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Best way to detach from someone you have a crush on


lionheart153

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What's the best way to move on from a crush? Still friends with this person but I feel like I just need to move off this crush. Yes I like this girl, and there are hints that she likes me. But with Covid and just the impossible situation to date with our restrictions, dating right now just isn't quite in the cards. We've been talking for about 3 months now and just becoming good friends but we have not met, with restrictions loosening up here we have talked about grabbing coffee or something but the city still wont get there until the 8th. 

We talked about past relationships and she's given me the insight that she isn't looking specially for anything, as she is not on any dating sites or anything but she wants to get to know someone, become friends first and if something develops from it then great. Her logic based on her last relationship that went to long before she realized they weren't friends and it was not a fun relationship.  She doesn't want to lead anyone on as she was accused of this once and she felt bad. But she kept saying that if something were to develop from it it would be great. 

Over the time that we have gotten to know each other, I have developed a crush. I want to remain friends and just have fun with it. And if it does develop into something, great, but I feel like my crush on her is making it more difficult for me as I overthink everything. 

Any tips to getting over a crush so I can just be calm and collected? 

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It's going to be difficult to get over your crush if you keep talking to her a lot. Some space and less communicating would be the best ways, but you're going to be at odds with yourself if you plan to keep speaking with the same frequency. 

Keep in mind that you have a crush on you think she is, but as you have not met in person, you don't know her on many levels yet. You might meet and discover that you're not as into her as you thought. You don't know what sort of chemistry you may have (or not) offline. 

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Recognize that crushes aren't about the person, at all. They're letting the mind fill in blanks and create fantasies 'around' a person.

Turn curious rather than assumptive. Treat the new friendship as an exploration to learn about a person rather than projecting all kinds of 'stuff' onto them.

Lessen the contact enough to disengage and focus on the real world--such as it is at this time. Invest in new interests and avoid ruminating about the person in the same way you wouldn't ruminate about any of your current friends. Spend more time focused on THEM.

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I had a crush on a friend for a really long time and used to see him a lot.  Then i didnt see him for about a year and when we did finally see each other, the crush was over.  I was able to sort fantasy from reality and finally get it in my head that nothing would ever come from this. We are now just friends like with any other friends.

Back off from this girl, distract yourself, get some distance.  That will help a lot.

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It helps when you start seeing them as a real person opposed to high on the pedastool you have them on. I think once you get into a daydream mode of her it’s easier for the mind to wander. She becomes this ideal, perfect personified person. Therefor fanning the flame to your crush.  I think keep busy and distracted and see her less. Focus on woman who are attainable.

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It's not a friendship anymore if you develop feelings. You are kidding yourself if you think some magic solution is available so you can keep your "friendship". That's not how it works. Stop your dependence on her to elevate your emotions. I agree you need to back off and find someone more obtainable to distract you.

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I was in the exact same position and sadly... I think when one person feels more strongly than the other, it's very difficult to take a step back, because you will always have a part of you that hopes they'll want what you do.

I've always sadly had to... stop talking to that person out. If you can honestly say you can keep talking and not feel anything and not feel down from that... keep talking, but I don't know many people that can.

Even when you think 'lets talk less', you'll still be thinking about that person and thinking how you're not talking etc.

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4 hours ago, W3LSH88 said:

I was in the exact same position and sadly... I think when one person feels more strongly than the other, it's very difficult to take a step back, because you will always have a part of you that hopes they'll want what you do.

I've always sadly had to... stop talking to that person out. If you can honestly say you can keep talking and not feel anything and not feel down from that... keep talking, but I don't know many people that can.

Even when you think 'lets talk less', you'll still be thinking about that person and thinking how you're not talking etc.

Yea I guess, I'm just gonna try to distance myself and see what happens. She's made it clear that she isn't ready to jump into anything but also that she isn't closed off to it. I think maybe not texting every day will be a good, maybe ill just msg if after a while to catch up

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You don't have to run away from life. You have to learn to control your emotions.

People make believe they have no control over crushes. But they do.

That means, you redirect your romantic feelings into a viable situation. 

It's that simple. You're not a hostage to your crushes. You're simply not trying hard enough to find a real GF.

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