Paying for every single date

[bluecastle]

Well, then clearly the relationship would have not been that important to you or you were on the verge already of finding out that it wasn't a union that you could withstand for a lifetime.

 

Perhaps.

 

Or, if I was me but in RKO's shoes, I would clearly be listening not only to my own grumbles but to the woman I was dating, who voiced, herself, a discomfort with the financial dynamic. Great. Same page? Similar page? I would use future outings—to movies, to martinis—to show her I was listening through a slight shift in my own behavior. From there I'd determine the degree to which more direct communication was required, or not, depending on whether my personal grumbles were still grumbling.

[ThatwasThen]

Perhaps.

 

Or, if I was me but in RKO's shoes, I would clearly be listening not only to my own grumbles but to the woman I was dating, who voiced, herself, a discomfort with the financial dynamic. Great. Same page? Similar page? I would use future outings—to movies, to martinis—to show her I was listening through a slight shift in my own behavior. From there I'd determine the degree to which more direct communication was required, or not, depending on whether my personal grumbles were still grumbling.

So in other words...you would communicate your grievance to her only after YOUR unvoiced personal grumbles (also known as unvoiced expectations) have built your resentment into a crescendo. To each their own. I'm just giving the Op my advice to let her know that he's wondering when he has to stop paying for everything and, to stop saying "you don't need to do that" when she has voiced that she will pay (which he has done). If he doesn't want to tell her of is grievance then he will always pay and since he already resents that he has had to, the relationship is surely going to be doomed.

 

adding: What does a "shift in your own behavior" look like?

[itsallgrand]

I'm curious if she will just pay today.

I think she's comfy mooching, that's just me. Doesn't take a convo after months for someone to just go ahead and pay for something. It's common sense, no?!

And the puppy thing kind of seals it for me.

[Wiseman2]

Can you do take-out/netflix once in a while? Buying a dog for her child indicates she is a good mother who puts her kids childhood before her dating life. Should she buy you a puppy instead of for her child?

 

It's not an indicator that she is an evil gold-digger. If you feel strongly on this do not date broke single parents who are struggling and putting themselves through school in addition to working. This shows character on her part.

 

However if you are Mr calculator, rather than paint her as a gold-digger who is taking advantage of your offers to plan pricey dates and pay. Date women who make as much or more than you do and do not have kids or heaven forbid buy their kid a puppy.

today we are going to the cinema then for food after,

 

She spent a lot of money on a puppy.

[ThatwasThen]

I'm curious if she will just pay today.

I think she's comfy mooching, that's just me. Doesn't take a convo after months for someone to just go ahead and pay for something. It's common sense, no?!

And the puppy thing kind of seals it for me.

I'm curious if she will pay today as well. Also wondering if the Op will have a talk with her about contributing or he'll just hold onto a growing grudge about it.

 

*seals it for me too. Unless of course mommy and daddy helped her with that too. Then I'd tend to have the opinion that she is just used to never having to actually pay for much.

[catfeeder]

It is an awkward conversation, for sure.

 

Why does it need to be awkward? Either you're dating to find a partner with whom you can realistically communicate, or you're merely trying to impress.

 

Decide which path you're on. If your relationship would fall apart because you suggest reasonable reciprocity, then isn't that something you'd want to find out early?

[ThatwasThen]

Why does it need to be awkward? Either you're dating to find a partner with whom you can realistically communicate, or you're merely trying to impress.

 

Decide which path you're on. If your relationship would fall apart because you suggest reasonable reciprocity, then isn't that something you'd want to find out early?

Yes, yes and yes again.

[ninjabib]

If you are aware of her financial situation and want to be flashy then you will have to pay.

 

If she wants to do something cheap like to go to the cinema or something let her pay. Gesture reciprocated. Never pay for everything.