what do we do

[lost39-]

Yes just sent her a text saying I have to let her go, she said she will always worry about me, im not going to instigate any texts but will reply if she does. Not going to ignore her

[lost39-]

of course I dont want to be here in 25 years but to ignore someone you love and panned to grow old together is bloody hard

[boltnrun]

Yes just sent her a text saying I have to let her go, she said she will always worry about me, im not going to instigate any texts but will reply if she does. Not going to ignore her

 

So you're not going to do anything different because this is exactly what you've been doing all along.

 

Will you also go running to her whenever she suggests getting together?

[LaHermes]

"Not going to ignore her"

 

No one here said you should. But the advice was to keep it strictly business, limited solely to matters (if any) relating to your daughters. No conversations about "always worry about you" and insincere declarations and terms of endearment.

 

And yes, of course it is hard. Situations like yours are hard for anyone going through them. But such situations have to be tackled (if only for sanity's sake) in a practical and down to earth manner. Onwards and upwards, that's all you've got.

[lost39-]

Yes very true, I suppose what worries me us that if I go down that route and she did have a change of heart she would think im not interested so would approach me, does that make sense?

[boltnrun]

Yes very true, I suppose what worries me us that if I go down that route and she did have a change of heart she would think im not interested so would approach me, does that make sense?

 

No, that doesn't make sense. It's been a year. This mindset you have WILL in fact keep you stuck for years and years and years.

 

Do you still want to be doing this 10 years from now? Waiting and hoping and leaping on whatever little crumbs she throws you while she gets into bed with another man?

 

BTW, like I wrote several times before, waiting around like a puppy dog is extremely unattractive. No one finds a doormat to be a good prospect for a romantic partner. They just wipe their shoes on them.

[lost39-]

Thank you. That one line "Do you still want to be doing this 10 years from now? Waiting and hoping and leaping on whatever little crumbs she throws you while she gets into bed with another man?" Has just hit home. Thd penny has genuinely dropped! I dont know why but it has, why should I be a puppy. I really mean it this time. Strictly kids from now on

[lost39-]

I'm doing well? 2 days lol, she has text me, am I right i responding back?

[MissCanuck]

I'm doing well? 2 days lol, she has text me, am I right i responding back?

 

What did she say?

[boltnrun]

I'm doing well? 2 days lol, she has text me, am I right i responding back?

 

What does "i responding back" mean? You did or you did not respond back? And what did she say in her text?

[lost39-]

just general chat, are u ok? What u upto? J waiting before responding where as before would have been instant. I lied and said I'm going out for a few drinks with a mate lol (childish I know)

Last night she text and said can I pop round for a bit. She came round we had a laugh for an hour or so . She left smiling and called me later that night - just chat. Keep you posted

[LaHermes]

I swear this has taken my breath away, D!

 

What happened to keeping matters strictly kids?

 

"That one line "Do you still want to be doing this 10 years from now? Waiting and hoping and leaping on whatever little crumbs she throws you while she gets into bed with another man?" Has just hit home. Thd penny has genuinely dropped! I dont know why but it has, why should I be a puppy. I really mean it this time. Strictly kids from now on"

 

There is nothing I can add that would be printable here!

[lost39-]

simple she contacted me about popping round was I supposed to say no.

[LaHermes]

Yes! If you are truly serious about keeping communication strictly business and moving on. No "popping round".

 

YOU said this a few days ago in reply to another poster. Remember?

 

""That one line "Do you still want to be doing this 10 years from now? Waiting and hoping and leaping on whatever little crumbs she throws you while she gets into bed with another man?" Has just hit home. Thd penny has genuinely dropped! I dont know why but it has, why should I be a puppy. I really mean it this time. Strictly kids from now on""

 

Sometimes I wonder, Darcus, if you are having a "laugh" at our expense on here.

 

Why not be upfront here and just say you have no intention of doing anything except waiting to see if she will come back to you, whether that takes 5, 10 or 25 years.

 

You asked us this back in June:

 

"Best way forward pls my dear friends"

 

We told you but it made no difference anyhow, so why ask?

[MissCanuck]

simple she contacted me about popping round was I supposed to say no.

 

Yes.

 

If you want to keep things strictly about the kids, you tell her you won't be popping round just for the heck of it.

[boltnrun]

simple she contacted me about popping round was I supposed to say no.

 

Then you shouldn't be so surprised you continue to feel awful.

[lost39-]

I dont feel awful though, honestly like a switch has gone off. What I'm saying is if she reaches out and I dont respond then if she wanted to get back together and I say im not popping in then she may go off the idea.

[lost39-]

A few weeks a go i was really low all of the time now it comes and goes so that's got to be part of the healing surely? She has also confirmed this new man in her life so kinda helps

[MissCanuck]

If she’s got a new boyfriend, there’s no sense in going over for a visit anyway.

[boltnrun]

Is her new boyfriend there when you go visit?

 

Are you expecting her to drop him to come back to you?

[lost39-]

hi, no he is never there and wouldn't go if he was. Ita strange cause she always goes to his and stays over but he never comes to hers? Being brutally honest as I appreciate u all are, why does she call me every day? Is it guilt? Does she miss me or what?

I'm over the worst now but just entriged.

Its ljke when we have phone calls I now end the call but before would be hanging on like some lapdog lol

[LaHermes]

I sigh yet again as I read this:

 

"What I'm saying is if she reaches out and I dont respond then if she wanted to get back together and I say im not popping in then she may go off the idea."[/I]

 

She doesn't WANT to "get back together" Darcus.

 

All the posters have told you why she calls you every day:

 

Brutally honest:

 

a) because you let her, and b) she probably gets a rise out of it.

 

You said some days back it would be strictly business from now on, and there is nothing to stop you saying to her, in the most direct fashion, that she is NOT to phone you unless it is to (briefly) discuss a matter pertaining to the children. No chit-chat, no "laughs", no reminiscing. You get the picture.

 

This will go on for all eternity unless you take a stance.

 

She has a new man in her life, so now, OP, it is a question of having dignity and keeping strictly to business.

[boltnrun]

hi, no he is never there and wouldn't go if he was. Ita strange cause she always goes to his and stays over but he never comes to hers? Being brutally honest as I appreciate u all are, why does she call me every day? Is it guilt? Does she miss me or what?

I'm over the worst now but just entriged.

Its ljke when we have phone calls I now end the call but before would be hanging on like some lapdog lol

 

Darcus, we already answered this question multiple times.

 

I can envision you being like my friend, still waiting for her to come back to you 25 years from now. Sitting alone, waiting and hoping while your life passes you by. That just seems so sad to me. But if that's how you want to spend the next 25 years that is certainly your choice.

[lost39-]

I know and I do appreciate it! I'm having a bad day today, always do on a Sunday, trying to ne strong for my daughter that lives with me. I'm trying to move on, how long does this take. I am stable not a split personality somedays I'm positive and think if she dont want me then thats just how it is then others really emotional and soo tempted to reach out (I dont) she text me today asking if im ok again. Why does she do this?

Cheers guys and girls

[LaHermes]

We've already answered this Darcus:

 

she text me today asking if im ok again. Why does she do this?

 

 

Did you tell her straight up (as advised here) that you do not wish to receive any communication from her that is not strictly relating to your children? And if not, why not?

 

Moving on will take a LOT less time if you would just take the significant amount of advice given here. And drinking won't help, at all.