Is my doctor flirting

[katrina1980]

Before I leave this thread, just wanted to say that I am finding all this extremely disturbing, especially how you are interpreting his behavior as meaning he is flirting and wants to date you!

 

I don't mean to be harsh and as I said I am sure you are lovely but would you please get over yourself?

 

Not every man you come into contact with who gives you attention wants to date you, some have intentions that are far from moral and ethical, please understand this or you may find yourself in severely compromising situations that can potentially harm you, emotionally and physically.

 

Not just with this doctor because frankly I don't know what the heck is going on, but with every man you meet, date or otherwise come into contact with.

[Devor]

...just wanted to say that I am finding all this extremely disturbing, especially how you are interpreting his behavior as meaning he is flirting and wants to date you!

 

 

I never said he was flirting, I always put flirting in quotes. I said his behavior came across to me as possibly flirtatious. All along I said I didn't know his intentions. And I never said he wants to date me. Never once in any of the comments I've written.

[boltnrun]

" I will say that I'm pretty sure he at the very least finds me attractive the way he showers me with compliments."

[Devor]

" I will say that I'm pretty sure he at the very least finds me attractive the way he showers me with compliments."

 

I stand by my statement. You will notice I never said he was flirting or that he wants to go out with me, just that his comments indicate appreciation for my appearance. For example when he said, "You always look nice." Bottom line, I am attractive so it's not that surprising to me that he would find me attractive. What I do find a bit surprising is that he didn't keep it to himself. That aspect is unusual in relation to other doctors I've had.

 

I'm not really sure why this seems to have hit a nerve. My doctor is attractive and seems to think I am as well--so nail me on the cross!

 

I do value people's commentary on whether his actions seem normal or not, ie. did their doctors make similar comments and how did this make them feel (uncomfortable or not). Also, whether you would consider this flirtatious or not. The feedback has given me some different perspectives to consider, which is why I asked this question in the first place.

[katrina1980]

 

However, he runs a bit hot and cold, and has toned down the physical flirting, although he still always compliments me. However, I sense that he might have mixed feelings.

 

 

Devor, I don't mean to come down hard on you, promise, it's just that you yourself described his behavior as flirting in your original post and it wasn't in quotes.

 

Which is why I, and others, rightfully thought you considered his behavior flirting and why we have responded as we have.

 

In any event, w/r/t to the above quote and your comment about him running hot/cold, I don't think that's what's happening at all.

 

He's not a man you're dating after all, he is your doctor; doctors don't run hot/cold, if anything, he may have realized that he stepped over what would typically be considered appropriate physical boundaries and has chosen to back off, which is VERY smart of him actually.

 

You are obviously attractive, and clearly he finds you as such, however, again he is your doctor, he has strict ethical standards to abide by, and is abiding by those standards.

 

As far as the compliments go, I have many people (both men and women including a previous doctor whom I no longer see) complimenting me, it doesn't mean anything other than whatever they're complimenting me (in this case you) about. There is no hidden meaning behind that if that's what you're thinking.

 

I get you're attracted to him (different from simply finding him attractive as he finds you), and that you would like to date him, that much is obvious, but I really think it would be in your best interests to get this thought out of your mind, it's simply not realistic at least while you are still his patient.

[Starlight925]

I used to babysit for a couple who met while she was his patient and that is exactly how he did it (his wife told me). He didn't shower her with compliments, tease her or rub her shoulders during her medical exams, come on now. He referred her to another doctor, waited a bit then asked her out. He is a professional and knew it was unethical to date (or flirt with) a patient.

 

^^ This, exactly. As I said earlier, I work with a certain specialty group of doctors, and the ones who openly flirt are the cads who need to be reported. They are doing that to every patient, attractive or not, because that's how they feel power and control.

 

The doctors who met their wives while they were patients (yes, I know several) happened like Katrina's friends. There was absolutely no flirting, zero boundaries crossed, until the patient was no longer a patient, and the doctor then pursued that interest.

 

I dated one of the doctors a while back. He showed zero interest in me. I had meetings with him completely alone in his office while his staff was gone, and a few after hours, and he was completely professional. We even spent time in his private office, and he could not have put more space in between us. It was a shock to me when he asked me to join him for dinner one night (I was not a patient, so this was not unethical). He later told me that he simply keeps all interactions professional, while he is in the office. Once we were out of the office and dating, he was very affectionate, very complimentary, etc. But once we were back in the office, doing business, he was all business. This is how a professional behaves.

[Devor]

Devor, I don't mean to come down hard on you, promise, it's just that you yourself described his behavior as flirting in your original post and it wasn't in quotes.

 

Okay, fine. I used the phrase "physical flirting" rather than writing out what I described before, "violations of personal space, multiple shoulder squeezes, sitting very close, staring," etc. However, all along in this thread I have been abundantly clear that I don't know his intentions, and if anyone wants to characterize my statements differently they should reread what I wrote, because I very clearly stated that I did not know his intentions and in fact am wondering what his intentions have been.

 

I do agree that it probably is true that he realized himself that he was crossing a boundary and that's why he has toned it down a bit. If HE crossed a boundary (I said IF) then it wouldn't be all that surprising if I read it as possible flirting. In fact, he might be toning it down to avoid having it be read that way. Which means he probably realizes that it could be read that way, and therefore I am in no way an odd duck for wondering about his behavior. The compliments about my appearance haven't stopped, though.

 

I have felt put on the defensive in this thread, as though it is so nutty to wonder what someone who is over-the-top friendly and physical and complimentary towards you--way above and beyond what other doctors have been--is up to, and what their intentions are and if things might be going in a certain direction says that there is something odd about me. I assure you there is not! :)

 

It's also not odd to have a crush on someone with whom you have very good rapport. In fact, I think it is odd the way people have been responding to this thread. It's almost like some of you cannot put yourself in someone else's shoes, and you say, I would NEVER feel that way about a DOCTOR, perish the thought!!!! Yet people have all sorts of feelings about the other humans in their milieu. I have heard about people dating their bosses, their coaches, their professors, their exes, and yes, their doctors. There may be stigma, it may be inconvenient but still it happens all the time.

 

I'm not saying this will happen to ME, but for anyone to suggest my feelings or questions are odd or abnormal, well I disagree 110%.

 

And in the case of the friend with the orthodontist, I blame not your friend but the orthodontist for behavior that failed to establish common-sense boundaries with his patients. My guess is that he knew he flattered and titillated some of his patients, causing them to be hopeful about his feelings towards them. It sounds to me like he did this thoughtlessly just to pump up his own ego and with showed disregard for his patients' feelings, which he wouldn't have to have a crystal ball to predict.

[SherrySher]

Devor, I think it has more to do with how you came across in this thread.

You came across like you're so beautiful that he must want you and saying that made it seem obnoxious. There are many beautiful women in this world, but they're not thinking everyone is hitting on them, especially their doctors.

 

Secondly, there were two main opinions going on:

1. That he can't date a patient and if you were to pursue this, he'd be in trouble as would you. That alone should have ended the wondering.

 

2. That he is being a creep, not a nice guy, a creep and he probably acts this way with more than just you.

 

But you choose to ignore both of those opinions, which were very valid opinions and more than likely far more along the truth of the whole situation.

So maybe you can see why people might seem annoyed at this point.

You seem to want to believe nothing else, except that he wants you because you're so good looking. And that somehow this is going to turn into a love affair.

 

I've read several times over of others explaining to you why it might not be the case and what his behaviors might mean...you won't have it.

So what's the point?

You only hear what you want to hear.

I think that's why some of the attitudes on this post have gotten to be as they have.

[Devor]

Devor, I think it has more to do with how you came across in this thread.

You came across like you're so beautiful that he must want you and saying that made it seem obnoxious. /QUOTE]

 

If you misinterpreted my comments, that is not my problem. What I said is that I have gotten "feedback that I am attractive." My point being, which is what I outlined, that he should know better. Overly familiar, friendly, or intimate (as in distance) behavior with someone who is your age and generally viewed as attractive should be something a doctor who doesn't want to come across as flirting should know to avoid. In other words, I probably wouldn't think he might be flirting if there was a dramatic age difference or if I thought he was trying to falsely flatter me. If I was an 80-year old granny or 500 pounds I probably wouldn't take the same comments and behavior the same way.

 

If you take self confidence to mean I am full of myself, too bad. More people should be confident, and I'm not going to let random strangers on the internet, who don't even know what I look like, act like I couldn't possibly be all that and a bag of chips. In my opinion (and apparently in my doctor's opinion, if his words are to be trusted) I am :)

 

Second, I have read and acknowledged the different feedback on here and said that I value everyone's different perspectives. What more do you want, a pint of my blood? At what point did I say, "I won't have it, I am not listening, and you are all wrong"? Read my actual words, what I actually said, not what you imagined to fill in the blanks.

 

If you read my words prior to this response, I don't think anyone should have taken offense at a single thing I wrote in this thread. There is absolutely nothing offensive in anything I wrote, and snippy responses say more about the people who write them than they do about me. However, there were also several helpful responses in this thread that I value and have taken into consideration--even if you, SherrySher insist that I have not.

[mustlovedogs]

Devor, I think it has more to do with how you came across in this thread.

You came across like you're so beautiful that he must want you and saying that made it seem obnoxious. /QUOTE]

 

If you misinterpreted my comments, that is not my problem. What I said is that I have gotten "feedback that I am attractive." My point being, which is what I outlined, that he should know better. Overly familiar, friendly, or intimate (as in distance) behavior with someone who is your age and generally viewed as attractive should be something a doctor who doesn't want to come across as flirting should know to avoid. In other words, I probably wouldn't think he might be flirting if there was a dramatic age difference or if I thought he was trying to falsely flatter me. If I was an 80-year old granny or 500 pounds I probably wouldn't take the same comments and behavior the same way.

 

If you take self confidence to mean I am full of myself, too bad. More people should be confident, and I'm not going to let random strangers on the internet, who don't even know what I look like, act like I couldn't possibly be all that and a bag of chips. In my opinion (and apparently in my doctor's opinion, if his words are to be trusted) I am :)

 

Second, I have read and acknowledged the different feedback on here and said that I value everyone's different perspectives. What more do you want, a pint of my blood? At what point did I say, "I won't have it, I am not listening, and you are all wrong"? Read my actual words, what I actually said, not what you imagined to fill in the blanks.

 

If you read my words prior to this response, I don't think anyone should have taken offense at a single thing I wrote in this thread. There is absolutely nothing offensive in anything I wrote, and snippy responses say more about the people who write them than they do about me. However, there were also several helpful responses in this thread that I value and have taken into consideration--even if you, SherrySher insist that I have not.

 

You sure are right. Snippy responses do say more about the people who write them ...

 

And, WOW was your post snippy!

[Capricorn3]

Thread has run its course.