She broke up with BF

[LoreliFinn]

My cousin as and I were out of touch for a few years until recently.

She popped up on FB saying she was thinking of me.  I replied to her message.  She replied saying she was on a Zoom call with BF at the time & replied sparsely.

Fast forward several weeks, she wants to meet up.  I hear she broke up with BF, is lonely and has no one to talk to 

I'm wondering how to handle this friend.  It seems like she got in contact to fill a void.  Should I be cautious about getting used to her company?  It feels like when she meets someone knew, I may be put on the back burner.

I hate being put aside and left out in the cold by people.  My heart shatters into a million pieces.

 

 

 

 

[Rose Mosse]

How is she as a person? Respectful and kind? Genuine or tries to genuinely do better for herself? Small kindnesses go a long way.

I went through an earlier post in May this year and I think you are having trouble putting yourself out there or fear being drowned by someone's issues or being abandoned. If you can recognize that her lack of wherewithal has to do with you and more to do with her personal situation perhaps this would relieve some stress. 

It's natural for people to have their own lives. If she spends less time with you later, be confident that you are fine on your own. 

 

 

[SooSad33]

Your cousin?

Ok, so some gal-friend has gotten in contact with you again?

Having issue's w/ BF?

Is there a problem for you for being her 'friend' -  in her company?

I guess I am confused as to where you 'fear' this.  It's your cousin.

 

 

[Capricorn3]

21 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Your cousin?

Ok, so some gal-friend has gotten in contact with you again?

Having issue's w/ BF?

Is there a problem for you for being her 'friend' -  in her company?

I guess I am confused as to where you 'fear' this.  It's your cousin.

I am confused too.  OP, you say:  -......"My cousin as and I were out of touch for a few years until recently.  ..........I'm wondering how to handle this friend". 

Is this cousin and the friend one and the same person?  Or are you talking about two different people here? 😕

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, LoreliFinn said:

.  My heart shatters into a million pieces

Wait. This is your cousin? How would staying in touch here and there break your heart?

[DarkCh0c0]

This is your cousin Ross 🙃

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

This is your cousin Ross 🙃

"Friends" 😃

From what Ive gathered from confusing OP: He has a cousin that he talks but she ignores him when she finds somebody. So now when she broke up with her boyfriend she wants to hang out again. So he is afraid to not get ignored again after she finds somebody else. At least that is what I got from story

To OP: It does seem that she wants some attention now that she is alone. So be careful.

[LoreliFinn]

She's my cousin.  Oops about saying "friend", didn't notice the boo boo.

Yes the question was more about whether she might just drop me when the old BF or a new one comes along.  When I've broken up with someone in the past, I've wanted to latch on to another right away due to loneliness.

Otherwise yes she is respectful and overall a caring person.

 

 

 

[catfeeder]

It's true that some people pay more attention to friends and family when they're single, and then they drop off the earth when they make a new lover their world.

Can any of us predict whether she'd do that to you again? Nope. But past behavior is all you have to go on.

So instead of investing in this woman heavily, keep her at acquaintance level and cultivate other friendships in your life where one person isn't your 'everything'.

Then you won't be shattered whenever a friendship diverges, as this tends to happen with people over time. The ones who matter will cycle back into your life over time. This is why maturity has us forming different kinds and degrees of friendships to meet different needs.

Diversify.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, LoreliFinn said:

 she might just drop me when the old BF or a new one comes along.  

You're not dating. She's your extended family.

So what if she talks to you a bit about her breakup?

If she starts chewing your ear off about it too much, use some boundaries and limit how much you are getting involved.

Besides, you have your own friends and family to talk to.

[Batya33]

On 7/1/2021 at 8:42 PM, LoreliFinn said:

She's my cousin.  Oops about saying "friend", didn't notice the boo boo.

Yes the question was more about whether she might just drop me when the old BF or a new one comes along.  When I've broken up with someone in the past, I've wanted to latch on to another right away due to loneliness.

Otherwise yes she is respectful and overall a caring person.

 

 

 

Simply but boundaries around the friendship knowing her propensities -choose not to get too attached.  Speak with her at your own convenience.  That no trauma if she again meets someone and fades out.

[Rose Mosse]

On 7/1/2021 at 5:42 PM, LoreliFinn said:

 

Otherwise yes she is respectful and overall a caring person.

 

See how the meet up goes then. She doesn't owe you anything or vice versa and she's not a friend, by the way, if you can't actually count on her for anything. Just see how the coffee or lunch goes if you choose to meet with her and steer the conversation in a direction you feel more comfortable with if she starts getting too down. Sometimes people like to hear about you too instead of being the one to talk. 

[LoreliFinn]

Thanks for the feedback.  I'm not going to bother with it.  I sent her a job tip two days ago and not even a thanks text.  The communication is horrible.  I can only interpret this as a massive lack of interest on her part.  Maybe she got back together with the ex!