After 4 dates he referred to me as “great company.” What does that mean?

[LaHermes]

Daisy. I fully second what CatFeeder just wrote.

 

Repeating: make it clear what YOU want. And don't try to mind read. It can't be done.

[bluecastle]

I'm going to fully "third" catfeeder here, with an emphasis on one word: authentic.

 

Were I to make a sweeping generalization—about boys and girls, guys and gals—it's that what people "want" is authenticity. They want someone to be themselves, confident in their skin and in their truth. That doesn't guarantee a forever match—hardly—since one person may authentically be looking for a rich, monogamous relationship and the other may be authentically looking for something else—something, say, causal.

 

Think of it like this: There is no male species that generates more ire in women looking for serious romance than the "player." And yet, what is "playing cool" or "playing casual" than another side of that same coin?

[Batya33]

I do think if "authentically" the person tends to get nervous/anxious when excited about a new person and this manifests in oversharing, the person should strive to curb that type of reaction so as to not overwhelm the new person - even if it means "fake it till you make it"

[catfeeder]

I do think if "authentically" the person tends to get nervous/anxious when excited about a new person and this manifests in oversharing, the person should strive to curb that type of reaction so as to not overwhelm the new person - even if it means "fake it till you make it"

 

Sure, there's a difference between applying self control versus denying what you want.

 

Everybody starts out with their own private reasons for dating. So starting out is the perfect time to state those up front to see if those match. If not, then recognizing the mismatch can be its own point of convo, "Well, I see that we're not really matched on our reasons for dating, because while 'casual' has its merits, I'm no longer doing that. So if you ever decide in the future that dating to find a relationship match is what you want to do, feel free to contact me. If I'm still available then, we can meet to catch up."

 

A version of this is possible with someone you've been dating for a while without this information. You can pick an appropriate time to say, "I've been thinking back and can't recall any conversations where you and I have discussed what we're each looking for from dating. Would you be willing to talk about that with me now?"

 

If this is too scary a prospect, I'd need to ask why I'm tiptoeing around the idea of learning where someone else stands on their own reasons for dating. Is it because I already suspect that I won't hear what I want to hear, but I still hope to stick around long enough to convert that person anyway? If so that's not against the law, but it's just a pretty self deceptive thing to do when your idea of intimacy is feeling valued.

 

Unless you value your Self enough to be honest about what you want, why would you expect someone else to value you any more than that?

[Batya33]

Sure, there's a difference between applying self control versus denying what you want.

 

Everybody starts out with their own private reasons for dating. So starting out is the perfect time to state those up front to see if those match. If not, then recognizing the mismatch can be its own point of convo, "Well, I see that we're not really matched on our reasons for dating, because while 'casual' has its merits, I'm no longer doing that. So if you ever decide in the future that dating to find a relationship match is what you want to do, feel free to contact me. If I'm still available then, we can meet to catch up."

 

A version of this is possible with someone you've been dating for a while without this information. You can pick an appropriate time to say, "I've been thinking back and can't recall any conversations where you and I have discussed what we're each looking for from dating. Would you be willing to talk about that with me now?"

 

If this is too scary a prospect, I'd need to ask why I'm tiptoeing around the idea of learning where someone else stands on their own reasons for dating. Is it because I already suspect that I won't hear what I want to hear, but I still hope to stick around long enough to convert that person anyway? If so that's not against the law, but it's just a pretty self deceptive thing to do when your idea of intimacy is feeling valued.

 

Unless you value your Self enough to be honest about what you want, why would you expect someone else to value you any more than that?

 

Yes -authenticity in what you want out of dating is crucial and when to deliver the message varies - but shouldn't vary for fear of losing the person.

 

OP I dated someone many years ago who knocked my socks off. I had that whole "out of my league" feeling. I never had casual sex. We were dating about 6 weeks and he was starting to be persistent about sex - he said "we'd be monogamous but If I wanted to have "coffee" with another woman I would want to be able to do that." I told him I needed to think about it. I can't believe I even needed to think about it -that was a dealbreaker for me but my head was in the clouds. 3 days later I put on a business suit (for work but didn't change for our date) because it helped me feel more direct and confident. It was a red suit, too. Very flattering on me. I went to his place. I sat on the couch near him and I said to him plainly and directly that "flings are not my style and are not my style with you" and "I'm not going to have sex with you until we're ready to be exclusive." I was really nervous but said this in a calm tone and with confidence.

 

So he agreed. He very obviously was thrown for a loop since I think he could tell how over the moon I was so that my telling him my limits was a surprise to him. He agreed. As a P.S. I still made a mistake. I'd never before had sex be part of the reason I was going to be exclusive with someone. We always were exclusive typically long before we had sex, because we knew we didn't want to date anyone else and we were seeing things as serious or potentially. I should have realized that we were missing my other essential component -love/being in love with serious potential for marriage - before having sex. This meant some men "rejected" me. But I was authentic to myself. With this guy I wasn't because I had sex knowing he wasn't in love with me. He ended things about 3 months later. But was happy if I wanted to to continue meeting up casually. Which I did, twice (no sex though) and then stopped.

 

I will say at least being direct with him as I was I felt like I was being authentic in the moment (I guess I hoped he was falling in love with me) and it felt awesome. I actually think he respected me more after that. For awhile at least.

[RyanMI]

Haha, you're reading way too much into it.

 

It means he enjoys spending time with you even outside of the physical.

 

You hold a good conversation, you engage, you are (clearly) analytical and listening ... you're good company

[smackie9]

It’s a compliment but not a saucy passionate one. It’s nice casual one.

[greendots]

We haven’t had any talks yet in regards to where this relationship is going and or if he’s dating others. (Most likely he is, missing a lot from text and conversations especially at night).

 

It's been FOUR dates. Whilst it's certainly not a relationship, it's certainly something positive. He definitely enjoys your company and, therefore, wants to keep seeing you. You voluntarily spent time with people you like (and not dislike). To what degree he enjoys spending time with you is something that only time will tell. Maybe the frequency of your dates might reveal more as there's a difference between having one date per week and one date per month.