Do I Have a Chance?

[Fitbean]

He was in his early 20s. He didn’t necessarily know. His friend was a complete con and manipulated a lot of people.

 

We had a lot of issues and he has unresolved resentment towards me because he felt I wasn’t there for him and in his mind I cheated I on. The financial hardships I went through and him having to support me took a toll. I fell into a depression because of my career and I wasn’t focused on him or doing small things he asked. I recognize that I became very selfish and comfortable because I never thought it was a possibility we would break up. I’m sure this girl is very simple, she has probably had a crush for a long time, and he felt good getting attention. It happens to a lot of people.

 

My friends and family think he will come back eventually. His coworkers have reach out to me because they think the situation is really odd. My mom knows all the ins and outs of our relationship and she has always been supportive because she has seen how much he has helped me. He was the one who got me the opportunity for the job at the company we work for.

 

I look back and can clearly see mistakes I made, times when I made him not feel appreciated or valued. I’m not defending anything he has done. He has acknowledged his mistakes and the ways he mistreated me.

[Wiseman2]

Both people have to be free and clear of others and both people have to want to reconcile.

steps I can take to repair our relationship and get us back together.

[boltnrun]

Does his girlfriend know he has you on the side?

 

Are you hoping he dumps his current girlfriend to come back to you?

[bluecastle]

I'm sorry you feel this has become about your mental health. I haven't seen that, from where I'm sitting, but more about whether it's healthy to be thinking about reconciliation and repair with someone who is in a relationship. Subtract all the other stuff—his history, yours, your history together—and the fact remains that he is in a romantic relationship with someone right now. While I certainly understand the urge to minimize that, it doesn't make it go away, and neither does it make for a very stable foundation for a reunion.

[Fitbean]

Well they’ve only been spending time together for a couple of weeks as far as I know. We broke up about a month ago and continued hanging out for the following 2 weeks (nothing sexual, we did kiss during the first week post-breakup).

 

Since I found out and messaged the girl, he has been keeping distance but we still text daily and I’ve seen him twice when he brought me food, and he is bringing me food again today.

 

He called me last night and this morning as well. I don’t know that she is necessarily his “girlfriend” at this point. But yes I am hoping it ends soon and he comes back.

 

I sent her a messaged when I found out asking how long things had been going on between them, and she never replied and blocked me. So I have no idea if she is aware that he and I still talk and have seen each other.

 

As I mentioned, she is only 23 and seems to be naive. He is a very charismatic, handsome and popular guy and has many girls who are is fans. I’m sure she is elated to be getting his attention. I’ve met her many times and worked out with her, even took a picture with her. And she is the type of girl who loves my ex.

 

I’ve already forgiven what he is doing, because I did leave at one point and dated other people. I understand why he feels justified. I’m not excusing that he has done something incredibly hurtful. I do believe we are good together despite our past issues. We have had a lot of good in our relationship, a lot of trust and vulnerable on both ends.

 

I do hope things end with her. I hope he realizes what he has and can let go of his resentment and we can work towards healing. I obviously can’t make him do that, but I hope that it comes in time.

[No1]

I keep reading and you are just waiting for someone to tell you what you want to hear. You keep defending him and minimizing his bad behavior by saying things like "he had minimal part". But understand, he still had a part. Its like being the getaway driver at a bank robbery. Well he didn't actually rob the bank, he was just the driver. He still knew what he was doing was wrong and against the law regardless of the part he played in. So saying he "only" got 10 months when everyone got 3-5 years doesn't make it better does it? But I digress.

 

In a post you said in your past you have been cheated on, abused and being a trainer saved you. Why cant you lean on that and not be so dependent on someone else to tell you how to feel? You said that he is also there in your darkest times but you have failed to see that he could be the cause of those dark times. Its like he is dunking you in water and before you drown he pulls you out saying "look, I saved you" then dunks you back in and the cycle starts again. Now I understand that he is with another woman but is still texting you? If you didn't like the one being cheated on and this time instead of being the victim, you are enabling him to cheat. So you are the getaway driver in a bank robbery. Sure you know what you are doing is bad but its okay because he loves you. He is cheating on her and even tho you know its wrong, you are playing a part in something you hated in your past. You didn't like being cheated on, but you accept being the other girl?

 

No amount of advice will help you. Ill be honest and tell you that if you hang around, he will eventually come back to you and he will eventually cheat on you because its who he is. He texts you because he is keeping you as a back up. You are the other option if it all fails. This guy is not one to put all his eggs in a single basket because he likes options and even tho you could be very beautiful and have men hit on you, he knows no matter what, if he wants you, he can have you.

 

So If you want him, just keep texting him and let him cheat. Once the girl finds out, he will come back to you. Then he can dunk you back in the water again and you can be happy.

[Wiseman2]

What does he tell you about her? Why would you have to confront her about it?

I sent her a messaged when I found out asking how long things had been going on between them, and she blocked me.

 

I’ve already forgiven what he is doing. I do hope things end with her.

[Fitbean]

He told me 2 weeks ago that they had only kissed and just started talking. Because I had suspicions and asked if there was someone else. I messaged her because I wanted to know how long things had been going on between them and if he had been cheating on me. It’s hard to believe that he just happens to start seeing her 2 weeks after he breaks up with me.

[No1]

He told me 2 weeks ago that they had only kissed and just started talking. Because I had suspicions and asked if there was someone else. I messaged her because I wanted to know how long things had been going on between them and if he had been cheating on me. It’s hard to believe that he just happens to start seeing her 2 weeks after he breaks up with me.

 

And yet, you will still find a way to rationalize his behavior and would still take him even after being the second or third or fourth choice.

 

I was an A-hole in my past so I know what it takes to manipulate and he is doing everything he can to not lose you. He doesn't want to be with you, he just doesn't want to lose you. How do I know? He is not with you now even tho he can be with you. So ask yourself why is he talking to other women, or kissing them when you have a sign that says "Im available to you" hanging around your neck? Its because when all else fails, when its all said and done, you will be the best option left. You can think to yourself that he tried others and came back to you. But in reality if he comes back its because he A... has to survive.. or B. He cant be alone and needs you until he finds someone else.

This is why he texts you. Just to keep from losing you. And what is genius is that you will fill in the gaps for him. He lies to you, you fill in the reasons. If he treats you badly, you will fill in the reasons why he did such a thing.

If you really want him back, just wait. He will come back. But know this.. Its because you are the safest option he has left.

[abitbroken]

He told me 2 weeks ago that they had only kissed and just started talking. Because I had suspicions and asked if there was someone else. I messaged her because I wanted to know how long things had been going on between them and if he had been cheating on me. It’s hard to believe that he just happens to start seeing her 2 weeks after he breaks up with me.

 

Then you should have some boundaries. You continue to communicate with him, so you are saying this is okay. if you said "nope, i am not putting up with that and cut him off until if and when he stops talking to her - that shows some backbone. You were broken up - let yourselves be broken up - none of this overstepping boundaries and communicating with his love interests to mark your territory. I'd be so done -- but you are tellng him its fine because the more he hints that he may have something else the more you chase him.

 

You talk about what you did for him while he was locked up and what he did for you financially - it all sounds codependent and transactional like he owes you for "standing by him" and you owe him a relationship even if he walks over you because he helped you. Read up on codependency, please. It doesn't matter if he gave you money or vice versa. breaking up with you and kissing a different woman should be what speaks -