He said he needs some space

[GracePeace]

Can i ask what proof he gave you? Anything can be falsified these days (photographic/documentation) I think Sarah is right that in such a sort space of time and that fact that you haven't even met yet, that you really don't know each other. She's not being hostile, just trying to get you to consider that he might not be who he says he is. You are just trusting his word that he is.

 

A few years ago a colleague on friend began an online relationship with an army veteran who too claimed to suffer with PTSD. He was good looking in his pictures (wearing his uniform and everything). Sent her photos of himself in this uniform regularly. Told her he loved her and wanted to marry her. Out of curiosity, i ran a reverse google image search with a few of his pics and it turned out there was a guy using these pics of a genuine veteran. He wasn't the guy in the pics. He was a con man who gained the affections of women to extort money or whatever out of them. It was all for fun and for his benefit. This was actually in the news and that the real veteran was made aware of it. Of course i told my colleague and she reported his twitter page (which is where he mostly talked from).

No she's being hostile and trying to rub off her bitterness on me. I have already received valuable advice so I really don't need her hostile input.

[RayofLighten]

No she's being hostile and trying to rub off her bitterness on me. I have already received valuable advice so I really don't need her hostile input.

 

She's not being hostile. You have taken great offence to her asking some questions that you seem quite evasive about. You haven't answered mine about what proof do you have that he is who he says he is.

[MissCanuck]

Unless and until you meet in person and assess your real compatibility, you should not be making any future plans.

 

At the moment, you love the idea of him. But you don’t know him well enough at all to be in love with who he is, as a person. Maybe everything he’s told you is true. Or maybe he’s exaggerated or completely fabricated some details. The point is, you should

never pin your hopes on someone you have never met in real-life. It’s just not wise.

 

I’m sorry OP, but I think he’s going to disappear from your life because he doesn’t actually intend to meet you. Needing space is the beginning of the fade.

[GracePeace]

Unless and until you meet in person and assess your real compatibility, you should not be making any future plans.

 

At the moment, you love the idea of him. But you don’t know him well enough at all to be in love with who he is, as a person. Maybe everything he’s told you is true. Or maybe he’s exaggerated or completely fabricated some details. The point is, you should

never pin your hopes on someone you have never met in real-life. It’s just not wise.

 

I’m sorry OP, but I think he’s going to disappear from your life because he doesn’t actually intend to meet you. Needing space is the beginning of the fade.

Read my response to Annie. About 3 comments ago. That sorta covers this.

[RayofLighten]

Read my response to Annie. About 3 comments ago. That sorta covers this.

 

Doesn't look like he had any intention of going through with these plans to be honest. Your relationship hadn't even started yet and he called time on it saying he needed space, but space from what exactly?

 

What was the proof he gave you? Your avoidance to answer this question is making me inclined to believe that there is no proof, or not the kind of proof that is 100% solid.

[SarahLancaster]

Can i ask what proof he gave you? Anything can be falsified these days (photographic/documentation) I think Sarah is right that in such a sort space of time and that fact that you haven't even met yet, that you really don't know each other. She's not being hostile, just trying to get you to consider that he might not be who he says he is. You are just trusting his word that he is.

 

A few years ago a colleague and friend began an online relationship with an army veteran who too claimed to suffer with PTSD. He was good looking in his pictures (wearing his uniform and everything). Sent her photos of himself in this uniform regularly. Told her he loved her and wanted to marry her. Out of curiosity, i ran a reverse google image search with a few of his pics and it turned out there was a guy using these pics of a genuine veteran. He wasn't the guy in the pics. He was a con man who gained the affections of women to extort money or whatever out of them. It was all for fun and for his benefit. This was actually in the news and that the real veteran was made aware of it. Of course i told my colleague and she reported his twitter page (which is where he mostly talked from).

 

No one is going against you here, or being hostile. We're just trying to help you.

 

That's exactly what I was thinking. The internet is full of scammers who steal the identities of real combat veterans to get money from women. I'm thinking he spent a few weeks feeling her out to see if she had any money, and then decided there was no point in pursuing the scam.

[katrina1980]

No we haven't. We wanted to get to know each other first before making that move. Otherwise it would probably be a waste.

 

Hello Grace, I have bipolar also, bipolar 2, and yes it's a lifelong struggle.

 

I would say two people with mental issues trying to attempt a relationship is a recipe for disaster, I'm sorry.

 

He is doing what many with bipolar typically do when under stress -- distance themselves. I think the only thing you can do is distance yourself also, as difficult as that will be.

 

Lastly, and I hope you will answer, can you explain what type of "relationship" you have given you have never met in person and it's all on line?

 

I've "interacted" with men on line but I would never call it a relationship, a relationship entails so much more than interacting on line or phone.

 

Just my experience but it was mostly a fantasy, what else could it be since you've never met "in person" and experienced each other in the "real" world, only on line?

 

Not judging at all, I understand the feelings can be there but unless and until you meet in person, I think it's best to lower expectations (including ever meeting in person) otherwise you risk getting hurt just as you are now.

 

I agree with others, I don't think he has any intention of meeting you, which is causing him stress and he's distancing himself. Please do your best to distance yourself also. Let him be the one to reach out.

 

Again I'm so sorry, and wish you the best of luck whatever happens.

[Gary Snyder]

You are putting the cart before the horse. You have not even met face-to-face, so you don't know if you would even be attracted to him.

 

Edit - by the way, it's not a scammer - scammers are not that sophisticated, this is a real person.

[boltnrun]

How can you need "space" from someone you never even see in person? That's about as much "space" as there is.

 

Interestingly, these types of "relationships" always fall apart right before the in-person meeting is to take place. One of the two suddenly needs "space" or "time to think". What's probably happening is he can't come up with an excuse to NOT meet, so he's using "I need space" as a way to wiggle out.

 

Good that you found this out now, before you invested any more time. Now you can meet someone local who you can hold, kiss and spend in-person time with.

[Rose Mosse]

Grace, you sound like a lovely person with dreams and hopes. I hope those never die! You deserve love like anyone else.

 

I am going to agree with Sarah, Ray, MissCanuck, Bolt and perhaps a few others but not to spite you. Those comments are out of real concern for you. You've professed your love for someone you haven't met yet which is very alarming. I don't doubt it happens especially with all the technology we have but I think you are genuinely selling yourself extremely short. In other words, you deserve a whole lot better than this.

 

I hope you are able to distance yourself a little, perhaps spend more time (in person) with your family and friends - real friends in real life who will engage with you. Whomever this person is that you've met online, I hope he finds peace too. Most of all, I think you ought to take care of yourself and look out for yourself. Your situation raises a lot of red flags for me and I hope for your sake you avoid putting yourself in this position again. Meet someone early on instead of putting it off. You're just procrastinating (the approach is a bit off here).

[Snflwrgrl]

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Big supportive hug! You sound like a very caring and loving person. I will be praying for you, for God’s direction and for peace with your decisions. I haven’t had a lot of experience with bipolar disorder but I’m glad you reached out here and I hope you know you’re not alone.

[katrina1980]

How can you need "space" from someone you never even see in person? That's about as much "space" as there is.

 

Interestingly, these types of "relationships" always fall apart right before the in-person meeting is to take place. One of the two suddenly needs "space" or "time to think". What's probably happening is he can't come up with an excuse to NOT meet, so he's using "I need space" as a way to wiggle out.

 

Good that you found this out now, before you invested any more time. Now you can meet someone local who you can hold, kiss and spend in-person time with.

 

Agree.

 

And to add, what I have learned is that there is a reason people intentionally seek out long distance on-line relationships.

 

Versus seeking out others to date locally.

 

Such people tend to have social anxiety and/or other mental disorders that cause interacting in person severe anxiety and stress. Panic even.

 

As the time to meet in person draws closer, their anxiety escalates and before you know it, they're asking for space, distancing themselves or they simply ghost.

 

I've had it happen to me and will never ever allow myself to be involved in another on line "interaction" again.

 

Again I'm sorry.

[SarahLancaster]

You are putting the cart before the horse. You have not even met face-to-face, so you don't know if you would even be attracted to him.

 

Edit - by the way, it's not a scammer - scammers are not that sophisticated, this is a real person.

 

Are you serious? Scammers are extremely sophisticated. That's why thousands of women lose their life savings to them. I played along with one on Words With Friends for a while. He pretended he was a General serving in Afghanistan.

[Annia]

Yeah we do love each other. Especially since we were friends a month before. It shouldn't take years for you to decide whether you love someone or not. It's either you do or you don't.

 

Be careful in trusting too soon to avoid catfishers and scammers.

[RayofLighten]

I am inclined to officially believe that you have no proof that this guy is who he says he is. Your refusal to provide said proof is evident to that. Have you ever sent this guy any money? Your silence in the last few days tells me that we were right.

[ilovehimwhywhy]

Trust and give the space and live your life. No contact rule is important if he wants space. The thing is many may mistakes there a big difference between space because the world is too much right now for him or space from you. I was once told by a man I was dating he needed space but for me he needed and wanted it but didn't want to let me go that is so confusing. So I tried the no contact method and he got mad I wasn't speaking lol. Who gets men I know I don't. I would not talk to that person a whole week and he freak out. All you can do is not take it personal for now and live your life and hope he well come back because if you push it with everything he has going on it could get worse. I'm just saying from personal experience.

[ilovehimwhywhy]

So I do believe if they truly love you they well react and change. I prayed so much about this situation. I was about ready to give him some long term space. Then his brother who is a strong christian had a talk and ever since this we started have everything going faster. He told me he didn't want to loose me and we started getting things together. He said he wanted to get married now if he could lol. So I was amazed how much everything changed and now we are about to get legally married then move in. So yes anything is possible and if the person truly cares he well change. Mine did a total change and he was honest and we are doing everything the right way.