Codependency- I think I've realised what's wrong with me

[Long Gone]

Hey guys

Well, as of this morning.....I've lost a total of 18 pounds in weight. Slowly but surely, I'm getting there!

[SherrySher]

Proud of you!!! Good going! :) :) :)

[Rose Mosse]

She's a blue merle border collie. She turns 9 in October but is no different than she was 5 years ago! Her name is Lass, and is truly my best friend. I know I put far too much emotion on her, but she's my only companion.

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]11648[/ATTACH]

 

She's beautiful and you are so lucky to have her!

 

Good work on the weight loss. Are you starting to feel a bit more energetic and mood levels changing? It takes time to feel good but exercise is one of those things that always feels for me an instant pick-me-upper. Good job.

[Long Gone]

She's beautiful and you are so lucky to have her!

 

Good work on the weight loss. Are you starting to feel a bit more energetic and mood levels changing? It takes time to feel good but exercise is one of those things that always feels for me an instant pick-me-upper. Good job.

 

I am very lucky to have her.

 

It's not been the best of days. Last night I messaged someone on a dating site, no reply. This morning I messaged someone else and surprise surprise, no reply (both cases they had opened the message).

 

I understand its the way of the world, but didn't think it would knock me as much as it has. Things have spiralled into a dark place today, currently watching a bit of TV to help escape. I'm banning myself from the dating apps, I have to for my own health.

 

I really trying to shake myself out of this, honestly. This may sound hard to understanding, but to shake this dark mood feels like it needs so much effort and I just don't have it. I feel so tired all the time.

[Rose Mosse]

I am very lucky to have her.

 

It's not been the best of days. Last night I messaged someone on a dating site, no reply. This morning I messaged someone else and surprise surprise, no reply (both cases they had opened the message).

 

I understand its the way of the world, but didn't think it would knock me as much as it has. Things have spiralled into a dark place today, currently watching a bit of TV to help escape. I'm banning myself from the dating apps, I have to for my own health.

 

I really trying to shake myself out of this, honestly. This may sound hard to understanding, but to shake this dark mood feels like it needs so much effort and I just don't have it. I feel so tired all the time.

 

When you close a door, others open. Not to get too philosophical but I don't think you're missing out by giving online dating a break especially this year or before there's any sign of a vaccine available. There are things that are going on beyond your control on top of the curried mix of dating thrown in there.

 

Like you I was also watching some TV/movies. I watched two funny low budget movies on sharks earlier this week on Amazon Prime. Very entertaining, also very dumb. Took my mind off of more serious things and had a good laugh. You could say I had myself a mini shark week.

[Long Gone]

When you close a door, others open. Not to get too philosophical but I don't think you're missing out by giving online dating a break especially this year or before there's any sign of a vaccine available. There are things that are going on beyond your control on top of the curried mix of dating thrown in there.

 

Like you I was also watching some TV/movies. I watched two funny low budget movies on sharks earlier this week on Amazon Prime. Very entertaining, also very dumb. Took my mind off of more serious things and had a good laugh. You could say I had myself a mini shark week.

 

 

I think you are right. I met someone for a date (they messaged me) around 6 weeks ago. She was very nice, but I felt no spark. We had kept texting but she never replied to my last message two weeks ago, so I think that one has naturally fizzled out.

 

Haha, nothing like a bit of low budget TV to help the mind escape. I'm watching a UK TV series from around 14 years ago 'Life on Mars'. Not watched it for years, but I'm really enjoying it

[Rose Mosse]

Some long term relationships start out with no spark. It's easy to sort of overlook people who are plain and uninteresting looking or don't say exciting things right away. I think when the time is right you'll find someone who understands you and vice versa. If she replies later on, there's no harm either. This year is a bit odd for everyone.

 

I haven't seen Life On Mars. Going to check it out. I'm a fan of British shows.

[Long Gone]

Some long term relationships start out with no spark. It's easy to sort of overlook people who are plain and uninteresting looking or don't say exciting things right away. I think when the time is right you'll find someone who understands you and vice versa. If she replies later on, there's no harm either. This year is a bit odd for everyone.

 

I haven't seen Life On Mars. Going to check it out. I'm a fan of British shows.

 

Yeah, I’d be happy to hear from her again. I just didn’t want to chase her when I didn’t really feel anything. I’d be happy to reply if she messages again.

 

Life on Mars was filmed in the city I studied in for 6 years circa 2002-2008, Manchester so that might explain my partial soft spot for it.

[Rose Mosse]

I'm really enjoying Life on Mars. Thanks for mentioning it. On Season 1 Ep 3. Have it on while working. I like the actor John Simm.

[Long Gone]

I'm really enjoying Life on Mars. Thanks for mentioning it. On Season 1 Ep 3. Have it on while working. I like the actor John Simm.

 

I'm really pleased! Once you've finished you need to follow it up with Ashes to Ashes, the sequel. It also explains everything! :)

 

I've just rung the Doctor's and have a phone appointment with my Doctor for Friday. I think it's fair to say I'm suffering from depression, this week I just have no energy, feel incredibly low and can't see anything positive. I've my counselling session tomorrow evening and I'll discuss it with them too.

[Rose Mosse]

I really like it. There's a sequel?! Yes, I'll do that for sure. Thank you for this.

 

Are you able to have your appointments online or over the phone or will you go in in person? I hope you have some answers. Talking to someone helps too. Glad you're making the appointments to try to find some answers.

[Rose Mosse]

I'm on Season 2! (Episode 2). Sam Tyler is hot. I want to be a detective when I grow up.

[Long Gone]

I'm on Season 2! (Episode 2). Sam Tyler is hot. I want to be a detective when I grow up.

 

Just finished Series 2.

 

Roof Top scene ‘it’s a god awful small affair’....

 

Tears streaming down my face. God i adore this series.

[Rose Mosse]

Just finished Series 2.

 

Roof Top scene ‘it’s a god awful small affair’....

 

Tears streaming down my face. God i adore this series.

 

I have a few theories about what happened to Sam and what the different characters in his psyche stand for(if at all) but I'm waiting to see.

[Long Gone]

I have a few theories about what happened to Sam and what the different characters in his psyche stand for(if at all) but I'm waiting to see.

 

The Finale of Series 3 of Ashes to Ashes explains everything (don’t google). I’m intrigued in your theories though.

 

After two years....I’ve changed my avatar....and my sig

[FenixReborn]

I've heard good things about Life on Mars before. Think I should give it a try now.

I know they tried an American version of the show that only lasted one season. Dalesboy, did you ever see that one?

 

And I know I'm way late on this, but not focusing on dating is probably a good thing. Especially with how the year has been, probably better to just focus on yourself.

[Long Gone]

I've heard good things about Life on Mars before. Think I should give it a try now.

I know they tried an American version of the show that only lasted one season. Dalesboy, did you ever see that one?

 

I never have to be honest, I've always loved the North of England feel to the original being set in Manchester (very much born and bred in the North). I just wish they had made more than two series/seasons of Life on Mars.

 

And I know I'm way late on this, but not focusing on dating is probably a good thing. Especially with how the year has been, probably better to just focus on yourself.

 

I know you are right. I think I became frustrated at being on my own for two and a half years for all the wrong reasons. I'm not going to be sending out any more messages (all I sent out last week have been ignored, which is fair enough). I mentally feel the best I have in some time, I've even started singing along to songs in the car! Doesn't sound a lot, but when I was...I felt a touch of self confidence returning.

 

Also had a long talk with my mother last night, which I'm hoping may have been positive.

 

Finally, I mentioned that things had fizzled out with someone I went on a date with 2 months ago. I dropped her a text last night and had a nice reply. I never felt a spark, but I found her interesting and enjoyed her company. I've said if she's ever up my way again, it would be great to meet up and walk our dogs.

 

I think I need to focus on myself over the next few months, keep the weight coming off and work on the counselling sessions helping to build my confidence up. I also intend to not renew the dating apps..... I want to get out there and meet people rather than browse a catalogue (granted Covid is going to impinge on this for the time being).

[Rose Mosse]

The Finale of Series 3 of Ashes to Ashes explains everything (don’t google). I’m intrigued in your theories though.

 

After two years....I’ve changed my avatar....and my sig

 

Absolutely love the avatar and sig. Those two!

 

I'm still formulating my ideas but it appears he's in a coma and the way season 1 ended was quite revealing in the way Sam's need for order and compassion is expressed in his adulthood. I love the way the storyline includes bits of conscience (girl in red), compassion (Annie), and the order of things (Gov).

 

Glad that you reached out to your mum and the person you spoke with by the way. Not everything in life is instant and sometimes we wait for the right opportunity. You may be in a different place later on if she's in your town and you both walk your dogs.

[Long Gone]

Absolutely love the sig. Those two!

 

I'm still formulating my ideas but it appears he's in a coma and the way season 1 ended was quite revealing in the way Sam's need for order and compassion is expressed in his adulthood. I love the way the storyline includes bits of conscience (girl in red), compassion (Annie), and the order of things (Gov).

 

 

I like your thinking. End of Series 2 will have you rethinking again, and then Ashes to Ashes will again make you go 'Oh......' The girl in red is quite scary, as you've probably seen she is the old BBC test card image. 20+ years ago when the BBC would stop at midnight (or maybe 1am) the test card image would be broadcast until morning TV resumed around 6.

 

Glad that you reached out to your mum and the person you spoke with by the way. Not everything in life is instant and sometimes we wait for the right opportunity. You may be in a different place later on if she's in your town and you both walk your dogs.

 

I must admit I'm feeling fairly positive today. The Doctor is ringing me this afternoon, I feel a bit silly booking the appointment now. I don't want to go down the route of pills, but perhaps at least if things can be kept in check and be addressed at a later date.

 

Regarding the women I texted, yeah we will see where it goes. She's not replied to my second text from yesterday and I'm not going to hassle her, if she messages me again suggesting we meet then great, not the end of the world if not.

 

Positive steps.

[Rose Mosse]

I like your thinking. End of Series 2 will have you rethinking again, and then Ashes to Ashes will again make you go 'Oh......' The girl in red is quite scary, as you've probably seen she is the old BBC test card image. 20+ years ago when the BBC would stop at midnight (or maybe 1am) the test card image would be broadcast until morning TV resumed around 6.

 

 

 

I must admit I'm feeling fairly positive today. The Doctor is ringing me this afternoon, I feel a bit silly booking the appointment now. I don't want to go down the route of pills, but perhaps at least if things can be kept in check and be addressed at a later date.

 

Regarding the women I texted, yeah we will see where it goes. She's not replied to my second text from yesterday and I'm not going to hassle her, if she messages me again suggesting we meet then great, not the end of the world if not.

 

Positive steps.

 

The red girl is a bit scary but I thought then about our conscience and the effect it often has on us - it's not always welcome and nor is it always friendly but it's always there. If she appears scary, perhaps it's for a reason? I'm trying to make the two seasons last but it's not easy when it's so good. I might be through by tomorrow or I'll try and pace it out over the weekend.

 

That's great that you're feeling positive. I made an appointment also with my doctor for therapy resources and the phone appointment went fine. The place they were looking to set me up with though isn't quite in line with my thoughts or values so I'm not going to go ahead with it. In the meantime I found other resources within the Archdiocese (clinical counselling) if I need it from registered clinical counsellors who are prepared to counsel with or without religion involved. I haven't found the need to reach out but I've got the contact of someone I know prior to all of this. Ironically, I've already met her several times on other occasions so I feel comfortable with her. I'm very thankful for all these resources.

 

Even if you don't end up needing therapy, it can be a source of comfort itself knowing that you are supported or that you already have contacts of individuals who are equipped to help if needed. I've never been in therapy before either and a friend was commenting on how useful it is. I think I feel better being more useful in general. It doesn't hurt to make contact and know that you have those resources.

[Long Gone]

Had a good conversation with my Doctor.

I did explain I was feeling better, but had felt incredibly low this week but ideally I don't want to go on antidepressants. He's said if I feel that low again, not to hesitate in giving him a call.

[Rose Mosse]

That's good! Hope you continue to feel better.

[Long Gone]

That's good! Hope you continue to feel better.

 

Thanks Rose

Currently enjoying watching Ashes to Ashes....more Gene Hunt action!

 

Trying not to fret, but I've just started with a sore throat and runny nose...... hoping it clears up before Tuesday as I wont be able to teach. The symptoms aren't strictly Covid and technically in the UK, if you aren't showing symptoms of a cough and high temperature, you shouldn't be tested.

[Long Gone]

Not sure I said this earlier, but on Thursday I explained to my mother I had depression, and ultimately said it was clear her behaviour was a large contributing factor.

We didn't fall out thankfully, and even had a laugh but she did turn the conversation around to her issues.

 

She hasn't rung me for two days but rang today saying how her husband is again insisting I have a relationship with him (he's a bully and I've no time for him), but how can I look him in the face when I know she's having an affair.

 

I just said 'please don't tell me, its these sorts of conversations that get me down'...

 

I really don't want to see her this weekend when her and the fella she's seeing are coming up. They are staying a few miles away thankfully but i can feel this is all starting to get me down again..... I had felt so positive again recently.

[Batya33]

What was the purpose of blaming her for contributing to your depression? Did you think it would motivate her to change her behavior?