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So I met this woman at work, she is a widow her husband died about two years ago. She seemed so wholesome, treated everyone nice and acted professionally. We dated for about a month, went on 3 dates. We texted regularly me doing most of the texting on a daily basis. She asked questions like if I wanted kids hinting at something long term. Our third date I introduced her to my mother, we watched a movie, and we "hooked up" and she went down on me so to say. After this a few days later she told me shes not interested in a long term relationship and she no longer wants to date but wanted to be friends and talk. I foolishly texted her I was going to tell her I loved her but I didn't want to scare her away thinking maybe she broke things off because perhaps I did not say this. She said "Love is a big word" , and in so many words told me that she is interested in dating other people, she is figuring out who she is without her husband and is not ready for commitment. I was thrown off guard, I had been under the impression she wanted something long term but we never really discussed it. I felt like a fool for saying I love you, and I posted my thoughts on facebook. She was pretty upset I posted my thoughts on facebook even though we don't share many friends but I managed to mend things with her, told her I would like to be friends and that I understood that she is figuring things out for herself. I was so depressed, I posted something else on facebook, just seeking support and I checked in with her a few days later and she thought I purposely posted it to make her feel bad. This was not my intention. I deleted the post. A week later I get a friend request from her on facebook. I don't know if it was some kind of glitch in fb or she pressed the wrong button but I went to check her profile and saw that I was blocked. Thinking this was some weird cry for help I messaged one of her friends to check on her. Her friend said she was fine and that I need to back off and leave her alone. Then she texted me saying not to talk to her friends about her, Im making her uncomfortable and that I had been looking at her plenty of fish account. I didn't even realize she was on plenty of fish and never looked at her profile. So she basically accused me of stalking and said that it was unusual that I texted her the moment she blocked me and that said a lot to her. Luckily I work for an agency so I can choose where I work and don't have to go back there if I don't want to. Should I stay away from her totally? I mean I don't want to avoid a decent workplace over something stupid like this. Should I try sending her a message? Leave it alone?

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I don't understand why you chose to air personal details of your dating life on fb. That's pretty inappropriate and shows very little respect for her privacy. I can understand why she'd be upset. Not to admonish you, but to point out that you should maintain much stronger boundaries when it comes to your love life. Yes, you should stay away from her totally. I'm sure she's not interested in interacting with you anymore. Chalk it up to a lesson learned.

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I don't understand why you chose to air personal details of your dating life on fb. That's pretty inappropriate and shows very little respect for her privacy. I can understand why she'd be upset. Not to admonish you, but to point out that you should maintain much stronger boundaries when it comes to your love life. Yes, you should stay away from her totally. I'm sure she's not interested in interacting with you anymore. Chalk it up to a lesson learned.

 

I was very vague, I simply posted a quote "the worst feeling is when you find out someone that you care about doesn't feel the same way as you and you feel so stupid for caring too much."

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Well, if it was written in only a way that she knew you were talking about her, then she probably felt egged on by it. Even though only you and her know what you're referring to, you're still broadcasting it in public. A very poor method of communication to say the least. It's passive aggressive, really. Still shows a large amount of disrespect.

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Well, if it was written in only a way that she knew you were talking about her, then she probably felt egged on by it. Even though only you and her know what you're referring to, you're still broadcasting it in public. A very poor method of communication to say the least. It's passive aggressive, really. Still shows a large amount of disrespect.

 

 

 

I agree. I only had the post up for one night and took it down. I was overwhelmed with emotion when I posted it. I apologized to her and we mended things. I did however post that I was feeling down and she said I posted it just to make her feel like crap, which I did not. I truly was seeking support. She was more mad about my post seeking support than the first post.

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Well, lesson learned for your next dating experience.

 

And no, absolutely do NOT send her a message!

 

 

 

What about closure for me? sure I know what not to do next time. This was the first person I dated in ten years. One would think you might make mistakes if your not a dating expert like yourself. Cut me some slack.

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What about closure for me? sure I know what not to do next time. This was the first person I dated in ten years. One would think you might make mistakes if your not a dating expert like yourself. Cut me some slack.

 

No. Don't send her a message for closure or any other reasons. She couldn't have been clearer - stop contacting her.

 

Closure comes from accepting the decision she has already made. That's all there is to it.

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Closure comes from accepting the decision she has already made. That's all there is to it.

 

This.

 

I get that this threw you emotionally, and for that whiplash I'm sorry. But just as you are a person with feelings, so is she, and she has made hers clear. In respecting those feelings with silence you are stepping up, as a person, and you've got to have faith in that rather than think that some exchange with her is the thing that's going to restore faith.

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Accepted it. Still feel like total garbage. What now?

 

Learn from it going forward and don't repeat the same mistake in the future. We all make mistakes. It sucks, but they're there to teach us something about ourselves. You take that knowledge and apply it to your life going forward.

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Wouldn’t you guys agree that it was immature of her to hook up then break up? Shouldn’t she have made her intentions more clear? I get that talking to her is out of the question and thank you for the kind responses it’s helping me put things into perspective.

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Wouldn’t you guys agree that it was immature of her to hook up then break up? Shouldn’t she have made her intentions more clear? I get that talking to her is out of the question and thank you for the kind responses it’s helping me put things into perspective.

 

No, I can't agree with that. You went on three dates, OP. There was really nothing to break up from. She was well within her proverbial rights to call it off whenever she wanted. She actually did the mature thing by letting you know she wasn't feeling it, even if you two had already gotten intimate in some way. And yes, even if she asked you out first. That point isn't particularly relevant.

 

You seem to believe she owes you something here. She doesn't, man. She went out with you a few times and realized there wasn't enough interest there for her to continue. It would have made absolutely no sense to continue seeing you. It sucks, I know, but that's what dating is about. We meet different people and sometimes it just isn't a match. This was one of those times for her.

 

I have to wonder, though, if she was picking up on the fact that you were already very attached. You say you told her you loved her (after she ended it, I know) and honestly, that's an awful lot for 3 dates and a month of getting to know each other. Your response to continue trying to message her - and then her friend - really does make me question if she had already sensed that you were miles ahead of her in terms of wanting to commit and insert yourself in her life. That can be off-putting when we're still in the very early stages. You might be giving off that impression without even realizing it.

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I think you’re right. I think she picked up on it, felt bad and hooked up with me as a gesture. I know I seem like I’m going back and forth here. I am trying to work out my emotions but I want to do and think what’s right. I think if I wasn’t as passionate she wouldn’t have hooked up with me at all

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Wouldn’t you guys agree that it was immature of her to hook up then break up? Shouldn’t she have made her intentions more clear? I get that talking to her is out of the question and thank you for the kind responses it’s helping me put things into perspective.

 

Honestly? No.

 

People are complex, layered, and, above all, individuals. They have their own minds, and they are allowed to change them—at any time, for any reason. Asking someone out, hooking up with someone—these are no guarantees of anything. To view them as such? Well, that is immature, if you think about it, since it's viewing another person as a character in your own personal story rather than a person with free will.

 

Maybe give that some thought. You spent three days of your life with this woman, and your expectations of her are more in line with what someone expects from a wife of 20 years. Did she sense that energy? I don't know, as I don't have access to her mind, but I do think it's worth reflecting on.

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What about closure for me? sure I know what not to do next time. This was the first person I dated in ten years. One would think you might make mistakes if your not a dating expert like yourself. Cut me some slack.

 

You only went out on three dates. You need to address your attachment issues.

 

BTW, no woman wants to hear a guy tell her he loves her after a couple of dates. Way too soon. It is also too soon to introduce her to family.

 

Everything went too fast! Closure after a couple of dates?

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Dude, sometimes a blowjob is just a blowjob. But you're not the first guy to confuse it with a profession of undying love.

 

Time to back away from any contact with this lady at all.

 

There is no there, there.

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This one is a delicate one, her husband died and I am not sure if that was a long term situation and how strong their love was. For such a woman, waiting 2-years before moving on is a no no but she felt lonely. Her going down on you was not easy, it must have been really difficult and really with her situation - intimacy should have only been holding hands at most. On top, privacy between two people should not be exposed on social media - that's between you two. Her friends have no choice but to look for her best interest. In your case, stick to text messages and just see how it goes, women like her can't be pushed to decide, if you love her - then all you need to do is listen and support and if she falls for you over time, then there you go.

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