Airport pick up

[j.man]

We don't need more info. He had a dinner commitment. She even knew ahead of booking, not that he'd need to provide her notice to have the excuse. Ms. Daisy can get another driver.

 

Her telling him she was upset about it isn't communication. It's failure as a grown adult to internalize it and get over it without dumping it on your partner and essentially faulting them. As TWT pointed out, she has a "right" to feel however she wants. That doesn't preclude one from a responsibility to keep in check how those feelings manifest.

 

And even if we're talking some habit of not being thoughtful, she can and should put on her big girl pants and discuss the point. If she can have the audacity to whine over him not cancelling his social plans to pick her up, she can certainly risk a much more relatable and sympathetic conversation.

[ThatwasThen]

It's also possible he is perceiving her to be more upset than she actually is due to his own guilt about it.

... Or she made him feel guilty when he didn't do anything to feel guilty about. ;)

[katrina1980]

Okay, guys if you insist on making assumptions about her "whining," "guilty tipping" or whatever other negative spins you can dream up based on one comment he made about her being "upset" which again can mean many things, including his own misperception, have at it!

 

Good luck OP!

[katrina1980]

... Or she made him feel guilty when he didn't do anything to feel guilty about. ;)

 

 

Yes possibly, point is we just don't know at this point, it's all speculation!

 

Including what you wrote j.man. You are no more a mind reader than we are.

[boltnrun]

"I want you to pick me up at the airport" and "I need you to pick me up at the airport" are two different things.

 

I travel relatively frequently and while it would be nice to save the $30 parking fee, the only way to guarantee I have a way home is to arrange it myself and either take my own car or arrange for transportation.

 

But yeah, not enough info.

[j.man]

I don't have to be. Voicing being "upset" your boyfriend can't pick you up because he has a dinner commitment-- one divulged before she'd even purchased her tickets, at that-- checks off pretty much every box for "whining."

 

Maybe he should have just responded with how he was feeling.

 

Her: "I'm upset you can't pick me up."

Him: "That sucks."

 

I'd pay.

[ThatwasThen]

I don't have to be. Voicing being "upset" your boyfriend can't pick you up because he has a dinner commitment-- one divulged before she'd even purchased her tickets, at that-- checks off pretty much every box for "whining."

 

Maybe he should have just responded with how he was feeling.

 

Her: "I'm upset you can't pick me up."

Him: "That sucks."

 

I'd pay.

I'm thinking she would respect him a whole lot more if he had done just that. Not only that, she'd learn to not have expectations that he should drop plans to accommodate her which would lead to her not getting upset (or causing guilt or to having to start a thread asking if he's being unreasonable ;0) )

[katrina1980]

 

Maybe he should have just responded with how he was feeling.

 

Her: "I'm upset you can't pick me up."

Him: "That sucks."

 

I'd pay.

 

Yeah that would work!

 

Which may be all that actually went down!

 

After which now he wonders if he was wrong, if he should have picked her up, so he creates a thread and asks us.

 

His own internal thought process.

 

No OP you were not wrong.

 

It would have been a nice thing to do, a thoughtful gesture, but you had previous plans you chose to honor instead, which was your preogative.

 

Nothing to feel guilty about.

[ThatwasThen]

Yeah that would work!

 

Which may be all that actually went down!

 

After which now he wonders if he was wrong, if he should have picked her up, so he creates a thread and asks us.

 

His own internal thought process.

 

No OP you were not wrong.

 

It would have been a nice thing to do, a thoughtful gesture, but you had previous plans you chose to honor instead, which was your preogative.

 

Nothing to feel guilty about.

 

Agree! ...

[katrina1980]

 

Her: "I'm upset you can't pick me up."

Him: "That sucks."

 

 

Another thought - but instead of responding "that sucks" he could say "sorry you're upset but I'd made previous plans for that time, but let's get together _________.

 

He's not apologizing for not picking her up, he's sorry she is upset about it.

 

Validating her feelings can make a huge difference.

 

Just a thought. :)

[purplepaisley]

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. This dinner was planned long before she even booked her vacation, and she certainly could have made arrangements for a flight that accommodated your schedule in order to get a ride or simply planned on other transportation, whether it be a cab, Uber, Lyft, van, or a friend or family member. She's not helpless. Admittedly, I would be thrilled for my boyfriend to pick me up, but I also would not want to put him through the trouble.

 

I do have to agree with other posters in the question of whether this is just one of many instances where you seem to always have other priorities. This one incident alone should not warrant major upset or argument. If this is on top of many, many instances where you can't be bothered or you have other things to do, it's a matter of piling it on higher and deeper, and of course she's upset. However, given that this dinner was pre-planned and on the books prior to her even planning her flights and her trip, I don't see she has much of a leg to stand on. It's selfish to intentionally plan a flight that collides with plans already in place and then demand you cancel those plans.

 

I'm picturing the girlfriend being very wounded and emotional over this, which is why someone would go through the trouble of posting online about it and questioning it. Merely expressing disappointment and life goes on, is a completely different scenario, and I hope the GF isn't being as dramatic as I'm picturing. :)