LaHermes Posted August 11, 2020 Share Posted August 11, 2020 D. What Wiseman just said. Just talk about the kids. She is not and should not talk to you about the man or any other men in her life. Not your business in any case. You are not her friendly uncle or indeed her father confessor. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 11, 2020 Share Posted August 11, 2020 thank you for your help. We are meeting for a quick drink shortly and il scared its to tell me about this chap, how should I react? Should I wish them thd best of luck etc? Ask if she loves him? Need urgent response pls This is why you cannot feel better. You insist on seeing her and communicating with her and then are crushed when she (yet again!) doesn't want to reconcile. You are being your own worst enemy. If you won't look out for yourself who will? Link to comment
lost39- Posted August 11, 2020 Author Share Posted August 11, 2020 thanks guys, I didnt mention him at all, we talked about us and had a laugh, both said (she first) ill always love you. Going again on Friday. I told her I know we are over and just want to be friends (was hard) lol Laughed like the old times but have accepted it now i think. Dont feel so down . Thanks Link to comment
lost39- Posted August 23, 2020 Author Share Posted August 23, 2020 Bad day today, thinking of her with him, just want this paj to stop, had enough of everything today Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 Are you still spending time with her? Link to comment
lost39- Posted August 23, 2020 Author Share Posted August 23, 2020 Yes sometimes, when she not with him. I kmow people will say not too but it dont work like that. She texts me every morning to see if I'm OK. She said the other day that what ever she is doing or wherever she is, she's always thinking of me. She's 45 could all this be some midlife crisis do you think? If she feels like this why is she with him I don't get it.prior to all this I felt quite a sain man, I now have no confidence and just want to check out of this world. (I would never do it cause of my girls Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 You insist on spending time with her and then wonder why you aren't feeling any better! It does too "work like that" but you refuse to help yourself. Please call a hotline immediately for your suicidal thoughts. Afterwards please arrange for regular treatment for depression and suicidal ideation. Link to comment
lost39- Posted August 23, 2020 Author Share Posted August 23, 2020 yes but if she asks if I'm going around then it means she wants to see me, Link to comment
Lambert Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 Yes sometimes, when she not with him. I kmow people will say not too but it dont work like that. She texts me every morning to see if I'm OK. She said the other day that what ever she is doing or wherever she is, she's always thinking of me. She's 45 could all this be some midlife crisis do you think? If she feels like this why is she with him I don't get it.prior to all this I felt quite a sain man, I now have no confidence and just want to check out of this world. (I would never do it cause of my girls She is with him because her ego enjoys having two men interested in her. What she us doing is not fair to him either. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 yes but if she asks if I'm going around then it means she wants to see me, Then you have to stop wondering why you continue to feel awful. You are being manipulated and toyed with and you say "Yes, isn't it wonderful??!!" and then in the next breath wonder why you feel bad about yourself. Please be sure to get immediate professional help for your suicidal thoughts and your self-destructive behaviors. Do it for your kids. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 All you can do is get back to the doctor and stop drinking. Link to comment
lost39- Posted August 23, 2020 Author Share Posted August 23, 2020 Thank you I have stopped now just 2 pints yesterday 1sf in a week. Is this feeding her ego thing real, is it a subconious thing or is she aware of it? Thanks for all your help i know you must all be frustrated with me having to keep repeating yourselves Link to comment
LaHermes Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 What does it matter and who cares! "Is this feeding her ego thing real, is it a subconious thing or is she aware of it?" It's been said multiple times before but you MUST block communication, and her texts. Otherwise you will remain stuck forever in this limbo of rumination, second-guessing and time-wasting. OP, life is very short, and you are wasting it, big time. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 Why do YOU choose to feed her ego? Do you believe leaping whenever she contacts you and falling all over yourself to do whatever she wants will make her want you? You do realize behaving like that is supremely unattractive, right? A doormat is what people wipe their shoes on. People don't fall in love with them. Link to comment
lost39- Posted August 23, 2020 Author Share Posted August 23, 2020 yes I get you, but how can I block contact when we have 2 girls together? Do you think she could be a narcissist ? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 yes I get you, but how can I block contact when we have 2 girls together? Do you think she could be a narcissist ? You don't block contact. You simply say "no" when she suggests getting together for another one of her "Let's watch Darcus fall all over himself at the chance to spend time with me" meetings and you do not respond to her messages asking you if you're still all hung up on her (which is what her "Are you OK?" messages really mean...she's checking to see if you'll leap on her messages). I am not a medical professional so I have no idea if she is or is not a narcissist. Only a medical professional can diagnose her. But even if she were, so what? That has nothing to do with how YOU choose to respond to her. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 What she is or is not is totally beside the point. No one here can diagnose her, nor can you either. You are SO fixated on her! Please, please OP, get yourself out of this bind. There have been rivers of advice given to you on here, all of it good. We've been down this road already about the contact. You know full well that ANY conversation between you is to be strictly and coldly limited to matters relating to your children's welfare. NOT "texting you every morning to see if you are O.K." That is what we mean by blocking. No cosy little interactions about ANYTHING else except your daughters. Of course, you know all this, because you've been told umpteen times on here. I know you won't do this (sigh), but all you have to do is TELL her you do not wish to have any texts or other communication from her unless it is in relation to your daughters and their welfare. Keep any such interactions totally businesslike and do not meander or become maudlin. Endorsing what Bolt just said. Link to comment
lost39- Posted August 23, 2020 Author Share Posted August 23, 2020 on one last Q,. Is she doesn't think we can get back together why does she text me all the time. I just don't understand? I promise this will be my last post ever on this x Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 on one last Q,. Is she doesn't think we can get back together why does she text me all the time. I just don't understand? I promise this will be my last post ever on this x I already answered this pages ago. I also answered this in my post earlier today. Because you let her. Because you fall all over yourself leaping on every message from her. Because you are obviously still hung up on her and who doesn't like to have fans? You are all about her and she knows it and enjoys having you worship her. Better question is, why do you continue to do the same things when you end up more upset, more hurt, it causes you to be suicidal and to drink too much and you don't end up with what you want? She is not coming back to you. The sooner you realize this and accept it the sooner you can stop feeling like crap. Imagine still being stuck in this situation 5 years from now. Or 10 years, or 20. One of my friends has been stuck like you for TWENTY FIVE YEARS! She had to be institutionalized. Please don't do that to yourself. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 Why does she text you all the time? Answer: Because you let her and have not fixed ANY boundaries. When you pull her up sharp (as I have described earlier above) and limit all interaction to your daughters (who btw are no longer toddlers) then you will find that the all the time texts stop. She does it because she CAN. We folks here cannot possibly mind read her. Here is an example of the sort of thing you do NOT say: "We both keep calling it a mess " I stress again, any conversation should not even go down those byways. And yes, she drinks, and therefore no boundaries or compass, just the fuzzy-wuzzy blurred moments when she just texts you acting daft. And echoing Bolt's last post I will ask: "Do YOU want to be institutionalized one day when you drive yourself round the bend?" Or instead, will you, an adult man of 46, decide that there is more to life than allowing yourself to fall deeper into depression? Life is all too short, OP. Make the best of it. Link to comment
lost39- Posted August 24, 2020 Author Share Posted August 24, 2020 Thank you all I appreciate all your help. You have all been a genuine life line Link to comment
LaHermes Posted August 24, 2020 Share Posted August 24, 2020 "You have all been a genuine life line" Nice of you to say so, Darcus. But you haven't the faintest intention of following ANY of the advice given. There isn't much more to say. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 24, 2020 Share Posted August 24, 2020 What will you do now that you have been given some advice you feel is helpful? Will you start doing anything differently? Link to comment
LaHermes Posted August 24, 2020 Share Posted August 24, 2020 No Darcus, not harsh at all. Just the truth. You asked at some point in this thread: "Thank you all. Pls help if you can." Posters have extended themselves in giving you very good and commonsense advice. So, I ask. On which posters' advice do you intend to act? I hark back to Bolt's posts, where she asks if this is where you want to be 25 years hence. Link to comment
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