Boyfriend's friends (ladies) are tacky

[wayneees]

I need a straight up advice and at the same time I wanted to rant how my bf's friends ( specifically these ladies) that are disrespectful and at the same time very wild. 

I have informed my bf that I am not comfortable with these ladies (1 is his housemate and a mutual friend) however these ladies are very persistent in including him with their hangouts. 

I met one of them and has been formally introduce to her but there was this instance that I saw both of them and they did not even bat an eyebrow nor said anything to me which I find it really rude.

I have voice out my concerns to my bf and I do not know if I'm just being overly sensitive or if I should let it go. 

 

 

 

[LaHermes]

2 minutes ago, wayneees said:

and at the same time very wild. 

What does this mean W?

2 minutes ago, wayneees said:

these ladies are very persistent in including him with their hangouts. 

If these are only friends I can't see any problem with him being included in their hangouts. Of course, a lot depends on what exactly these "hangouts" involve. 

[Seraphim]

It is always best to find a boyfriend that meets your criteria then trying to push someone into meeting your criteria. 

[melancholy123]

A few more details would be helpful.  Did you say hello to these girls or did you expect them to speak first?  How old are these people?

What else bothers you about them?  Define "hangout."

[Lambert]

10 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

It is always best to find a boyfriend that meets your criteria then trying to push someone into meeting your criteria. 

This bears repeating!!!  

[smackie9]

Been there. In the past women/female friends seem to think of me as some kind of a threat, call me a sl&^ or a BF stealer, gossip behind my back, when I'm not like that at all. It's really unfair but it is what it is.

My advice to you is to ignore it. Women are very territorial. Remember you are an outsider, they don't know you and their guard is up. Be as friendly, kind, nice as possible. Prove them wrong. Throw out a compliment, butter them up with a bottle of wine, invite them over for dinner.

[wayneees]

Wild in the sense of how they act outside. They usually ask invite him to party. I wouldn't mind that they go out but it's always been partying and drinking.

 

Say they knocked on his door at wee hours and asked him to come with them and party. We were sleeping back then. 

They have initially called him and he was unable to answer and they have knocked on his door instead at an ungodly hour.

[wayneees]

Like what I have mentioned above I formally met one of them, said our pleasantries and everything. 

 

After a few weeks, I saw both again and they saw me too leaving the house, didn't said anything meanwhile my bf was behind me and when they saw him they were giggling.

[wayneees]

10 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Been there. In the past women/female friends seem to think of me as some kind of a threat, call me a sl&^ or a BF stealer, gossip behind my back, when I'm not like that at all. It's really unfair but it is what it is.

My advice to you is to ignore it. Women are very territorial. Remember you are an outsider, they don't know you and their guard is up. Be as friendly, kind, nice as possible. Prove them wrong. Throw out a compliment, butter them up with a bottle of wine, invite them over for dinner.

See, these group of ladies he met them very recently and not really old acquaintances. 

I 

[smackie9]

4 minutes ago, wayneees said:

See, these group of ladies he met them very recently and not really old acquaintances. 

I 

doesn't matter. It's all about perception. You find them a threat, they find you a threat. Change that and be the bigger person. Don't look at them as being the enemy.

[wayneees]

26 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

It is always best to find a boyfriend that meets your criteria then trying to push someone into meeting your criteria. 

Agree. FTR, I have been with this guy for 3 years never had an issue with (ladies) friends but this situation is a bit shady especially how they act whenever I'm around. 

[wayneees]

2 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

doesn't matter. It's all about perception. You find them a threat, they find you a threat. Change that and be the bigger person. Don't look at them as being the enemy.

This sounds a good idea. Can you explain more on this. 

I appreciate it!

[smackie9]

How old are you guys?

[wayneees]

1 minute ago, smackie9 said:

How old are you guys?

Late 20's

[MissCanuck]

It's up to your boyfriend to establish boundaries with them. 

Is he doing so?

[Seraphim]

You never said what the being shady was. 

[wayneees]

4 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

It's up to your boyfriend to establish boundaries with them. 

Is he doing so?

He said he'll slowly retreat back. 

Though I wanted to know how else I should handle the situation since I am a firm believer that you can only control your actions and not the others. 

[smackie9]

8 minutes ago, wayneees said:

This sounds a good idea. Can you explain more on this. 

I appreciate it!

Be extra friendly with them, wave hi, smile, ask how they are doing...generally get to know them. I know this can be difficult to do at first. It's about building trust and being chill about things.

[wayneees]

1 minute ago, Seraphim said:

You never said what the being shady was. 

Shady in a sense of how they act when they know I'm with him and how they still insist of asking/dragging him to their partying all the time. 

[Batya33]

7 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

It's up to your boyfriend to establish boundaries with them. 

Is he doing so?

Yes- where's his backbone - why doesn't he tell them not to call him or come over middle of the night? Why doesn't he say no to going out drinking with them? Are these close friends or just buddies he parties with?

[Wiseman2]

45 minutes ago, wayneees said:

1 is his housemate and a mutual friend.

How long have you been dating?

Don't hang out with his friends. Go on one-on-one dates, then go home.

He picked his friends and you picked him. 

You can not tell someone who to be friends with, but you can observe that his people are not your taste.

 Cut your losses rather than act jealous, catty or controlling.

[wayneees]

Just now, smackie9 said:

Be extra friendly with them, wave hi, smile, ask how they are doing...generally get to know them. I know this can be difficult to do at first. It's about building trust and being chill about things.

I will take this into consideration. Just a bit tricky when I only get to seem them at wee hours and very quick. 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, wayneees said:

He said he'll slowly retreat back. 

Though I wanted to know how else I should handle the situation since I am a firm believer that you can only control your actions and not the others. 

You should control your reaction -if his behavior with these women are unacceptable to you then you tell him that and tell him you will choose not to hang around with him if he chooses to keep going out drinking with them.  If it is acceptable then choose a reaction that is consistent with peace and acceptance which might require self-talk on your part.  

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, wayneees said:

I will take this into consideration. Just a bit tricky when I only get to seem them at wee hours and very quick. 

Then they are not his true friends -they are people who he likes to party with who happen to be women.  

[wayneees]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been dating?

Don't hang out with his friends. Go on one-on-one dates, then go home.

He picked his friends and you picked him. 

You can not tell someone who to be friends with, but you can observe that his people are not your taste.

 Cut your losses rather than act jealous, catty or controlling.

Hi Wiseman! I have always looked up to your advises back when I was heartbroken. 

To answer your question, we've been dating 2.5 years. 

I was thinking of getting to know his friends that way I can stop being jealous or being called controlling. 

What do you mean by "Cut your losses rather than act jealous, catty or controlling.?