Thrown in my face

[MissCanuck]

This is a one time occurenced. I clean, cook and shop for him. The one time I've been focused on finals and haven't made it to the gorcery store is unfair. and life happens. It's not as if there was nothing in the house, or we were starving. I was making him dinner, it wasn't something that he wanted. To me it's ungrateful and entitled.

 

Then I think he's been holding in how he really feels about this agreement to pay for everything now. You need to sit down with him and ask him if he's still honestly okay with this arrangement. It seems he's not.

[katrina1980]

Something else must be going on ...something has made him burst with this ...Is eveything else ok with you both ? Or is it a one of case of blurting out something he didn't really mean .

 

I don't think he is ungrateful or entitled but he does need to remember he made this deal with you .

 

pippy, you and I are of like minds today! I didn't need to post because you said it all for me, virtually word for word. Especially now about the "something else must be going on" which I 1000% agree with.

 

I will add this though in response to bolded -- if this had been me, in no way would I have accepted him throwing what HE had originally proposed and agreed to in the first place, in my face like that.

 

I would have reminded him, right then and there, and said "your reaction is totally unfair, may I remind you that YOU were the one who proposed this arrangement, so for you to throw it back at me now, for whatever reason, is pretty low." Or words to that effect.

 

Then left to let him think about that for awhile.

 

You simply cannot allow a man, your bf, or anyone to have this sort of power over you, intimidate you or gaslight you in this way, which is what he was attempting to do and is quite telling as to how this man deals with conflict and a reflection of what your future together might be like.

[itsallgrand]

Now it's really not difficult to see how this has come to a head.

 

Yeah, I'm at a loss for kind words for OPs attititude.

 

I think your bf is grown but you still are still acting like a kid, to be honest. That's putting it nicely.

[mustlovedogs]

OP do you say thank you for him paying for you?

[thisisrichey]

i've learned not to take anythign personal (as best i can - obviously its' very difficult lol) in the end of thing said in fights. people are obivously agitated and once the floodgates open it's REAL EASY to just throw stuff out there you don't really necessarily mean (but obviusly hav thought of). so he's thought about the "i pay for everything" -- but maybe not to blame you or b/c he thinks you're leeching. Being the head of household and paying / earning to fund for more than 1 is STRESSFUL TOO! It's a lot of pressure man. Just like school. Just like raising children (stay at home mothers), etc.

 

He knew what he was getting into. He said he'd cover you. So deep down he knows this is not unexpected or you taking advanage of him.

 

I think it's just that a fight happened and we all say stupid things when we fight that we wished we never said. SO. My advice and what i've learned is always to never judge the incident for itself (the fight), but to judge and CLOSELY OBSERVE the aftermath of any incident. I think that explains more of what's real and not real then the fight itself.

 

So how have you and he been acting since after the calm settles? Have you both been apologetic? Explained? REassured each other that all is okay and you understand each other? Or do the frustrations continue and he really is still truly frustrated about paying for everything, etc.? figure out what's REAL here (by seeing what happens in the aftermath) and address from there what need sto be addressed.

 

Good luck and continued success with school and the relationship. I have a feeling you guys might be okay.

[cabota]

Sometimes when tempers arise people speak before they think. You may have misinterpreted what he was saying. If he had a issue with this he most likely would have brought it up in another way. My ? Is ,

Is there financial troubles, is he have problems paying the bills,is he a deadbeat,

My advice is I think possibly you 2 were having a bad day and locked horns with each other .talk to him and ask him if that’s how he feels. But honestly if he’s backing you up with school and the topic of bills didn’t come into question you should just talk and work it out. Not everyone is fortunate to have good incomes and be able to return to school.

Good luck

[catfeeder]

Instead of stewing over this, I'd throw on my shoes and make a run to the store to get what I know he'd prefer for dinner.

 

A deal is a deal. If someone lets me skate on rent in exchange for meal prep, then I'm not going to break my side of the bargain only to complain that he reminds me of it.

[figureitout23]

Now it's really not difficult to see how this has come to a head.

 

Yeah, I'm at a loss for kind words for OPs attititude.

 

I think your bf is grown but you still are still acting like a kid, to be honest. That's putting it nicely.

 

Instead of stewing over this, I'd throw on my shoes and make a run to the store to get what I know he'd prefer for dinner.

 

A deal is a deal. If someone lets me skate on rent in exchange for meal prep, then I'm not going to break my side of the bargain only to complain that he reminds me of it.

 

I agree with all the above especially Cat.

 

Through out all of her indignation about how hard school is, because, you know, none of us went to college and would be fully able to compare college vs career and financial responsibility (btw career and financial responsibility wins hands down) she fully admits she didn’t do the shopping as was their agreement so while he threw a low blow, if I’m paying all the bills so you can go to school and our agreement is you get groceries and not only do you not do it but then criticize me for being annoyed, I’m not gonna lie the words out of my mouth probably aren’t gonna be all that nice.

 

I have a strong feeling the OPer went from her parents house to her boyfriends house and has never had to fully ‘fend for herself’ so she doesn’t grasp the gravity of it. Hence the lack of maturity and real world knowledge dripping from the subsequent responses.

[Honeycomb8]

You need to start pulling your weight OP and show more gratitude.

 

Your bf is clearly over it now.

 

Yes you're in school, but this is your bf and it's not some husbund you've been married to for a decade. Why should he be contributing so much you and you so little?

 

I'd be fed up too and would have bailed.

[LootieTootie]

I don't think he's over it... If anything he is brushing it off because he hasn't apologized.

 

I may be projecting here but I went through the same situation a couple of years with my husband when he was trying to look for a new job and I supported him finding a new job to help him get out of dead-end jobs. We had a big blow out and I threw it out there that I was the only one providing, but it wasn't because I resented the fact that I was financially supporting him. It was because I felt unappreciated - he hardly said thank you and a lot of it he said had to do with insecurity. You may think you are pulling your weight, and you may be per the agreement, however don't forget being with someone who is willing to support your dreams and goals while you don't have to worry about huge debts is a huge act of kindness. So I would do some self-reflection and ask yourself are you showing your appreciation? Do you express your appreciation (say thank you or emphasize how their support is meaningful)? Do you always keep your side of the bargain up and when you don't, are you apologetic and make up for it or you make excuses?

 

OP talk to him because he may not completely see it the same as you. If he confirms this, then talk about what the other would like to see more. If either one of you can't incorporate the changes then you may have to cut your losses.