I first met him and we started talking, we both discovered that we have the same type of personality. 

It sounds rather ominous that you would say you have the same type of personality as this individual.  I sincerely hope not.

I can only agree totally with all the advice you are getting here OP. 

6 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

It's far more likely that they're wondering what sort of game he has that's got a woman flying to his doorstep.

 

[boltnrun]

It's not really that easy for men to find casual sex.  That's why he keeps trusty old you hanging on, because all he has to do is show up and you'll give him all the sex and attention he wants.  He doesn't even have to be that nice to you.  He knows you're so hung up on him you'll do anything, anything at all to keep him.

How nice for his ego that he can break up with you twice and still have you chasing after him.

Why is it you think this man will give you the marriage and baby you want so badly?

Why are you fearful of being "alone"?   What horrible things do you think will happen if you're totally single?  Are you fearful of criminals?  Breakins?  Being mugged?  Can you be specific about what it is that scares you so much?

[LaHermes]

50 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

He's a puppet master.

OP. You are caught in the "none so blind as those who refuse to see" syndrome. 

Please, OP, be honest with yourself.  Get out of this "danse macabre" before the mind games begin to seriously affect you.