am i doing the right thing

[purplepaisley]

You state you never accused him of anything.

 

Yes, you did.

 

"I see you with those two girls." (paraphrase) Sure, it wasn't an outright accusation, but it was an accusation just the same. It was a passive-aggressive accusation. We all know EXACTLY what you meant by that post. I would be thinking the same thing.

 

What you need to be doing is walking out of this. He does not treat you well. This is not a relationship. He is not capable of taking on your life issues. You're behaving as if this is a long-term relationship, and maybe with a different guy, things could be different, but this guy IS NOT INTERESTED. He also knows he can snap at you, and you'll just make excuses for it and come back for more...when he's in the mood he might be super nice...then back to his old ways.

 

You have reached a point that you are doing this to yourself. What did I say in my post a few days back? Take the hint and walk. I know it hurts, but he's just not into you. Remove him from your social media so you can't see his posts when he parties and flirts...instead of spending the evening with you (when he undoubtedly said he was "busy" and couldn't).

 

The pendulum has swung the other way. The circumstances are more on you than they are on him at this point...be smart and part.

[Wiseman2]

It's just too conflicted. Thinly veiled innuendos are indirectly accusing. Don't take people for fools.

He went out last night & posted a picture of him with two girls .I see it and wrote back ‘ I see the two girls you was with last night nice one 😂👍 ‘

[Sportster2005]

Nothing is going to change this situation. You desire a man who wants very little to do with you. You are enabling his poor treatment of you. People treat you the way you train them to.

 

In the short term, you need to let this one go.

 

In the long term you need to understand why you let people treat you poorly, and why you engage in manipulation and game playing. Until you understand this, and stop doing it, you will repeat the same mistakes over and over.

[michkath]

This is a dating advice forum is it not! So there is no need for people to call me stupid or an ass. I have mutted users who talk to people that way as that's not on one bit.

AGAIN THIS IS A DATING ADVICE FORUM ! NOT A HAVING AGO AT PEOPLE FORUM !

 

I am a nice person and I give people the benefit of the doubt - I gave this guy space and my support when he said his mate hung him self and his other got stuck in a car crash - He apologised about his behaviour and I see him face to face and he didn't look himself. Everyone was block him but I couldn't as im not cold hearted - if I was going through that id not want someone to block me!

 

He then started ignoring me again and posted a pic up on snapchat of him with 2 girls all I wrote back was - nice one and he got extremely angry and said nice one insinuates his done something which iv never heard that before.

Iv given him a few days to calm down iv spoken to one my guy mates and he saw the texts and said his a guy give him space and then try call him - I tried to call him and he keeps saying ' sorry im busy '

 

I have tried all I can with the guy - now all I can do now is walk away from the situation as im looking like a complete mug and i don't want him to think its ok to treat me like a mug.

 

What i came on here was for advice not a shouting match - and im trying to be a good person by the bloke nothing more!

[michkath]

I text him this morning saying if you didn't wanna talk I wont be offended if you blocked me - he red it and didn't block me then I see him view my snapchat story - its kind of weird why he hasn't blocked me

Perhaps some sort of mind game?

[bluecastle]

I get that I'm now among the blacklisted posters here, so this may just go into a void. But, who knows, perhaps someone will reply to this and you'll get a glimpse.

 

You first came to this site two years ago, following a breakup. In that case the guy had shown you and told you that it was over—crushing, I know. Been there, like every other adult human on the planet. It really hurts.

 

At the time you were still sending him gifts, writing him a letter—trying, it seemed, to get him to change his behavior, to treat you as you wanted to be treated, to come back around or give you something to hold onto, something to make you feel better. People advised you to let go—that you were only further hurting yourself.

 

A year later you wrote about a guy you connected with at a wedding and then on a dating app—a short connection that went from promising to punishing at light speed, when he got all sorts of mean and jealous after a single kiss. When he was mean to you you felt "bad," and came here wanting advice about how to continue dating him. What people told you—or, really, what people asked was essentially: Why are you trying to date someone who has so quickly proven to be mean and unstable?

 

And here we are a year later, where a once promising guy has turned out to be mean and unstable. Yet the worse he treats you, the more he disappoints you and turns your head and heart into a knot, the more you continue to invest in him.

 

To which you may say: no, no—I'm walking away, I don't want to be a mug, etc. But you're not doing that, because walking away is not sending someone a text this morning and then viewing his Snaps and wondering if he's trying to play a "mind game" with you. Walking away is the exact opposite of all that.

 

I feel for you, michkath. I don't think you're stupid or an ass. I think you're a woman, somewhere around age 27, who very much wants to connect romantically but who is showing a pattern of making choices that prevent you from the kind of romantic connection you want to experience. I'm trying to help you see that—to see, for instance, that you are the only creating and playing the mind game here, not him—so you can have the very thing you want and deserve.

 

I don't know you, of course. Don't know your history beyond what you've written on this site. But if I had to venture a guess? I'd say you are drawn to men who serve as proxies that allow you to replay your last big relationship and breakup—with the hope of getting better results. But mean, unstable, emotionally volatile and unavailable men are...simply that. When a man shows you this, especially a man you hardly know, it is not a sign that something is "wrong" with you but that he is the wrong man for you.

 

Maybe you'll see this, maybe not. Maybe you'll feel attacked. I hope not.

[itsallgrand]

I'm surprised you would get blacklisted, blue. You are so incredibly diplomatic!

[katrina1980]

I wish I could feel for you michkath, I certainly did in the beginning, but it appears you're not even reading our posts, and just repeating the same unhealthy, detrimental, self-destructive behavior you've been demonstrating all along. So it's difficult having sympathy for you anymore, I'm sorry.

 

Continuing to text (chase), asking questions that you must know by now he will never answer, essentially putting your feelings aside in favor of some bozo's feelings who clearly is no longer interested in you, and in fact has clearly demonstrated just the opposite. I just don't get it.

 

The reason why he has not blocked you? This is gonna sound harsh but I grew up with five brothers, and have learned a lot about how some "boys" react to girls who continue to chase them like this, despite them giving them no reason to and every reason not to!

 

For kicks and giggles. For an ego boost. A mind f*ck. It is certainly not because he has any interest in you at this point, he has made that quite clear.

 

Again, I am sorry that sounded harsh, but felt it needed to be said, assuming you're even reading.

[katrina1980]

 

You first came to this site two years ago, following a breakup. In that case the guy had shown you and told you that it was over—crushing, I know. Been there, like every other adult human on the planet. It really hurts.

 

At the time you were still sending him gifts, writing him a letter—trying, it seemed, to get him to change his behavior, to treat you as you wanted to be treated, to come back around or give you something to hold onto, something to make you feel better. People advised you to let go—that you were only further hurting yourself.

 

A year later you wrote about a guy you connected with at a wedding and then on a dating app—a short connection that went from promising to punishing at light speed, when he got all sorts of mean and jealous after a single kiss. When he was mean to you you felt "bad," and came here wanting advice about how to continue dating him. What people told you—or, really, what people asked was essentially: Why are you trying to date someone who has so quickly proven to be mean and unstable?

 

And here we are a year later, where a once promising guy has turned out to be mean and unstable. Yet the worse he treats you, the more he disappoints you and turns your head and heart into a knot, the more you continue to invest in him.

To which you may say: no, no—I'm walking away, I don't want to be a mug, etc. But you're not doing that, because walking away is not sending someone a text this morning and then viewing his Snaps and wondering if he's trying to play a "mind game" with you. Walking away is the exact opposite of all that.

 

Spot on blue, as per usual ! And just in case michkath did put you on ignore, I am quoting it again here, hoping she will read.

[katrina1980]

 

AGAIN THIS IS A DATING ADVICE FORUM ! NOT A HAVING AGO AT PEOPLE FORUM !

 

What i came on here was for advice not a shouting match ...

 

So since you say you didn't come here for a shouting match michkath, may I ask why you are shouting at us?

 

I did not read where anyone shouted at you.

 

Yes this is an advice forum, and as such is exactly what we've been doing. Giving advice. Some very good advice from many many posters.

 

Obviously, our advice is not to your liking, but nevertheless, we are all here attempting to help you, I am truly sorry you see it otherwise.

 

I also have to wonder, since you're not liking any of our advice, and deem it as some sort of affront or attack on you, or us having "a go" at you, why do you continue posting, asking us questions? No response necessary, it was rhetorical question.

 

In any event michkath, I am saying goodbye to this thread, I hope someday you're able to find some peace.

 

Good luck.

[bluecastle]

So since you say you didn't come here for a shouting match michkath, may I ask why you are shouting at us?

 

I would say—again into the void!—that we have become proxies for her frustrations with this man and dating in general.

 

It requires a tremendous amount of emotional energy—and, well, dishonestly—to remain "cool" and "open" to someone who treats you in an uncool, closed-off way.

 

Michkath is trying very hard to stay cool. The text about the girls—that was a little slip, the thing that happens when we bend too far into a false shape. The text about not being "offended" if he "blocked me"—that's kind of a cousin to the same sort of communication, since (a) I think she'd be pretty offended to be blocked; and (b) sent that text explicitly hoping she was not blocked, that the door remained open to the closed-off man.

 

I too hope you'll find peace, michkath. I've offered all I can—and more, I know, then you even want right now.

[maew]

I wish I could feel for you michkath, I certainly did in the beginning, but it appears you're not even reading our posts, and just repeating the same unhealthy, detrimental, self-destructive behavior you've been demonstrating all along. So it's difficult having sympathy for you anymore, I'm sorry.

 

Continuing to text (chase), asking questions that you must know by now he will never answer, essentially putting your feelings aside in favor of some bozo's feelings who clearly is no longer interested in you, and in fact has clearly demonstrated just the opposite. I just don't get it.

 

The reason why he has not blocked you? This is gonna sound harsh but I grew up with five brothers, and have learned a lot about how some "boys" react to girls who continue to chase them like this, despite them giving them no reason to and every reason not to!

 

For kicks and giggles. For an ego boost. A mind f*ck. It is certainly not because he has any interest in you at this point, he has made that quite clear.

 

Again, I am sorry that sounded harsh, but felt it needed to be said, assuming you're even reading.

 

This exactly. The OP muted the posts she doesn’t like because she wants to stay in the same behaviour. Yes it’s a dating forum and OP you are getting some great advice... stop lowering your value by chasing guys that aren’t in you and treat you like crap... raise your value in yourself by walking away and investing in relationships with people that will treat you the way you treat them.

[michkath]

I have requested for this forum post to be removed - thanks for all the harsh words I didn't come on here for that - I came on here for dating advice

Some have given me good advice however - thanks

 

forum closed!