How to start conversation with her?

[Wiseman2]

Never do this. It's creepy. You need to stop staring at women and stalking them on social media. Whatever chances you may have will be ruined with that type of behavior. If you like a girl, start some small talk and eventually ask her out in person. If you can't do that make an appt. with a therapist to address shyness, social avoidance and get some tips on appropriate social skills and boundaries.

I added her on facebook yesterday but she didn’t accept me.

[Steve94]

Guys you probably didn't read the whole thread. I don't have the chance to talk to her due to her position in that coffee store. She isn't neither waitress nor she takes orders. She makes coffees behind the till. So don't criticize me because I did the only thing I thought that would be the only way to approach her. In my personal opinion, I find it nice if a woman would search me on facebook, because I'd say "oh, she is interested with me". And I find it the creepiest and the most awkward of all to go back of the till, in front of everyone, with workload and tell her "hello! I want to go out with you". Period. Besides I'm not here to ask for criticism, but for a second opinion. No one of you except the "thelonely" user told me their opinion about her movements. The only thing you do is just telling how wrong are the things I do. Ok, you probably are right but it doesn't help me. I have self-consciousness and I know what do I do wrong and what do I do right. So, please stop being so judgmental with me and analyze her movements.

[saluk]

"So, please stop being so judgmental with me and analyze her movements."

 

This fixated thinking on analyzing a strangers reaction to you is what is keeping you trapped. I've been reading this thread from the beginning, and I have been shy around girls most of my life so I relate to it. If you are too timid to ask out someone in person you are probably too timid to go on a date, and definitely too timid to maintain a relationship were one to materialize out of thin air. I've been working on my own timidity for the last 10 years or so and seen some big improvements, but it hasn't been easy. The main cure is being in situations and taking actions that make me feel timid.

 

Someone who works in an inaccessible part of a cafe is going to be tough for you. I think you've exhausted your options here. While there might be a few other things you could try (asking a coworker to ask her for her number, etc) you are too timid to implement them at this time. I also worry that if she has thoughts about you by now, they aren't good. Besides, asking someone out while they are on the job isn't always appreciated anyway - so your instincts that you shouldn't do so may have been correct. None of us are there with you. That doesn't make an anonymous facebook friend request more correct.

 

It's important, with empathy, that we consider how the other person in a situation might feel, VS how we think WE would feel in that situation. You mention that you would be grateful for an anonymous friend request from her... but that's because you already like her, and (I don't think I'm going out on a limb here) probably don't get a lot of facebook friend requests. (Don't feel bad about that... I don't either) It's possible that she does get a lot of requests, maybe even from people like yourself who are facebook stalking her trying to find an in.

 

You should look for love somewhere else. The best way is probably to do social activities, where you can be involved in the group. That's how most of my experience with girls came initially. I played cello and meet people in the orchestra, or did board game groups and met people playing games. It's A LOT easier to ask someone out when you already feel friendly around them and they know your name.

 

There's also online dating, where you can practice getting rejected a lot. Also a useful skill to learn, trust me.

[loyal]

"Hello" is a great place to start. If you have never spoken to her, you should begin with that. Save the texts for after you have actually SPOKEN to each other.

[Spawn]

so what happenned next?...did you approach?