Wife in affair and wants divorce

[Rose Mosse]

Well the divorce was finalized today. She just got a little extra money, no spousal support, no retirements broken up and I kept the house. So she basically just got some money and her car. When we were walking back to our cars she said “you know if you ever need anything you let me know” then gave me a hug and kiss (partially on the lips) [emoji2962]. That was it for today

 

Hope you're doing all right.

[nhraracer90]

Hope you're doing all right.

 

As good as I can be I guess

[Rose Mosse]

Hang in there. Keep up your health... I know things are screwed up right now but they'll get better bit by bit.

[nhraracer90]

Hang in there. Keep up your health... I know things are screwed up right now but they'll get better bit by bit.

 

Thank you. I appreciate it

[lostandhurt]

Well the divorce was finalized today. She just got a little extra money, no spousal support, no retirements broken up and I kept the house. So she basically just got some money and her car. When we were walking back to our cars she said “you know if you ever need anything you let me know” then gave me a hug and kiss (partially on the lips) [emoji2962]. That was it for today

 

Can you see by her actions in the parking lot just how unfazed she is by her betrayal? She acts like this was no big deal to her and still doesn't care about you or your feelings. A heartfelt apology would have been in order.

 

It sounds like you go off pretty well so focus on that as the reality of all this sinks in. I didn't have a day in court and it was all settled when the papers arrived in the mail from the court that were stamped "FINALED" Although I had come to terms with it months and months earlier it still haunted me for about half a day and then I shook it off. It is okay to mourn the death of your marriage because it started with so much hope and love and in time you will be open to that once again.

 

I know this is a horrible thing to live through but I hope you can see the bright side. Of all the divorces I know about you got off easy (financially anyways) and your life is now free of her and the drama. Now is the time to let those wounds finish healing by not dwelling on the past or the what if's.

 

Be good to yourself, surround yourself (socially distant of course) with positive people that love you and chart your new course in life. Your dreams can all the be the same, just without her in them.

 

Trust me on this, you got the better end of the deal here. Her life will not be the fantasy she envisioned...

 

Lost

[nhraracer90]

Can you see by her actions in the parking lot just how unfazed she is by her betrayal? She acts like this was no big deal to her and still doesn't care about you or your feelings. A heartfelt apology would have been in order.

 

It sounds like you go off pretty well so focus on that as the reality of all this sinks in. I didn't have a day in court and it was all settled when the papers arrived in the mail from the court that were stamped "FINALED" Although I had come to terms with it months and months earlier it still haunted me for about half a day and then I shook it off. It is okay to mourn the death of your marriage because it started with so much hope and love and in time you will be open to that once again.

 

I know this is a horrible thing to live through but I hope you can see the bright side. Of all the divorces I know about you got off easy (financially anyways) and your life is now free of her and the drama. Now is the time to let those wounds finish healing by not dwelling on the past or the what if's.

 

Be good to yourself, surround yourself (socially distant of course) with positive people that love you and chart your new course in life. Your dreams can all the be the same, just without her in them.

 

Trust me on this, you got the better end of the deal here. Her life will not be the fantasy she envisioned...

 

Lost

 

Yeah I can see that. It’s definitely going to take some adjustment for sure. Yeah I made out good financially in all this. This is all still new, it’s only been about 2.5 months since the start of this so her “fantasy” hasn’t had time to fail yet lol

[nhraracer90]

Feels like I went a few steps back after the divorce hearing this week. I was doing fairly ok before that, just a weird eerie feeling now.

[Lambert]

Feels like I went a few steps back after the divorce hearing this week. I was doing fairly ok before that, just a weird eerie feeling now.

This stinks but I think it's to be expected. we don't heal linearly... its more a like spiral. As we heal, we feel like we've come so far and we're doing so great. Then bam! back under the covers.

 

Hang in there. feel how you feel. How do you feel? you want to vent? we'll listen....

[nhraracer90]

This stinks but I think it's to be expected. we don't heal linearly... its more a like spiral. As we heal, we feel like we've come so far and we're doing so great. Then bam! back under the covers.

 

Hang in there. feel how you feel. How do you feel? you want to vent? we'll listen....

 

Thank you I appreciate it

[lostandhurt]

Feels like I went a few steps back after the divorce hearing this week. I was doing fairly ok before that, just a weird eerie feeling now.

 

This is perfectly normal. It is reality hitting you right in the face. You may know it is over but until the judge stamps it final and the marriage is legally over it isn't truly real all the way.

 

Accept that the end of your marriage hurts and be okay with being sad or feeling strange for a while because the marriage and its ending is real to you and you had strong feelings and love all tied up in it.

 

You are doing great so keep pushing forward.

 

Lost

[nhraracer90]

This is perfectly normal. It is reality hitting you right in the face. You may know it is over but until the judge stamps it final and the marriage is legally over it isn't truly real all the way.

 

Accept that the end of your marriage hurts and be okay with being sad or feeling strange for a while because the marriage and its ending is real to you and you had strong feelings and love all tied up in it.

 

You are doing great so keep pushing forward.

 

Lost

 

Okay thank you

[nhraracer90]

So we had a bunny together (which we considered our child like everyone does with their pets lol) and she mailed me a bunch of photos she had printed out. Then put a note in there that said “kind thoughts and warm memories of our precious” and then ended with “as always, if you ever needed anything or me to do something, please let me know”. Why would you even write that?

[Wiseman2]

Seems like nostalgia, closure or guilt . Sort of wanting to be viewed benevolently in spite of it all.

[nhraracer90]

Seems like nostalgia, closure or guilt . Sort of wanting to be viewed benevolently in spite of it all.

 

It’s the 3rd time she’s said that to me and the 4th time I’ve heard it (she told her mom that once). 1st time was when she moved all her stuff out, 2nd time was after our divorce hearing and this was the 3rd time

[Lambert]

I think its her trying to make herself feel better. like see? I'm not a bad person. I'm always here for you. just not as your faithful wife. [emoji852]

 

I think her behavior is pretty typical of what she started. You guys were together a long time. she had a spark with a new guy and it probably felt exciting and exhilarating. She stepped outside the marriage, convinced she knew what she was doing.

 

But in reality this woman is messed up. she doesn't know herself. she saw a bright shiny object and threw her life away. Maybe that just goes to show how desperate she is to find herself. she doesn't even know.... who can say for sure?

 

What she did has huge psychological ramifications on her. So its gonna be a long time before she makes sense or she may never. Some people never heal, never grow, and they have no idea that they don't.

 

Its like the Sixth Sense. I see dead people, they don't know they're dead.

 

The next time she contacts you, I would ask her to stop. Your only hope is to keep going on your own. Looking forward to new life, new love...

 

This woman has problems.

[nhraracer90]

I think its her trying to make herself feel better. like see? I'm not a bad person. I'm always here for you. just not as your faithful wife. [emoji852]

 

I think her behavior is pretty typical of what she started. You guys were together a long time. she had a spark with a new guy and it probably felt exciting and exhilarating. She stepped outside the marriage, convinced she knew what she was doing.

 

But in reality this woman is messed up. she doesn't know herself. she saw a bright shiny object and threw her life away. Maybe that just goes to show how desperate she is to find herself. she doesn't even know.... who can say for sure?

 

What she did has huge psychological ramifications on her. So its gonna be a long time before she makes sense or she may never. Some people never heal, never grow, and they have no idea that they don't.

 

Its like the Sixth Sense. I see dead people, they don't know they're dead.

 

The next time she contacts you, I would ask her to stop. Your only hope is to keep going on your own. Looking forward to new life, new love...

 

This woman has problems.

 

I would agree that she doesn’t know herself right now. She said “I lost myself” but essentially blaming me for that. She does suffer from depression and takes medication daily for it. (Not using that as an excuse for what she did). I believe she may have been at a “low” and once she met him and started talking to him he brought her up to a “high” real quick and she’s confusing that for love. I do believe she’s gonna crash once this newness wears off and she sees what she’s really done. We’ve known each other for 25 years of our 30 years alive and you can’t just act like that didn’t happen. Plus she has disrupted her own family in such a way that she has no idea yet either. They don’t want anything to do with her new “man”. We all pretty much know how it’s gonna end but her. She’s definitely headed down a path of destruction but she thinks he “understands” her and she has such a deep connection with him despite only knowing him for a few months

[Lambert]

I would agree that she doesn’t know herself right now. She said “I lost myself” but essentially blaming me for that. She does suffer from depression and takes medication daily for it. (Not using that as an excuse for what she did). I believe she may have been at a “low” and once she met him and started talking to him he brought her up to a “high” real quick and she’s confusing that for love. I do believe she’s gonna crash once this newness wears off and she sees what she’s really done. We’ve known each other for 25 years of our 30 years alive and you can’t just act like that didn’t happen. Plus she has disrupted her own family in such a way that she has no idea yet either. They don’t want anything to do with her new “man”. We all pretty much know how it’s gonna end but her. She’s definitely headed down a path of destruction but she thinks he “understands” her and she has such a deep connection with him despite only knowing him for a few months

I understand. I don't think you're making excuses. you're probably right. This is a prime example of what can happen when two people fall in love very young.

 

While other people are out making mistakes, getting hurt, learning and growing, becoming more sophisticated and seasoned about love, lust, limerance and infatuation, puppy lovers are sheltered. Not experienced in all these nuances that different people bring to romantic endeavors.

 

In her ignorance she may have transferred what was between you, to that new situation. And while she may stay with him, there's no way to know.... however, there's no escape from the emotional tidal wave of her actions. "some day"

 

The regret and I will say, shame of all of this, if not for you but for her family, will be something.... in time, I feel you will feel sorry for her. And you will see this as a necessary catalyst in your own life.

 

Some thing better waits for you....

[Rose Mosse]

The notes are strange. There's no way not to be angry or upset with the situation because she walked out of your life.

 

You'll have to pull yourself out of that and start looking at life differently, from less one important person, to some other neutral state... as neutral as possible. The normal has to switch to a new version.

 

What she is or isn't won't matter in the long run except the small yet significant part of ​what she wasn't to you. I agree the experience will change you but let it be for the better.

[nhraracer90]

I understand. I don't think you're making excuses. you're probably right. This is a prime example of what can happen when two people fall in love very young.

 

While other people are out making mistakes, getting hurt, learning and growing, becoming more sophisticated and seasoned about love, lust, limerance and infatuation, puppy lovers are sheltered. Not experienced in all these nuances that different people bring to romantic endeavors.

 

In her ignorance she may have transferred what was between you, to that new situation. And while she may stay with him, there's no way to know.... however, there's no escape from the emotional tidal wave of her actions. "some day"

 

The regret and I will say, shame of all of this, if not for you but for her family, will be something.... in time, I feel you will feel sorry for her. And you will see this as a necessary catalyst in your own life.

 

Some thing better waits for you....

 

Okay. Yeah we did get together young but we both dated other ppl before we actually got together. So it’s not like we’ve been together since middle school and never drifted apart before. She’s just on a different level right now. All her other relationships didn’t even last a year. She just keeps pushing herself away from everyone that’s been there for her all her life.

[nhraracer90]

The notes are strange. There's no way not to be angry or upset with the situation because she walked out of your life.

 

You'll have to pull yourself out of that and start looking at life differently, from less one important person, to some other neutral state... as neutral as possible. The normal has to switch to a new version.

 

What she is or isn't won't matter in the long run except the small yet significant part of ​what she wasn't to you. I agree the experience will change you but let it be for the better.

 

Yeah the note is strange. That’s the 3rd time she’s told me that and she told her mom that once as well. Almost like she’s either leaving the door open for herself or thinking we can be friends somehow?? We can’t be friends right now, she’s the one who decided that she didn’t want me in her life anymore. I really don’t think she knows fully what she’s done at this point. It hasn’t even been 3 months since all this started

[Lambert]

Okay. Yeah we did get together young but we both dated other ppl before we actually got together. So it’s not like we’ve been together since middle school and never drifted apart before. She’s just on a different level right now. All her other relationships didn’t even last a year. She just keeps pushing herself away from everyone that’s been there for her all her life.

I didn't mean you got together as children. I meant more adult relationship experiences. Maybe having lived with someone, or being seriously committed or engaged to someone else...

 

Those are meaningful experiences that cause a lot of emotions when they end but also understanding.... so when you do find your person or you're married, you know that a crush is not a reason to throw it away.

 

If she is pushing away from everyone that ever cared for her... that could indicate that she feels she's been living for others and that her choices were made based on what they expected of her.

[nhraracer90]

I didn't mean you got together as children. I meant more adult relationship experiences. Maybe having lived with someone, or being seriously committed or engaged to someone else...

 

Those are meaningful experiences that cause a lot of emotions when they end but also understanding.... so when you do find your person or you're married, you know that a crush is not a reason to throw it away.

 

If she is pushing away from everyone that ever cared for her... that could indicate that she feels she's been living for others and that her choices were made based on what they expected of her.

 

Yeah I can see what your saying. I really don’t think she’s been living for others. She can’t take criticism and she’s the only one who’s right. Even on other things throughout the years, she’d get mad if you disagreed with her. She has trouble keeping friends as well. I am or was her longest friend she’s had.

[Lambert]

Yeah I can see what your saying. I really don’t think she’s been living for others. She can’t take criticism and she’s the only one who’s right. Even on other things throughout the years, she’d get mad if you disagreed with her. She has trouble keeping friends as well. I am or was her longest friend she’s had.

she sounds like a real catch. [emoji2957]

[nhraracer90]

she sounds like a real catch. [emoji2957]

 

Yeah guess I was just used to it lol

[nhraracer90]

Well she’s done burnt most of her bridge with her parents. They’ve blocked her from contacting them. Not sure what she said but my guess is it wasn’t good. 
 

Comfirmed he still lives at home with his parents and brother. In his 30’s.......

She spent Christmas up there with him and his family for several days. She sure gave up a lot in her life for this guy who is an absolute loser 😂. She did get mad when I called him a loser LOL. 
 

I guess she thinks he’s the magic fix for her depression and anxiety attacks 🤷🏼‍♂️