what do we do

[Wiseman2]

It may be more related to this than anything you've done.

she does occasionally blow hot and cold

[LaHermes]

OP:

 

Thing is when I do see her she is really cold,

 

Of course she is. She has no interest whatsoever in you. That's why.

[catfeeder]

back again, have taken a step back and not so available anymore! Thing is when I do see her she is really cold, almost like a different person. Why is this?

 

Maybe a bit of punishment for not staying in line like a good lackey.

 

Keep plowing forward with your own life. At some point she'll recognize that the treatment doesn't 'work,' and she might grow more respectful and possibly kind.

 

Head high.

[Darcus30]

quick update. So yes im still not so available no daily runs and I have even packed away photos of us together (it was hard) she still messages me every day. Asking if I'm OK etc... why is this when I'm 99% sure she is seeing someone else?

Never seems to text me in the evenings (I guess cause she with her new man)!

She still says she is going to her female friends.. why? If we are not together does she not just tell me she is seeing someone. Confused.

Thanks in advance, you guys n girls are my lifeline

[boltnrun]

Do you reply when she messages you?

[Lambert]

quick update. So yes im still not so available no daily runs and I have even packed away photos of us together (it was hard) she still messages me every day. Asking if I'm OK etc... why is this when I'm 99% sure she is seeing someone else?

Never seems to text me in the evenings (I guess cause she with her new man)!

She still says she is going to her female friends.. why? If we are not together does she not just tell me she is seeing someone. Confused.

Thanks in advance, you guys n girls are my lifeline

Because she doesn't want to do anything that would justify/encourage you to move on with your own life and dates.

 

I know it hurts and its hard to accept that some people do not actually have our best interest at heart.

 

It kind of goes back to things we're told and taught when we are young and just starting to date... like I was always told if a boy invited me on a date and I said yes, I had to go. I could not cancel because another guy i liked better, asked me after. Or another good one is, don't lead people on if you're not interested

 

Those are not nice things to do to people at any age. And shame on her for being less than forthcoming. She doesn't have to give you details but a "I wanted you to hear this from me..." would be what a caring person, that respects you would do.

 

She's a selfish twit.

[Darcus30]

Thanks for your reply, good to get a females view as you know how there mind works lol.

Which my feelings had a light switch, sick of this emotional turmoil every morning when I open me eyes

 

I do reply to her messages but no longer right away i purposely leave it for a good few hours.

[Wiseman2]

Playing games or hard to reach is not good co-parenting.

Those get your ex back sites you are reading give poor advice.

 

Focus on your kids.

 

I do reply to her messages but no longer right away i purposely leave it for a good few hours.

[Darcus30]

thank you all. Had a bad day yesterday, just didn't even want to get out of bed- hopefully today will be better 🤞🤞

[Darcus30]

sick of this emotional roller coaster now . When will I feel better guys n girls? Just drinking myself to death here

[boltnrun]

sick of this emotional roller coaster now . When will I feel better guys n girls? Just drinking myself to death here

 

Please contact your doctor. You will be no good to your kids constantly drunk and/or dying from alcohol-related liver failure.

[Wiseman2]

You need to focus on the kids and co-parenting. If you continue drowning in booze it will worsen your loneliness. Why not go to AA meetings? It would help your isolation and help you find better ways to cope. Did she leave because of the drinking?

[LaHermes]

Darcus.

 

When will I feel better guys n girls? Just drinking myself to death here

 

You will feel infinitely better when you stop the self-torture (malignant hoping and the to and fro with your ex), and when you start working yourself towards getting better. And yes, the alcohol will kill you if you carry on like this. So, if annihilation is your goal then you are headed in the right direction. Is that fair to your children? As Wiseman said focus on your children and parenting.

[Darcus30]

no didnt split cause of drink. I dont mean I'm an alcoholic. Just a few cans of beer. Dont get drunk or anything like that. Sorry if I mislead you all.

[boltnrun]

no didnt split cause of drink. I dont mean I'm an alcoholic. Just a few cans of beer. Dont get drunk or anything like that. Sorry if I mislead you all.

 

You said you were drinking yourself to death. That's a huge difference from "a few cans of beer".

 

It's usual for people with an alcohol problem to minimize. It's their way of excusing continuing to drink because they don't want to stop.

 

Please get help for the drinking. You cannot be there as a father for your kids if you're incapacitated by drinking.

 

And you keep looking to your ex to make you feel better. Since she is the one who left you that doesn't make sense. Try to look to your kids as a source of strength and inspiration to get through this phase in your life.

[LaHermes]

Fully agree Bolt

 

"And you keep looking to your ex to make you feel better. Since she is the one who left you that doesn't make sense"

[Darcus30]

Doesn't make sense I know but its called love and 20yrs is a lonv time. In the UK the saying drinking your self to death is just that! I dont thknk 2 cans of beer is that bad to be honest

[LaHermes]

You are contradicting yourself Darcus. Of course there is nothing wrong with a few cans of beer, and no one said otherwise.

 

And no (and I am over here too!) no one says that unless they are actually downing the few bottles of vodka a day.

 

In the UK the saying drinking your self to death is just that!

 

I take it by "just that" you mean it is simply a saying?

 

However, the few cans of beer are not the point, are they? It's the imagining what is never going to return. That is not love, that is obsession.

 

As Bolt said:

 

"Try to look to your kids as a source of strength and inspiration to get through this phase in your life."

 

Remember when Wiseman said this to you some months back:

 

"You're too old to waste time like this on someone who just doesn't care. Get out and get involved in life again d so you're not ruminating and tempted to contact."

[Wiseman2]

You need to accept the relationship is over so you can focus on the kids and move forward.

[Darcus30]

so are you saying people don't get back together, it does happen

[boltnrun]

so are you saying people don't get back together, it does happen

 

Yes, it does. But only when both of the people want to get back together. It never happens when only one of them wants to.

 

You have to look at how things are right now. If she is reaching out asking to talk about possibly reconciling that is one thing. But if she's just reaching out with random messages or spending time with you without ever mentioning reconciling then you have to presume she isn't interested in getting back together.

 

And holding onto this hope with nothing from her indicating she wants to reconcile is why you're struggling and doing all the drinking. Acceptance is an important part of being able to move forward with your life.

[Darcus30]

thank you. Makes good sense, I feel a little better today but I'm up and down like a hoars knickers. Lol.

Wish there was a tablet. Sounds strange but does anyone else think the pain is worse than a bereavement?

[LaHermes]

Darcus:

 

It is a bereavement. Known as "bereavement not related to death".

 

The pain of any bereavement is keen. However, when grief becomes prolonged and unresolved it is known as "complicated or chronic grief". Look it up. Plenty of information on how to address the issue.

[Darcus30]

thank you for your help. We are meeting for a quick drink shortly and il scared its to tell me about this chap, how should I react? Should I wish them thd best of luck etc? Ask if she loves him? Need urgent response pls

[Wiseman2]

She's not going to discuss her sex life with you, so relax and just talk about the kids.