Not able to gauge ex reaction

[MissCanuck]

One thing i remember many times during our relationship she used to act in weird way when i used to call her at home or while travelling to her parents home she used to say am sending over the documents to office, i was like am asking about you and why you talking like this always felt she was with somebody else i never found out though

 

She was surely with someone else, and didn't want you blowing her cover.

 

As the others have said, stay away from her. Keep all interactions strictly professional and do not communicate outside of work whatsoever.

[Spawn]

Thanks MissCanuck, am going to stay away

 

The messages were very emotionally abusive from her side although i have deleted them and blocked her it still playing in my head all the time, not sure how to divert my attention. Not been so badly treated by any person feel disgusted by myself to go through this

[Wiseman2]

Stop communicating with her at all except being professional at work. Her bf is most likely rifling through her phone regularly. You put her, yourself and the office at risk with this affair. Stop..

The messages were very emotionally abusive from her side although i have deleted them and blocked her

[Spawn]

Yes not going to contact at all, just thinking how much she must be hating me for sending those messages

[boltnrun]

Yes not going to contact at all, just thinking how much she must be hating me for sending those messages

 

Why are you ruminating about that? She's not a quality individual and is not someone to want in your personal life or to pine over.

 

Don't gauge your value on whether or not this low quality individual is "nice" to you.

[Spawn]

Thanks boltnrun, i never thought about it like that.

[Spawn]

i remember telling her you treated me like a doormat the way she disrespected me i felt she used me and my emotions she got so furious and told me how you can say that, i said the way you dumped me , i felt you just ran away without thinking about me , maybe shouldn't have said that. I should have just said its ok please be happy and walked away. Now it feels my behaviour has just hurt me more than her and am finding it more hard to get over it.

[Spawn]

Another confusion why would she say we never had sex when we actually did. felt weird

[Wiseman2]

If her bf is as abusive as you stated he was, he is rifling through her phone regularly. They are typically possessive and controlling like that. Why even ponder all this? You know the answers and when you stop and think with the head (on your shoulders) it will all add up. She is covering up your affair and you need to leave her alone. As her supervisor you need to stop all this. If you want to stay busy start tuning up your resume, it will serve you better than hitting on underlings.

Another confusion why would she say we never had sex when we actually did. felt weird

[Spawn]

Ahh ok wiseman just makes me feel the discussions about kids buyin a house together etc a dream, the person i dated was not in love with me.

[lostandhurt]

Spawn,

 

It looks like she is a cheater and used you. The thing about cheaters is they lie and then lie some more. This is who they are and anything she told you was for her to get what she wanted. From what you have written she did all kinds of shady stuff and because you thought you loved her (you were in love with the person you wanted her to be) you ignored all the signs that were right in front of your face. It happens to all of us but next time you will be smarter.

 

Holding onto what really wasn't even real is common as you wanted it to work so badly your heart simply will not let it go no matter how many times your mind tells you the raw facts. It takes time and effort on your part to eventually let it all go and accept who she is and that you are better off with out of your personal life.

 

You need to keep yourself busy so reconnect with some old friends, get back into that hobby you dropped while seeing her and soon enough you will start to accept what we all see. You were just fine before you met her and you will be just fine soon enough once again. Then you can start trying to meet someone new THAT DOESN'T WORK WITH YOU and you can put all your new knowledge and self esteem into dating.

 

Lost

[Spawn]

Thanks lost.

 

well loads of things happenned between us like i started helping her manage her finances, she has huge credit card bills, her parents house loan so it was tough on her, the house we thought we could invest in together, i told her just one job change and we could afford one, she had a interview from microsoft but she didnt respond, then i spoke to my contact there and requested to atleast get her an interview scheduled, after we broke off i had to cut contact so that she didnt loose out on the opportunity, made sure she was ready for interview, made her revise through all her concepts. When she cleared the interview and got the offer i was so happy for her.

 

During our relationship, went with her for rental pad hunt around this office helped her to check out nice apartments and she even got a cool pool side nice amenities space. She now lives with her ex there. That feeling itself is so bad cant explain.

 

She is leaving this company in 2 weeks, i have asked one of her colleague/friend to manage the farewell & handover.

 

I will go for an annual leave and will be back after that so won't be attending at all, will miss her but cant do anything about it.

 

I am so saddened by everything.

[Spawn]

Irony of the whole relationship was i dont have a single gift or present from her thought her love was enough and that too is not there anymore.guess i just committed too much in this should have backed off long back

[Wiseman2]

He's not her "ex". Excellent she is leaving and moving forward. What happened in the office with her hopefully will never be found out. Why aren't you on dating apps or meeting women outside of work?

She now lives with her ex there.

She is leaving this company in 2 weeks

[Spawn]

Correct her boyfriend, just dont feel right about the whole dating

thing now, Wiseman. Maybe still hung up on this thing not over it fully...need to get my butt out i understand.

[lostandhurt]

You got caught up in the "White Night Syndrome" where you were drawn in to save her from all her troubles. Guys get used really easily doing that so live and learn.

 

Here are a few guidelines I go by when deciding if I should continue seeing someone:

1. If their life is a mess they are more than likely a mess and shouldn't be dating anyone.

2. If they have huge credit card debt you can bet that the rest of their life is not managed very well either. In life things happen, illness, car breakdowns, lay offs but if they simply live off credit cards (live beyond their means) then it is trouble.

3. If the inside of their car/apartment/house is in chaos then their life is probably in chaos. They may be totally professional and have it all together at work but you need to pay attention to their personal life they have total control over.

4. Bad things happen to good people all the time but if bad things seem to always happen to them you need to ask yourself if they bring it on themselves.

5. If they show you who they are pay attention and don't let a pretty face and a hot body distract you from reality.

 

2 weeks will go by fast so be professional and DO NOT check up on her! Let it go and if you are not ready to date then don't. The last thing you want to do is use some unsuspecting woman to make yourself feel better.

 

Lost

[Spawn]

I just read more on that , feel awful to be honest.Thanks lost for all the insights will remember them

[Spawn]

ok its been a week and saw her today in office accidentally as i was avoiding all her places. Kept walking, she glanced and looked away, i just kept walking. got myself busy with the review of her work that she sent over email, completed that and then got busy with another teammates work.

 

I feel ok, listening to some relaxing instrumental music on youtube to keep me calm a bit between meetings.

talking to one of my colleague with their project helped divert all focus a lot.

 

Guess if i keep busy with work and focus there always will help to get over this someday.

 

She is blocked and whenever i feel down i read all the comments here again and again as long as it takes.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Getting a checkup from a doctor and a referral to a therapist would help if you are this unable to function after a brief office romance.

listening to some relaxing instrumental music on youtube to keep me calm a bit between meetings.Guess if i keep busy with work and focus there always will help to get over this someday.

[Spawn]

Thoughts of her claiming to be raped by him and later changing version of it saying it was not rape he was throwing stuff little violent when she found him cheating on some other girl he took revenge on her...for me it was all so shocking to hear and more shock later she went back to him.

 

She talking about him so much was itself a sign she was not over him and i overlooked that part and me thought of giving her a good life.

 

Feel crap gotta get my butt to office

[Wiseman2]

When did your last relationship end? Why did you get so wrapped up in this office fling? Have you dated normal women outside the office? Maybe it's time to do things outside of work and get started on having viable relationships.

she went back to him.

[Spawn]

Last year, we respected each other a lot, but we lost our baby and it effected us a lot, we broke it off, we could continue as just friends, hangout sometimes with other friends.

 

When this coworker asked for friendship i told her clearly its not possible as i have lot of feelings felt it would impact both and that could have ticked her off a lot.