Husband flirting

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately, it sounds like she is far from a stranger, at least to him. This and many other affairs have probably been there all along. Who abstains from marital sex for 10 years but sends lovey dovey texts that his wife is finally leaving?

It's terrible he's sharing that with a complete stranger.

[MimiLuvs]

He also had no right to tell her about you losing your parent. That is very personal information. It's terrible he's sharing that with a complete stranger.

 

I had not really thought about that, but I think you are right. Perhaps it was a round about way to make it look like the issue lies with me?

[MimiLuvs]

Unfortunately, it sounds like she is far from a stranger, at least to him. This and many other affairs have probably been there all along. Who abstains from marital sex for 10 years but sends lovey dovey texts that his wife is finally leaving?

 

Right. While I don't think he should be discussing our relationship with others - especially women, and especially single women.... I might feel somewhat differently if he had been looking for advice. IE: hey, I am looking for advice from a female, my wife left, this is what happened, how do I fix it. But the conversation really went more towards, hey I'm single now, to which she proceeded to confirm that she too is single, and he took the bait with the "where does that leave me" after she said she is having dinner with an old boyfriend. And how the heck do you "BOND" with some chick when you cannot even bond with your own wife? What even is this??

[Jibralta]

I had not really thought about that, but I think you are right. Perhaps it was a round about way to make it look like the issue lies with me?

 

Yes, it's a very common tactic with cheaters, probably because it kills several birds with one stone. First, it says they're single. Second, it garners sympathy by making them look like they are an abandoned victim. And third, on a somewhat related note, it makes you look like the bad guy, not them.

 

But the conversation really went more towards, hey I'm single now, to which she proceeded to confirm that she too is single, and he took the bait with the "where does that leave me" after she said she is having dinner with an old boyfriend.

 

I know you're wrapped up in brazen wording of their exchange, but take a step past that for a minute and try to see the humor here: She's obviously d*cking him around. Yes, if left to their own devices they will probably hook up. But look what he's settling for! They deserve each other.

[DancingFool]

What do you tell people? The truth. You don't need to go into any detail, you can keep it short and to the point, you can even be witty about it. Like, "we are getting divorced because of irreconcilable differences - he thinks dating other women while married is OK, I disagree." It's a situation where the truth will set you free.

 

Meanwhile, be ready for some rough times. Your family and closest personal friends absolutely need to know the truth behind the divorce. People can't support you when they don't know what's really going on and why.

 

You may end up having to do some serious spring cleaning as well, as you discover that some people that you thought were your friends or would have your back, actually don't. Send them packing. Keep in mind that those you are left with are your genuine friends, people who are firmly in your corner with values they share with you. Fence sitters are the worst - the whole "well there are two sides to every story, etc" Just be ready to get rid of them. These flying monkeys talking to you, talking to him, passing around gossip aren't worthwhile people. The most painful part might be discovering that some people that you thought you are close to, people you thought would have your back, don't. At the same time, you might also be surprised pleasantly by those who do that you didn't anticipate.

 

The biggest thing that you do need to prepare yourself for is that sooner or later he will start lying like a dog and putting a whole lot of blame on you to make himself look good. He already tried it with this chick..... it's in him. So truth, will be your biggest strength and your best defense against his bs.

[EternalOptimis]

cheaters don't actually want to leave their marriage or main relationship

he will never admit that to you and will gaslight you and call you crazy and misinterpreting things and so on

You can also look forward to words like "you're being controlling", or even "manipulative" regarding his "innocent friendship"

This ends only one way sadly. Cheaters don't respect their SO enough to know (or care) how much they're hurting them

[Lambert]

I think one of the most difficult lessons to learn, especially for women who are raised to believe that men must be motivated or manipulated into being a good partner.... Phrases like if he wanted to do better he would or he'd do better by the right girl or the one he really wants, come to mind.

 

In many wats, this sets up women to think, "if I were better or I tried harder he would treat me right". As nurturers and care givers we want to give people chances and understanding.

 

But the truth is... People both men and women know what they do. And some things you just can't explain to people... So its on the individual to say, no. I'm not going to tolerate this. You are pathetic and I can find better partners.

 

Your husband knows exactly what little game he is playing. He must have some deep seeded form of lack within himself. Just like that woman he was texting. A person with self respect would not even need this losers attention. Even if she was playing with him. Who needs to do that, except another pathetic person. You literally just left.

 

Lastly, good for you on your looks but maybe ask yourself what that actually has to do with anything? And why its important that that be included in the discussion. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and won't protect you from getting screwed over.... We're all somebody's DUFF lol

 

Take time to get out if this marriage and heal... Then when you are ready, pick someone that sees your beauty inside.... Those are the people that value and cherish others.

 

This guy is an empty pot.

[catfeeder]

Obviously he wants me to be married to him, but he wants to be single. I am perfectly OK with that, I just wish he would stop working things out with me and then continue his ways.

 

You can have your wish: stop letting him 'work things out with you' when you already know he's not going to change.

 

You're seeing him clearly. Is this good enough for you?