DELETED Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 I met a guy on an app, back in october 2020. I was in a serious relationship and my ex would treat me like crap. Reason I left was also because he chose another woman over me. And overall, I was sick of him. I wanted nothing from him. That’s when I started to talk to this guy, he made me happy. But my ex kept talking and messaging me stalking me as well.. said this new guy was going to treat me like crap he put things in my head. Him, me and the guy are Hispanic. My ex and I are on the lighter side. They’re both from the same country. He told me that “indios” meaning brown indian ones are bad people. And my family told me to stay away from them, i’m not sure but when I was angry I called him an “Indio pendejo” meaning indian bítch I called him that twice both times through text. I insulted him because I had trust issues and he would ignore my texts. I don’t find that racist of me to say, because he is native. But he says I was racist, In hispanic culture it’s normal to call brown latinos “indios” but he got offended. Even I have native blood, though I’m more european looking. Either way, he said he can’t date someone like me. I’m racist and disrespectful. I got diagnosed with BPD, and he knows that. He said he understands and he forgives me. We still hang out, we make out and he continues taking me out to eat. I really regret what I said, but he also kept joking about how my people talk... And it’s annoying. He continues to do it, but at this point I don’t care. I remember when he was saying Central American girls were ugly and they don’t look white like I do. That’s also racist, but I didn’t take it to heart? I have dated white, asian, middle eastern and black men. I can get any man I want basically... I have men chasing me lol of all races.. so i’m definitely not ugly. We met up, last weekend he called me ignorant I got upset and decided to not keep talking to him. He called me weird, but that’s what my therapist told me to do. She told me it’s better to remain silent if you’re upset. We made up and went to dinner he apologized for being rude. He understands i’m a little sensitive atm, since i’m in the process of treatment. He said he will start to text me first, i’m waiting for it. Anyways, my question is that since we still talk and hang sometimes can he still like me again? We also take pictures together!!! Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 28 minutes ago, Carolina23 said: i’m in the process of treatment. What type of treatment? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 Is this the same guy who told you he's dating someone else and to leave him alone? Or the guy who has a girlfriend and lives at your aunt's house? Or is this a third guy? Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 I am a bit confused as to who this guy is. Is it your ex who "treated you like crap" and "chose another woman over you"? If so then why on earth do you want him back? He is continuing to treat you like crap. To be honest, it doesn't sound like either of you have much respect for the other. There are no solid foundations here on which to build a respectful and meaningful relationship. I would quit now. It's time to get a new therapist too!! Link to comment
maritalbliss86 Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 1 hour ago, Carolina23 said: but when I was angry I called him an “Indio pendejo” meaning indian bítch I called him that twice both times through text. I insulted him because I had trust issues and he would ignore my texts. I don’t find that racist of me to say, because he is native. But he says I was racist, In hispanic culture it’s normal to call brown latinos “indios” but he got offended. Even I have native blood, though I’m more european looking. Either way, he said he can’t date someone like me. I’m racist and disrespectful. I got diagnosed with BPD, and he knows that. He said he understands and he forgives me. My husband's family on his mom's side is hispanic... they treat each other like this and think it's normal. Calling him a pendejo means you're calling him an idiot, then you also added the racist bit, referring to his skin color. He's right that it's not ok. Even if you have BPD, it's not an excuse to treat other people like this. Maybe you can learn something from it, and be kinder to other people in the future, or the consequences will be people walking away. Link to comment
maritalbliss86 Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 Quote He made me happy, I treated him like crap I started insulting when he didn’t reply to me on time. I have been cheated on many times I don’t have trust issues. In january he told me it was over, I kept begging him and then on february he said he will give me a chance... I ruined it I behaved the same way, I continued to insult him. I don’t know how he agreed to meet me last weekend it’s march now. He met me and I begged again, I begged and begged and cried. He said he does not feel sorry for me anymore, all those insults through text pushed him away. He told me to move on and leave him alone forever. I can’t leave him alone I really like him, he is a good guy I have bad luck. You wrote this about him back 10 days ago. I think you need to leave him alone. Link to comment
DELETED Posted March 31, 2021 Author Share Posted March 31, 2021 12 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said: You wrote this about him back 10 days ago. I think you need to leave him alone. well he wants me back if he’s seeing me again Link to comment
maritalbliss86 Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 Ok... I just posted in the thread where you were thinking about getting with a cheater. I'll repost what I said over there, here so that it makes more sense *** Based on how you said you're in treatment for BPD... I think you need to stop dating altogether for awhile, and just slow things down. Can you step back, take a break and see how you're doing self-destructive behaviors and sabotaging yourself for an actual, mature and deep relationship? What kind of partner would a cheater be? Why are you deliberately going after a cheater or paying him any attention? When you get mentally stable, I think you'll be able to see the bad choices you're making, and then paying for later on. You treated the only man who you said was ever really great to you, like crap, and then wondered why he walked away. Unfortunately, this is part of BPD... you are letting your mental illness drive your life-train. You're so young though, it doesn't have to be like this, you can make better choices simply by slowing down long enough to think about the end results. And the positive thing is that BPD tends to actually get better with age... you'll find yourself being able to, "see," the bad decisions before plunging into them. Most BPD women get dramatically better overtime, but it's better if you can learn now not to make all those mistakes and destructive life choices that will harm you for years. Link to comment
DELETED Posted March 31, 2021 Author Share Posted March 31, 2021 18 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said: Calling him a pendejo means you're calling him an idiot, then you also added the racist bit, referring to his skin color. he called me white bítch, cuz i’m pale. and not even white so is that ok? to call me something i’m not? Link to comment
DELETED Posted March 31, 2021 Author Share Posted March 31, 2021 1 hour ago, boltnrun said: Is this the same guy who told you he's dating someone else and to leave him alone? Or the guy who has a girlfriend and lives at your aunt's house? Or is this a third guy? he said he was lying to leave him alone. he was angry that’s why he said it. i think he’s full of it and is crazier than me! Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 18 minutes ago, Carolina23 said: he said he was lying to leave him alone. he was angry that’s why he said it. i think he’s full of it and is crazier than me! So why again do you want him to like you? I think you have a lot to sort out before trying to get into a relationship. I can't see that any of your recent behaviors have been healthy or good for you. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 48 minutes ago, Carolina23 said: he called me white bítch, cuz i’m pale. and not even white so is that ok? to call me something i’m not? 46 minutes ago, Carolina23 said: he said he was lying to leave him alone. he was angry that’s why he said it. i think he’s full of it and is crazier than me! Like I said before, there is no respect here from either of you. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 54 minutes ago, Carolina23 said: well he wants me back if he’s seeing me again I wouldn't bank on that if he hasn't told you that. Link to comment
smackie9 Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 I don't know why you need a bunch of strangers opinion about this...Do what you think is OK for yourself. Link to comment
DELETED Posted March 31, 2021 Author Share Posted March 31, 2021 9 minutes ago, Blue68 said: wouldn't bank on that if he hasn't told you that. you’re right, i guess time will tell... Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 Leave this guy alone . I also thought he had a gf. why don't you focus on you and get a new therapist for your trust issues and low self worth, the last thing you should be pursuing is men. What happened to the other guy who has a gf, who is living at your aunt’s house? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 2 hours ago, Carolina23 said: well he wants me back if he’s seeing me again Then why are you asking? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 I still don't understand why you're trying to get him to like you. You two are toxic together between all the name calling and insults and him telling you he has a new girlfriend and then blocking you. Do you just want a boyfriend to distract you from other issues? Link to comment
Umadbroyolo Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 Hiya, This is a strange situation. Race and stuff can be a sensitive topic. I recently got out of a relationship with a hispanic girl from latin america but she lived in my country believe it or not for study. I am a white european by the way. She used to talk about race a lot too. She looked kind of white but not like the people of europe. She told me that it was good to be more white in her country and she was happy she was but when I told her she didn't look like a native european she became really upset for some reason. I don't know what it is with hispanics and race but yeah your story sounds familiar. It is best to avoid those topics believe me. We had our fair share of fights and believe me it is so important to not reply when you are angry or upset. Take some time to reflect and think what you will reply instead of being impulsive. I think it is going to be hard if you treated him like crap. That is a pretty ***ty thing to do if he treated you great. My hispanic ex treated me pretty bad at the end and then dumped me and I hate her so much now that I thought of sending her Trump stuff just to upset her because he made a lot of negative comments about her country. I do not support Trump in any way but I wanted to do things just to upset her. I dislike her country now as well that is how much I despise her, but I will get over it. I also told her she does not belong in Europe and she better leave here but yeah that was just mean from me to do. See, that is an example of a comment I made in anger which I regret. Interracial dating is less common here anyway because most foreigners in my country are Turkish people and Moroccans. They mostly keep to their own communities here. I speak limited Spanish as well because I travel often to South America for work. That might have been one of the reasons my ex was interested in me. As another poster said I do not think it is that uncommon in hispanic families. My ex and her friends were calling other people indio's as well she once told me. Also appereantly ''pinche'' is a bad word where she is from. I do not think it is a national thing per se, some people are just more offended than others. I have one Turkish friend and we call eachother names all the time for fun. I even called him goat ***er and he does the Turkish slur for europeans. We know it is not meant to be harmful and is just for fun among friends. On the other hand, if you say bad things about Turkey or the Islam, some Turks here are really offended and some even will send death threats for you just saying that. So I think it really depends more on the person. Hence why the guy is offended by you calling him an Indio pendejo. I think it is not that big of a deal as well. He is a little overreacting. But you could have not been angry at him not replying to the texts and take it a little more lightly. If he really wants you he will text you again. I wouldn't mention the previous incident and keep it light at first and remember to think before you speak. Link to comment
Umadbroyolo Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 By the way, read your previous topic and if the guy already had girlfriend I would not talk to him anyway. Remember that if he does it to her he would do the same to you. Link to comment
Umadbroyolo Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 3 hours ago, Carolina23 said: he called me white bítch, cuz i’m pale. and not even white so is that ok? to call me something i’m not? Many people are called something they are not, my hispanic ex was told many times that people thought she is a Turkish girl because there are simply very little hispanics here. She just kind of looks like one. It is no big deal. I think him calling you that is just him being upset but again if he calls you a *** it means he is angry yes. If he calls you a white *** it is likely because you are pale like you stated. Doesn't have much to do with race do not look too much into that. Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 It sounds more to me like he's using you for sex but he doesn't respect you. I'm sorry. Link to comment
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