Is my doctor flirting

[katrina1980]

And I love that about you pips, trying to see all sides, you'd make a great trial witness! lol :eek:

 

Just as a side, I had to see my dermatologist last week to have a small growth removed (thank god it wasn't cancer he had done a biopsy previously and it was benign, whew!).

 

I cannot even imagine how I would have felt had he started "eyeballing" me up and down, or touching me? (on the shoulder or anyplace else), asking personal questions, invading my personal space; needless to say I would have been very creeped out and would not want him to be my doctor anymore, although he did a TREMENDOUS job with that growth, he sliced it off, it's healing beautifully, and after only 8 days, other than a small red spot which will fade, can't even tell I had anything done -- amazing doctor!!

 

And very professional, which is what I personally prefer and feel comfortable with. To each his/her own.

[PiscesMan74]

My friend told me about a time he went with his wife to her yearly pelvic exam. He was in the restroom stall and heard two guys come in. He assumed they were doctors because one of them commented how nice it is to get to examine hot women. After he informed his wife about this, she switched to a female OB/GYN.

Just because some man has a piece of paper on his wall proving he's a doctor doesn't turn him into a drone or robot and all of a sudden remove his biological wiring to be visually turned on. He's wired as any normal male.

[katrina1980]

My friend told me about a time he went with his wife to her yearly pelvic exam. He was in the restroom stall and heard two guys come in. He assumed they were doctors because one of them commented how nice it is to get to examine hot women. After he informed his wife about this, she switched to a female OB/GYN.

Just because some man has a piece of paper on his wall proving he's a doctor doesn't turn him into a drone or robot and all of a sudden remove his biological wiring to be visually turned on. He's wired as any normal male.

 

True but as doctors, they have a code of ethics to follow, they should not even be thinking how hot a woman is, they should be thinking how best to treat her, not how hot she is, jeezus. Even if they do think it, for the love of all things beautiful keep it to themselves.

 

JMO but I find those remarks completely unacceptable and frankly gross, don't blame her for switching to a female doctor.

 

Speaking of OB/GYNs, a different law firm I worked at defended one doctor who was charged with molestation.

 

While examining a patient with rather large breasts, his exam went way beyond what would be considered appropriate (I won't get into the charges but his exam went way beyond); the woman went home and told her bf, the boyfriend waited for him outside his office and beat the crap out of him.

 

She then filed a lawsuit alleging molestation, emotional distress and other causes of action; that case settled also, can't remember what happened to the doctor.

[Devor]

I appreciate everyone's commentary and thoughts. Kat, I especially find your experience and knowledge to be relevant and also I appreciate that you recognize that his behavior has gone a little bit beyond what I have experienced previously (and hence it came across as flirting to me).

 

Furthermore I want to add that I found out that "I like your shoes," which is what he said to me at the end of my last appointment, is actually a pick-up line. I don't know how well known it is but it is even listed on Urban Dictionary.

 

I also understand that everyone else might be right. He might be trying to put me at ease, which would be nice. He is a man and I am still a woman, though, and when a man is friendly to a certain degree it can arouse certain feelings...

 

When I say that he touched my shoulder, he would squeeze it two times per visit. I also brought a list that I kept in my lap and he pointed at something on the page in one of my early appointments, so he was in very close proximity to me. I am just trying to describe his actions more clearly. Now, I suppose it's also possible that he is just awkward and didn't realize he was doing this.

 

I am not trying to make a big deal or say that I know his intentions, because his behavior is right on the edge of normal and not normal, and it's a fine line, but I am generally considered quite attractive in my day to day life. However, of course I still don't know. However, I do know that in all my years of seeing many different doctors (we have moved a lot) I have never had one be this friendly.

 

If anyone has further thoughts, I am all ears!

[Devor]

I tried to write another post but it didn't appear. I wanted to describe his behavior more fully. He would squeeze my shoulders twice per visit, lasting maybe a couple of seconds. When I say he violated my personal space, for example, I had a list of questions on a clipboard in my lap and he pointed to one of the items on it, touching the list. So he was definitely pretty close to me, in the intimate zone of 1 1/2 feet or less. He was definitely kind and nice, but perhaps much more than I was used to.

 

I didn't know this but apparently "I like your shoes" is listed on Urban Dictionary as a pickup line. I don't know how well it's known. That's what he said at the end of our last visit.

 

I am not trying to put myself up on a pedestal but I have gotten feedback that I am quite pretty. I would not think any of his behavior was flirting if he was much older than me, but considering that we are close in age it did make me feel like he was flirting. Especially "you always look nice." He doesn't say it in a jovial, fun way, he says it slowly and quietly. But of course it's hard to tell. All of his behavior is right on that edge between appropriate and...something more?

 

I would be lying if I didn't say I found him very attractive. But I also describing how he acts honestly and to the best of my ability.

 

I am not going to reveal my specific medical condition but it's one that has to be managed regularly with testing and medication. I also get referrals to specialists. That's why I go to the doctor regularly.

[katrina1980]

I tried to write another post but it didn't appear. I wanted to describe his behavior more fully. He would squeeze my shoulders twice per visit, lasting maybe a couple of seconds. When I say he violated my personal space, for example, I had a list of questions on a clipboard in my lap and he pointed to one of the items on it, touching the list. So he was definitely pretty close to me, in the intimate zone of 1 1/2 feet or less. He was definitely kind and nice, but perhaps much more than I was used to.

 

I didn't know this but apparently "I like your shoes" is listed on Urban Dictionary as a pickup line. I don't know how well it's known. That's what he said at the end of our last visit.

 

I am not trying to put myself up on a pedestal but I have gotten feedback that I am quite pretty. I would not think any of his behavior was flirting if he was much older than me, but considering that we are close in age it did make me feel like he was flirting. Especially "you always look nice." He doesn't say it in a jovial, fun way, he says it slowly and quietly. But of course it's hard to tell.

 

All of his behavior is right on that edge between appropriate and...something more?

 

 

Devor, I am sure you are quite lovely but make no mistake - this "something more" you refer to is NOT him being interested in dating you.

 

It's him being a creep and acting inappropriately and unethically towards one of his patients; please be very careful here, do not allow him to touch you (unless it's related to a specific med exam that you need, do not allow him to invade your personal space etc.)

 

Get your head out of the clouds about this seriously, by continuing to think this way, that's he flirting and interested in possibly dating you, you are heading into some very dangerous territory that you may regret.

[SherrySher]

I am still on the idea that she is wanting it to mean more. I have had doctors act similar, even woman doctors. I never took it the way she did.

Some doctors are super friendly.

 

I once recall seeing a man doctor and he was acting like how she described. I too though he was acting too nice towards me. But I don't jump to conclusions.

 

I just left it. I then heard other people I knew, talking about how this same doctor was so nice to their grandpa and low and behold, he was treating him the same.

Squeezing his shoulder, telling him he was happy to see him. Being very kind and lots of attention.

It was just how he was.

It was definitely not a dating thing nor trying to show interest!

 

I think you like him and want him to like you. But I still say the same thing, go onto the dating sites, find a doctor on there.

Pursuing this or even trying to make it into something, will only cause trouble.

 

There are many women who are pretty, even downright gorgeous, but I am sure doctors can control themselves, believe it or not.

[katrina1980]

You may be right Sherry, I am just a super private person, so that could be why my responses are such as they are. And the fact I personally felt so uncomfortable when the same or similar behavior was directed at me by one of my doctors a few years back.

 

I do think him squeezing her shoulders (twice during the same visit) was a bit much, unless it was related to a med exam he was giving her, but who knows.

 

He's a very young doctor apparently, so perhaps he will learn that doing that sort of thing is not always welcome, and it could come back to bite him in the arse if a woman thought he crossed the line with the touching and reported him.

 

Best not to chance it, some women can be very vindictive and can blow such things out of proportion, I've seen it happen in our law practice.

 

But yeah he could just be very friendly, that's certainly possible.

[SherrySher]

Most definitely a possibility.

I've come across a few doctors like this and a family member of mine worked in an old age home and seen many of the doctors doing similar out of kindness.

Speaking closely to the hard of hearing, having an arm around them or a pat on the back.

Asking how they were, telling them they looked good today....you mean to say someone would think those doctors were trying to pick up the old people? lol.

 

Some doctors are just like this.

I imagine they come across hundreds of pretty women and even hundreds of very pretty nurses. I doubt they cave and can't handle themselves with all these encounters.

Anyhow, it just sounds silly to me.

I wouldn't read so much into it.

[katrina1980]

Well to the OP -- if you take away anything from this thread, it's that he is not flirting with you nor does he want to date you.

 

I get you're attractive and he's close in age, but so what?

 

He's your doctor for goodness sakes, it's unethical for a doctor to date his patient, he knows this, period end of.

[Devor]

Well to the OP -- if you take away anything from this thread, it's that he is not flirting with you nor does he want to date you.

 

I get you're attractive and he's close in age, but so what?

 

I guess my point is that he should have a sense of how being super friendly and/or flirtatious might come across. It has different implications if you are doing it to someone much older than you, not attractive, etc. For example, if he was 30 and I was 67, I probably wouldn't take his comments seriously or question his intentions. I would 100% just think he was being nice and friendly. Sort of similar to how you might act around one of your friend's husbands. You might tone down your interactions with him just so they aren't taken the wrong way by him and your friend, right?

 

In any case, I think if he's not intending to seem flirtatious then at this point in his career I wonder if he should know better? I like the attention but I wonder if some other women might take it badly.

 

I also HAVE heard of doctors becoming interested in patients. There is an element of risk to this for sure but it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. That said, I value everyone's feedback. The thing I am most interested in is what people thought his intentions might be. It sounds like a few people think he might be flirty or sleazy, and most think he is just being friendly.

[Seraphim]

If you are attracted to him find another dr.

[Devor]

If you are attracted to him find another dr.

 

I've considered it. Maybe I will. For various reasons (location, condition, etc.) it's not the easiest for me. It would make my life more boring but less conflicted, that's for sure.

[Wiseman2]

Very sorry to burst your bubble, but doctors have the pick of the litter and are not going to risk everything and be accused of sexual misconduct for one obsessed patient. It seems you've been so obsessed that you are googling every word or perceived action, only to come up with "I like your shoes = you're hot" per urban dictionary?

I didn't know this but apparently "I like your shoes" is listed on Urban Dictionary as a pickup line.That's what he said at the end of our last visit.

 

I am not trying to put myself up on a pedestal but I have gotten feedback that I am quite pretty.

 

I would be lying if I didn't say I found him very attractive.

[Devor]

Very sorry to burst your bubble, but doctors have the pick of the litter and are not going to risk everything and be accused of sexual misconduct for one obsessed patient. It seems you've been so obsessed that you are googling every word or perceived action, only to come up with "I like your shoes = you're hot" per urban dictionary?

 

That seems a bit harsh. Someone mentioned to me that it was a pickup line so I googled it. I google everything. What is the big deal?!

[Wiseman2]

Googling stuff is fine. Coming onto your doctor is not fine. Accusing him of sexual misconduct is not fine. You could google erotomania.

Someone mentioned to me that it was a pickup line so I googled it. I google everything.

 

"Erotomania is listed in the DSM 5 as a subtype of a delusional disorder. This disorder is most often seen (though not exclusively) in female patients that are shy, dependent, and sexually inexperienced. The object of the delusion is typically a male who is unattainable due to high social or financial status, marriage, or disinterest. Delusions of reference are common as the erotomanic individual often perceives that they are being sent messages from the secret admirer through innocuous events."

[SherrySher]

9 times out of 10, google has it wrong. I'm not sure where google get's it's information but it's either only half truths or flat out wrong.

 

If someone tells me they like my shoes that means they want me? lol..sorry but that sounds like something teenagers made up

[Devor]

Let's be clear. I did not come on to him, I thought maybe he was coming on to me. I did not accuse him of sexual harassment; the point I was trying to make is that he has been dealing with enough people to know better as to how it *could* be construed, and thus I would think he would avoid being so exceedingly friendly with someone of the same age unless (perhaps!) he is particularly attracted to me.

 

I don't know this to be the case, but it was just what I was wondering aloud.

[SherrySher]

Devor, it sounds silly...no other way to say it.

 

You sound like a young girl who has a crush on their therapist. It's backwards, immature and a waste of your time.

 

Let's say for one second he did like you, he still couldn't date you. He could have his license revoked if he did.

 

You need to give this up and find a woman doctor. You are putting way way too much thought into it.

 

Men doctors can be really nice to their female patients. They can even be overly friendly. There are hundreds, if not thousands of pretty women in this world.

It doesn't mean anything.

At the end of the day, he does his job and moves onto patient 232.

 

If you need an ego boost, go find men on a dating site.

[Devor]

Okay Wiseman2...so no men ever like a pretty woman that they meet? Riiight, okay.

 

His compliments are unusual. End of story. Now, what he means by them I don't know. Is he just awkwardly trying to be friendly? Maybe.

 

But they are atypical. I know because I have had many doctors over the years and none behaved this way. Not a single one, including the male doctors!

[Devor]

You sound like a young girl who has a crush on their therapist..

 

He is not my therapist, he is my medical doctor. He can't date me if I continue seeing him as a patient, but he can date me if I find a new doctor. I am also not a young girl, nor am I inexperienced.

 

Have you never liked someone? When you like someone you enjoy their attention. Some people just have chemistry and a natural flirtation develops. It could be your friend, your coworker, your professor, or your doctor (regardless of any stigma). However, you are entitled to your opinion.

 

Anyway, I don't believe that I am to blame for any misunderstandings, if that's what they are, between me and my doctor.

[Starlight925]

On the first page of this thread, I told the story of my (very pretty) friend who was so convinced that her orthodontist had a crush on her, that she was furious when she found out he had gotten married while she was in the course of her treatment. How dare he!

 

At the time, she kept going on about his little compliments, and his "eyeing", as you are doing. The more she went on, the more delusional it sounded. She, like you, insisted that because she was "pretty", that he must be doing these things as a means to springboard into dating her. He was not. He was being a nice, caring doctor.

 

The more this thread goes, the more I feel that you need to switch doctors. You will embarrass yourself if you bring this up to him. He is not flirting, of that I am now convinced.

[katrina1980]

Let's be clear. I did not come on to him, I thought maybe he was coming on to me. I did not accuse him of sexual harassment; the point I was trying to make is that he has been dealing with enough people to know better as to how it *could* be construed, and thus I would think he would avoid being so exceedingly friendly with someone of the same age unless (perhaps!) he is particularly attracted to me.

 

I don't know this to be the case, but it was just what I was wondering aloud.

 

That is precisely the point I was trying to make too -- that doctors need to be very careful because such behavior may be misconstrued which may offend some women (the shoulder squeezing/touching especially) which may get him reported.

 

My goodness I would have been totally creeped out if my doctor proceeded to squeeze my shoulders (twice during same visit?), no matter how hot he was -- ick!! I certainly would not interpret to mean he was flirting with me and I am considered attractive too.

 

Most doctors, especially the experienced ones, won't chance it especially with young women, like you, who may misinterpret as you did. It's just too risky and may get him reported. Yes this does happen.

 

You need to understand that there are some doctors who are quite unethical and who basically think they're god (god complex).

 

Did you read my posts about the doctors who were accused of and later admitted to sexual misconduct with a female patient?

 

Let me be clear, he is probably attracted, but is NOT interested in dating you, no disrespect but you need to get over yourself and stop thinking this.

 

Either he's being overly friendly because he's young, inexperienced and doesn't understand the consequences that such behavior may result in (a woman taking offense and reporting him) OR he is a creep who is paving the way for further inappropriate behavior.

 

Again I am sure you are lovely but guarantee you are absolutely not the only patient he is behaving this way with.

 

Find a new doctor!

[katrina1980]

One last comment OP, if by chance he was interested in dating you, he would NOT be "flirting" or otherwise coming on to you during a medical exam! I mean seriously OP, you really sound quite naive.

 

He would be going out of his way to be strictly professional; after he stopped treating you as his patient, he may express his interest then, and not by squeezing your shoulders! Good lord. Lol

[Starlight925]

I haven’t said this yet, but I’ll say it now. I work with a certain medical specialty where I come into direct, private contact with anywhere from 8-10 doctors a day. They all have my cell phone #, and many have friend-requested me. I do not work directly with any of them, as I’m an outside person to their offices.

 

I’ve been directly propositioned. I’ve been called by a drunk married doctor on a Saturday night; I’ve been literally (yes, literally) chased into the parking lot.

 

Trust me when I say, if a doctor is crossing a line, you’ll know it. All the rest is just friendly nature by the 99.9% who want to keep their license and would never cross such a boundary.